Does a broken engagement count?

**babynurse** · 09-22-2002, 12:23 AM

I haven't posted in a long time, I hope you all remember me. I was the one who was excited about getting married Sept 6, 2002 and moving to Chicago. Well, about 6 weeks before the wedding (on my birthday, no less!). Fiance starts with "I am nervous about getting married". We had a long talk and I chalked it up to jitters. Well, three weeks later, the day after I sent in a check with two years worth of MY savings for the reception after I asked him "do I send it in, it's now or never", he tells me he doesn't want to get married. So, now, not only do I lose the love of my life, I lose my savings (couldn't get the money back), I lose the chance to start a family (I had already started buying baby clothes and was about to start taking prenatal vitamins because WE talked about starting a family right away!) and now I have to find a new place to live, a new job and a new life. He can't even say why except he isn't as happy with me as he thinks he should be. So he is in Chicago now without me and I am left with nothing. Sorry to rant on, but I don't have any friends here and I have literally been going crazy and I don't know what I am going to do without him. What bothers me the most, more than the money and job situation, is the fact that I feel I will never find anyone to love me, to have a family with...I am 27 years old and I am afraid I will be alone forever. I feel so desperately alone and pathetic.

**mustang80** · 09-22-2002, 07:47 AM

Babynurse, I am soooo sorry to hear that! I feel terrible for you. As bad as you feel about things and yourself right now, it will get better. When life throws me a curve, the Lord picks me up and puts me in the right direction. This is His way of telling you it wasn't meant to be. You will get through this and find someone BETTER! Once you accept the Lord's will and move on, you will feel so much better! We are your friends and you can lean on us anytime. We'll support you through this!

**Bevv** · 09-22-2002, 09:38 AM

I did not find the Love of my life till I was 43. Before then I was trapped in a marriage that was in name only for years. At 27 you have a lot of time and a lot of choices.

If I were you, since the reception is paid for.. have "thank goodness I got out of that when I did" party!!

To lose the money and the man now means you got off cheap. What if you had moved to Chicago.. got married.. pregnant... and THEN he decided that he did not want you? You would be a single mom in a strange town, with bills to pay.. and still have to see him every other weekend for the kid swapping.

**heaven** · 09-22-2002, 12:29 PM

yes babynurse we remember you. it isn't easy by any means but it will get better and just remember if you need to talk we are here. get up and go do something for yourself this afternoon, movie walk whatever enjoy the day. and Mr.Wonderful will come when the time is right.

**dolphin** · 09-23-2002, 12:49 AM

I'm so sorry. I hope you will start feeling better soon. You have a lot to do to keep you busy in finding a new place to live and a new job. The new life will come as you heal. Try to keep that in mind. You don't have to go look for a new life and a new love. Those things will fall into place and "Mr Right" will come along.

BTW, he owes you atleast half if not all of that money. He broke the engagement and he should have to pay for those expenses. IMO

**babynurse** · 09-23-2002, 01:06 AM

Thanks for all your support! I know that you all have a lot of experience and wisdom, not only in frugality but in life and love as well. I am doing my best to not to get down on myself, but I have always been overly sensitive! I am moving to a place where I hope to meet people my age and get involved more. I need to look at this situation as an opportunity to learn and grow and hopefully find something wonderful eventually.

**Michelle** · 09-23-2002, 01:02 PM

{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry to hear about this

Please listen to the advice that's already been given here...I couldn't have said it better myself.

Take care of yourself, and please feel free to PM/email/IM me any time if you need someone to vent/cry/talk to. I'm a great listener.

**babynurse** · 09-23-2002, 09:57 PM

Well, ladies, I am moving on...baby steps, though. I have a new job in a new city where I will be renting a room (Cheap

with cable, electricity, laundry included with use of kitchen). I will be a dialysis nurse

which is an area of nursing I have always been interested in. The best part is I will be close to my brother...a source of fun and support! I am still very paralyzed emotionally by this chain of events, but I am not one to sit and feel sorry for myself for very long. I come from a family of survivors and I won't let anyone get the better of me. I will strive to be better, and do more just to show him that I will be okay...maybe I can believe it in myself too...with time.

**heaven** · 09-23-2002, 10:08 PM

i am so happy to hear you are going to be near family. CONGRADS on the new job sounds like you are going to be just fine!!!!!!!!!!!!! take some time to get over it all and enjoy your new place. remember we are here if you need to talk.

**simplemom** · 09-23-2002, 10:13 PM

(((hugs))) Babynurse...I wish you nothing but the best in your new life for yourself.

You will survive for sure! ...and I did remember you...

Take very special care of yourself...

**Jerseygirl** · 09-24-2002, 07:18 PM

Good luck-know we are all here for you!

**dozymom** · 09-24-2002, 08:14 PM

My sister just gave my dd a book called "the Rules" and it's full of good stuff. One of the nicest bits is a little saying that has stuck with me.

"men are like buses, sooner or later another one will come along"

It's hard right now but you sound like a winner with a winner attitude. The right guy will come, and you will be so glad you aren't stuck with mr. wrong.

The right guy will love you and your attitude. You sound like someone with a real zest for living.

**captclearance** · 09-24-2002, 09:33 PM

I remember you.... I sent some links for that city you thought of moving to....Wasn't much there anyway....That is true now more than then..... Better to break it off now and cut your losses, than to marry a guy who can't commit.... You will find someone to really appreciate you and love you..... As far as the money is concerned ....Sue him for it.!!!!... If you gave every opportunity to say you shouldn't send it and he let you, let him pay for it !!!

**dolphin** · 09-25-2002, 10:35 AM

Oh babynurse. It does my heart good to read that you are getting on with your life. You are a strong woman and you are going to do great. How wonderful that you got a job in an area you have been wanting and that you are near your brother.

Hope to see you on line a lot more now that you are getting settled in.