Financial Fear

**Russ** · 06-11-2008, 02:29 PM

Seems like the right forum for this...

Just talked to my wife who is traveling for business today and the guys she is driving with spent 3 hours talking about the economy and how her company will be laying people off.

Now my wife is upset and extremely worried about her job and I'm a little frustrated. We talk about this all the time it seems and frankly, I'm running out of things to tell her to calm her fears.
I understand her concern and we are doing all we can (want

) to do to build our savings. We have enough to last a minimum of 3-4 months in savings should she lose her job, and we add to that every 2 weeks.

So, how do you calm yours or your spouses fears over the "doom and gloom" of the economy and job loss?

**tbs727** · 06-11-2008, 02:36 PM

I'm really sorry your wife is scared. I've been there many times myself. Would you be able to live on your income alone? If so, it might help to make a worst case scenario budget to show her that, yes, you will survive if she gets laid off. I'm sure others will have better suggestions, that's just the first thing I thought of.

**The Muse** · 06-11-2008, 02:38 PM

DH has been laid off twice. We don't worry anymore because worrying is pointless and will have no effect whatsoever on whether or not our companies decide to lay us off. The first time he was laid off, we worried ourselves sick in the weeks leading up to it.

What makes us feel in control and secure is knowing that there is money in the bank and investment accounts and if we do get laid off again, we'll be able to pay our bills. Beyond that, we accept that it's out of our control and hope for the best. That's really all you can do.

**Russ** · 06-11-2008, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by tbs727

I'm really sorry your wife is scared. I've been there many times myself. Would you be able to live on your income alone? If so, it might help to make a worst case scenario budget to show her that, yes, you will survive if she gets laid off. I'm sure others will have better suggestions, that's just the first thing I thought of.

Unfortunately no, we would be $800-1100 short.

**The Muse** · 06-11-2008, 02:59 PM

Another thought...would it help her to start looking for another job?

If she's worried about this one, maybe trying to be proactive will help calm her. If she does get laid off, she'll be that much farther ahead in the job search process. In the meantime, she'll feel like she's taking charge of the situation. Just a thought.

**mombottoo** · 06-11-2008, 03:04 PM

Just tell her that you are both doing the best that you can with what you have to work with and that worrying herself over something that may not even happen is a waste of worrying. You can't change anything that hasn't happened yet, all you can do is plan for it and it sounds like you are getting your ducks in order. Just give her a hug & let her know that your family will survive no matter what happens down the road.

My hubby worried a lot when he knew he wasn't going to be able to work any more...I told him we'd be fine and we are. Besides I'd be happy living in a tent in the middle of the woods...so long as I had him by my side.

**Russ** · 06-11-2008, 03:04 PM

She's been actively looking for 2 months and went on a couple of interviews.

**McD** · 06-11-2008, 03:56 PM

I am actually going to answer this from the other side of the coin. I am usually the spouse worried about the doom and gloom of the economy. I am the one constantly crunching numbers, thinking the sky is falling, etc. First off, let me suggest to you what not to do. Do not try to placate your wife. I.E. "It'll all be okay! Don't worry, we'll make it through this!" The reasoning this doesn't work (at least for me) is because it makes it seem like you aren't as concerned about it as she is and then it makes her (in her mind) have to come up with all the solutions by herself. This is how it comes across to me, anyway, just some food for thought. Instead, try and brainstorm with her on things you guys could do now to prepare for the worst case scenario. That might easer her fears. Hope that helps.

**frugalfoster** · 06-11-2008, 04:31 PM

The Serenity Prayer.....God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference....

I say it over and over again..... there is no sense worrying about it, what will be will be. If we spend all our time worrying then we are just wasting the good life we have now. It could be that it will never get as bad as people say, and if it is, worrying about it now isn't going to help anyways. Prepare the best you can, don't live frivolously, and wait it out.

**mom2matty** · 06-11-2008, 04:37 PM

I'm a SAHM so we are a 1 income family. We think dh is safe but you just never know. My dh is 48 so having to start all over at his age is very scary for him and that really worries him. Right now we are putting everything we can into savings. The only debt we have is our mortgage. I'm being very supportive of him, listening to everything he has to say and trying really hard to work with him on all of this! I know we would be ok for a few months but after that it would get very ugly fast! I guess all I can do is be very careful and hope that it all works out......I hope it all goes well for you as well!!

**Frugal Nurse** · 06-11-2008, 04:54 PM

Russ.. do you remember asking how you can get your spouse on the frugalband[tractor]? Hmmmmm?

No better time than the present. Eh?

She just might be all-aboard when she sees that she can make if after all.

Remember that song?

**Russ** · 06-11-2008, 04:57 PM

I'm working on her..although she said I was nuts last night for going around unplugging stuff.

Maybe I will use this opportunity to move her more in this direction although it seems like I'm kicking her while she's down.

**Denvergirlie** · 06-11-2008, 05:21 PM

I having been dealing with this for the past year or so with my job. They want me to relocate and I refuse to do so. In the not so distant past they have been actively seeking my replacement, but seem to have shelved that again.

What I keep telling myself is that I really have no control over the fact that I might lose my job, so I should thus let it go and stop worring about it. My worry and frustation does nothing but affect my job performance and my personal happiness in a bad way. I can not control it, so to let it go.

I then did the math. If I was let go of and had to take unemployment benfits, I determined what that would be $ wise and you know what, we will be just fine finacailly for that time. UE would cover the bills that I pay, so that left me with a lot of peace as well.
Now I still want to keep my job, I have no desire to leave at this time, but we would be okay.

So it's okay, I've given up my worry for the most part, as I can not control the situtation.

Don't worry, be happy!

**Buc-O-Mama** · 06-11-2008, 05:37 PM

The fact is that you have more of a savings safety net than most Americans do should be a bit of a comfort. Especially since you are still adding to it. Whenever DH or I are dealing with financial anxiety we play a sort of worst case scenerio game. Usually, once we've talked through it all, the worst case isn't as bad as we thought and in the process we've come up with ideas to help us tighten our belt and make it through. Just hold her hand and talk, talk, talk.

**TheRootedNomad** · 06-12-2008, 07:40 AM

How about finding a way to get rid of some of the monthly charges, at least until you've stashed 6 to 12 months of living expenses. If there really is the possibility of a job loss this may be the time to say. "For the next few months lets...cut off cable, go on and sell the yacht and ditch the payment, no eating out this month, ect"..whatever it is that you won't normally do without. This is with the agreement that once you have a really secure base where it won't be that big of a deal for the missing job to be for an extended period of time, that the things you want to reimplement can be put back. It's much easier to cut things you don't want to do without because you choose to. Even easier when you plan for a specified time frame of doing without. The only time DH ever would go without cable was when we had a specified goal and we agreed to a years time frame. I had to give on something as well, just can't remember what it was.