Going back to the "Walton" days and extended family/friends

**nadine64** · 12-27-2009, 07:29 AM

We had my MIL come live with us when we bought our 1st house almost 14 yrs ago. At the time she had a full-time job and was well, but we knew if something were to ever happen, we would be taking care of her. So we planned ahead and therefore, bought a house with an in-law. Needless to say about 6 yrs after she moved in she lost her job, her health has declined somewhat, etc., etc. She will always be with us and we are glad to be there for her. Not to say that sometimes we butt heads, but I would do anything for her. She's family. Her youngest son and his family there is a possibility that they will be moving into our basement because of the job situation with them. We have a finished basement and just got done with the remodeling. We're not crazy about the idea, but how can you let family be on the streets? They have 2 boys that are 10 and 12. We just can't do it. In the end it's only material things that can always be replaced. Family cannot. Family is most important to us and helping each other.

**tigo** · 12-27-2009, 09:30 AM

This is how we live now. Unfortunately my 3 DDs with kids were not married and the dads are not in the picture. The best situation for everyone has been to combine talents and resources. Not to say it's problem free - seems there is an issue or two that pops up every day but I wouldn't want everyone struggling or sufferring when we can pull together and get it done.

**MandaRenee** · 12-27-2009, 09:38 AM

Dh and I have talked about this but it would have to be an absolute economic necessity for it to work for us.

We've actually been fortunate enough to be able to do this when needed. We learned who it would work with and who it would not work with. For a while after my dd was born we moved in with my SIL while we looked for a new house and that worked fairly well. I was a stay at home mom and since my SIL worked and went to school full time I took care of all the "wife work". It worked for both of us, she said she loved having a wife to take care of everything! lol

We also lived with my parents for a bit when we moved out of state and that did not work. We were expected to not only work full time but carry the majority of house work as well. We were all miserable.

My other SIL and her kids would not work well in this situation either. They refuse to do housework or be helpful in any way, no matter who they are staying with. They would be in for a rude awakening here. I will not tolerate it. That being said, they know they are welcome to come here if they are willing to follow the rules.

**suebeehoney** · 12-28-2009, 08:04 AM

Interesting thread!

It seems that during my married life, there was ALWAYS some member or another of my then-husband's family living with us.

It was like this:

-his wayward nephew who needed guidance & a stable home life
-the father of the wayward nephew who was an alcoholic and homeless for a time
-then-husband's mother & father when father was dying of cancer (died in our home 3 months after moving in with us). Mother stayed on with us until then-husband left our family for another woman (and even then she wanted to stay with me...sad testament to how she felt about her own kids)

and then there was the never-ending parade of his siblings coming and going on the weekends with little or no notice to me that they were coming.

Glad to be living alone with my kids now...but DD21 has come back home to live, so I guess it's starting all over again! LOL

**Trishagirl** · 12-28-2009, 12:37 PM

Sorry my house is too small only have an extra room for my oldest son when he visits used to be his room! It's my craft room/guest room now. Wow Suebeehoney sounds like you had your share of family living with you Sorry about your dh leaving you. Glad I live 2 hrs away from my family some have too much drama in their lives.

**ravenmaniac** · 12-30-2009, 10:11 AM

Neat thread! I could live with/live with me:
*My youngest sister, her husband, and two kids.
*My mom, I'd tolerate her husband.

I could not live with or anyone from my husband's side of the family. They are too critical and negative. I can not be around people who are negative. I try to surround myself with people who are positive.

My kids are still at home. I am not in an hurry for them to leave.

**Lora88** · 12-30-2009, 10:16 AM

Wow I am impressed by the kindness of people on this board I would not take in anyone other than my children I feel like I am suffocating if my privacy is invaded.

**suebeehoney** · 12-30-2009, 08:08 PM

Trishagirl wrote:

Wow Suebeehoney sounds like you had your share of family living with you Sorry about your dh leaving you.

Thanks, Trisha! I actually sat here and typed a loooong response to this, but this thread isn't about ME...it's about living "Walton-style"! I'll just say I have major issues with the way my MIL was treated by her own children after she moved out, but her son leaving me was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I can say that now, nearly 9 years later.

But thanks!!

**duallypilot** · 01-10-2010, 04:00 PM

My wife and I are living in the same situation as a lot of you in this thread. In '99, we bought her grandparents house when they moved to a retirement village. My BIL had moved in to the basement 2 years before to help out with daily things.
When we bought the house, I agreed he could stay and we'd try it for a while. 3 years ago, his girlfriend moved in, so now we have 4 people living under the same roof. He pays 1/2 on the mortgage and utilities (I say he cause the GF doesn't work).
We have separate households and the only time we see them is when they come up to use the washer and dryer. There has been some difficult times (he smokes and we don't) and there has been several "incidents" where the wife and the GF has butted heads, but for the most part, it works out.
This is a good thread and there are a lot of people out there that wouldn't even begin to consider living with someone else.

**NewLeaf** · 01-10-2010, 04:59 PM

We have taken in bil several times and would do so again if he was in need. I would not hesitate for my Mom to live w/us full time. My brother-yes, his wife -I would have to do some soul searching.
I hope to have a bigger house in the next few years so my Mom can stay w/us. I want my two sons to feel that they can stay as long as the NEED to.

**ohio47** · 01-10-2010, 06:05 PM

Seven years ago we sold our house because dh couldn't climb the steps from the garage into the house anymore.We moved in with our son and dil for a year untikl we found another house. It worked out great but I have one of the best dil's in the world.We paid for a deck on the back of their house and had a ramp for dh's wheelchair built on. They got the deck that they wanted and we got a place to live .The ramp is still on so when we go to their house I can still get him on the deck and into the house . We respected their privacy and they respected ours and it worked out fine for all of us. By the way, The Walton's was one of my all time favorite tv shows.

**Brandi63** · 02-28-2010, 05:20 PM

We have always had a room for my mother and fatherinlaw. They lived with us for 5 years during a very difficult time healthwise for my FIL. We finally had to put him in a nursing home back in '08 and he died Feb. 10, 2010 at the age of 98. My motherinlaw decided to move in with her daughter when he went to be in the nursing home. I'm not going to say that it was easy those 5 years but we all worked at it and they paid a share of food and utility which actually took the pressure off me and my husband at times. Also, my MIL liked to help with dishes and folding clothing even though she was up in her 80s. In our case, having only one bathroom was an issue when we still had our son here with us - 5 people one bathroom really isn't fun. [my son is out on his own now with a family and he is in the military] We still maintain a room for my MIL in case she needs to stay with us - she's 90 now and her room at her daughters is small so we store her out of season clothing and I still take her to the doctors. It's kinda neat how it worked out that now her daughter has more time with her. I'm grateful too for some empty nest time with my husband.
I know that I'd never take it lightly having someone live with us. I think very clear upfront decisions about who does what and/or pays for what and ground rules make it doable. I'm real easy going until I'm confronted with too much noise or too much "traffic" company.

I'm just grateful to have been able to help my inlaws because they have been like parents to me and I'm glad we always found a way to make it work when we needed to.

I really feel for my SIL who has 2 grown sons living with her and a real financial crunch due to unemployment/under employment. I feel blessed everyday that I've always had work. I pray everyday for them because their financial trouble seems to be getting worse and the kids are very dependent on them. The "kids" are 23 and 39. But still..........

**HandyMom** · 03-07-2010, 04:58 AM

I don't see this happening in families like mine. There isn't the typical large-sized family like the Waltons had so that the younger could help out with the older. Plus, the younger are lazy and don't want to do anything unless they are paid a lot of money to do it. They get everything handed to them without having to do anything for it. My DD is the only grandchild in our family and that's 3 out of 4 siblings who have NO children (to take care of them). What good would it do to have a bunch of older adults living in the same house? Everyone has bad backs, ankles, doesn't eat meat, etc. It was a hassle growing up with this bunch and we don't all get along now. It's nice to visit with them during the holidays but do I want to live with them? no.