This Whole Situation Is Making Me Ill.....

[cmdarlin]

I've posted a few times and want to say thank you to all who've given me support. I've really appreciated it. I've tried to get things all figured out and get us on track but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here. I hope you don't mind me rambling because I feel like there is so much going on around me and if I don't talk about it, I'm gonna bust. I try to talk to DH but he doesn't have a clue. I don't know if its the MS or just an excuse.

He's suppose to be on three months of short term disability but the disability insurance only wants to pay for two, which is up July 1st. They state they want additional information from the doctor to extend it anymore time. I've been on him to make the calls which is like pulling teeth and then I have to sit there with him, like he was a child to make sure he asks all the right questions. He had to call them on Tuesday because he didn't get his check (usually gets them on Monday). We waited till the mail to come in Tuesday... no check... he calls, they tell him it went out on the 6th. Ok, we'll give it another day.... yesterday, no check. I tell him to call while I'm doing laundry and cleaning. He didn't do it.

He somehow doesn't see the urgency. He HAS to order his medicine this week to insure it gets here before he runs out. I have $40 in the bank. That's it.... no savings, no nothing because its all gone. His rx script cost $127 a month for this one medication. I have to pay his insurance premium too this coming week which is another $110. He can't seem to understand why I'm upset that this check, which is for $255 isn't here yet.

I'm going nuts, knowing that in a couple weeks the checks are gonna stop period, unless the insurance company gets the information from the doctor to continue it. Even when he is released from the doctor, he has to be evaluated and go thru a Work Steps program before the company will let him go back to work (if he can still do his job).

Hospital and doctor bills are coming in left and right. Last count, they totalled $16,795. I have no clue where its coming from because his medical insurance isn't paying, saying that he's under a pre-existing condition review, etc. I know, I don't need to worry right now about this but I do.

We're behind on EVERYTHING... I lost a good paying job due to downsizing over a year ago. We lived off what little savings we had while I looked for work. I finally found a job but it was considerably less pay. 6 months later they let me go. The hole got deeper. We're almost 3 months behind on our mortgage and I'm scared to death but they wouldn't take partial payments. I've been having correspondence back and forth with the mortgage company and now that we're in default, they tell me my application is now being reviewed for a 'workable solution'.

The mortgage payment is $702 a month, his health insurance $110 a month, rx is another $170 a month. The house is all electric and due to a bad roof that collapsed in late October, my electric was running almost $300 a month! Not to mention living 30 miles from anywhere and the price of gas was/is killing us. Plus there are other expenses such as our animals (we have a 5 acre farm). We're spending at least $100 a month on feed though my son and my sales from the Farmer's market have been covering it. The phone, satellite, trash are another $200..... His disability is only $1020 a month. We finally qualified for food stamps last month, so that helped alot. Oh... and there is $6,000 credit card debt that was sent to collections last month. I tried to work with them but they turned around and sent us anyway after I had made a $250 payment. (I should of let it go and kept that to put toward the house) I'm such an idiot!

I've been sending out, going out and applying for jobs when we have to run into town, because with the cost of gas I try to make every trip we have to make count. We aren't eating out. I've had some medical issues pop up that I'm totally ignoring because I have no insurance and can't pay a doctor.

I've told DH and son that the animals have to be cut back. I've got ads in a freebie paper to sell our rabbits and some of our chickens. I don't want to get rid of all the birds because the eggs do come in handy and I've been able to sell the excess to pay for feed. I wanted to have a yard sale but out here, I don't think I'd get much traffic.

I know we need to just sell the house and all the animals, cause there is no way, even if I find a job that we can afford this. I'm not sleeping and sick to my stomach constantly. Fighting off and on with DH..... just to the point I'd drive off into the sunset if I had the gas money!

*big sigh* Ok.... can you tell I woke up at 3am? If you made it thru this far, thank you for listening to me ramble. Without anyone close here to talk to, I really appreciate having this forum to talk too.

Debbie in Missouri

[baxjul]

((((Hugs))))

[jamie79]

[COUNTRYBUMPKIN]

I am so sorry that things are so hard for your family right now. HUGS and prayers to all of you!

[ladykemma2]

home first, then utilities. satellite has to go. stop all contributions to 401k, etc.

food, shelter, medications, insurance.

what does he do professionally, can he go on light duty? what happened?

you don't have any kids at home, get thee a job.

all insurance companies refuse the bills the first time around, submit them again.

[BeachBaby]

Hugs and prayers!!!

[smk0817]

I think your DH is in denial. He's scared and he's acting if he doesn't acknowledge the problems they will all go away. That's his coping mechanism for right now. However...it's time for him to wake up. Seriously. And if he doesn't, you're gonna have to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. Make the telephone calls yourself. That way you know FOR SURE what is being asked and said in response.

Here are some other things I see:
-the animals would have to go. Are you making enough money a month to feed them and still have some profits left over? Probably not enough to really justify keeping them.
-satellite...gone. Desperate times, desperate measures.
-electric..WOW. That's a lot. Close off rooms you don't use. Unplug everything not in use. Supplement AC with fans. Keep the oven and dryer off. Use your crockpot and hang laundry instead.
-credit and medical bills...let 'em go for now.
-making some extra money now...Do you know anyone in town that you could have a yard sale with? Sometimes businesses in my town let people have yard sales in their lots on Saturdays (when they are closed). Try Craigslist. Sell anything and everything that isn't a NEED at this point.

What type of work did you used to do? Everyone on here is great at coming up with ideas to help you find something, even if it is only temporary.

Good luck and big hugs to you!!!

Stephanie

[cmdarlin]

home first, then utilities. satellite has to go. stop all contributions to 401k, etc.

food, shelter, medications, insurance.

what does he do professionally, can he go on light duty? what happened?

you don't have any kids at home, get thee a job.

all insurance companies refuse the bills the first time around, submit them again.

He did do HVAC until a neck injury which left him 25% disabled. Then was working as an assistant manager in a farm store. He found out some medical issues he was having were due to Multiple Sclerosis. He's been told if he can't pass the work steps program or if the company doesn't have a light duty position... he can be let go.

I have tried and am still trying to find a job. I'd take anything at this point but I honestly don't know if it would help when you consider the gas it takes to get anywhere from where we live. (60 mile round trip) Before he got sick, was costing $275 a month just for gas. I feel like I'm making excuses.

We don't have an antenna but I'm planning on getting rid of the satellite. He'll just have to sit and watch me. *lol* Cell phones are gone, there is no 401k... we have nothing but the debt. I've gone thru and unplugged everything.

The rabbits are being sold, ads in the paper and I've been taking them to the Farmer's Market. I had already planned on selling at least half of our chicken flock. I had been getting almost 2 dozen eggs a day and selling them which paid for their feed but who needs chicken and eggs.

I really do appreciate all the suggestions....

thank you,
Debbie in Missouri

[FrugalMomof3]

Debbie,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time, I would resubmit the bills to the insurance and keep on the disability payment.

Big Hugs to you!

[Michelle]

I'm sorry going through such a rough time right now

Some ideas:

~You mentioned having a yard sale but worried about lack of traffic. Can you list some of those items on Ebay? Or on Craigslist? Maybe you'll get more people than you think if you hold one. People really are watching their money even more carefully these days, so I'm thinking that they may be more apt to buy things at a yard sale when before they would have paid retail.

~Is there any way you can babysit for some extra cash? Summer is coming, and I know a lot of moms will be looking for care for their school-age kids.

~What about working from home? Live Ops and West at home are two legit companies that come to mind:

http://www.westathome.com/
http://www.liveops.com/

I am pretty sure both have been discussed on this forum just recently.

How about bartering? Can you trade services or some good (eg if you keep some of your chickens can you trade eggs for say produce from a neighbor)?

I wish you the best. I hope there is something in my post that you find helpful

[estclair63]

My heart goes out to you, as do my prayers for you.

[PrairieRose]

I'm always in awe when men shut down like that. Mine did it too. I think they just don't know what to do so they do nothing. I know that is the hardest part of this whole thing. Have you spoken with any family members who might be able to help at all? I'd be making your dh a detailed list of questions to ask and comments to make on the calls, dial the number and sit there until these things are done. One thing that always helps me is to try to step back, look at the whole problem from the outside as if you were trying to help someone else (not your own problem). If you can make yourself look at it more objectively, from afar (I know it's not easy) sometimes you can 'see' solutions that you otherwise can't. One other thing and this is gonna sound way out there, but if you can find the book (at your local library) called "The Cosmic Power of the Subconscious Mind" get it, read it, follow it, it's amazing.

[Mtngrl25]

CM, I would contact the maker of your DH's drug and see if they will send you a month's supply free. MS drugs are bloody expensive, but the makers have plenty of money to spend on "information packs" they send to doctor's offices, etc. From what I've read in the promotional packs, they provide some limited patient assistance, and I'd think your DH's case would qualify.

I know how overwhelming it is to be the spouse of a man with MS. Even though my DH isn't disabled with it, it's a giant elephant in the room even with just the emotional ramifications. Throw in fear about not being able to afford the meds.....oy.

[Frugal Nurse]

home first, then utilities. satellite has to go. stop all contributions to 401k, etc.

food, shelter, medications, insurance.

I agree on the order on the order of bills.

CM -I'm really sorry for all that chaos you must endure.
{{{{hugz}}}}


I am VERY scared to even offer any advice-

So here goes nothing.....
CM - I mentioned before, and maybe it got missed. The insurance company only approves a couple of months at a time. They want to see there is progress and they want to see that he's seeing the doctor. That doesn't mean they won't approve more. They will. Relax. Take a deep breath.

It will require him to get to the doctor though. And it will require him to tell the doctor to fax the form (that he brought with him) to the insurance company (that he has the fax number for).

I wonder if DH is feeling just as overwhelmed as you are. Some men can't show their emotions, don't have anyone to vent to and don't want to burden their wife. I can bet that he KNOWs what's happening and how you are feeling. He doesn't want his wife to feel that way. He's trying to deal with it - he just doesn't know how.

You're doing a good job with all of this. I hope that you can have a conversation with him.... the "I feel scared we will loose the house" kind (as opposed to 'you are not doing anything to prevent losing the house'). Or even... the 'how are you doing with all this?" kind. (can't say.. "how are you feeling about all this"..most men don't truly understand the 'feeling' word- and think it's a trick question).

Men want to fix things. He can't fix this. He's probally feeling like a big failure. Bad on the ego.

I'm not saying coddle and coo him- but find out what's going on with him (depression?). He knows you are there for him- but you need to know he's here for you.

I am so hoping things work out for you. I'll be thinking about you.

And this is a good place to get things off your chest.
So fire away.

[cmdarlin]

Debbie,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time, I would resubmit the bills to the insurance and keep on the disability payment.

Big Hugs to you!

I've been keeping on the insurance company. After several phone calls got a listing of all the doctors, etc he had seen in the past five years. When he called them Monday, they said they had never received the letter. Well, after 3 more phone calls, the same day, someone there had found it. Said they just got it (was mailed May 15th) and they were in the process of sending out for records. In the meantime, they stated they just sent off for records concerning a claim that was 18 months old! Of course I've already paid on it so if they do pay on it, it'll be a long time collecting any monies due back to us.

I'm calling the disability people myself today. Doesn't make sense that the past month, we've always received the check on Monday. Here it is Thursday... something is screwed up plus the doctor says they need a letter from them requesting the medical information that they say they need to continue paying. I don't want them to wait till the last minute and then have a week or more gap in payments.

I think today I'm gonna go thru stuff and see about a yard sale anyway. I do the Farmer's Market each week, will make up little flyers to hand out. Plus I think I'm gonna keep on someone's butt today. It doesn't help when I'm working around here and all he does is watch cartoons!

Debbie in Missouri