I feel as though I am drowning...

**chevy_chick95** · 07-15-2008, 05:42 PM

This is so embarrassing. But, my boyfriend won't listen. I need a sound board, advice, something. this is going to be HONEST, long, emotional, and probably way to much information.. but i dont' know what to do anymore. i need a kick in the rear.

I have been with BF for 2 1/2 years. I moved back to my home town from arizona to be with him. I had just bought a 2001 civic. I didn't bother to find a job when i moved home and it got repo'd. I live with my mom. well BF and i decided to move into an apartment together. he worked for my dad, i found a great job making just as much money as i did in AZ. We ended up breaking up for a little over 5 months.

When we got back together i had gotten a different apartment, that was more money. i had also boughten a car. we got cable, internet and cell phones. racking up the bills.

we then moved out of there to a cheaper apartment, dh lost his job for the 5 time since we had gotten back together. i was paying rent, car, insurance, phone, utilites, etc etc etc.
Then my car that i had bought a year ago, the motor was shot. GReat. new car time so i bought a car that was $ 175 more a month.

he finally found a job and we were able to get back on top of things. then are lease was up and we decided to move again. $100 more a month but so much nicer. that was 2 months ago. DH lost his job 1 day after we moved there. We haven't paid rent. I have only paid $100 on utilities.

he has found a job now, making very good money, but all i can think is "well how long is this gonna last?"

the thing is, the debt i have is all PAST debt. the current stuff is all past due now. i'm drowning.

ok, i'm going to list my bills and take home. i dont' expect anyone to listen, or even read this. i'm hoping this will clear things out in my head.

Take home for me is $1560 a month.
budget as of right now.

Car $367
insurance $110.00
Storage $30
Food $200
Gas $400
repo'd car $150.00
utilities $100.00
Total $1357.00

i had no extra spending down to nothing.. i guess i need to start writing every thing down. That extra $200 for the last month has bought us stockpile food.

this month i used some of it for Car registration $ 30
change oil $40

Repo’d car $3950.23
Cable One 286.58
Circuit City 788.05
Sprint 922.59
CD account 57.91
City of Idaho falls 341.17
City of ucon $22.40
Community care 366.60
Double day $60
Glasses 78.30
Ship Pro 30.00
Telecheck 80.00
New Car 7806.96
Student loan 1652.30
Student loan $18148.36
Current Electrical bill $250.00
Back Rent $1300.00

OMG, that is $36,140.

**Greebo** · 07-15-2008, 06:39 PM

I have to head out the door right now - but I'll be back in to look at these later tonight.

**rachelj** · 07-15-2008, 07:18 PM

Hey there girl!! IT WILL BE OK!!!!

First get your baby efund!! YOU KNOW THIS!!!

I want you to write out all the above in a notebook. But right the debts out from smallest to largest. When the money runs out you draw a line. Everything under the line you do not pay. You send them letters and explain your plan that you will get to them, but only when they are above the line. Get student loans on deferrment.

You didn't list rent.

Is the 200 for food for you and BF?? What is he contributing to this?

Can you pull stuff out of storage? Sell it or whatever?

Can you carpool to work to save gas?

PS - I appreciate you on the other board you are on - I'm J&M'smom

**larabelle** · 07-15-2008, 09:48 PM

Well, first take a couple deep breaths...then follow rachelj's advice. I know your grand total of debt seems a lot but it is managable.

**Greebo** · 07-15-2008, 10:10 PM

Originally Posted by chevy_chick95

This is so embarrassing. But, my boyfriend won't listen. I need a sound board, advice, something. this is going to be HONEST, long, emotional, and probably way to much information.. but i dont' know what to do anymore. i need a kick in the rear.

If you know you need one, then you know you can give one to yourself. This is a good sign - it shows you're reaching the point of "I'VE HAD IT!!!" and that's when real change can occur.

he has found a job now, making very good money, but all i can think is "well how long is this gonna last?"

Is this guy really DH now or is he still DBF? (Damn boyfriend)?

Cause honey, this guy is not sounding very much like marriage material to me, and more like he's helping you create financial destitution...love may be blind, but the creditors aren't...

Take home for me is $1560 a month.

You don't mention kids, so I'm assuming you have none.

You have student loans, so I'm assuming you have a decent brain.

Whatever you're doing is poverty level income. You need to find better. Either work more hours (2nd job) or get a better job (administrative temping would be a start) AND a second job.

budget as of right now.
Car $367
insurance $110.00
Storage $30
Food $200
Gas $400
utilities $100.00

Whatever you have in storage you don't need. Sell it.

How much driving can you cut back on? And what are you driving??

i had no extra spending down to nothing.. i guess i need to start writing every thing down. That extra $200 for the last month has bought us stockpile food.

Yes, start tracking your spending!! I moved repo car info below for a reason...read on

I'm confused - are these balances or minimum payments?
And what are double day, ship pro, and telecheck? If they are pay day loan companies, please proceed to beat yourself in the head with a 2x4 and repeat after me:
NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN
NEVER go into a Payday loan store again!!!

Ok - here's how you attack this.

Sell everything. Drive Less. Get a 2nd job.

Bring everything *current*. Don't pay extra, just get current, and start making minimum payments on *everything*.

Then attack the debts - but just a note the current electric bill is removed below because you need to pay your utilities before debt anyway, so it will be off this list by getting everything current. Ditto that for the rent - you can't pay debts if you can't afford rent - so pay the important stuff FIRST - food, utilities, transportation, rent.

Now assuming job 2 helps you get current, you then attack the debt in this order.

City of ucon $22.40
Ship Pro 30.00
Double day $60
CD account 57.91
Glasses 78.30
Telecheck 80.00
Cable One 286.58
City of Idaho falls 341.17
Community care 366.60
Circuit City 788.05
Sprint 922.59
Student loan 1652.30
Repo’d car $3950.23
New Car 7806.96
Student loan $18148.36

You pay the minimums on everything, and then anything extra gets paid to the smallest remaining debt.

Assuming just $200 month extra, you can destroy the first 4 in one month, and the next two the next month. After that it will slow down some, but each time you scratch off a debt, you eliminate another minimum payment, and so you take that minimum payment and add it to your extra payoffs.

OMG, that is $36,140.

Now - seeing how good debt has been to you so far, please get the 2x4 out again and repeat:
NEVER BORROW AGAIN!

You have to make some important choices - and one of them is gonna center around whether or not this boyfriend is going to grow up and learn how to keep a job, because otherwise he's just going to keep helping you wander down the paths of bad choices.

I just hope you make the right choice.

**Drgnfly423** · 07-15-2008, 11:42 PM

Well...Greebo pretty much covered everything I was going to say. I follow Dave Ramsey's baby steps and they've served me well. I hope you take his advice.

Let us know how you're doing!

**Momof3girls** · 07-15-2008, 11:50 PM

Greebo did a great job on summing up.

The only other things I have to add:
can you take public transportation and get rid of the car?
If you MUST have the car, can you carpool to cut down on some of your gas?
what about food assistance-have you tried Angel food or food
pantries?
I would also shop around for insurance, you may be able to get a better rate by raising your deductible.

**Greebo** · 07-16-2008, 06:23 AM

Originally Posted by Momof3girls

Greebo did a great job on summing up.

The only other things I have to add:
can you take public transportation and get rid of the car?
If you MUST have the car, can you carpool to cut down on some of your gas?
what about food assistance-have you tried Angel food or food
pantries?
I would also shop around for insurance, you may be able to get a better rate by raising your deductible.

Great advice - I found that Progressive.com had good rates and saved money switching from Allstate to Progressive for my homeowners, and am going to look at switching to them for car and landlord as well, sooner or later.

**familyof3** · 07-16-2008, 08:16 AM

I was going to type out some thoughts and then read Greebo's response. He gave you lots of good advice.

Try not to worry about the total amount of debt. Know that number, but attack each bill as a smaller piece. $36 thousand sounds impossible to pay off, but $1600, and $788, and the other figures sound doable.

You sound motivated (or else you wouldn't have taken the time to write that all out) just don't give up. Good luck!

**Greebo** · 07-16-2008, 09:05 AM

Gee, I really don't mean to steal anyone's thunder!

More people saying the same thing would be better than just one or two, IMO.

**familyof3** · 07-16-2008, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Gee, I really don't mean to steal anyone's thunder!

More people saying the same thing would be better than just one or two, IMO.

I can only speak for myself-I'm lazy, you saved me a lot of typing!!!

besides, you were direct, clear in your explanation, etc. Sometimes advice can be overwhelming. Keeping it simple is usually the best.

**MTS04** · 07-16-2008, 10:18 AM

Beyond what Greebo said, think in the short term create that EF. Sell what you have that isn't being used. Craigslist can be your friend. That storage that you are paying on...what is in it? When was the last time you looked at it? Not using the stuff inthere then sell it. Have a yardsale or list it.
Keep your chin up. It's good that you recognize your shortfall now, rather than later.

Stay strong!

**Suzi T.** · 07-16-2008, 10:40 AM

O.K. Sweetie, This is EXPERIENCE speaking, Right now you DO NOT NEED a boyfriend. This one is obviously not mature enough to take care of himself and he is not taking care of YOU! Move in with Mom and work on getting yourself and your priorities straight first. First...If you want to have people think you are an adult then you must make adult decisions like... must I have a New car to feel worthy? do I NEED every new gadget or can I use what I have? do I feel the need to IMPRESS people? WHY? Second...God gave you a brain to use. Do not let others do your thinking for you. Third...use the help of people who have been through this before and SURVIVED!!! Youth is a good thing in many ways but it does not foster Patience. That comes with maturity and time. Do not beat yourself up over this just put on your walking shoes and MOVE ON!