Our marriage as the "Bickersons"

**Sara Noel** · 09-25-2002, 01:35 PM

What is your relationship like? Are you like two peas in a pod, do you challenge each other?, strong willed? stubborn? tons in common? total opposites? Are you emotionally bonded? or is one more distant? Do you have to negotiate often? Or never?
Curious the mechanics of different relationships.
Gabe and I are the Bickersons. We banter nonstop about everything. We are both very strong willed people and terribly stubborn at times. Our foundational morals and core values are the same though.
I don't view it as a control or power struggle, but we definitely banter all the time. I call us the Bickersons because I think to any outsider they would think we are insane and bickering.
I often wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship where two people agree on over 90% of everything. I have heard many marriages that the couples have so much in common and just seem to balance each other in perfect harmony.
Maybe older marriages evolve into this?
Basically, I am just nosey and love to hear about the relationships of others. Not just the gushy lovey stuff, but the day to day inner workings of what makes it work?

Sara

**mommy2three** · 09-25-2002, 02:39 PM

oooh sara, i think ours is a lot like yours. we are both very strong-willed and stubborn. we "bicker" too.

we've had it rocky a few times, but always seem to come back around.

**mommy2three** · 09-25-2002, 02:40 PM

oh...and hubby is more distant. some times it is like "pulling teeth" to get him to talk!!

**homesteadmamma** · 09-25-2002, 02:52 PM

Ummm Bickersons #3 here too, rofl. I'm strong willed and stubborn and dh is a procrastinator and drives me crazy with it. I like to have things done yesterday and he likes to wait forever.

We banter back and forth often and then he quietly leaves while I talk to the walls. kwim Our younger kids always say, "stop your bickering you two" and we sort of chuckle over it.

We have very strong morals and beliefs though and that is what has held our marriage together now for almost 35 years.

We are as different as night and day. If I say black, he says grey. If I say I like it well done, he wants his medium rare. If I like hot weather, he likes cold weather. If I want to go to the movie, he wants to stay home. I love cold weather (not winds) and he likes to be hot. I like Ford vehicles, he likes the Dodge truck.

Personally for me if I was in a marriage where everything went smoothly - the 90% stuff, I'd be bored silly, wouldn't you. I mean I often think up things just to get started because the fun is in the making up afterwards.

**Jerseygirl** · 09-25-2002, 06:16 PM

We are both strong willed and I can generally be described as bitchy-I am much more serious and have very strong opinions, where he usually just rolls with it. I yell, he gets quiet, truly he's an angel for putting up with me. We do balance each other out well, I plan our social lives, he deals with the bills, I pick out the ceiling fan, he installs it, I clean the house, he deals with the garage. God put us together for a reason.

**lucy979** · 09-26-2002, 03:40 AM

We have almost nothing in common except for our DD. Really there isn't much else! He likes to party and I dont. I like to read and he doesn't. He has settled down in the last year though. I think the only reason is that I moved out and he realized that I was sick of it!

We don't fight or even bicker about much of anything anymore. We know each other so well that we don't have to as much. Being on our own in Germany has made us depend more in each other so we have grown so close in the past year! I am so glad that we moved here. It was the best thing for our marriage!

Sorry, I know I went a little off subject! Guess that is all!

**Patchworkgirl** · 09-26-2002, 05:24 AM

I know we are the Bickerson's also. We have a difference of opinion on everything! And we are both very stubborn, so it makes it difficult, no one wants to give in first. The biggest problem with this is our difference of opinion on dealing with the kids. But, even that has been the least of our problems. DH is a partier, loves to socialize, lives for the moment and the hell with tomorrow kind of guy. In other words, I am the responsible one, the one that pays the bills, tries to make the money stretch, makes all the appointments, deals with problems on the phone, etc. That is the area that we have been working on to change for 23 years, and it's been a struggle. I want a partner, not another child. In all honesty, he is getting better, but look how long it's taken!! lol....

**mustang80** · 09-26-2002, 07:38 AM

We can be the Bickersons at times-DH likes to pick fights over nothing just for the fun of the battle.

We've never had a knock down dragged out fight. We can also be described as two peas in a pod-we are alot alike, and I can always guess what he is going to say next. He can be obnoxious, but I ignore him because I don't let him get to me. Other people are appalled at what he comes out with sometimes, I just laugh. They tell me there's a special place in heaven for me just for being with him. He was always this way, I didn't expect him to change. He has a heart of gold, sometimes to a fault. I don't think I would change anything.

**PrairieRose** · 09-26-2002, 01:50 PM

Time was when we did a lot more bickering and I'm happy that we don't do that anymore. Very seldom do we ever have a cross word over anything and if we do it seem's much more major now. The only thing I miss about the "old days" is makeup sex!

**bamamomto4** · 09-26-2002, 02:06 PM

We have our days.Dh is more laid back and lets things go.Where as I go on and on about things. I like things done yesterday and he drags butt about getting things done.
If I say " The trash needs to be taken out.." He doesn't say a word,then when I repeat it, he says "I heard you the first time...give me a min.." Well then answer me the first time

He rarely ever gets mad or upset with anyone.He's just happy go lucky all the time. I'm the guilty one for dragging things out and won't shut up about it LOL!! But making up is fun

**MANDERS** · 10-02-2002, 10:14 PM

mommy2two i think we have the same dh.WE bicker a lot over a lot of nothin.But who doesn't I think its a way to get our steam out from other things,we know the other one has it in them so we get it out.But we can be two peas in a pod too(after we bicker

**angie** · 10-11-2002, 10:12 AM

we do fight alot but always come around also,i love to argue and he lets me.i would have to say we are more like the COSBY'S though,because he likes to make a mess and i always have to clean it up,he is the fixer in the family and really shouldn't be.i can't tell you how much money i have spent in fixing appliances and my car after he fixed it.he has the same attitude as bill cobsy "i am the man of the house ........until my wife gets home!"
we have alot in common as to our morals and the way we live but we also have alot of stuff that we don't have in common such as our friends and ways we like to spend our free time.he would like to go fishing and i like to take the boys to the park.

but all in all i think spice is the variety of life.so hopefully in 50 years we will still be together.

**Michelle** · 10-26-2002, 08:34 PM

Definitely the Bickersons, and yes, I do think that older marriages sometimes evolve into this, but we've always bickered. We used to drive our friends crazy.

**TooSweet** · 10-26-2002, 11:14 PM

ugh. Our marriage was nothing but years of bickering. And it seemed we never made up - just eventually let it lie - but of course it really continued to simmer under the surface.

We were both nice to the world - but then always took it out on each other. After 13 years - with at least the last ten going the wrong way - it was time to call it quits.

Life is too short to be miserable all the time...

**heaven** · 10-27-2002, 12:25 AM

is there a mold for not speaking to each other. I was telling a friend the other day that we don't talk, I demand, (bitch really) and he ignores me. IT is great. We barely talk about anything because he knows that if he says the wrong thing i am going to blow the roof off the house, and i think i could probably cause a tidial wave on the east coast when it happens. I keep saying the town wants to be empty because this has been building for months and months and there will be nothing standing when i am finished here. *I should get it over with maybe i wouldn't have so many migraines that way*