Frugal Village Forums banner

new...and at the end of my rope

Tags
end newand rope
5K views 36 replies 31 participants last post by  nuisance26 
#1 ·
Hi-I am hoping that maybe some here will have some words of advice or encouragement or something for me. I literally feel like I am at the end of my rope and about to just let go cause I can't take it anymore.

I will try to keep it brief and then can provide more info if needed. DH is a truck driver, I work in a call center. Both of our pay and hours have been cut. We are making literally half of what we were 2 years ago. We are just absolutley buried in medical and other bills. I am trying to keep everything paid on time (or at least not 30 days late) to keep our credit clean.

2 years left on our car payment-I've talked to couple of dealers and we are upside down so no way to trade it in and get a smaller payment. I do have a couple of payday loans (storefront) and then loads of medical bills from an accident DH was in about 3 years ago. Yes some medical billing is very easy to work with others not so much. A hospital he had a follow-up surgery at 7 months ago is threatening to file a law suit if we don't pay them $2500 in the next 60 days. I was sending in $100 a month but I guess that was'nt enough. We don't currently own a house so we don't need any judgements ruining our credit. If we owned a house I would'nt care as much but the stress of trying to keep the credit report clean is driving me crazy. We filed BK 2 years ago after the accident but with followup medical we are buried again. We do have group ins. that we pay almost $600 a month for but this is what is left after they pay. I am almost to the point of dropping ins becasue we are buried in medical debt anyway.

We have things breaking down faster than I can keep up with. Clothes washer does'nt work, refrigerator leaks, stove does'nt work (I cook in an electric skillet), car needs brakes and an oil change badly, weed eater died so weeds around the house are about waist high, every piece of clothing I own is worn and has holes plus I have'nt had a hair cut in almost a year. I literally don't have even $5 extra. I float checks on a regular basis and write checks over at the grocery store for cash. Anyway can you tell I am very depressed?

is there any hope?
 
See less See more
#2 ·
I am sorry you are so stressed! I think you will find LOTS of great advice and support here. Dave Ramsey bottom line: keep a roof over your head, food in your belly, electric on and transportation available to get you to work FIRST! I went through this last school year eating a lot of beans and rice for lunch because it was cheap. Check out the Dave section, I have found it to be very helpful. Baby steps! :hugz:
 
#3 ·
:grouphug: i hear ya! but u can do it. dont know how to get u started but i think comming here is a great start. i know i lurked alot before but i love the tips and all the info offered here.maybe time to sit down and make lists and really take a look at what ur waisting versus what u need. but i send u my hugs hun it will be alright...dont ask me how i never can answer that even for myself but i say it often..cuz it just has to be.:monke:
 
#4 ·
Hi-I am hoping that maybe some here will have some words of advice or encouragement or something for me. I literally feel like I am at the end of my rope and about to just let go cause I can't take it anymore.
Welcome to FV! I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

That said, I'm known around here for being rather direct and to the point, so ... brace yourself, cause I don't know how to sugar coat unpleasant truths.

I will try to keep it brief and then can provide more info if needed. DH is a truck driver, I work in a call center. Both of our pay and hours have been cut. We are making literally half of what we were 2 years ago. We are just absolutley buried in medical and other bills. I am trying to keep everything paid on time (or at least not 30 days late) to keep our credit clean.
Ok - this will be hard to hear, but your credit report? **** it. No, I'm not saying you should not pay your debts, but your credit score is the last thing you need to worry about right now. Let it go and fix your priorities.

The priorities should be:
1) Roof
2) Food
3) Lights
4) Transporation
5) Essential clothing
6+) Everything else.

You need to come up with a budget for each month that spells out how much you have coming in, and then how much you have to pay towards, in order, #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5. Then and ONLY then do you start going down the other lists and put money towards them. When you run out of money, STOP trying to pay them. Put the ones you paid at the bottom of the list for next month.

2 years left on our car payment-I've talked to couple of dealers and we are upside down so no way to trade it in and get a smaller payment.
Check the kelly blue book value for a private sale. If you have relatively clean credit, then work towards buying a junker car for around $1k and take out a personal loan to cover the difference on the old car between what you owe and what you can sell it for. You'll still have debt, but you'll have a lot less.

I do have a couple of payday loans (storefront)
Please never ever ever ever ever ever ever do that again. The Payday loans are #6 on your priority list, EVERY MONTH. GET RID OF THEM.

A hospital he had a follow-up surgery at 7 months ago is threatening to file a law suit if we don't pay them $2500 in the next 60 days. I was sending in $100 a month but I guess that was'nt enough.
"We are grateful for what you did for hubby, but if you sue us, you won't get anything, because we don't HAVE anything. I'm sending you what I can afford, when I can afford it. If you want to really push this hard, I can put you at the bottom of the list next month and you won't get anything."

We don't currently own a house so we don't need any judgements ruining our credit. If we owned a house I would'nt care as much but the stress of trying to keep the credit report clean is driving me crazy. We filed BK 2 years ago after the accident but with followup medical we are buried again.
You filed BK. Your credit is ALREADY RUINED. Thinking about a house (MORE DEBT!!!) is insane! STOP IT. Forget the credit report and fix your finances.

We do have group ins. that we pay almost $600 a month for but this is what is left after they pay. I am almost to the point of dropping ins becasue we are buried in medical debt anyway.
That would be a horrible idea.

We have things breaking down faster than I can keep up with. Clothes washer does'nt work, refrigerator leaks, stove does'nt work (I cook in an electric skillet), car needs brakes and an oil change badly, weed eater died so weeds around the house are about waist high, every piece of clothing I own is worn and has holes plus I have'nt had a hair cut in almost a year. I literally don't have even $5 extra. I float checks on a regular basis and write checks over at the grocery store for cash. Anyway can you tell I am very depressed?
Clothes washer? Wash tub. Fridge? --- that goes on the "save money to get fixed" list. Car maintenance you need to keep up with. Weed eater? Buy a machette. Clothing? Good will.

You have a lot of reasons to be depressed - I feel for you - but being depressed isn't gonna make it better. You're gonna have to find the strength to do what HAS TO BE DONE, or its only going to get worse.

Dave Ramsey - can't recommend him enough.

is there any hope?
Yes, but only if you really, seriously work at it. You've got a hell of a mess to clean up - and your priorities are way askew. You need to fix the priorities, get your thinking right, and then buckle down and do whatever you can to get out of this mess.

And NO MORE PAYDAY LOANS! EVER!!!
 
#5 ·
Been there, done that, lived to tell about it. I agree with a lot of what Greebo had to say. Your credit rating is the least of your problems right now if you have filed bankruptcy recently. Keeping a roof over your head and food on the table is the priority.

Some suggestions: stop floating checks. If you can't pay, don't. Wait until you can. Sooner or later one of those checks is going to bounce and it's going to cost you.

You can cut the grass with scissors. Our weed whacker died too. It's not fun but it will keep the city or the neighborhood committee off your back.

Keep the car running safely. It is a priority. Without it you are screwed. You need it to get to work. Speaking of work, have you started looking for better jobs? I know it is rough out there, but if you are not looking you have no chance of finding higher paying full time work.

Can you get a friend to help trim your hair? Honestly, if it is clean and pulled out of your face you are ok.

Clothing: it's yard sale season. If you really need newer clothing for work, try this. You can pick up clothing for $1 or less, sometimes late in the day they are happy just to have you take it for free. Try thrift and charity shops, too. There is a lot of perfectly good near new clothing out there.

It's not going to be easy and it's not going to be pretty but you CAN get out of this. It's going to take you YEARS to get out of debt, but you can do it. The first thing to do is to make a plan. As already suggested, go look at the Dave Ramsey part of this site, or at one of the other financial self-help gurus. Get their book from the library and follow it.

Eight years ago I was where you are, except we were both out of work, being sued by DH's ex wife, and also by an ex employer, and there was an arrest warrant out for DH because he could not pay his support. Talk about the end of the rope! We are completely debt free now due to some tough decision making and a lot of hard work. You can do it too.
 
#6 ·
ask the landlord if he or she can help you with a weedeater. or move into a really cheap apartment.
 
#7 ·
I agree with Greebo!!
I am sorry that you are having such a rough time but It is time to face facts and make some serious changes in your life. There are many people who are here to help and will offer you sound advice. PLEASE TAKE THE ADVICE AND GET YOUR FINANCES TOGETHER!!!
 
#8 ·
It's hard to hear, but I totally agree with what's being said. I, too, recommend going to the library and finding out about Dave Ramsey.

The best part of this situation? There is nowhere to go but up.
Greebo made some great points, and he doesn't fluff it all up. It may sound harsh, but he's only giving advice to help.

:hugz:
 
#9 · (Edited)
Hi and welcome to FV :)

Well if you are at the end of your rope, you tie a knot in it, and hang on. Then you can start making changes and climbing back up the rope.

If the appliances in the house belong to the landlord, can you ask him/her about fixing them ? If they are yours, I would try fixing one at a time.

Have you any choices with the health insurance. Any other plans out there ? Depending on your ages, and any health issues, would it work to cancel it for awhile, and use that money to play catch up, and then when caught up, get health insurance again. Unless you have a pre-existing health problem, then my suggestion would not be a good one. And some would say probably a bad suggestion. Some states have some health plans that one can get for a better rate.
In our case, if hubby ever gets laid off from his job, then we would be in deep doo doo because of the health insurance he gets as part of his pay.

Payday loans....no, no , no .....

You might be able to get some grocery help through a food pantry. And or maybe food stamps depending on your income and family size.

Keep some kind of a notebook, going every day so you can see a pattern, where the money is going, and then can plug any holes. It's the little things that can add up.

Good luck....
 
  • Like
Reactions: mauimagic
#10 ·
You are at a starting point so this is actually good. The number one most important thing to do is to STOP GETTING PAYDAY LOANS.

It sounds simplistic but in order to get out of debt, it's a simple formula: Increase income and decrease your expenses.

this could mean working part time jobs, starting a side business (babysitting, elder care) It could mean cutting cable, getting rid of cell phones, selling items you used to collect, etc.

I would call the hospitals and let them know you are in hardship status and cannot pay the bills at this time. I would search for a better job and some additional part time jobs.

I would buy only cheap food for awhile (frozen vegs, noodles, beans, rice) no pop, no beer, etc.

I would write everything down and make a to do list of what I needed to do to get my finances under control.

good luck to you.
 
#11 ·
Thank you for the comments. I just try to keep up hope. Sometimes I start to loose hope and then...its just not good.

We are getting by with our broke stuff. Its just depressing that things keep breaking down. I have been washing clothes in a tub for 3 months. The fridge always has several towels around it to catch the water. I've been cooking in an electric skillet for a year etc.

As far as the car-our credit is shot-no way could we get a loan right now to pay that thing off. I tried to refinance it a while back and the payments would have actually gone up (because the interest rate would've been higher). I wish I could get rid of that car but it looks like I'm stuck. I've talked to several people about it and just don't see a way out of that situation.

Would LOVE to move to a cheaper place (actually probably could'nt find anything too much cheaper but could save a little) but we can't even get a deposit together. if we could get that much money together we could pay off a bill.

As far as other higher paying jobs...I don't really know about that. DH is in trucking and that industry has taken a real hit in this economy. In fact he works for one of the best trucking companies. Its all he's done for 40+ years so can't imagine he could find something that paid better at his age. Same with me I am working 2 jobs but don't even have a high school education and I have a felony arrest 30 years ago-so can't go anywhere that does a background check. I could'nt even get rehired where I work now. They have changed there background check procedures since I was hired.

Anyway I certainly hope it does'nt take years to get out of debt! Actually if the hospital does sue us we live in a state that allows garnishment and bank account seizure-so not paying them does'nt seem like a viable option to me. They'll still get their money, it will just cost us a lot more and give us no control over the situation.

There really is nowhere that I can see that we are wasting money. We never go out to eat or go to starbucks or rent dvds, I don't get manicures, or buy magazines. I don't know. I just don't see a way out.

Oh and for example this past week I had to float a check for our water bill. the water company will not do extensions. You have 10 days after the due date and then they shut it off. They've shut the water off 2 times in the past 6 months and it costs more than a bounced check fee to get it turned back on.

Thanks for everyones comments.
 
#12 · (Edited)
Thank you for the comments. I just try to keep up hope. Sometimes I start to loose hope and then...its just not good.

We are getting by with our broke stuff. Its just depressing that things keep breaking down. I have been washing clothes in a tub for 3 months. The fridge always has several towels around it to catch the water. I've been cooking in an electric skillet for a year etc.

Isn't the landlord responsible for appliances? At least the stove and fridge? Can you use the washing machine a little bit? Even if you have to wring it out, it would be better than all tub work.

As far as the car-our credit is shot-no way could we get a loan right now to pay that thing off. I tried to refinance it a while back and the payments would have actually gone up (because the interest rate would've been higher). I wish I could get rid of that car but it looks like I'm stuck. I've talked to several people about it and just don't see a way out of that situation.

Can your hubby change the oil? It seems like something a manly trucker guy could do? If you need to ask for help, some churches might have someone who would help with the brakes, or could do it for just parts. I've never had a car loan, but if you can get by with just one car, can you park one and not have insurance on it?.

Would LOVE to move to a cheaper place (actually probably could'nt find anything too much cheaper but could save a little) but we can't even get a deposit together. if we could get that much money together we could pay off a bill.

Since your income has gone down so much, do you qualify for HUD? They can help with the rent.


As far as other higher paying jobs...I don't really know about that. DH is in trucking and that industry has taken a real hit in this economy. In fact he works for one of the best trucking companies. Its all he's done for 40+ years so can't imagine he could find something that paid better at his age. Same with me I am working 2 jobs but don't even have a high school education (GED classes are free and since you have time on your hands...)and I have a felony arrest 30 years ago-so can't go anywhere that does a background check. I could'nt even get rehired where I work now. They have changed there background check procedures since I was hired.
Don't let that stop you. Unless you abused children or it was assault and battery, an honest statement on the background check "30 years ago, changed person" won't stop you from getting a lot of jobs.

And you aren't looking just for a better paying job, but additional ones. Since you have a well-insured car, could you get a paper route even? Pizza delivery?

Anyway I certainly hope it does'nt take years to get out of debt! Actually if the hospital does sue us we live in a state that allows garnishment and bank account seizure-so not paying them does'nt seem like a viable option to me. They'll still get their money, it will just cost us a lot more and give us no control over the situation.

I think a hundred dollars a month is more than generous, (ie ridiculous) if you are using payday loans to get by.

There really is nowhere that I can see that we are wasting money. We never go out to eat or go to starbucks or rent dvds, I don't get manicures, or buy magazines. I don't know. I just don't see a way out.

Your excess is in payday loans and bounced check fees.

Oh and for example this past week I had to float a check for our water bill. the water company will not do extensions. You have 10 days after the due date and then they shut it off. They've shut the water off 2 times in the past 6 months and it costs more than a bounced check fee to get it turned back on.

Thanks for everyones comments.
I think you need to have a "killer three months" Get as much aid as possible...food pantry, HUD or Title 9 aid, look at food stamps, etc. Kill the payday loans. You CANNOT get ahead with those.

Have a yard sale if you can, offer to walk dogs, babysit, collect old personal loans, pick up bottles and cans, dumpster dive for yard sale items, do whatever you can. It is horrible and hard, but you can do almost anything for three months.

During that three months try to set up a budget that you can work with, and send it to the medical people, explain that this is all you can do, they will have to live with it. They can't get blood from a stone. You might even look at how much they can garnish you for, there are limits. If you can afford it, pay them exactly that so they have no reason to go that route.
 
#13 ·
Kita-I think you're right. My extras are the payday loans (I very rarely bounce a check, maybe once or twice a year-knock on wood) and late fees I am paying on everything, utilities etc. I am spending close to $250 per month in just payday loan fees, not knocking anything out of the principal. Its just impossible to get ahead with those. I have to get them paid off somehow.

I work in a callcenter (slow day-thats why I have time to be here) and also do deliver for pizza hut and for the next 2 weeks I am spending what little other time I have working in a fireworks stand. I used to be easily able to pick up extra overnight shifts at the callcenter but its getting much harder lately because so many are wanting to do the same thing. I used to work in the callcenter for one of the shopping channels as a second job but got laid off about 4 months ago so that hurt.

We only have 1 car and yes if I can come up with the money to buy oil DH will change it.

We've always done okay, but since his accident (he could'nt work and had no income for almost a year-it was'nt work related) it seems we just can't get back on our feet.

I need to sit down and figure out a plan to get these payday loans paid off because your right I will never get ahead until they're gone.
 
#14 ·
Start doing some Google searches and check into getting that felony arrest/conviction expunged. It should be doable if it wasn't a serious felony and your record has been clean since. If its doable in your state, you should be able to do most if not all of the paperwork filing yourself. It's pretty easy, most of it is checking the boxes on a pre-printed form and maybe writing out a declaration and filling out a proof of service, filing it, then they give you a court date, serve the DA's office, then go to court. You can get the forms at the court clerk's office and if your income is low enough you can probably get help from a legal aid type office or find a law library and do it yourself. G/L
 
  • Like
Reactions: pryor208
#15 ·
I am sorry things are so hard- they WILL improve, just not overnight. There has been a lot of great advice here- one thing I would suggest is get on freecycle.com, you can look for items you need there (appliances, clothes and such). Also, if you do not belong to a church, call around to find out what church based giving groups there are that help with such needs. Barter when you can- your friend's mechanic hubby fixes your car, you babysit for a few date nites for them....this hot mess needs to be taken down one cut at a time and it'll take a thousand cuts to do it, but each 'cut' gets you closer- don't lose hope!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Michelle68
#17 ·
I do not understand why the hospital is not just accepting what you are paying them. I thought if you paid them something they could not go after you. What kind of ins do you have that you are paying that much for. We have blue cross and dh is paying $148 a month. I do think you need to contact your state offices and see what kind of help you eligible for. Check craigs list to see if someone is giving or selling very cheap washing machine and/or refrigerator. Some people just want to change colors and sometimes give away perfectly good appliances. What state are you in? I would love to try to help you first hand.

Pam

So sorry you have found yourself in this bad place; please read all the posts you can possible read in here and get Dave Ramsey's book; borrow it from the library. It can only help you out of this dire situation and I will repeat Payday loans will never help anyone out.
 
#18 ·
Greebo is giving good advice. Creditors will always be the ones to scream the loudest...but it's your rent/mortgage, food and utilities that are going to keep you surviving, not a good credit rating. I let go of 2 cell phone bills because quite frankly, food for my kids was more important than the cell phone bill. Yes, it hurt our credit....but, oh well. They will get paid -- that is a promise -- just not as soon as they'd like.
 
#19 ·
Yes, your insurance seems high, but since you do have bills it is needed. I would look into state insurance. $250 a month in interest on a payday loan and no principal paid? yee gads. ALL of your extra money should go to that. Rent, utilities, trans. Go to a food bank for one month. if you can pay half the principal of the payday loan, then the interest should only be $125. Can familiy help you? The interest rate on that loan would be a significantly less, unless you are related to the mafia, in which case it still might be less. (Although I don't think the payday people will break bones)
I'm still in favor of three months of assistance to see if you can staunch the bleeding. Then you can turn it around.
 
#20 ·
Oh, and just for the record, when third party collection agents call and demand PIF (payment in full) or ludicrous payments, the debt has already been written off and is on your credit report. If they threaten to add to your report if you don't pay, don't listen. Only your creditor has the power to mark your report -- not a third party collection agency. The creditor has already written off the debt and sold it to the collection agency. Just pay what you can until it's paid off. Don't listen to their threats. (which in many cases are fear mongering inaccuracies)
 
  • Like
Reactions: pryor208
#21 ·
Hi! I'm so sorry for what you're going thru! You sound so distressed and I wish I had the perfect answer for you. I didn't read all the posts yet, but I think what Greebo told you was right on target.

Now I don't know if this was suggested yet or not, but it might at least help you with your appliances and even clothing. Go and join www.freecycle.org. Now, for our local one, you do have to post an "OFFER" before you can post a "NEEDED", but that can literally be anything from old clothes, curtains to an old picture you don't hang up anymore. You might be surprised at what you can get.

Also, www.craiglist.org in your nearest city, also has a freebie/give-away list. I did a search on yahoo for freecyclers, and now belong to 3 different local groups. I've gotten quite a few nice things, and than was also able to return the favor by offering some of my things. It can be a great solution. It seems that appliances, furniture, and clothing are regular items that are offered. There's even been pool tables, cars and pets. So try to see what's around you for that.

Hoping the best for you! Please keep us posted!

Theresa :)
 
#22 ·
I was also going to suggest Freecycle for used appliances, clothing, etc. We have gotten so many things (and given so much) via Freecycle. I think everyone has given you wonderful advice. You will overcome this. This site is a terrific place for advice and support. Hang in there. :hugz:
 
#23 ·
I think you are getting wise advice. Do either of you smoke or chew?If so, now is the time to quit. Those dollars add up fast.
 
#25 ·
You're getting some great advice here...and we're all cheering you on. You CAN turn this around.

I agree, Freecycle is the place to go! And Craigslist also has a "free" section. Getting a washer would certainly help cut down your 'at home' work load. And a stove would let you do more scratch cooking/baking to save $$$... I've seen free ones on craigslist...

This is the time to use food stamps...and/or a food pantry. If you're uncomfortable with it...you can always donate when you're back on your feet.

Check out frugal books at the library. If you haven't read it, "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" is fantastic!! "Miserly Moms" has some great (cheap) recipes, too (for anyone trying to cut back on expenditures, not just moms).

If you have access to internet videos you can watch Dave Ramsey online, too. But, definitely give his books a check out at the library...

We're all here for you...keep your chin up!! :wave: Sending you big hugs! :hugz: Welcome to the Village! :)
 
#26 ·
I can't add anything more to all of the advice given but I do want to say hang in there and if you follow the suggestions given you will begin your uphill climb to freedom. Remember good things come slowly but once you see some progress it will feed the get free from debt fire. Best of luck and just remember one thing the Village is always behind you and will try to help in anyway we can. Blessings to you.:grball:

Monner :dishes:
 
#27 ·
I think you've gotten some great advice here. If you tell me what state you are in, I can find local resources for you(my background is in social work). Do you have friends you could trade resources with? Please do try freecycle for some clothes, a new washer, stove, etc.
 
#28 ·
I'm just wondering: if your dh is on the road, what does he eat and drink? Does he ever buy any food or drinks? There are some posters here who are on the road, or whose dh is on the road, sometimes even for several days at a time. They pack all their food and drinks. I cannot remember their names, but start reading, maybe do a search on the posts, just to get you started.

You wrote about all the weeds in the garden, does that mean that your garden can accommodate some veg? An apple tree? It's not too late to sow lettuce, fennel, cabbage, carrots, etc. Can some of the other fv-ers give more ideas?



All the best!
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top