I am a wimp and am in need some advice. Over two years ago, an old friend was in dire financial straits, and I let him move in with me. I knew that the economy here was better than where he was. The agreement was that he had two months to find a job and become independent.
It took him two months longer than expected to find a job and start paying on the rent. During that time, I lost my "real" roommate, but he never paid half of the rent, only one-third. I also loaned him cash, especially when he didn't have a job. During this time the relationship became "more than friends" but never seemed to solidify into anything going anywhere. During the year and few months, I asked him to move out several times, but he claimed to not be able to find anything in his price range and not be able to pay me anymore than what he was.
I had a bit of a financial meltdown, ended up teaching at a MUCH better rate of pay than I was making at my office job. He moved out. (Yeah!) I found out that I wasn't going to be re-hired for the new year, I had some savings, and I found out that I would be able to get unemployment. I slashed my expenses by moving to a rat-trap apartment so that I could live on unemployment and restarted an old part-time job while I looked for work.
He lost his job and went on unemployment. I didn't get a job for Sept 2008, so I re-focused my emphasis (not HS anymore...elem), and volunteered at a small parochial school so I could be sure of my self in an elementary school. I also have subbed a LOT for this school, which looks good on my resume' but doesn't add to my finances that much because the amount is deducted from my unemployment. I have been out of "real" work for almost a year now, but because of the part-time work I have been doing (and the savings I had) I still have about one full month of my first "Six months of unemployment pot" left. There are extensions available...for three months and then a month and a half I think.
I am, however, pretty confident that I will have a teaching position before I get to any of that. The small parochial school would hire me if they had an extra position, but that probably won't be known until August and I am looking now.
Back to my old friend. He started making payments on the loan until he lost his job. Things have been intermittently friendly, but nothing more. I have been happy with that. I wouldn't even mind friendly all the time. But he recently started being more romantic. "But you are so huggable." We had a long relaxed conversation yesterday. I was trying to figure out if he was interested in anything long-term but he was hedging anytime we came to anything close to that. Finally on the way home, I realized the key to the whole change. His unemployment ends in August. He has run through his extensions. I will be (hopefully) making almost twice what I am now. I am hoping to move out of my rat-trap apartment (into something only slightly more expensive in another area of the state...or closer to my new job).
And he wants to be back with sugar-mommy. I won't have it. (he hasn't said that outright, but I can see it coming)
I have explained that I still have to pay off my credit cards, etc. I think I will also explain if he asks,that I will only give another loan if he pays off what he owes me (about $1400).
So, I am trying to think of ways to bolster my position. I will get a one-bedroom and am thinking of making the extra bed disappear so it won't be easy to use. I don't want to sacrafice my life though, in what I have on a regular basis..why shouldn't I have an extra bed without him coming around whining about how he can't afford rent and can't he use the extra bed??
Part of me thinks I am making this out to be more serious than what it is ...why shouldn't be willing to help out a friend that I have known over twenty years? I really don't want him to be homeless.
It seems to a habit with him though. His previous girlfriend of five years made him pay, I think, at least seven thousand dollars in CC. He also bought his car on her credit and name.
I am trying to brainstorm what he can do, if he doesn't have a place to stay. His father is in his eighties and lives about 600 miles away. His brother as well. I don't know the situation with the brother very well.
Am I crazy? I know that he doesn't have a ton of friends here, and I am willing to be his friend...but not his sugar mommy. Is it possible???
It took him two months longer than expected to find a job and start paying on the rent. During that time, I lost my "real" roommate, but he never paid half of the rent, only one-third. I also loaned him cash, especially when he didn't have a job. During this time the relationship became "more than friends" but never seemed to solidify into anything going anywhere. During the year and few months, I asked him to move out several times, but he claimed to not be able to find anything in his price range and not be able to pay me anymore than what he was.
I had a bit of a financial meltdown, ended up teaching at a MUCH better rate of pay than I was making at my office job. He moved out. (Yeah!) I found out that I wasn't going to be re-hired for the new year, I had some savings, and I found out that I would be able to get unemployment. I slashed my expenses by moving to a rat-trap apartment so that I could live on unemployment and restarted an old part-time job while I looked for work.
He lost his job and went on unemployment. I didn't get a job for Sept 2008, so I re-focused my emphasis (not HS anymore...elem), and volunteered at a small parochial school so I could be sure of my self in an elementary school. I also have subbed a LOT for this school, which looks good on my resume' but doesn't add to my finances that much because the amount is deducted from my unemployment. I have been out of "real" work for almost a year now, but because of the part-time work I have been doing (and the savings I had) I still have about one full month of my first "Six months of unemployment pot" left. There are extensions available...for three months and then a month and a half I think.
I am, however, pretty confident that I will have a teaching position before I get to any of that. The small parochial school would hire me if they had an extra position, but that probably won't be known until August and I am looking now.
Back to my old friend. He started making payments on the loan until he lost his job. Things have been intermittently friendly, but nothing more. I have been happy with that. I wouldn't even mind friendly all the time. But he recently started being more romantic. "But you are so huggable." We had a long relaxed conversation yesterday. I was trying to figure out if he was interested in anything long-term but he was hedging anytime we came to anything close to that. Finally on the way home, I realized the key to the whole change. His unemployment ends in August. He has run through his extensions. I will be (hopefully) making almost twice what I am now. I am hoping to move out of my rat-trap apartment (into something only slightly more expensive in another area of the state...or closer to my new job).
And he wants to be back with sugar-mommy. I won't have it. (he hasn't said that outright, but I can see it coming)
I have explained that I still have to pay off my credit cards, etc. I think I will also explain if he asks,that I will only give another loan if he pays off what he owes me (about $1400).
So, I am trying to think of ways to bolster my position. I will get a one-bedroom and am thinking of making the extra bed disappear so it won't be easy to use. I don't want to sacrafice my life though, in what I have on a regular basis..why shouldn't I have an extra bed without him coming around whining about how he can't afford rent and can't he use the extra bed??
Part of me thinks I am making this out to be more serious than what it is ...why shouldn't be willing to help out a friend that I have known over twenty years? I really don't want him to be homeless.
It seems to a habit with him though. His previous girlfriend of five years made him pay, I think, at least seven thousand dollars in CC. He also bought his car on her credit and name.
I am trying to brainstorm what he can do, if he doesn't have a place to stay. His father is in his eighties and lives about 600 miles away. His brother as well. I don't know the situation with the brother very well.
Am I crazy? I know that he doesn't have a ton of friends here, and I am willing to be his friend...but not his sugar mommy. Is it possible???