Bad day

[Mochashello]

*sigh* I am stumbling up hill.

I thought we would be able to make it to Friday or at least Thursday without tapping into next week's grocery money- except perhaps a dollar or two for things I missed like soap. But hubby went this morning to get some bacon (staple of his diet) and comes home having spent $35! Nearly a third of next week's budget. I was so upset. Nothing was "extravagant" but the problem is that when I go shopping, I look at the budget. When he goes, he gets what he thinks we need and what looks like a good deal. He spent $8 on a big bottle of ranch dressing. It will last a long time but the point is we'd already spent this week's allotted grocery money. He got more chocolate chips (store brand) because I mentioned last night that my youngest dd was going to be upset that I made cookies without her with my middle dd while she was at a slumber party. So he also got another bag of sugar. He got the bacon from the butcher for another $5, some taco seasoning for $1 (we could have waited till Thursday or so to have tacos), some croutons for $1, and I can't remember off the top of myhead what else. Oh- a box of cereal for $2.50. None of it is that bad a purchase, but that doesn't change the fact that he spent $35 of next week's groceries only 1 day after this week's shopping was done. Ugh!

Yes we were out of ranch and bacon and yes the cereal was on sale and for the size of the box was probably equivalent to what I'd find at the dollar store (don't have a coupon supply yet), but we weren't going to suffer without those things over the next few days, right? He got so mad and again threw out the "this is ridiculous" line. But I just feel like I work so hard to make this budget, to juggle things within it when a bill is higher or lower than expected, to keep us on track- and then every time he does this I have to pull it up and make mroe adjustments. So now I will have to move money that was tagged for savings or for paying down the visa to cover this because there is no way that we can get by for 2 weeks on $75 grocery money. Not when he thinks it's ridiculous to go without Ranch dressing and has this frame of mind.

I'm worried that this side job is all going to go to grocery money because he'll want to loosen the purse strings and enjoy a bit more freedom at the store instead of siphon it to our debt. And then what will happen in January when we have higher payments to make on the mortgage?

Not to mention that we are a spiritual family and I left the decision to him on the purchase of the Camry he got earlier in the year. So why do *I* have to get the brunt of things when our HELOC payment is higher and our grocery budget is smaller?

I just want to cry. Don't get me wrong. I am so lucky that my husband is as on-board as he is. Reading some of these other posts I cannot imagine sitting by while my husband justified expensive lunches or cigarettes or whatever. And for the most part we do watch what we spend at the store and we do look for deals. My parents throw stuff in the cart if they "need" it and I am sure they spend way more than we do for the two of them and we have a family of 5. But still... there are times when he doesn't realize how much it hurts me because it is a stressful thing to have the burden of balancing the budget on your shoulders while hearing the complaints about what we can't afford. If he would at least look at the budget before he goes shopping. Or could he have told me earlier in the week that he wanted the ranch and the bacon before I went shopping? I could have gotten one bag of chips and one box of cookies instead of 2 things of chips and 3 things of cookies. That's only $3 but still. I could have done something. Or not. I don't know. But at least he would have known as he spent the money what he was doing if he'd looked at the budget first. That's what bothers me. I am expected to be in charge of handling it, but I have to deal with whatever spending takes place and make it all balance out in the end on my own.

So anyways, we got into a short fight this morning and it has ruined my whole day. I hate it. I want to enjoy the weekend, enjoy the changing weather, enjoy my family- not feel there is a rift between my husband and me, and not feel like I have to go find $35 in the budget. So there's my rant.

[i.m.cheap]

Fighting over money is no fun. My husband NEVER goes to the store, unless it is to pick up a gallon of milk. I think your DH thought he was helping you out by picking up a few good deals at the store. Try to make a few meals from the pantry/freezer next week to make up the shortage in your weekly budget.

The price of groceries stresses me out so bad, but my DH just doesn't understand it because he never goes to the store. At least your DH knows a good deal on something you can use. Try not to be too hard on him, he sounds like a decent guy.

[Buckeye5]

Don't feel too bad, you are not alone. My DH has done this too, and still slips up every now and then. Maybe just apologize to him, that it is just that you want to be able to get out of debt so life will be easier for the both of you. Something like this.

[larabelle]

I am not sure what to say so I am just sending you a HUG and hoping you and your husband work things out and you are able to rebalance the budget.

[Lady_V]

You can do it... at one point or another, most of us have been staring down at $20 and a bunch of hungry mouths. Time to get creative. I know you don't like to cook... but I bet you don't like to sit in the dark because you don't have electricity either.

There are a TON of recipes on here, and even some 'emergency food shopping' plans for when the money is tight and your back is to the wall.

Don't give up... and most importantly DON'T GIVE IN!!!

If your DH thinks that trying to plan the money out is rediculous... sit down with him once the kids are in bed with a list of the expenses and income as well as a projected budget as of January to show the increases you will be paying and ask him how he suggests to go about paying all the bills, feeding the family, setting aside some emergency money for pop-ups like sneakers...

Maybe he just doesn't SEE the situation yet.

We're on a rock bottom money diet right now, we have to save HALF of his income every month... for 24 months. It won't be easy, he'll want to spend, I will want to cheat... but in the end we won't be fooling anyone if we say whatever impulse thing we bought was worth more than being able to put the Old Man (my fiance) through college full-time.

Take a stroll through the kitchen/food section of the village...stop on over at money management... browse through the success stories... You will see quite a few "OMG, we're completely broke" posters become the "We did it, we're debt free".

[Mochashello]

Thank you everyone! I do know he thought he was helping but it is still hard and emotional. My DH usually does the main weekly shopping- makes him feel like he is spending money- and then I pick up stuff from the dollar store. So when I go and get most all the stuff for the week I think he feels deprived- of both the items and the chance to spend money. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we were facing having the electricy turned off; but we aren't because we'd pull from the HELOC or use the Visa before letting that happen. And of course I don't like the idea of letting that happen, especially over something like groceries. We might not technically "charge" the groceries, but we'd be charging something else because of them so it's the same thing.

On the brighter side of things, my son had a birthday party to go to day (didn't mention it until last night). It is for a girl turning 14 so I was able to quite easily find a nice, thick, glass votive holder and a box of votives from my stash to give her, and he bought the card. I had the gift bag and tissue paper already so for me it was a no-cost gift!

[Susanscraps]

Good for you for finding that last minute birthday gift.

Maybe you can put a shopping list on the fridge, and both of you can write down what is needed? That way, every week, you can plan what to buy. Everytime I send my DH to the store, he comes home with oreos...sigh, and comes home with 2 boxes if they are 2 for $6. "But, honey, they were on sale"!

[Susanscraps]

Good for you for finding that last minute birthday gift.

Maybe you can put a shopping list on the fridge, and both of you can write down what is needed? That way, every week, you can plan what to buy.
Everytime I send my DH to the store, he comes home with oreos...sigh, and comes home with 2 boxes if they are 2 for $6. "But, honey, they were on sale"!

[Susanscraps]

Sorry, posted 3 times and can't figure out how to delete.

[Starlight9803]

I know how stressful that can be, but like others said, he was probably trying to help. DH does something like this occassionally, and then it is up to me to figure out how to make everything balance out in the end. You'll get creative and work it out, don't worry hon.

[Mochashello]

Thanks you guys!

I am feeling better overall now that I've found this forum because I feel like I am doing something. But I am also impatient and wanting to feel like I am doing something more, all the time. I keep pulling up the budget sheet to see if anything has changed. Have you ever done that with the pantry or fridge? Keep opening it to see if you missed something last time? That's how I feel with the money stuff right now! lol

[Lady_V]

If he wants to do the shopping... how about sending him with cash. Once the money is gone, the weeks groceries have been purchased. Try sitting down and making a menu together. There are a lot of low-carb recipe sites out there that you can make a weekly plan from.

[Michelle68]

If he wants to do the shopping... how about sending him with cash. Once the money is gone, the weeks groceries have been purchased. Try sitting down and making a menu together. There are a lot of low-carb recipe sites out there that you can make a weekly plan from.

Great idea, Lady V. Sending ((hugs)) your way, Michelle. My DH used to be the same way, years ago. Now he's on board with "the plan", as we call it,and is good about sticking to the list when he shops.


--Michelle

[madhen]

Sounds like your husband is human. Sounds like he is a typical guy - knows you are trying to stretch the dollars so he buys stuff on sale, not thinking that maybe it will hurt the fine balance of dollars you have out there. It was on sale, you would have needed it EVENTUALLY, makes all the sense in the world to buy it. It also sounds like he ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT YOUR FAMILY NEEDED, which I had to re-read a couple of times, because I don't know a whole lot of men who do that!

I've done things before to be nice, only to get yelled at for doing them, and I can tell you that nothing gets me angry and hurt faster. You do something from the heart, and you are expecting the other person to be flattered by your thoughtfulness, and you get yelled at. Sounds like maybe he needs a hug, and apology, and an explanation of why you were upset. And maybe, having gotten into "trouble" for it this time, he will think about it the next time you send him out for one item and his eye starts to wander.

[Mochashello]

yes, you are all right. Most of the time when he does the shopping we do write out a list and he knows how much money we have to spend that week. But there are always little things that you need half way through the week that you didn't pick up the first time around. I usually have money allotted for that too. And usually what we do is, he'll do the "main" shopping at Albertson's and I'll do the "incidental" shopping at the Dollar Store. Now I am trying to take over more of it because I want to find the deals even more than we normally do, and I know that he doesn't have the patience or inclination for the extra work involved in that, ya know?

This isn't the first time I've harped on him for spending money that I thought was unneccessary at the time, but I know he was trying to be careful. I know his heart was in the right place and I feel bad but it is so disheartening at the same time. At the time, this morning, it was frustrating for me because he had even asked me if I minded if he bought some bacon. So I figured he asked because he knew we were out, or nearly out, of grocery money. So then to have him come home with all this other stuff that wasn't bacon kind of took me by surprise.

We have definitely gotten over this whole thing from this morning and I have explained to him why I reacted the way I did, etc. and now I am just left with the balancing act. However, a week or so ago we had to write a check for $45 to pay a corporate AmEx bill and we were expecting the reimbursement check and he just got it. I had adjusted the budget to accomodate that money leaving and hadn't put in a "place holder" so in some regards it is like free money. So I am going to use that to help balance the budget after the $35 spending spree today and things will be fine.