Enough is Enough

[dz_blonde_girl]

So when is enough, enough? I've only been married 19 months today, (I'm 39 and on my 3rd) and I've had plenty. When I met dh he said he wanted to stop drinking. I was dumb and in love and I believed him. I got pregnant. I hoped that dd would change his life and he'd be motivated to stop drinking. (I've been wrong a lot) He finally admitted that he liked being drunk every day and that he'd never stop drinking. (That really p!$$#@ me off, straw number 1) He threatened dd!!! "I gave you your life, and I can take it away." She's 7 months old. (straw number 2, implement planning phase) He had grounded ds for displaying his attitude in school, fine. When I came home from work the next day ds wasn't there. When I asked dh where he was he said he didn't know. Ds came home shortly thereafter and I discovered dh had told him to leave, to "Get out of my face". (3rd and final straw) I spent Friday the 13th getting a No Contact order against him, which was granted. Ds is with his father this weekend. The sherriff didn't make it over to serve it to him last night. Around 6pm last night he had gone from a$$hole mode into a$$ kiss mode. I called and they will be serving it this afternoon.

Thanks for listening.

[i.m.cheap]

Oh you poor thing! I have been in a relationship with this kind of an abusive alcoholic, and all I can say is get out now! If he is truly wanting you and the children back, he can join AA. If he can stay sober for six months or so, maybe then you might consider giving him another chance. Threatening your seven month old baby like that is scary. And your son! How he must feel being told to get out. How old is he? You don't have to live that way. Remember you have friends here.

Deb

[rainbowgc]

Hi, I'm new here so I don't know how welcome my advice will be but here goes:
You Dh is an alcoholic and therefore his first love of his life is alcohol/drinking. You can do nothing to change this. You are doing NOTHING wrong - you are litterly fighting a demon and you can't possibly win. You and your children are suffering from a wrong choice that you made. You CAN change and use your new life and that of your children as incentive to GET OUT NOW!

Alcoholics are smart in one way - they know how to drive away those they know they will hurt with their behaviors. In his mind you are a wedge between the relationship he has with the bottle. He really doesn't want to hurt you - but will to continue to drink. Remember this too - in a blackout - and alcoholic can do all sorts of damage , abuse of you, abuse of the children, criminal behaviors - and litterly not know they are doing them. You and your children are in danger of being hurt and you really have reached the end of the road where you have no choice but to move on with your life. All the promises in the world for an alcoholic are only good until they take the next drink and they will take that next drink. If you can, try to go to an AlAnon meeting where you can get help for yourself in dealing with either the relationship or hopefully leaving it behind.

I hope things improve for you an your find hope in a new life for yourself and your children.
Erika

[~Sherry~]

{{hugs}} Karen
You and your kids are in my thoughts. Just do what you have to in order for you all to be safe.
We're here if you need us.

[vecollins]

Hi Karen, you know how i feel about dh's right about now since we have been emailing each other this week----so i say i am about as fed up as you, i am 38 and this is my 2nd husband, my first was a drug addict and the one i have now is a cheater.....where are the good ones anyway????? I wish you all the luck in the world, he sounds like my first husband, he wasn't willing to give up drugs for family and yours isn't willing to give up alcohol for family....you need to protect yourself and your kids...that is the most important thing -------if you need to vent or talk you know my email is vecollins@hotmail.com and i am here for you, we can talk about our dh as much as you want to or need to........your friend, vickie

[homesteadmamma]

{{{{Hugs}}}} for a very difficult situation.

My only thoughts - when kids are threatened (especially a 7 mo. old) its time to get away for the safety of the kids. Don't take a chance.

Were here for you if you need to talk or vent.

[bamamomto4]

I agree with homestead mamma.Don't wait till it's to late!!

{{{HUGZ}}}

[mustang80]

Hugs to you Karen. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you have to make your children's safety your first priority. We are here for you! Vent anytime!

[dz_blonde_girl]

Thanks so much everyone! I need the boost. The Deputy I've been talking to is female, and there is a domestic abuse program here that has been very helpful.

When he was served and asked for the keys to the house he only gave her 1 key. There are 3. He's apparently been back in the house because he left me a note, "Calll me please, I need to talk to you, Love, Ron" My brother is on his way over to change the locks for me. He didn't take any clothing. Just his cigarettes and beer (imagine that). I put his clothes in a trash bag on the porch.

I went to the bank this morning and got money orders for most of the bills, leaving $100 in checking. I withdrew $50 and had my name removed from the account. I told the Deputy I left the checkbook here for him.

I called the Sheriff's office Friday. I said I needed help getting away from my husband, that I couldn't possibly get all my stuff moved out and that he wouldn't leave. This Deputy advised me of the "No Contact Order" and the lady at DOVES helped me fill out the papers. We have a hearing on 9/23. I hope the Judge has an understanding of alcoholic behavior.

I hope he does sober up, for dd's sake, but I don't know about getting back together. I do love him, but it's way too easy to start drinking again and it would be 7 times worse.

You guys are the best. I really appreciate it. We'll make it Vickie! With friends like this we can't fail!

*He's ouside now waiting for a deputy to come get his clothes, hope he hurrys.

[heaven]

good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i had had your strenghth instead of staying with one for 10 years. Don't go back if he doesn't get help, he has to do it for him and not for you. Don't feel like a failure either. You are doing great and you need to keep going for the children. if you need to talk go ahead and email me.

[Jerseygirl]

Karen, good luck, it's great that you took the legal route, no matter what-cover yourself and take care of your kids. Kellie

[i.m.cheap]

Karen,

I am glad you are getting the locks on the house changed. I lived the kind of hell you were in for seven years! My oldest daughter, who is 24 now, has lasting emotional scars from the time she spent with that evil man (her step-father). We lived with him from the time she was two until she was nine. Thank God I had no children of his, I never had to see him again after the divorce.

Please do not let your children be subjected to your husband's abuse! I am now happily married to my (4th) husband. We have a beautiful six year old daughter. Life is good.

Deb

[dz_blonde_girl]

He said he's going in to treatment on Monday. You know I'll be calling to see if he showed up for work....... If that's the case, he'll miss the hearing, won't he?

[dolphin]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. Please stay strong and safe. My prayers are with you and your children.

[aylasmommy]

Wow, the part about him threatening the 7 mth old would have been the last straw for me, I'm so glad you are doing what you are doing to get out of the situation..I'm so sorry that things have been going like this for you

{Hugs}