This is so new to me, and so strange...(rant inside)

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-12-2008, 01:24 AM

I decided recently to start with the frugal way of living because I got tired of constantly dipping into overdraft in hubby's bank account. After reading up on things and looking over what we were spending our money on, I just about kicked myself!

We live on a 1.5 income and for the longest time, we were living like we had two incomes! DH was pulling alot of overtime last year and somehow, we both made almost 50k. I don't see where that money went to and our CCs kept going up, up, and up! I know that alot of our CC problems were from DH and his online poker spending, so I've managed to get him to cut that part out for a while. We took his tax return this year and put about 1600 of it towards paying off one of our computers, so now we just have mine to take care of. We have about a thousand left on it, and I've been paying the minimum amount for a while now. I want to kill off that second set of debt, but I don't want to throw us deeper into the hole.

I know that adjusting to being frugal is going to take a really long time to see a huge difference. I know that by changing to a frugal lifestyle, it's going to be better for us in the long run. I just feel like I'm shortchanging my kids and myself since I grew up with some pretty hard times myself. I know that DH supports me, but he grew up with alot more than we can afford at the moment and he's ok with that. I just don't want him to feel like all the hard work he's doing to supply that one income in our 1.5 income family isn't going very far.

I know that by living frugally, my kids will still have things they need to survive and be healthy. I know they'll have a roof over their head, clothes on their back, and food on the table. I know I'll be able to provide them with medical care and any other essentials, but I feel like I should be able to give them more than that. I guess I ask too much of myself and should be thankful for what I have. Believe me, I'm eternally grateful to have such a strong support network from all angles!

I'd love to be able to cut down more on our "regular" bills and know that we have some rough times ahead. Not only do we have a large property tax bill coming up in a couple of months, but both of my children will be going to school and there are three birthdays in the span of one month! We also have Christmas, which I promised myself I'd spend a little more on this year. Perhaps I can reduce that amount and just get things that are good deals for less. This is all so new to me and I can't believe it is, even after all the years of yard sales and food stamps and food pantry handouts that my family received as I was growing up.

Does it ever get easier?

**Jamauk** · 05-12-2008, 02:05 AM

It does get easier! Keep coming back here - its a matter of changing what's ingrained in your mind.

You are NOT doing your kids a disservice at all - what you are teaching them is that *stuff* isn't whats going to make you happy.

I look at it this way (I think I got this from the Tightwad Gazette, but I'm not sure). When my kids ask for something I don't tell them "we can't afford it" I tell them "we don't chose to spend our money on xxx"

I suggest getting some books - Dave Ramsey is a good place to start as is the Tightwad Gazette. Your local library probably has some copies...

There is a wealth of support here and a lot of wisdom!

You will get through this - and trust me you'll feel better about yourself, your family and your future!

**Royal** · 05-12-2008, 02:50 AM

Like Jessica says, it does get easier. It might be difficult to adjust at first, but before you know it it has integrated into your family daily life. I used to think the same thing as you do about your kids. I didn't want them to go without. But I have come to realize that if we kept spending the way we did, then they could go without some very important things (housing, clothing, food).
Coming to FV every day is what really helps me to stay motivated. I started doing the grocery challenges and have seen an remarkable drop in the amount of money being spent at the grocery store. I make it a competition with myself if I can once again stay within budget. It has because a sort of a game (I know, it's sad).
Read, read, read up on being frugal. Don't forget to check the archives here on FV. Lots of info there. You know what they say "knowledge is power". I'm a firm believer of that.
Good luck to you and your family. You can do it!!

**PrairieRose** · 05-12-2008, 08:42 AM

Just hang in there. Make the obvious changes, usually starting with the ones that will cause the least amount of resistance and pain and then little by little, one by one change the other things. Obviously you have to stop spending wildly but you can still have a meal out 1 or 2 times per month, making a big deal out of it as you go. The important thing with a family is to make it fun and challenging so that everyone is onboard. Remember you're not poor......you're rich in all things that matter. The other things are just stuff, junk, things you won't remember in a year.

**Lady_V** · 05-12-2008, 09:29 AM

It will take time... you will splurge... you will get yourself back on the financial track.

Remember that --- Frugal doesn't mean Deprived!

You choose where to spend the money... I am one of the biggest child-related spenders I know. She has all designer clothes... Polo, Tommy, Hollister... you name it...

(psst... the jeans come from a childs resale shop and the Hollister was bought on clearance)

**larabelle** · 05-12-2008, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

I know that adjusting to being frugal is going to take a really long time to see a huge difference. I know that by changing to a frugal lifestyle, it's going to be better for us in the long run.
Does it ever get easier?

You will see a difference and it will not take a really long time to do so. Just set small goals of paying a certain amount of each bill every month and over just a few months you will see a huge difference.
Changing to a frugal lifestyle will be better for you in the long run and for your children. It will teach them the value of money and it will help you save for their college education.
Yes it does get easier and in fact it gets to be such a great sense of satisfaction as you pay things off.
Come to this website daily for inspiration and LOTS of tips.

**forHISglory** · 05-12-2008, 09:51 AM

The fact that you are motivated to change is the first step, and a huge step. Congrats on that! I would encourage you to work on your mindset about what constitutes the good life. Bigger Christmases and birthdays don't do it for me. And that's a great way to cut expenses, while at the same time modeling for your children the idea of celebration not equaling money.

I know nothing of on-line poker, thankfully, but it conjures scenes for me of addiction and big spending. Your hubby's case could be far from that, but the idea is scary to me.

Stay determined!

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-12-2008, 10:54 AM

Wow, thank you so much for the support! Coming here really does help me alot in both preparing myself for a new lifestyle, as well as getting the support I need to succeed. I've been doing alot of reading in the last few days on everything from changing the way I buy groceries (even if that means buying from more than one store to make my bill cheaper and not spending more gas in the process to get to both), to what I can do to lower my utility bill to even how I can prioritize what I'm spending every month on the "extras".

The neighborhood I live in is wonderful, but unfortunately DH works where he has to drive. He's been taking lunches to work with him and his building is really great because he can even take frozen stuff and still eat it there (they have even more appliances than I do

. DS #2 will be going to school just down the block, so that instantly cuts out another $165/yr in busing fees. The money we spend now on DS #1's school (we pay 50/mo for his lunches, 165/yo for his busing, and other miscellaneous fees for school trips) is something we need since he's in a special needs program for his autism.

I bought a notebook yesterday to help me write out a budget, as well as write out ways that I can save money on the utility bill and a list of foods I buy (and whether I can get them cheaper at the other grocery store, which is in walking distance from my house). I talked to my mom yesterday about it and she's extremely supportive! :smile: I even tried a new "frugal" recipe yesterday and oh man, it was so delicious...beefy cheese and mac is definitely alot better than the packaged stuff you can get. The beef was 1.75, the mac n cheese was already on hand, the creme of mushroom soup was 76 cents, the green beans was 1.29 and then some bread and butter (I already had the butter and the bread was on sale (2 for 4 dollars for a large loaf). It was fantastic!

I think this is my second home.

**Jamauk** · 05-12-2008, 10:57 AM

YAY!!!! Just start small - trust me the differences will add up (and you'll see them quickly). Before you know it you'll be addicted and it becomes like a game to see how much you can save/pay towards cc/ etc...

**Frugal Nurse** · 05-12-2008, 11:05 AM

Can I recommend reading the Total Tightwad Gazette. Or start with it's I, II or III individual books.

You can borrow it from the library.
It's a bit outdated- but the concepts are solid and timeless.

And read the Total Money Makeover.

Your children will not be deprived of anything. You're a good mom to start with. It's not going to happen. They won't feel a thing.
It's fun to have them involved in the hunt for the cheapest meal, cheapest gift... etc.

You'are already on a good start... planning ahead- knowing you are going to have expenses coming up. This is where Tightwad Gazette comes in... knowing how to stock up on necessities for future- like gifts for your chidlren and food for your family, for when don't have the cash available.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-12-2008, 11:13 AM

I'll check that out today. I have a little time to kill (most of my housework is done on Sundays anyways) so I'll give it a read. I was in the habit of paying more than minimum on my Mastercard, but I think I'm gonna reduce that to just the minimum for a bit and toss that extra little into the savings account. I still have to get DH to open that online savings account and I think I'll do that this week. We're skirting close to overdraft in his account and he gets paid on Thursday, so it'll be better doing it then. We also combined our phone and cable/internet together with this bundle deal that the cable company had going on. We get everything together for three months at $99.95 (it would normally cost us $135 for cable, internet and phone) so that extra 35 dollars can go into savings as well!

**IntlMom** · 05-12-2008, 11:19 AM

When you are at the library, also look for a book called
"the Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. It will give you all the details on how much to save, which creidt cards to pay off first, how much, and SO MUCH MORE!!! It will take you a long way towards a new life of savings, credit management and frugality.

**IntlMom** · 05-12-2008, 11:22 AM

I know all about the Austim thing, in fact, there are a few of us on here that can relate to you. Do you get any kind of assistance for him from the state? We have been on waivers in the past that funded gas to dr trips, respite care, and even nutritional supplements.... all that was money that didn't have to come out of our pocket. We moved several months ago to a new state, and now we are on the waiting list for a developmental disabilty waiver. It gives us a cash stipend that we will use to pay on speech thereapy when it comes thru.
(just wondering about this possiblity)

**MomToTwoBoys** · 05-12-2008, 11:43 AM

We're actually looking into something here that helps provide financial assistance for families of developmentally disabled children. Before I moved out of the US, we were getting Supplemental Security Income for him and it was quite a bit. Now that we're in Canada, I'm not sure about the stipulations between getting financial assistance from the government and the sponsorship limitations (DH had to sponsor us with immigration for us to be here under Permanent Residence rules). I'm definitely going to check it out though.

I picked up all three Tightwad Gazette books for 7.94 this morning on Amazon.ca and they're being shipped this week.

**Holly** · 05-12-2008, 11:50 AM

Take it one step at a time so your no overwhelmed.
Your kids will not suffer ( believe me I know I was a single mom for 9 years )
Get The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. ( Its a must in my opinion )
Even more important than The Tightwad Gazette. ( I have the condensed version of TG 3 in 1 )
Best Of Luck and come here everyday for the best tips and support