What's Your Opinion?

**Jeanna** · 09-16-2002, 08:20 PM

Hello, I usually don't post questions like this anywhere but I need some advice. Without going into the whole store I have some major health problems which means I am in pain all the time. Somedays are better than others. I can't get disablility and the job I am working (behavior assistant) is really demanding. As a matter of fact I got hurt on the job about 3 weeks ago and messed up my knee. So now I have that pain on top of my regular pain. I also have to take college classes to get my degree because of the no child left behind act. Ok, I am getting to my question promise. I really am not up to working and going what I consider is my job around the house and with the kids. Here lately everytime I bring it up my husband comes back with "Well I guess I just let everyone down." This makes me feel bad and I just drop it. The only problem with this is because I feel bad all the time from over doing it I am a real B**** to my hubby and kids and I don't want to be. What would you do? We have made it before on what my husband makes, but it is very tight. I am willing to go back to that way, so should I push it? Would you? Thanks everyone.

Jeanna

**MANDERS** · 09-16-2002, 11:30 PM

My sister has a similar problem,she has intercystistial cystisis,which causes sever pain in her abdomen and makes her nautious and weak.The only thing is she has no kids and isn't married yet.But she hasn't been able to work in 2 months and can barely leave the house(she works in a daycare)she is also going to college full time.Which she is affraid she will miss classes and flunk out.I told her college will always be there and that right now she needs to take care of herself.Its very hard when she has my mother jumping down her throat all the time.So she saw the councelor at the college and he sugested she drop her.Now she doesn't have the added presure of trying to go to school so she won't fail(half the time she went she didn't even know what they were talking about cause she was so out of it.

I guess what I'm getting at is that my best advice is to take care of your health first,if that fails then you are definately not any help to anyone else including yourself.Take one day at a time and sit down and talk to your dh about the way you feel.Come up with a solution that fits your family's needs.If that means you have to drop classes or dh helps out around the house more then do it.Ifyou need to bring in more money try selling stuff on ebay or other supplemental ways of making income.You need dh total support in whatever decision you make.But if you are hurting anything like my sister is I know you need to take care of yourself and your dh needs to be willing to accept that.

Ok off my soap box.MY sister has had a hard time with this and my mother has made it so much worse for her,by asking too much from her.So I know where you are coming from.Hope some of this helped

**Jerseygirl** · 09-17-2002, 10:58 AM

My only advice would be follow your heart-you know what you and your family need. Maybe there is a less demanding job, or you can take some of your classes via internet, or home study-with a drs note many schools are very accomodating. Good luck.

**bamamomto4** · 09-17-2002, 11:17 AM

Well,I'm a BIG whimp when it comes to pain! If you're working while in pain,I TRULY feel for you!! {{HUGS}}
I understand how you feel though.I hate when I'm sick and dh works allday and comes home to screaming kids and picks ups around the house.
Anyways...Is there something you could do at home and still make money? That way if you needed a break you could lay down for abit? Or only work 3 days a week?

**heaven** · 09-17-2002, 11:30 AM

i have to agree with the rest, you are not happy because your in pain. if you can make it on one paycheck do it. and see if you can get some help (IE:food stamps if you need them.) college on line is a great way to go. i know at my college we had that option so you can do it at your pace and be at home when you don't feel good. GOOD LUCK

**captclearance** · 09-17-2002, 11:55 AM

Why can't you get disability ????? If SS turned you down get a LAWYER !!!!

**Jeanna** · 09-17-2002, 10:55 PM

Lori, The reason I can't get SSI is that after 5 years and many many dr. No one can truely say what is wrong. They have ruled out the big C, and they all agree that something is wrong but no one knows what. This is one of the major parts of my problem. I feel like if they would at least put a name to it I would have more pease of mind. I have been thru every test they ask and all the treatments, but nothing helps. Anyway thanks for the encouragement.
Jeanna

**captclearance** · 09-18-2002, 01:33 AM

I am sorry to hear that, I understand. I was misdiagnosed for years. I even had major surgery I don't think I really needed..... It can be tough, I was but on anti-depressant drugs for a year (I thought I was a hypochondriac) We haven't narrowed it down either..... I am lucky that the pain is better and doesn't rule my days anymore.... I hope they get to the bottom of yours too..... Not having a diagnosis does not rule you out for SSI or disability... Talk to an Attorney, often documented pain and suffering are enough....

**gw72356@fullnet.com** · 09-18-2002, 02:26 AM

I have Fibromyalgia,so I understand the pain.I also cannot get disability,and have to work. Always take care of you rhealth first. Nothing else will matter if you don't do that. Do not EVER feel bad for what you cannot do. If you need to talk please feel free to email me or PM me anytime. You are in my prayers.

Pam

**Jeanna** · 09-18-2002, 04:20 PM

Pam, It is funny you mentioned Fibro. I have done research on my own and that is what mine points to. My dr will not call it that but the precripts he gives me are what they use for Fibro. But you know how it is after awhile you just give up going to another dr because you have been to so many. Thanks for the encouragement. Jeanna

**AandAmom** · 09-18-2002, 04:37 PM

Just wanted to send you some hugs. I personally wouldn't give up on a diagnosis, and then a huge fight with social security!

**heaven** · 09-18-2002, 04:53 PM

you should think about another doctor who has more experience in fibro. sounds like that is what he is thinking if that is the meds your on. but who am i to say. good luck hope you feel better.

**Ahrens65** · 09-20-2002, 09:15 PM

All I can say is this....FIGHT for you health and well being! I was misdiagnosed for 2 years, and last august they finally came to the conclusion that i had cancer and not sinus infection, viral pnemonia, chronic bronchitis....the list goes on. I kept going to doctors that told me either it was this that or the other and one even said it was all in my head...LOL. I was like, sorry, i feel like sh*t and no, I am not constipated! You have to stick to your guns and find some medical opinions from someone else. Easier said than done I know, I have to drive 100 miles to get a second opinion LOL. As for your husband feeling bad and things may be tight living on one income. If it comes to that, you CAN do it! My husband has always felt bad that he could not provide enough income for us to live comfortably so I wouldn't have to work. We have been living on one income for a year, and we aren't dead yet! We have 4 children and the usual bills and usual unexpected things that come up (like the tranny burnt up on the only reliable vehicle we had) We muddle through!
No one should have to live with pain, and I hate to think about what you are going through.
Look at it this way, we are women, we are the nurturers, the caregivers, the ones that give birth......WE are strong! You keep right on giving those drs. heck!
Okay, I feel much better now. Now I want you to feel better about making the decisions you need to make. Don't sacrifice your health..PLEASE...your children need you and your husband needs you. If you don't take care of yourself ....who will?
BIG HUGS!!!!!

**Mom23boys** · 09-20-2002, 09:37 PM

Jeanna, just wanted to send you thoughts and prayers!

Try to explain to DH that he did not let you and the family down. Without him you would not make it. Let him know that you can survive on his income (if possible) and that you will do this together, one day at a time. He needs to know that you need to put yourself and health first before your job. Health and family come first. I hope they diagnose you soon.

**Jeanna** · 09-20-2002, 10:31 PM

Thanks so much to everyone for all the encouragement. I am still not sure what is going to happen. I am trying to back off and see it from all sides before I say/do much more. I will keep you posted on what is decided.
Jeanna