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Going back to the "Walton" days and extended family/friends

12K views 59 replies 48 participants last post by  brenda67 
#1 ·
Hi, I recently read another thread and posted the below but thought I would start a new one and see if anyone else had ever thought about this especially in these economic times.
Fairly new to posting here but curious if anyone else has ever thought this. I have called it going back to "Walton" days. I don't know how many are old enough to remember this TV show. I've said for years that we would end up going back to this way of life out of necessity but probably not in my lifetime ( I'm 55 ) but I see this happening more and more now. Here in Florida storage units are full. A lady who has some says she is handing multiple keys over a period of time to same units. Says families are losing homes and moving in with other family members. Never had so many full units ever and several keys to just one unit. I've read this entire thread and I've noticed almost all skills are covered but this one has these skills and another one those skills. One is good at one thing and someone else another. Someone else has excellent homemaking skills but no survival skills. What used to be called extended family ( Waltons effect ) is being done more and more. Family members living together and contributing whatever they can moneywise, skill wise, etc. Maybe someone dosen't have chainsaw skills, or mechanical skills but can do a wonderful job with kids whose parents work and contribute the money for the mortage and electric. Housekeeping, cooking and cleaning for someone else who does not have the outside knowledge. Frugally of course. Men without jobs can do the lawncare, garden weeding, pruning, feeding animals and care etc. Those with jobs contribute money ( don't mean to sound cold, just fact cause they would be lucky enough not to have lost theirs.) and those without jobs take care of home/physical work. While it wouldn't have to be a huge house this would be especially workable with people like alot of you who have farms and ranches. Alot to be done and alot more do-able with multiple people. Alot more harvestable food and companionship to boot. Dosen't have to be just family. It could be friends including those you know from FV possibly. Everybody helping everybody. Sure didn't think it would be in my lifetime tho. Surprise. Anyone else ever have this thought. Multiple housemates with multiple skills sharing life? I have been lurking around here reading for so many months I can actually picture some people on FV doing this and getting along and it working.
 
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#2 ·
It went out for a while?

Hubby and his parents and siblings grew up on the same farm (different houses) but same farm. He grew up helping on the farm and running from house to house.

Grewing upI had friends who had a grandparent lived with them. This is/was not uncommon but normal. almost everyone had grandparents that at least lived in the same town if not the same house.

When I was a young adult I lost my job and my Dad said come back home. I also became engaged during that time so lived with them until after the wedding.
 
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#3 ·
Sorry no thanks. Can't imagine sharing our home w/ anyone or vice versa. We're very private people. My mother and I talk everyday,are very close and neither of us like the idea. My dad has to move everything,my sister-in-law hates cats,I'm allergic to smoke. Wouldn't work. It's right up there with working w/ your spouse or for a relative. Power to you if you can but not for me.
I have always wished we had a huge property w/ several houses on it. That would be totally great.
 
#4 ·
We've had housemates throughout our years here - before DD arrived. Funny how they were mausseuse-that was a wonderful time for me - DD doesn't appreciate massage. We provided a home for them and they rovided massage!! Yes!! We all thought we were the winners!!

We may be doing a form of this - MIL is at a point where she cannot live alone. DD lived with her for 4 months and clued us in as to potential problems and then MIL had a fall this week. So we don't have a plan yet, but DH could move over (she lives on another island). We'll see.

Prefer to live alone now, however, our two story town house is large enough so we wouldn't be encroaching on others. I know that's not the focus of your ideas, but for us, it's more the reality, guess a lot fo us have gotten used to our space and privacy.

I'm looking forward to seeing other's comments to your interesting subject!!
 
#5 ·
The thread I started reading this on was preparedness and survival and could you survive/take care of yourself without spouse. I think that was the gist of it. I was thinking more along the lines of people going tru hardships especially monetary. For example you have someone who's lost their home and job. BUT someone else who is doing pretty much ok but needs help with kids or farming....Maybe they are just getting by also. Just an example. Kinda like barter. Not necessarily strangers by any means. Especially with kids. Just people getting by, living together, and basically helping each other to get past the hard times.

Put a roof over Susy and her childs head and some food. In return she cooks, cleans and takes care of your house and kids. Or John and he repairs your fence, mows and fixes things etc.

I'm not saying take in strangers.
 
#13 ·
I guess I don't understand. Wouldn't this be common? If it isn't, Do I live in a different world than everyone else? Taking care of your family and friends even in such a manor seems like just what one would do without a second thought. Hasn't it always been this way?
 
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#6 ·
DH and I are more likely to be on the end of having to take people in than being taken in, but there's no way I'd want to live with my or DH's family. I'd rather join a commune.

I've been watching The Waltons on DVD and I often think about how I can't imagine living and working closely with my MIL the way Olivia does with Grandma.

The idea of it is nice and maybe if we had different families, it wouldn't seem so horrible, but given our families, I just cannot imagine that.
 
#7 ·
I have posted about this some time ago about families living with families in order to survive financial...I'm pretty sure my fella's (ages 12,14 and 16yrs old) will be living with us for awhile even into their 20's I suspect due to financial reasons..They will pay their share of the bill's if they are not in College..My dh and I will build onto our home if need be..Not sure about other family members like my Dad or my in-laws..I know (my in-laws anyway) they have already thought ahead for their future and do not want to be a burden to any of their children...my mil has been paying for extra coverage for years now for when the time comes... if it comes.. she will be taken care of at home as long as she can the same for my fil with the funds to do so... I'm learning as much as I can from family members to be more self efficient...My children are old enough now that I don't need a babysitter and they all have different jobs each week( example one will have dish duties..the other will have to takeout the garbage.. and the remaining duties is sweeping) that they held accountable for.. My guess is your right on the money..The new generation of "The Waltons" has already showed its self around my area anyway..
 
#8 ·
We grew up in the 60's and 70's and we always had an old relative who was down on his luck staying with us. I also grew up watching and loving the Waltons. Now, we have a son who will be 26 next month and one who's 19 at home. They pay rent and it helps us out and also helps them out. My 26 yr. old hates to say he's living at home. But, I told him that 40 yrs. ago everyone stayed at home till they married. I like to think that we're all helping each other. My cousin at the reunion a couple of weeks ago was talking about this. She has a 26 yr. old and a 23 yr. old they both have their careers, one is a school teacher and one works at a factory. They each pay rent and it helps them and their parents. I'm all for it.
 
#9 ·
We need more Waltons...my ex mother in law and I were the best of friends. She died several years ago. I'm remarried and we have a daughter. MIL asked daughter when she was little to call her mamaw. Very close.

I've watched several news programs about here in florida where all these people were out in the street. Fort Myers I believe. A few had homes left. I'm not sure I understand why they didn't band together and live as a unit. Some still had jobs. Not much pay but jobs. They could've helped each other. Food electric roof. Some seemed to know each other. Maybe it's just me...
 
#10 ·
We live like the Waltons or Maybe I should say a Tribe

Years ago we decided that we would stand together as one. It is our deepest belief that we should as Christians join together, live together and share everything including money...(exception to the sharing..No Spouse Swapping). Everyone that lives here has come into our family as reserved about sharing money. Money is the root of all problems. Think about it, everyone wants more and more, that it makes both husband and the wife to work.
So with money being the hardest thing to give up and trust others as a group, we have developed an agreement with those whom come in to try to manage their own money. Within a few weeks they soon see what combining money can do for everyone. At the present time, everyone that lives here is one hundred percent money sharing. Not one person goes without and not one person gets anything without the others supporting the purchase.
Anyways, I am new here or I would share with you about our online family..But We did start up a blog here called Extra, Extra Read All About It come and join in, remember it is new so besure to support it and post somehting
 
#11 ·
I'm seeing this more and more often. We have neighbors down the street that has four generations living in one house; the great-grandmother, grandmother, parents, and three children. It is a split-entry house and the great/grandmothers each have their own bedroom and living room downstairs (they share a bath), and the family lives upstairs. It has been a house-saver & life-saver in the last year. The dad lost his job as a construction manager for a house builder and everyone is chipping in to keep the house going. More recently the great-grandmother had a minor stroke and they are able to take care of her.

My sis is a real estate agent in Oregon and was just getting started before the bust. Recently she realized she could no longer make rent, even with the part-time job she took. So, her friend suggested she move in to their in-law apartment to save on $$ until business picks up and she figures what she wants to do next. She could have moved to a cheaper apartment but she would have been much farther away from work and her daughter's school.

Another neighbor just had her ex-son-in-law move into her downstairs (another split level) because his landscaping business was hurting. She gets free lawn care and peace of mind since she is getting older.

My dream is too eventually own enough property to have our home and to build my mom a cottage on. I know that I will eventually be her primary caretaker and I want her close. Right now we have six people in a 1400 sq ft. house so taking in another body isn't feasible.
 
#12 ·
Right now one of my brothers is working on a re-model of his walk out basement so I can live there. It was their idea and struck me as a bit weird at first as I have lived alone since dh died in 2001. then had an episode with very high high BP and hate the new drugs to control it. This made me realize I am not actually getting any younger and should be d*#m grateful I have a place to go!! Which I am , so I will be the moving in part. Will be able to help in all sorts of ways I hope. Cleaning, cooking, gardening--yet will be able to be "independent" as well as long as possible. Finances will be better for all concerned as well. I am looking forward to it to tell the truth!:va::laundry::sewing::dishes:
 
#15 ·
My daughter and grandson came to live with me several years ago so she could continue her education. I bring frugal skills, she does more housekeeping. I make more purchases and do more than my own laundry, she does outside maintenance. We discuss large purchases beforehand. I provide cable and cable internet, she paid for the router.
My son lives in one of the 2 apts at my ex mils. She needs a certain amount of care now, so he checks on her each morning, takes her out 1-2 times each week for a restaurant meal (a favorite pastime for her), my daughter checks in almost every day, as does my son when he gets out of work. I cook balanced meals for her and freeze. We rotate taking her grocery shopping and on outings. I haven't been married to her son for 20+ years, but she's still family because she always tried to be useful. Even when she was driving me crazy I always knew she loved my kids. I couldn't imagine it another way.
 
#17 ·
I've been thinking about this for a while now. DD 16 will be living with us until she's at least 19 and finishes the "school" part of her training. But my parents live hundreds of miles away, so maybe someday, but probably not for a while (knock wood).

I could never let any of my family members be homeless, I just couldn't live with myself. But the idea of a multi-generational permanent pajama party gives me nightmares. It's not as if hubby and I are particularly close with either set of parents. We love them and they love us, we're just not a part of each other's daily lives. Haven't been in decades, and that's just as much their idea as ours. Our daughter is closer with my parents than I ever was with my grandparents, I tried to make sure of it to encourage a sense of family since she's an only child.

Things are just so different for most people now than they were for the Waltons. Houses are smaller (at least mine is), most people don't own a farm, most people haven't lived near their parents in years, most people either don't have a garden or, like me, they have a "token" garden which is far too small to actually feed a lot of people.

My life is set up for maximum efficiency of just one person taking care of everything because DH works and I stay home. I do the cleaning, the cooking, the shopping, the taxes, you name it. He still has to do any heavy lifting and car repair, but that's about it.

I have trouble finding enough "chores" for DD, much less trying to get anyone else a set of their own. With dishwashers, and clothes washing machines, swiffer wet jets, sewing machines, microwaves, etc etc etc.. it's hard to imagine what anyone who moved in with me would do, to be honest. I think back in the days.. there was a lot more time consuming physical work that went into keeping a house, these days that part is easy it just costs money.

Also, and this is a bit wierd I know. How would you stop treating people like guests after they moved in?

I can't even begin to imagine sitting on my butt while my mom cooked dinner in my kitchen, or tried to haul a basket of wet laundry out to the line. Heck, I even do the cooking when we're at her house.
 
#22 ·
I could never let any of my family members be homeless, I just couldn't live with myself. But the idea of a multi-generational permanent pajama party gives me nightmares.
Nightmare is the perfect word. I think of my little house as being big until I consider sharing it with any relative. There is no house big enough for me to live with MIL. UGH! I like my privacy and I like my way of doing things. The thought of any one DH relatives in my kitchen gives me the creepies (and I'm sure not eating in theirs).
 
#18 ·
The reason people did it years ago was because they had to, there was a familial obligation since older family members had no where else to go and people made the best of things and made the effort to get along. There was also more respect for elders, children weren't as pampered and everyone was required to do their fair share of the work. People were willing to help their family members and if the help was taken for granted they were asked to move on.

I also don't think that people expected their families to be perfect or normal, it was what is was and people didn't expect any more than that. Life was also hard and there just wasn't time in the day for alot of stupid stuff. My mil said that once dinner was cooked, eaten and the dishes done they listened to the radio and went to bed. Her home life growing up was kinda like the Waltons with a few less children, in the Cookson Hills of Oklahoma. When her mom passed away her older sister took on the responsiblities of the household and cared for the younger kids. They took care of each other and wouldn't have thought to do anything else.

My mom and mil can drive a rock crazy but they would come live with me before they were put out on the street and the same for the rest of the family.
 
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#19 · (Edited)
I can see in the future more generational homes. Of course some family members would be more welcome than others!! My dad lived with us for the last few years of his life and we would not have had it any other way. Two of my brothers would have loved to have had him at there places. They live up north and I live in Florida where he lived.

If my kids need to live at home I have no problem with that. They will contribute something not just be lazy butts. My inlaws have set themselves up pretty well but if they need help physically I would do it in a minute as would thier own daughter.

We let a friend of mine stay here for three months when she needed a place. I could not believe myself and how territorial I was. I didn't want her to do anything. Not even water my plants!! Part of was my dh works and I tend to the house and kids, I didn't want anyone horning in on my job. Crazy as that sounds who wouldn't want someone to mop the floors ect.... And then there was the she was a friend not family and you never know when someone might to make a move on the dh. Mind you he stayed away from her for the most part she had some issues, she drank and smoked and didn't smell fresh. Breath wise, TMI I know. My 16yr old dd didn't like her and they both butted heads.
 
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#20 ·
Right now we are living with my MIL, which was a planned arrangement when my husband left the Air Force in February and we knew we needed time to look for a house. We have found one and are getting it ready to move into. Once it's set up, my younger sister will be moving in with us. She just graduated from college and wants to live cheaply so that she can pay more on her student loans. We'll benefit from the extra set of eyes around to help with child care, the use of her vehicle while she's at work during the day, etc. While we have been living at MIL's we have giving her enough money that she has been able to catch up on bills she was behind on and finish paying off her truck. So it helps everyone!
 
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#21 · (Edited)
The main reason I think people used to live like the Waltons was because there was no Social Security then.FDR started it in the 40's and I remember seeing one of the shows when it started and the grandmother said she didn't want that government charity.My dad's grandmother lived with them from the time my grandparents were married.Her husband died when my grandpa was 11 and he became the man of the house.My grandmother told my mom it was hard for her having her live with them.My grandmother had 10 kids she said my dad ,the youngest,was the only one that felt like he was hers because as soon as she had one her mother-in-law would take over caring for it.By the time my dad was born his mom was 44 and his dad was 50,the grandmother was getting too old to take over so my grandma got to raise him herself.My dad was really close to his mom and I was her favorite grandkid because of her feeling like my dad was her only child.Even tho she died just 2 months after I turned 4 she was my favorite person in the whole world and as I grew up if I was thinking of doing something bad I'd think I can't do that because grandma wouldn't want me to act like that.I thought she could see down from heaven what I was doing and I didn't want to do anything that would dissapoint her.So I can see in some cases it could be a good thing and in others not.My daugter and I are close and she would love it if I would stay with them most of the time. In fact when I do go out to their house for a couple of days it ends up being over a week before I get home and they only live 4 miles from here out in the country.But since they have 5 kids and another on the way,they have his kids living with them also,she does need all the help she can get.
 
#23 ·
My husband and I sold our home four years ago to move in with my parents who needed care. My father had developed Dementia and my mom has RA and Lupus. We would have had them move in with us but their house was handicapped assessable. Daddy died two years ago and we are still here taking care of mom who had worse health now. I find it difficult and some times I hate it but I would do it all over again in a minute because the good out weights the bad. My mom and I never got a long really well. Often we don't now but she is my mom and I love her and she loves me. We are getting ready to buy a bigger house and mom is coming with us. Diane
 
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#24 ·
Before my husband and I got married we kinda lived with some friends of ours. I came down on the weekends and stayed in their spare bedroom with my then fiance now husband. I would cook and clean for them on the weekends and we shared the grocery bill for the time we were there as well. It was ok, not ideal, but we couldn't afford to get a hotel everytime we got together.

My parents and my MIL both have informed my husband and I that if things don't work out with the military and my hubby can't re-enlist that we will be welcome to live with them until we can get our heads above water.

Our house (the one my hubs and I live in) is open to those in need. We have been helped by so many people in our lifetimes so far that we don't feel we have a right to deny help to others if it is within our means. We have given food, time, money, room, ect. every time we have been able to.

I think that more people need to help others. It breaks my heart knowing that there are people out there who need help and no one will help them. Even if it's just the little lady that needs help walking across the street.

I hope that answers your question...I'm tired so my brain isn't functioning 100% LOL!
 
#25 ·
Actually, we found out tonight that our son and his fiance are going to have a baby in about 6 months and they are planning to move over from Hawaii and live with us. We told our son that he HAS to get a job and help with the bills. We also found out that my husband may have a son from a previous relationship that he never knew about. If it turns out to be his son, we want him to move here with us too. His living situation is intolerable to us and we may even try to adopt him even if he isn't Jeff's son. He is 15 and found out some time ago that the man he thought was his father isn't. What can I say? We love children and this would be 6 boys in all. 4 mine (they think of my dh as a dad) 1 ours and 1 possibly his. Darn, no girls. Maybe we will have a granddaughter. (I hope) My son wants a girl too.
 
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#26 ·
My mother often rented out a room when I was an older child- but she grew up in a 'boarding house' as her mother needed $ after the death of her husband when my mom and her sister were still young. My MIL lives with my SIL but they always have, before this bad economy. I have a close friend who just bought their first house, her father and brother, who sahred an apartment before, have moved in as they can't afford the apartment anymore- her dad was skipping health insurance to pay his rent and he's a diabetic, so that couldn't go on! Her dad helps with her 2 young kids, her brother with household repairs/upkeep- her Dad will stay on indefintely, my friend hopes to go back to work in a few years, he can live with them and do after school care, giving him a place to live and her childcare. It wouldn't work for everyone but works for them.
 
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#27 ·
I would consider our situation a Walton Family. Besides my husband and myself...my 19 year old son is living with us, he can't find a job but is considering school in the fall or spring semester. My FIL lives with us as he cannot live on his own anymore and we have a friend that lives in our little house on our property, rent free in exchange for help around the farm. This is the second friend who we have let move in due to house foreclosures to help them get back on their feet. Sometimes we, as a couple, have very little privacy but do the best we can. If my Mother falls ill, we will be having her move in as well. One big happy family! :D
 
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#28 · (Edited)
We are now finding ourselves in this very situation. DH & I have both been layed off since last fall. We are both 51 yrs old. DH unemployment is already done. My unemployment only has a month to go before it is done too. We have been looking for work, but there is just no work to be found within a 25 mile radius. My mom proposed a plan to us a month ago and so far, everything is moving smoothly & faster than we thought it would. She is currently living in a senior citizen apartment complex, and we live in a 3 room apartment. She sold her house 5 yrs ago after deciding that the house was too large for her to take care of on her own. Now, with the job market at an all time low, mom came to us to ask if we would be interested in moving in with her if she bought a house. She also was raised with older family members living with them off & on throughout her childhood. We decided to start looking for houses that would fit in a tight budget. And with so many homes on the market going into forclosure, it has made the process easier than it otherwise would have been. We did find a home in forclosure for a really good deal. About half price, as a matter of fact. We have been accepted on an offer on a home that is is really good condition. A home that is about 50 years old and was a one-owner home. The home was very well built & has been maintained extremely well. Little to no work except some painting. If the title company gets the ball rolling, we could be moving by the end of July!! :clap: My mom is 75 and doesn't feel that she should be by herself all the time anymore. She is still in relatively good health, but you never know when something could happen. Anyway, the house has a full finished basement that walks out to the back yard and that is the part that DH & I will live in with my mom living upstairs in the street level. We will be in the same house, but still have separate living quarters, only sharing the kitchen & laundry room. I think it will work out well for all of us. A win-win for all. As soon as DH and/or I get back to working, we are going to take over payments of everything so mom can live there rent free. She so deserves it! I am just so blessed to have a mom who I can stand to be around & live with. And who wants to be around me as much too! LOL So, we are adding ourselves to the new 'Walton's generation". I am afraid that more people will resort to this type of home-sharing out of neccessity before this is all over with and the stinkin' economy gets back on it's feet. Hopefully, those that do, will find a workable solution as well.
 
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#29 ·
I hope it works out for you, MrsOcean. My mother and I came to the conclusion some time ago that we could NOT share living quarters. We have talked about the possibility of her building a MIL cottage on my property, and we might be able to tolerate each other under those circumstances, but only if I didn't give her a key to my house!
 
#30 ·
I could cope with my mother... mostly. But my Dad... I love him so much, but he's the old fashioned "king of the castle", and I can't see it changing just because he moved to another "castle". I fear it would be one never ending battle.
 
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