new...and at the end of my rope

[resqume]

Thank you everyone for the replys. I have'nt had much time to come back, I tried a couple of times and was getting 'this page can't be displayed" may have been an isp problem not sure.

Anyway not sure I explained my situation right. We are not at the beginning of the journey-we are hopefully nearing the end. We have been living like this for over 3 years now and if nothing else goes wrong should hopefully have all these medical bills and payday loans paid off by the end of the year. I think I am at a place of "its always darkest before the dawn". I am just really worn down, now with appliances going out it makes my work load for the little time I have off much heavier. A simple chore like throwing a load of laundry in the washing machine and going on to do something else is now a very big time consuming chore that I don't always have time for. There is a man down the street who sells used washing machines for $75- its just a matter of coming up with the $75. And all of the appliances are mine, not the landlords.

DH was not able to work for almost a year (with zero income)after his accident and I was only able to work part time(30-40 hours a week) during most of that time. He could'nt be left alone because he could'nt do anything on his own-he had 15 broken bones in just his arms and hands-so he literally could'nt do ANYTHING himself. Plus daily Dr and therapy appointments, some over an hour away, that I had to take him to. So we learned during that time how to live very cheaply.

We both quit smoking long ago, don't drink (can't afford it), only thing we have to drink is coffee and water. He buys all his groceries for the week in the grocery store to take on the truck with him-he does'nt buy anything in resturants. Last time we went out to eat was last year (2008) on Mothers Day and that was probably the first time in at least a year.

I did buy a cheap $25 electric weed eater this week. The reason being is I mow an elderly neighbors yard, so by me not having a weedeater, she was going to have to get someone else to do her yard, (she did'nt like it done with clippers, which I did for 3 weeks, and I don't blame her really) which actually would have cut our income by a small amount. I could care less if our yard was trimmed or not at this point but we needed it for income purposes.

I did get another Dr paid off this week. Small but still progress. Car loan interest rate is 3.9% I've checked into every possible option and there is nothing better available. Can't refianace, trade or get a personal loan with a lower payment. I have 2- 401k loans that will be paid off in Oct and that will free up a lot of cash if we can make it that long! We had to take out those loans to try to help us get thru the time of him not working due to the accident.

I am definetly going to look into getting this felony expunged. Not sure if I have to go back to the same county where the original trail was or not. I have long since moved from there and its more than a days drive away but possibly in the future I could plan a trip back. 20 years ago it never caused a problem but in the past few years it has. I have been denied jobs because of it. It used to be that the jobs who did BG checks only looked back 7 years and the jobs I was going for anyway were only looking for things like fraud/theft etc. But now they look at all of your history and if there is any felony they won't hire you. If I were to get laid off from the job I have now I would'nt be able to get back on because they re-do the BG check. I think theres so many people going for the same jobs (at least around here) that they can afford to be really picky with who they hire.

As for health ins we have BCBS now (it was Aetna at the time all the bills were incurred). It actually went up when it was switched to BCBS and has gone up close to $70 a week (doubled)over the past 2 years. I talked with a few people at church this past Sunday and it seems to be in line with what they pay.

Lets see craigslist is not in my area-closest listing are about an hour away-I read thru them from time to time and never see anything in my area. Freecycle I have joined but again theres not one in my county. There is one the next county over that I am on the list for although its rare for some one to post something for free its mainly people posting wants and then maybe only once a month or so-its not really active.

We've used angel food and food banks over the last couple of years. I just hate to keep going back. I think what lots of times people don't realize is that when you go back to work after an accident and being off for a long time its not just like ok back at work got a paycheck everything is ok again. It takes a really long time to get back on your feet.

[Dancing Lotus]

I hear you and I support you. Feeling a little defeated today myself.
All I can say is keep going.... you will find the light at the end one day. I promise you will.

[mauimagic]

resqume - Mahalo for adding more information - didn't know that you already were in three years of this process.

FYI - I don't know why anyone would judge you for still needing assistance from a food pantry or from any source just because your DH is able to work again. If that's the case, that's their thing - not yours. It really sounds like you are clear in what you want to do - please be clear on the resources to get it done. Times are different now. Your messages have revealed more strength each time. Just do one thing at a time - no one can do it all at once.

If you can, start your day by logging on and posting - we're all ready to support you on your journey.

Wish you lived near us, I would pay your DH to change the oil, etc for our cars!!

Take care - remember - this too shall pass!!

[Missourimom]

I wished you lived near us too. I have a spare washer and dryer just sitting in my basement and I keep tripping over it. I'd just give it to you if I could. You don't live in St.Louis, do you?

[forHISglory]

You've received some great advice from people who care. I also see that you mentioned that you go to church. Great! Do the good folks there know of your situation and can they help you? This is not a time for pride. Let your church help you in this tough spot. I know from personal experience that I receive a blessing from being able to help, and I also know the humbling that comes from asking for help. And how about family? Do both of you or either of you have family members that help you cross this bridge? Try to get all the help you can for 3 months and apply every penny to the payday loan. Stay strong!

[frugalwarrior]

Been there done that on all sorts of different levels. When so many things are swirling around it's hard to sort out priorities. Know first that this is a great bunch of people and they genuinely want to help.

-sit down and put it all on paper. Sort out top priorities. Let go of wishful thinking and things already lost. Hair cuts and oil changes and grass aren't major issues. Accept help whereever you can get it. Make trades,pullout hidden talents,swallow pride,start thinking of alternative ways to do things.

-Get tough,think of youself as a force to be reconded w/. Your tired I understand.
-check out free cycle,use the library for internet.
-Be more proactive. If you had set up payments for medical bills $100. a month would be more than enough ($50. is usually ok.) You have to call them and make arrangements not just send it.
-go in the arbiti/paper recycle bins and get coupons (they sell online). One time i got 30 gel tab coupons for free dishwasher soap and only had to pay tax on about $150. worth of soap.
-stop trying to do everything on your own, ask

[nuisance26]

-stop trying to do everything on your own, ask

~Several people have suggested this and it is fantastic advice. People want to help but you need to ask. I hate asking for help myself so I understand that it will be hard but let people help you. Don't rob others of the blessing of lending a hand where it is needed and deserved!~