Does your debt create relationship issues?

**MomToTwoBoys** · 03-24-2009, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

I do not absolve the fiance of guilt by stupidity - going hands off and leaving it all up to someone else is one of the most childish things one can do about such a serious aspect of their lives.

But the fact that he shares in the guilt doesn't MITIGATE, in the slightest, that she took on a debt without his knowledge and is now using money he's putting into the joint account to pay off her personal debt. He's putting the money into joint in good faith that she will manage it faithfully and honorably, and she is not doing so.

In business that's called misappropriation of funds if its not for personal gain. If it is, its embezzlement, and that *is* theft. She's embezzling money from the joint account.

Sorry, but if the situation is as I'm perceiving it, but theft is the right word.

Greebo is the man!

From my POV:

You're stealing from your DSO to pay off a debt that's yours and yours only. That's certainly not a way for any relationship to exist; regardless of what kind of relationship it is.

A relationship needs full disclosure, trust and understanding before it can fully blossom into something that'll last through anything else. I think you're wronging your DSO by not telling him of what you're doing with his money out of fear that he'll leave you. If you're afraid that he'll leave you once he finds out where all of his money has gone, that's on your head because you should have been upfront with him at the start.

He's going to learn to resent you and your future with each other may not exist, unless he's so in love with you that sucking money from him (to pay off a debt that you created out of emotional instability) to pay a debt that's completely 100% your fault doesn't affect him in the slightest. I don't care if it's a joint account; what matters is the method that the joint account is being used in to absolve a debt that's 100% the responsibility of one person.

If it was me, I'd leave my DH quicker than you can imagine if he was using the money that was mine to pay off something that he couldn't trust me enough to tell me about before it got to be something major.