ok now I've really done it...

[rachelMcK]

Dh got into a big fight yesterday and it wasn't nice. What was basically brought to the table is that he thinks I'm getting a "free" ride from him because I only have a part-time job (which was supposed to be fulltime but they cut the hours) and he works hard everyday fulltime and pays all the bills. He thinks that on my days off, I sit at home all day watching soaps and eating the food that his job pays for. He declines to acknowledge that I cook his dinner, buy his groceries, budget his money, pay the bills, clean the house, his clothes etc. Basically this started because he freaked about being in overdraft. But, I do all the money things budgets, bills everything. He checks in once in about 3 months and freaks if he doesn't like it. So his solution is split everything. Housework, money bills everything. I pay half the rent, groceries and shared bills. He pays his bills, I pay mine. Problem is, he makes $16/hr, I make $9/hr. Even with 2 jobs I still can't pay mine, but he wont budge. This is how he wants it.

So I guess now, I truly am in financial hardship. I asked him to cover my half of the rent until I get another job. He's given me one month. We've already paid this months rent, so basically he's not going to help me....at all.

I'm gonna post my budget in a bit once i get it in order myself...I need help.

TIA

[Dobby]

My relationship was similar to that. I worked barely above minimum wage, he got $16/hour and up. He put in $500 a month towards bills, I just made that. He spent all the rest on his own, and I had to try to make the bills work with $2000 a month. It was crazy. Most months I had to juggle bills and some wouldn't be paid until the next month, we owed so many late charges, and I rarely got a cent for spending money while he had thousands a month.

I finally kicked him out, financially, I'm much better off now as a single mom than I was with him.

I think yours needs counselling. I hope you can get it sorted out, in a way that benefits you BOTH, not just him.

[AmyBoz]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[larabelle]

OH MY!!!!!!!!!!
Post your budget ASAP and we will all try to help.

[Darlene]

Wow.
How old is he? He sounds like a selfish brat who's taking his marbles, going home and to heck with you. If he really feels this way and this isn't just a "he's just letting off steam" moment...well sorry to say but you've got more than money problems going on here.
That's not how you treat someone you love. Ever.
Wow.
I wish you my best, really.

[nodmicks]

I'm really sorry to hear that your dh is being that way. I wish I had some great advice but I don't. My dh make 90% of the $ and says it is all our $. I thought marriage was sharing. I think you need a serious talk with him if he feels this way. Don't the vows say something to the effect of "richer or poorer~ in sickness and health"? This is the poorer part.
I hope it gets better!

[rachelMcK]

Thanks for all your replies. I hate to even think that we have more problems. But I think we need to both admit it. I've been with him for 10 years, married for almost 2. This is just the most heartbreaking thing. I can hardly talk about it. He wants to get over this like it never happened, he doesn't get why I am so quiet. Well, I'm quiet because I'm screwed and he doesn't see it. He wants to be more independent with his money and everything. But at what cost? He says he's angry about the overdraft because he won't have money saved for his trip to the yukon (when do I get a trip?) and he doesn't have money to buy me a birthday present (I don't need one). He knows so little about the money situation that he had no idea that I saved money for his trip. He's got $500 sitting there waiting for when he leaves for the yukon. But he's still adament on splitting everything. He only has $6000 in debt (which both of our previous paychecks has gone toward paying down), no cc debt (again, I paid that off for him) and more savings ($500) than I have. I don't have any. I guess this will be good for me in the long run as I will have to build my own savings, but I'm just so lost right now...

[rachelMcK]

Anyway, here's the budget situation...

Rent - $455/mth - utilites are included - split in half
Loan #1 - $125/mth - miniumum payment
Loan #2 - $140/mth - minimum payment - this one varies, last month it was only $100 but I'm keeping it on the high side, just in case
Loan #3 - $140/mth - this is his guitar that I bought him for christmas, the payments will be done in december and are charged on my cc
CC#1 - $50/mth - minimum payment with a little extra ( I wish it could be more)
Phone/net - $50/mth - This is split in half using average of bill totals
Food - $80/mth - basic budget, if he wants extras, he's paying for it
Pets - $20/mth - give or take for food and litter (the cats are mine so I have to pay, apparently).
Total - $1060/mth

Income
- anywhere from $350 to $550 (between 13 to 25 hours a week)

Debt
Loan #1 - $15000 - student line of credit
Loan #2 - $9900 - government student loan
Guitar - $800 - to be paid off by december on payment plan
CC - $500

Total - $26200

*** I know I need a second job, which I'm searching and applying for as we speak, I may even need a third.

Thanks

[joyofsix]

I'm not sure what to say so((((hugs))))

[ladykemma2]

Dh got into a big fight yesterday and it wasn't nice. What was basically brought to the table is that he thinks I'm getting a "free" ride from him because I only have a part-time job (which was supposed to be fulltime but they cut the hours) and he works hard everyday fulltime and pays all the bills. He thinks that on my days off, I sit at home all day watching soaps and eating the food that his job pays for. He declines to acknowledge that I cook his dinner, buy his groceries, budget his money, pay the bills, clean the house, his clothes etc. Basically this started because he freaked about being in overdraft. But, I do all the money things budgets, bills everything. He checks in once in about 3 months and freaks if he doesn't like it. So his solution is split everything. Housework, money bills everything. I pay half the rent, groceries and shared bills. He pays his bills, I pay mine. Problem is, he makes $16/hr, I make $9/hr. Even with 2 jobs I still can't pay mine, but he wont budge. This is how he wants it.

So I guess now, I truly am in financial hardship. I asked him to cover my half of the rent until I get another job. He's given me one month. We've already paid this months rent, so basically he's not going to help me....at all.

I'm gonna post my budget in a bit once i get it in order myself...I need help. .

TIA

red flags. get both of you to counseling now.do not agree to this you are married

[prftstrngr]

Is this your half of everything?? or the total? As for the $500 you saved for his trip....split that in half right now and take your half. if he didnt have the decency to ask or see you had saved it....his loss. Id sit him down with everything on paper and show him. He is right not to want to be in over draft but he needs to realise why you are there. Let him do half the housework....Im betting his tune will change when he comes home and his dinner isnt cooked...and you say...oh I was waiting for you cause its your night to cook!! Dont forget to remind him the toilet is dirty and needs to be cleaned too!! Make a list of everything you do in the house and split that in half. Including letting him do his own laundry etc. Sometimes they really dont realise cause they arent there to see....they just assume the good fairy does it while they are at work I guess...... good luck!!

[Greebo]

If I'm reading this and other threads right, DH is contributing to the out of control money situation, but is trying to blame it on you. I understand that recently he made purchases without consulting the budget, is that right? Something about a memory card?

The money situation here is only a symptom of a deeper problem: communication. The two of you need to get into counseling immediately, because you are headed for worse things.

Now - that said - the income you posted, is that weekly or monthly?

[fernykins]

Mine you its just my own opinion. or else I'm old fashion. You are married......... He needs to grow up. You are in this together. He gets a trip.......... must be nice...... I feel for you . Talk to someone. .........
Fern

[prftstrngr]

I agree counselling is in order asap.....

[rachelMcK]

The budget shows the half I'll be splitting, so food, rent and the phone/net bills. The rest is all my bills. He's paying car insurance/gas/repairs etc, since its his car and I don't drive (working on that one).


See this is the thing. I don't know who he spoke to or what he is thinking, but the idea originally was that we were going to split everything fairly, in a way that wouldn't put me in the poorhouse. Then, a couple hours later, when he came home, his tune changed and everything was going to be split 50/50 no help was going to be given. I know he's serious about this because he woke up and did the dishes (he never does the dishes, let alone gets up early to do them). He's even splitting the house work. He said that I made dinner last night, so its only fair that he does the dishes the next morning. He wouldn't even let me make his morning coffee or his lunch for work. I know this sounds kinda stupid, but I enjoyed doing that for him, it was a way for me to show him that I appreciated the fact that he goes to work everyday and pays the bills. I think he just flat out resents me.