Why can't we get a break?!

[cheappearls]

I haven't been around FV much lately. Maybe I should be though. I've been crying since I checked out bank account this morning.

Every month since May SOMETHING has happened. We can't get caught up. There's always something that costs us money. Some is our fault, others not. We've had to use our already fairly maxed out credit cards just to keep us fed. We are okay mostly, things will be better at the beginning of the year because DH getting a raise but that doesn't help us right now.

The latest happening: I had goofed when paying bills and skipped over my truck payment. They called when it was 3 days late. Okay we can fix that. To get it there faster, I had DH (who was on the phone) to ask if we can just pay it over the phone so it was in the computer instead of waiting the couple of days it takes through online bill pay. We get that taken care of and they even dropped the late payment fee (which we couldn't have afforded anyway). I'm not sure if it was DH or them that forgot to mention a $10 fee for paying over the phone! We has just enough to cover the payment with $1 left over. We would have been just fine. We have food and gas to get until Friday and DH gets paid again. But now we are over draft which is going to cost us roughly $60 (or more) in fees before that paycheck goes in. We were already going to have to hold off on Christmas presents until January anyway, we just can't afford to lose any more money!

I have my oldest hunting up his allowance to see if there's enough to at least get us even. My 4 year old is having to give up his money to keep us afloat. It shouldn't have to be that way. It just seems every time I think everything is going to be okay we get hit again. It feels never ending. I'm going to cry some more.

[MomToTwoBoys]

I'm so sorry that things are rough for your family.

It was that way for quite a while in our house. We couldn't get ahead; we kept pulling ourselves deeper into overdraft without a way out. That's when we made drastic changes in our finances. It was stuff like cutting the grocery bill in half, not drinking any liquor, cutting back on spending that was within our control, etc. I'll admit that we did get some handouts along the way, and that's what helped us in the long run I think.

Sometimes it takes something big to get you out of the rut. Is there any family that you can perhaps take a temporary loan from, then pay back when your DH gets his raise? What about cutting back and switching meal plans until the raise? Is there any items that you have around the house that you can part with to make extra cash? What about your oldest taking up some money-making things, like shoveling sidewalks or walking dogs or even a newspaper route?

[cheappearls]

We've already borrowed money from family and they are in tough times themselves. And there's really no way to cut back any more then we are. We are eating as cheap as possible, we don't really have anything we can sell and we've cut back on any luxuries except for internet and cell phones (since there's a ridiculous fee to cancel them and they are the cheapest plans anyway). The only thing we haven't done is sold the motorcycle. We wouldn't be able to get enough to pay off the loan and it does save us money on gas and insurance.

I think I've pulled together enough change to bring us even on our account. I'll have to wait until DH gets home to go to the bank. I'm really really hoping that the deposit will go through before they charge us over draft.

[rainbowgc]

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time right now. I hope things start looking up for you and your family soon!

[kettlecorn]

I am sorry this is happening. I am sorry I don't have much advice, sadly I am in the same boat. Just keep positive! I will be thinking of you.

[Greebo]

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time.

I'm trying to find a way to say this that doesn't sound too harsh, cause I can tell you are hurting - but from what I'm reading, I'm not sure I accept the idea that some of this was unavoidable. I suspect that you're referring to some other situations that you haven't mentioned yet, however.

But right off the bat, I do see one thing plain and clear: Your money is out of control. You are never going to stop experiencing this fear and anger until you get it INTO control.

Why do I say this?

1) "We've had to use our already fairly maxed out credit cards just to keep us fed." - Why? What did you pay that came before *food*? Or were you in an income crisis?
2) "The latest happening: I had goofed when paying bills and skipped over my truck payment." This tells me you do not know what you owe, when you owe. You don't have a budget and a spending plan. Am I guessing right?
3) "But now we are over draft which is going to cost us roughly $60 (or more) in fees before that paycheck goes in." Did DH agree to pay over the phone (horrendously bad idea, btw - never ever do that again!) with your agreement? Or did this happen on its own?

Those statements tell me that you guys, like so many others, have not learned *how* to handle money. You're paying things each month in the wrong order, and you don't know where your money is going, am I hitting near the mark? I think I am, because what you're going through is a classic result of just that problem - but if I *am* wrong, please do set me straight.

I'm really not saying this to beat you up - I don't want to do that - my intention is only to get the unfiltered, unshielded, honest truth about the situation out in the open, because only once you know 1) where you are and 2) how you got there can you ever hope to get somewhere better, and it has to be done deliberately, cause it wont' happen by accident.

The *good* news is you CAN fix this. Its not gonna be quick, its not gonna be overnight, its not gonna be comfortable - but if you and DH really want to fix this situation, and are serious and dedicated, you *can* pull out of this dive.

And my hope is that you guys both seriously do, in which case, I hope you'll stick around, and the gang here at FV can give you an AWESOME amount of help and guidance.

[kita]

How many overdraft fees are in that $60? Could you call the bank...or go in and ask if they could waive it? explain the situation and if there are two, even ask for just one to be waived. The bank may have mercy, just don't take advantage of it...

[AuntSissy]

Originally Posted by kita

How many overdraft fees are in that $60? Could you call the bank...or go in and ask if they could waive it? explain the situation and if there are two, even ask for just one to be waived. The bank may have mercy, just don't take advantage of it...

Great advice, Kita! I concur...Also, if you go to the local branch (in your town) and ask for a one-tim forebearance of the fees, they may waive one (or all)...$60 sounds like two or three - - and most larger banks have a limit on the # of waivers for each customer (not to mention the # of waivers each Bank Agent can waive). If, however, your bank cannot/will not waive the fees, ask if said fees can be deferred until Friday (you said there was a check coming then, right?).

Last, I am in agreement with Greebo...It's a difficult lesson to learn - - but, once you've got your Plan in place, it can actually be fun and rewarding (and not just in the monetary sense, either).

Chin up - - and keep coming back, scanning advice threads, and listening to those who have been there (and made it)!
Anna

[larabelle]

Look I completely understand where you are because I have been there also, missing payments, overdraft fees, etc. However I found that I had to take control of my finances which meant making a budget and writing it in pen. Prioritizing expenses and cutting them to the bare bones. I agree with Greebo in that it is time to take charge. Stop letting your finances happen to you and you be in control and tell them what to do.

[kittykatstrong]

I dont really have any advice I will keep you in my thoughts.

[HappyMama]

I am so sorry you are hurting and sad right now. I hope things get better soon. I will keep you in my prayers.

I agree with some others see if the bank would be willing to waive the fee this time.

You need to get a budget right away and stick to it. That is very important.

I do agree with Greebo. Once you get a plan in place and are in charge of your money you will be much better off. Become a master of your money and not debt, by knowing what your budget is, where you can cut, use coupons, when bills need to be paid etc and there will be a plan in place and light at the end of the tunnel hopefully. Hugs to you.

[AnnK]

I have been in your place. I fear I may not be over it yet. I know that sometimes it's not as simple as making a budget. It's as plain as the fact that sometimes we just don't have enough money to cover the expenses.
Right now our unemployment is only 1,100 a month but our morgage payment is 1,200.. Hum, I can see that no matter how I cut back and how much I write the numbers down they simply are not going to add up.
My thoughts are with you and I pray that you get a windfall soon.

[missmanny]

I wanted to let you know that many years ago in the early 90's when things were really tough my dad was laid off and my mum was still at home with us she was also looking for a job but couldn't find one.

I had just over $700 sitting in my savings acount mostly just from the weekly banking that my parents did at school every week 1 or $2 a week - I was about 12 years old.

They couldn't pay their mortgage for a few months so one month they needed to use my money and the next month they tapped into my sisters account to pay the next months mortgage.

Listen to me carefully, they were never able to pay this money back but I NEVER CARED that they took it. looking back now I am so happy that that money was there so that they could use it to get us through. I know my mum still feels guilty but if she were to talk to me about it I would tell her that it was the least that I could do after all that they had provided for me.

Good luck to you with everything, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sure your kids are happy to help.

[HappyMama]

Originally Posted by missmanny

I wanted to let you know that many years ago in the early 90's when things were really tough my dad was laid off and my mum was still at home with us she was also looking for a job but couldn't find one.

I had just over $700 sitting in my savings acount mostly just from the weekly banking that my parents did at school every week 1 or $2 a week - I was about 12 years old.

They couldn't pay their mortgage for a few months so one month they needed to use my money and the next month they tapped into my sisters account to pay the next months mortgage.

Listen to me carefully, they were never able to pay this money back but I NEVER CARED that they took it. looking back now I am so happy that that money was there so that they could use it to get us through. I know my mum still feels guilty but if she were to talk to me about it I would tell her that it was the least that I could do after all that they had provided for me.

Good luck to you with everything, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sure your kids are happy to help.

MissManny,

You brought tears to my eyes. That is such a sweet and wonderful way to look at your parents and life. You are a wonderful daughter and person. Your parents did a wonderful job raising you. Hugs.

[FrugalMomof3]

I am so sorry things are so though lately for you and your family. Seems though like you or DH need to get another PT job or maybe do some babysitting?

Good luck!