Let your family make their own mistakes?

**missmanny** · 02-11-2008, 05:44 PM

I am in a quandry and am not sure what to do...

My younger sister is newly pregnant expecting their first child in September. She plans to combine her long service leave, annual leave and maternity leave and take 1/2 pay for the total ammount of time that she will be able to have off (she will end up on 1/2 pay for just under a year).

During this time her husband will work full time but he earns considerably less then her so their wages will go down by a lot. To their credit they have saved about 10K in the bank - but they have had that money for the last 6 months and she told me yesterday that they are struggling to put anything else aside to add to that.

I am shocked because yesterday she told me that they are planning to buy a new car to the tune of 22K. Not a second hand car, a brand spanker and they are going to finance the whole lot so that they can keep their 10K nest egg as she is sure that she will need that next year (my thoughts - you bet you will need it). I looked up the car sales websites yesterday and they could get that model of car for about 13K only two years old with very low milage.

I am worried about the following:

Cost of living here in australia is very high, I cook from scratch and we still spend $200 a fortnight for the two of us.
Rent is through the roof as interest rates just keep going up and up.
She has a permanent govt job so she will be fine - but Hubby works in a very un stable industry and already his job has been threatened a couple of times. (online gaming - we can't have it in australia so the site is run from here but services other countries)
What is the baby is ill or the pregnancy turns bad and she needs to take much more time off?
If they are already struggling to put any money aside how to they think that they will afford these payments earning $25K less every year
She will also still need to get everything for the baby as this is her first which means new prams, cots, clothes, etc.

Half of me is thinking that this is none of my business, and she needs to make her own mistakes and the other half of me thinks that I should have a quiet word with her and gently ask if she has really considered all of her options.

I do agree that a beter car is in order (theirs really is falling apart) but 22K for a car that will be worth 1/2 that is 2 years?

What do you all think... would you say something, we have a great relationship and I could approach her in a way that wouldn't be invasive, then again she hasn't asked what I think???

I love her and I don't want her life to be harder then it needs to be. but I don't want to intrude either. I really am torn.

**StaceyS** · 02-11-2008, 06:39 PM

I would approach her, but if she starts getting defensive - back off.
Unfortunately down the road chances are she's not going to say "I wish someone would have tried to stop me from doing this".
Good luck!

**happimommi** · 02-27-2008, 12:24 PM

I would say you have to let them live thier own lives and make their own mistakes.

**zakity** · 02-27-2008, 01:03 PM

I would gently point it out as a "have you considered" type of thing about the car, but I would let her make her own mistakes.

**Jerseygirl** · 02-27-2008, 02:21 PM

I would speak to her, offer, very gently (especially while she is hormonal) your insight. Maybe buffer it with an offer of car shopping with her, or looking things up for her etc. Good luck.

**Juto** · 02-27-2008, 04:32 PM

We all have financial bumps and bruises, but we all have learned from them as well...I would be careful getting involved. Most of us ladies just like to talk....we are pretty good for asking for opinions.

**annymoll** · 02-27-2008, 04:52 PM

I am close to my own sister so I would chat a bit about it with her. If she has
made up her mind, I would let it go.

**Ceashels** · 02-27-2008, 04:55 PM

Thats a tough place to be. Perhaps you can suggest she make out a budget list of everything she needs for the baby and that can lead into a discussion of how expensive everything is. Diapers, formula, foods, etc for the first year are very pricey. It may be a sequey to "what about getting a used car for the time being then upgrade when the baby turns 2" type of discussion.

**cissylu** · 03-09-2008, 08:27 PM

they need to make and learn from they`re mistakes.

**krissyre** · 03-10-2008, 10:16 AM

It really depends on your relationship with your sister.

I know that my little brother and his wife don't listen to a word I say.

Even the "have you thought about..." reminders really bother them, and make them cold, cranky, and defensive. They feel like they know more on any given subject than I do...

So, I don't bother offering advice. It only creates animosity, especially if I happen to have been RIGHT (it's been known to happen once in a blue moon! LOL) and their plan doesn't work out the way they expected. Some people have to learn things the hard way, I think.

**M55FF** · 03-10-2008, 10:19 AM

I think everyone has to learn from their own mistakes.
The only thing about that is... I dont want anyone living in my household who is a high risk for learning the kind of mistakes that can end up in lawsuits.

I like to let people do their own thing, not a control freak... but I do have boundries and like it better when people learn things the hard way where it doesn't have any impact on me and my day to day life.

**missmanny** · 03-10-2008, 07:49 PM

Thanks every one for such thoughtfull replies.

I did end up having a chat to my sister - not the "I think you are making a big mistake" chat more of a "how are things going in preparation for the baby and how are you going to cope financially are you sure a new car is a fantastic idea?" gental kind of conversation.

She assured me that they have made good plans and that they can afford to do everything.

I left it at that - I don't want to meddle I just don't want to worry about her.

They bought the car - and got a few factory upgrades and seem to be really happy about it - so I am pleased for them.

My hope is that it doesn't backfire for them later on and become a chain around their necks.

At the ed of the day - I can't expect every one to feel the same way about debt and money as I do and lord knows I have made my own mistakes so I am no saint.

I am now offically adopting a live and let live attitude and I have to stop thinking that I always know best.