It ain't pretty folks (my story in response to another post)

**kettlecorn** · 03-23-2009, 03:03 PM

I know someone posted on here recently a post about relationships and debt and hiding debt, etc. I guess I wanted to share my story and a lesson I guess you could say. I used to come on FV a lot but drfited away and am now getting into being frugal again. I am gonna kinda ramble but anyway..

I have always been a procrastinator. I don't know if it's a scared thing or what, it's just how I have seemed to operate. And it has spilled over in the bills and budgeting. For the longest time Dh basically let me run the show, it's as if he didn't want to seem bothered by it. When he did want to get involved with budgeting he would tell me we needed to sit down and then when I would approach him it would always be "I am too tired" or something else. So I cannot blame him completely or myself for this debacle. It has been a total miscommunication. Anyway, DH and I have always been frugal in the sense that we want to pay off our debt, no longer make huge purchases, etc. etc. What we were not good at was tracking expenses or setting aside a strict budget. I was always waiting until the last minute to pay bills, totally unorganized which left us with a lot of additional charges. Not to mention DH was writing checks and not telling me so I could keep track of them. So yes total miscommunication. Anyway it all came to a boil last weekend and DH has been going through all of the bills. It has been very hard to tell him what has been going on because I worry about his reaction which of course he is angry about all of this. So we have been on a strict budget. We sat down with a calendar and went through everything. We actually discussed what was due and how much is due, etc. We have wasted so much on late charges and fees. It is sickening. But I will tell you all that it feels better that he knows. Now we have gone through the bills together instead of me running to the mailbox beforehand and trying to make sure he didnt see the bills that were past due and get upset. It has actually been freeing.
Now I know some of you would say that this isn't just a marriage issue and you are all totally right. It is a communication issue. I wouldn't say anything and DH wouldnt ask. Don't ask, don't tell is how we were operating. Communication is something that we need to work on most definitely. So I guess I wanted to give an update to you guys since I have been MIA for awhile. I just wanted to tell that poster who posted about her fiance or boyfriend that she needs to be upfront with him. It will save you a lot of sleepless nights. I honestly don't know why I wasn't, I mean he got mad but he got mad and was done with it and now we have a plan in action. Anyway, just wanted to post.

**jas** · 03-23-2009, 03:50 PM

I bet it does feel better having it all out in the open and not kept like a dirty little secret anymore. You are a team and now hopefully will work together like one. You are off to a great start, keep it going.

**Denvergirlie** · 03-23-2009, 06:12 PM

Good for you and your DH!

Sometimes the hardest step is just getting started. But you are on your way now, working together as a team is always the best plan of action.

**mopples** · 03-23-2009, 06:22 PM

Thank you for putting up your story. I went through a similar situation a couple of years ago. After getting a well paid job a couple of years ago i managed to rack up a huge amount of cc debt - around $20k. I never told OH the amount, but 3 months before our wedding i consolidated it all into a personal loan and cancelled the CC. I told OH what i had done and he asked the amount so i finally told him.

He wasnt angry as such, but more shocked and disappointed. He wanted to know how i did it, but i honestly didnt know. It was such a relief to get everything out in the open and not have to hide anymore.

Since then the loan has increased as i had to take 4 weeks unpaid leave last year to go to Europe. My boss had previously said that they would pay me, but then they decided that they wouldnt as it would be 4 weeks advance leave and they couldnt afford it. OH knows that i had to increase the loan but such is life - 6 weeks in Europe was worth it.

**thesightofoneself** · 03-23-2009, 06:28 PM

inspirational story

**Sassyclass** · 03-23-2009, 11:42 PM

Good for you and your hubby. I'm sure the pressure will be eased greatly now that you can work as a team.

Cat

**kettlecorn** · 03-24-2009, 11:53 AM

Wow, thanks everyone for the nice comments. I was just hoping I wouldn't get flamed! Right now we are just taking things day by day. They changed DH's payment schedule to every two weeks instead of every week and we just found out so that messed things up some. We have a lot of bills due at one time and unexpected daycare that I have to pay for next month so things will be tight. I am committed to this for real this time and DH and I have set a deadline to be out of CC debt by December (not sure if I had mentioned this before or not). After looking at our ingoing and outgoing expenses, it actually seems do able. So I will keep you all posted.

**Contrary Housewife** · 03-24-2009, 12:04 PM

We went through something similar when we hit bottom. DH was in charge of the bills and when I asked about money he would just say we were fine and yes we could afford that. He didn't want me to know what a mess it was. Well, reality hit home when they showed up to turn off the electricity. It would get worse later when DH got laid off.

I was angry and frustrated, yes, because I knew we didn't have to be in that situation.

Hopefully now that it is all out in the open you two can move forward with your financial plan.

**Michelle68** · 03-27-2009, 10:38 PM

Good for you, Kettlecorn. Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully it's helped others who may be in the same situation. BTW, welcome back.

**MommyBliss** · 03-28-2009, 12:05 AM

Thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us. You've helped a lot of us by doing it.

**FrugalMomof3** · 03-28-2009, 08:39 AM

You know I USED to do that too, until one day I just flat out made a plan with the DH and things worked out fine. I bet your feeling like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders, I know I did. I finally felt peaceful.

**cissylu** · 03-28-2009, 09:02 AM

Kettle corn, Thanks for sharing your story.
At least I know I`m not the only one.I am a procrastinator from way back.
I wish your good luck , and your dh.

**frugalbabe** · 03-28-2009, 12:51 PM

Not only are you making your finances stronger, you're making your marriage stronger, when you come out of this storm still standing strong together you know you can handle all that life will throw at you. Very inspirational thanks for being so brave and sharing!

**kettlecorn** · 03-29-2009, 02:57 PM

Glad I can be of help to you guys. Well I think we are going to go go over bills tonight since last weekend was the last time we sat down and did them. I just get nervous, even if everything is out in the open. It's like looking at the the small amount of money we have left after paying the bills and thinking "oh man this is for real, this is really all we have?" and I think that's why I procrastinate, easier to not know-right? No, JK. Anyway I am at work right now, picking up an extra shift for extra money. I want DH to know I am committed to us being better off financially. I will let you know how it goes.

**kettlecorn** · 04-06-2009, 11:41 AM

Okay I am back. It's been a few days since I last posted. Well, last week DH and I had a, well "spirited" I guess you could call it discussion over the budget over the weekend. It wasn't the most pleasant thing to deal with but I feel better knowing things are becoming in order more. I am picking up all the extra shifts I can, 2 more this week and this should help us get through our rough patch. We have figured things will be a lot better come May so if we can muddle through April, we should be okay. We figure we will even have extra to hopefully slap on some debt. I have been cleaning the house and selling what I can. I picked up a check from the consignment store last week and I used that money for gas and groceries. I am also going through DS's clothes that are too small and taking them to the kids consignment store and I can hopefully make money that way. I am trying to do everything I can to make things right and show that I am serious about taking control of our finances. So that is all for now, not much excitement to report but we are chugging along.