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Inspiration/Support

4K views 30 replies 19 participants last post by  ravenmaniac 
#1 ·
I have posted on other member's threads a bit about my finances. I figured I would try to start a thread where anyone could post their financial concerns. We could support each other too.

My husband just called our cable company and lowered our bill. Not as much as I would have lowered it but my husband needs to take responsibility for finances. So I have turned everything over to him and we look at them together.

He is also responsible for our loan modification. So am I but he is making the calls and gathering the paperwork.

Anyone else have a husband who was or is like a child and needs or needed instant gratification, just could not wait and save the money? Had to have it NOW?
 
#3 ·
Oh God, I don't even want to get started. Maybe some time...I'd never shut up.
Suffice to say I know the feeling..
 
#4 ·
No not my dh! The one that charged the hot tub and charged the materials for a free swimming pool, that later cost us more in materials for the free pool. We sold the hot tub and gave the pool away to a friend.

Neither was used much and then complains that he wishes he still had the hot tub NOW for his back. facepalm.

Okay love my dh, just gets a wee bit frustrating sometimes. Don't know what I would do without him though. :)
 
#5 ·
Regarding your loan modification...

...please tell me you aren't planning to stop paying your mortgage in order to "get their attention"? Especially if you can make the payments?

Reason I ask - the other day on TMMO a lady posted and you could read the pain in her spirit. They didn't make a single payment in 2009. They took the advice of a 3rd party who told them to get their mortgage modified they needed to default, so the bank would work with them.

They didn't save the payments they didn't make - they used them to pay off credit cards. At the time they started, the mortgage represented 23% of their take home. Today it's 36%. During mortgage modification requests, they provided pay stubs, etc.

She posted on TMMO because she'd been served with a foreclosure notice that day.

Modifications aren't going to happen because people just want one. If you don't *NEED* it, don't try to game them.

Not saying YOU are - just .. that message needs to be out there.
 
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#6 ·
Yeah, we bought a television, a car and recently a piece of land. Within a week of spending these amounts my dh will say he regrets the purchase. No matter what I tell him beforehand, he will persuade me that it is the best thing to do, he cannot live without it, etc. The good thing: I will not let myself be persuaded until I have done the research and then we agree on a brand, etc. Then when afterwards he starts whining, I will persuade him that it was money well-spent ;-), and that he'd better be happy with it, because we will not upgrade/change/whatever until it's completely unreparable/dead. I will not be persuaded on that point!
 
#8 ·
My hubby is overall pretty reasonable and mature when it comes to financial stuff, but he does have a tendency to let his emotions get the better of him when he "just wants something". Occasionally, he has said things like "debt is just a part of life, everyone has it." Over the past 2-3 yrs we have made huge changes in how we handle our money, stopped using credit cards, saving more etc. He is seeing how much more sense it makes and is quite willing to go along with my ideas. The reality is though, that I'm the one steering the boat. If I were to fall back into old ways, start putting things on credit, or itching for a new car etc... I bet he'd follow right along :)
 
#9 ·
My hubby is pretty good . The bills get paid on time or earlier.
But the only thing I find is that the more he makes the more he thinks he should be spending. I told him I know u work hard- u deserve some but leave some there for another day plzzz lol
 
#10 ·
Anyone else have a husband who was or is like a child and needs or needed instant gratification, just could not wait and save the money? Had to have it NOW?
No, not exactly. But this post reminded me of what a gf went through when her dh just wasn't getting it. She dumped EVERYTHING in his lap - all bills, everything! Well, it FINALLY worked, but b/4 it did her power had been cut off - her phone had been disconnected - all because he 'forgot' to pay the bill. (they had plenty of $ to pay the bill!) The patience my gf showed going through this should have won her an oscar!! But he got it!
 
#11 ·
Wow, can I identify with this one.

My ex-DH and I were HORRIBLY matched when it came to finances. I would try to save and be frugal, but then he would go out and buy something totally unnecessary, so in a fit of resentment, I would do the same - which would cause a fight. I've learned a LOT about myself and about him since we split up, and I see where the problems were. I take responsibility and ownership of my own financial issues and am working hard to correct them. He has moved on and remarried to someone who takes total control of the finances, so he doesn't have the ability to buy with abandon, without her consent.

....and this is why I remain single to this day. I refuse to get involved with anyone else until I get my own financial house completely in order - which may take years.
 
#12 ·
DH used to have those tendencies, but since he's turned 60 he's making progress!!
 
#13 ·
Yes, yes and yes! Mine is the one who says "we deserve this, we work so hard for nothing." Do you ever wonder why we have nothing??? he's waking up though. I just keep on doing my frugal things, and after a while they become second nature to him. My big problem was recently when his hours were cut, and he didn't want to cancel anything -cable, netflix, cell phones. We have to have it, right?
 
#25 ·
It totally sucks. We constantly rob Peter to pay Paul.
God, do I know this one also. Just found this thread again. Catching up. What's bad is when you rob Peter to pay Paul then turn around and rob Paul to pay Peter back. It's getting old and both of them are losing money somewhere cause there's not enough to rob anymore.

The phone rings all day long at his work. Why he gave the business number to creditors I have no idea. THAT one can't be changed.
 
#16 ·
YAY to tax return time!

I am in an LDR and keeping a keen eye and ears open to things the bf says regarding finances. Occasionally I just go off on him because I am trying to make the radical shift back to "no credit card life" myself. Then I apologize profusely for ranting to which he tells me its ok because it helps keep him in check. I don't want to keep him in check, I don't want to be his mother I want him to make the shift himself as well!! ARRRGGH. (I will go off regarding careless spending or money decisions) Then I have to remind myself to focus on my OWN situation. My own money, my own mistakes. Once I'm debt free myself, then maybe I'll have room to talk. Or maybe I'll keep my mouth shut too and just enjoy the good life while he continues to pay off his stuff. Ok now I'm just rambling. Hugs to all of you, this site has really helped me shift gears back to my tight-wad days.
 
#17 ·
Today I am picking up a work sheet from our tax preparer. We have a small lawn service business. 2009 was our worst year. We were underbid on 2 contracts. We will bid again this year.

My husband is taking financial responsibility, finally. He and I our working together. My health is being affected (terrible migraines). He seems genuinely concerned.

His mother created this monster by stuffing money into his hand whenever he asked for it. Me being young and dumb thought that when we got married he would miraculously take responsibility as financial head of house hold. Wrong!

Here it is 21 years later and still the same struggle. He was throwing the same fits when he NEEDED something NOW. For me it was easier to give in than to listen to his mouth. It would have been easier for me to be an adult, stand up, and say GROW UP because things would be easier on us financially now.

I'll be posting what he finds out about the loan modification. I am not sure if I like the terms, from what I have heard.
 
#18 ·
Greebo are you out there?

I was looking for Greebo! I personally love your bluntness. I would rather have someone be honest with me than "sugar coat" things.

Our house payment is 52% of our income. We are barely making it and need some relief. (My husband took a pay cut.) My husband is calling today to get info from our mortgage company. We have the pay stubs.

I am making my husband do this because he needs to be more responsible financially. Actually we are working together but he is doing the "leg work". I hope things work out after we look at and consider all the information. I am super nervous.

I started this thread so I can get advice and support from people during my journey. I feel it also helps hold me accountable, I have a tendency to throw my hands up and say, "I give up!" Which in the long run makes things worse. (I don't know if your read my earlier post.)
 
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#20 ·
52% is a huge chunk - agreed - but are you able to meet your basic "four walls" expenses? Food, lights, roof, transportation and clothing?

Those first. Those always first.

If someone else doesn't get paid - or only gets partial payment (pro-rata is better than not paying) - so be it. Right now it's emergency mode. You'll owe more later, but its better than losing your house.
 
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#21 ·
My Dh is the saving kind of guy... which is great.. except..
he's not a huge fan of preventative spending so often we don't get the great deal we could have if we'd bought "it" a month ago when it was on sale, and we knew we'd eventually need "it".

He's great, even better than I am, in dealing with right now situations, but he's got a blind spot the size of Texas about anything over a month away.
 
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#22 ·
Well, my husband is procrastinating calling our mortgage company. Again, I am like a parent. Did you call today? Why did you not call? I am not giving in. He is going to take financial responsibility too.

I believe in keeping touch with creditors and letting them know what is going on.
 
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#24 ·
Well, my husband is procrastinating calling our mortgage company. Again, I am like a parent. Did you call today? Why did you not call? I am not giving in. He is going to take financial responsibility too.

I believe in keeping touch with creditors and letting them know what is going on.

Have you tried dialing and handing him the phone so he HAS to talk to them?
 
#23 ·
i have been there and wish you the strength to get through these tough times. good luck to you and hope things getter better for your family.

i'm going through the same financial stuff but i did decide to leave my husband back in August 2009 and I have no regrets whatsoever as that was the best choice for me.
 
#26 ·
Hang tough everyone! If you can remain sane and at least afloat through the bad times, just think how fast you'll go when it gets better!

I feel like that sometimes, as if my finances are a car I'm driving, and it usually has a pretty powerful engine! And it works to its best capacity because I do all the "maintenance" on it, as I've learned so well to do here!

But right now, it feels like it's trying to go forward with a tractor chained to the back bumper. :( But we keep lowering the gear we're in, and going forward slower, yes, but still forward, bit by bit.

And when we get that tractor off the back... we'll be doing the quarter mile in no time flat!!!
 
#27 ·
Well, it feels like we are on a little bit of steady ground. Plugging along. Dh has been in contact with the mortgage company. I am glad he is taking some of the responsibility and burden off of me. We can share it together, but it is not fair for one person to carry the burden.

I have been able to stretch my food dollar and cut down on meal preparation and cooking time. I've been making a lot of casseroles, soups, and stews. That's the nice thing about cooler weather. Plus I cook only 2-3 times a week. (My freezer is still stocked with a decent selection of meats.)

As soon as I find out more about the loan modification, I'll post that info.
 
#28 ·
I am so glad my dh is not like this. How difficult it must be to try to be saving for an easier future (no credit card debt, savings, retirement) and having the adult that lives with you spending money like water. I am also not like this; but my adult sons are. Today people have this I WANT WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT attitude.
 
#29 ·
I had a boyfriend like that...the key word here being "had".

He lost his house because he basically gave up, he got his Harley repo'd again becasue he gave up. He got behind on a few payments and then just stopped everything. He had one hell of a summer but he is now 40 years old with literally nothing to his name.

I ran into him at Christmas time in Walmart where he was going to buy himself a Christmas present...some HUGE flatscreen tv. Kind of funny considering when I was with him all he had was rabbit ears because he blew off the cable company and the satelite company too many times and no one would give him service without a huge deposit.

Thank god I got out of that one alive!
 
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