How do you start over when you have no money?
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  1. #1
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    Default How do you start over when you have no money?

    As some of you may know, I am planning on asking DH for a separation in the upcoming weeks. I currently have no savings, but I do receive $500 a month from my pension so it's a start.

    Starting over for me means obtaining a passport for my oldest son (because I know I can't bring my youngest son back with me), repairing his glasses, filling his prescription and then flying back to my hometown. Once I'm there, I have more resources at my disposal to help me start over. I would need to find a place to stay and a car, neither of which I have the money for.

    I've been pouring all of my pension into fixing the house, which I guess should have gone into savings instead. However, I can't fix that now. I had been thinking of staying here until the house sells, then splitting the profits with DH but I doubt that'll fly too.

    So how do you start over, being thousands of miles away, with no money? There is NO one that I want to borrow from, nor can I borrow from.

  2. #2
    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    I would start socking away your pension like you said. DO you have anything you could sell? Jewelry, furniture etc?

  3. #3
    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
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    what would happen with your youngest son ?? it looks like he is only 7 ??
    *~Debbi~*
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    Registered User annymoll's Avatar
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    On a 500 dollar a month income(here in the states) most would go sign up for housing, food stamps, Medicaid, energy assistance.They would pay nothing for these services. There are scores of food pantries, clothes closets and resources to help you get started until you find employment. Surely these things are available in Canada?I hear so much about how progressive that country is.Get them now to help you get started.In this country, on that income, you would most likely qualify for educational assistance as well, plus daycare.There?????Worth looking into, until you get your bearings and some money saved.

  5. #5
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    I'm going to start socking away as much of my pension as I can. Right now, some of it is earmarked for the property taxes, the alarm system and my cell phone. The rest can be put away in savings.

    My youngest son would probably stay here with his father. He has a larger support network, so if anything, it'd be good for him to be here. I'd have to apply for him to come to the US as a temporary visitor under a Visa of some sorts. I'd love for him to come to the US after everything's finalized.

    Once I got back to NY, I'd apply for financial help. This would be in food stamps, housing, after school care for my 12 year old (since he's disabled), etc. I know the system pretty well in NY. I also have the VA to fall back on as a way to help secure employment and for medical care. Medicaid would be a top priority of mine.

    I had thought of filing for separation now and asking to remain in the home until the house sells, then split the profit down the middle. If that happens, I'll have a good means to get back to NY with. I'm just looking at the alternative.

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    Registered User Missy's Avatar
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    Please understand I am not trying to pass judgement, Lord knows I have my own crosses to bear...but what quality of life will youngest ds have left behind with his father (who is overbearing, demeaning, and controlling...) Would it be worth it to stay till the house sells and then use some of your portion of that to get him his passport...Could you apply for dual citizen status for him (Honest, it's a question, I don't know if it is possible)?

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    Registered User stinkbug's Avatar
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    I have the same questions as missy.....but I know nothing about immigration law. I also wonder what quality of life you will have, knowing you left one of your children behind..... (just a question, not a judgement)
    Stinkbug


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    Registered User Josephhgoins's Avatar
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    I hate that you are going through this. I don't know what kind of hell you are going through, but I know here in the states the general rule is that the first one to leave loses in the divorce. If you can stay until the house sells I would.

    Also, frankly, if it was me, I wouldn't mention the Divorce or seperation until the house sells and the money is in hand.

    I won't judge you for bringing one child and not the other. My mom has always been overly caring to me and ignored my sister, your husband may be the same with your sons. There is always a favorite (no matter what folks like to think) and if the 7yo is your husbands then it may be better for everyone that he stay with him.

    I second the thought of selling anything you can to raise cash. Do you still have your wedding band and engagement ring? You won't need those much longer and if you work with a reputable jewelry store or pawn shop you may be able to get a good price for them. Also, is there anything else you can pawn? Any power tools that may not be noticed? Most Pawn shops will take about anything.

    With that thought in mind, Credit cards if you can get them will come in handy. I mean, right now you should concentrate on your life not your credit score. If credit cards arn't possible, how about a unsecured loan? If it was me, I might even fib and say it was for the final touch on the house and then run like Heck to the US with the money.

    Could you clean some houses or take a part time evening job for a few weeks? It would be a two fold win for you, first your out of the house and don't have to put up with him and second you have the money from it.

    When my mom and step dad was going through their roughest time, the part time job saved both her and my sanity.

    I would also advise, you sock your money in CASH. That way you can always grab and run. You never have to worry about waiting for the bank opening. You also have the piece of mind to know that its always there and he can't touch it.

    Good luck with whatever course you take.

    Also, stupid question but are you SURE that you can't reconcile? Maybe have some third party help you?

  9. #9
    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Missy View Post
    Please understand I am not trying to pass judgement, Lord knows I have my own crosses to bear...but what quality of life will youngest ds have left behind with his father (who is overbearing, demeaning, and controlling...) Would it be worth it to stay till the house sells and then use some of your portion of that to get him his passport...Could you apply for dual citizen status for him (Honest, it's a question, I don't know if it is possible)?
    Oh, he treats youngest DS like he's a golden child. He's never really treated my oldest DS like an equal either.

    Quote Originally Posted by Josephhgoins View Post
    I hate that you are going through this. I don't know what kind of hell you are going through, but I know here in the states the general rule is that the first one to leave loses in the divorce. If you can stay until the house sells I would.

    Also, frankly, if it was me, I wouldn't mention the Divorce or seperation until the house sells and the money is in hand.

    I won't judge you for bringing one child and not the other. My mom has always been overly caring to me and ignored my sister, your husband may be the same with your sons. There is always a favorite (no matter what folks like to think) and if the 7yo is your husbands then it may be better for everyone that he stay with him.

    I second the thought of selling anything you can to raise cash. Do you still have your wedding band and engagement ring? You won't need those much longer and if you work with a reputable jewelry store or pawn shop you may be able to get a good price for them. Also, is there anything else you can pawn? Any power tools that may not be noticed? Most Pawn shops will take about anything.

    With that thought in mind, Credit cards if you can get them will come in handy. I mean, right now you should concentrate on your life not your credit score. If credit cards arn't possible, how about a unsecured loan? If it was me, I might even fib and say it was for the final touch on the house and then run like Heck to the US with the money.

    Could you clean some houses or take a part time evening job for a few weeks? It would be a two fold win for you, first your out of the house and don't have to put up with him and second you have the money from it.

    When my mom and step dad was going through their roughest time, the part time job saved both her and my sanity.

    I would also advise, you sock your money in CASH. That way you can always grab and run. You never have to worry about waiting for the bank opening. You also have the piece of mind to know that its always there and he can't touch it.

    Good luck with whatever course you take.

    Also, stupid question but are you SURE that you can't reconcile? Maybe have some third party help you?
    I would LOVE to bring youngest DS back with me, but I don't know how possible that would be. I'm positive that we can't reconcile. There's no way. It's been this way for a long time now. I'm done with it.

    Sorry my answers are so short, but this is a bad place to be doing this right now. I'll answer more later.

  10. #10
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    Because of some family members who have gotten into a bad situation we have had this converstion. What would you do if you had to "alight" in an unknown townwith little to no money.
    Both of us said we could get caregiving jobs which are live-in. For the most part that would take care of living situation and food. Such a position may not be possible with your son but you might look into it.
    Also there are day-work temp agencies. If you are US citizen you might 'visit' here for a few weeks and try to make some extra cash that way.
    Stay in a studio for a while. Remember that the sacrifices you make early on in the move will pay off later.
    Also in advance of moving you should try to set up residency here. If you have a friend who can let you use her address for mail and resume's, it would be a big help. Send something to that address from Canada to verify that address. Get a cell phone number with the "proper" area code so that you are local for jobs and assistance. (the food bank plasma center here accepted the mail with my address on it as proof of Oregon residency)
    As you plan make sure you have copies of EVERY legal document you might need. Birth Certificates for everyone. Your marriage certificate. Papers for the house. Copies of budgets. Bank account info. Loan papers. Your VA papers. Social security cards as well as social insurance cards. You residency card for Canada. Medical records and diagnosis info on your son. His pay stubs. Tax records.
    I don't know how I feel about stashing cash. Feel free to sell anything that is yours but I am a little leary about selling "his" power tools. At times, not stirring the pot is better than the extra cash. If you piss him off extra on something like a chainsaw he might feel justified in hiding/using all the profits from the house. (No one is saying that he is level-headed). Can you sell plasma in Canada? It might be a way of making extra money ...

  11. #11
    Registered User frugalfranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys View Post
    I had been thinking of staying here until the house sells, then splitting the profits with DH but I doubt that'll fly too.

    I would try to stay.......if at all possible.........and all the while putting every penny you can into a separate acct.

    My thinking is that if you are back here in the states when the house sells it could be harder to get 'your fair share'.......and you will need it.

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    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by frugalfranny View Post
    I would try to stay.......if at all possible.........and all the while putting every penny you can into a separate acct.

    My thinking is that if you are back here in the states when the house sells it could be harder to get 'your fair share'.......and you will need it.
    My accounts are already separate from his. They always have been.

    I think I will stay here until the house sells. In the process, I'm having legal separation papers drawn up and in those papers, a clause put in that states that half of the house sale's profits go to my account.

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    In the meantime I would suggest you find someone to speak with confidentially. They may have ideas or suggestions that can help you.

    When you do decide to leave is there a town in NY that you plan on moving to or do you have friends or family? If you have friends or family I would suggest you start speaking with them and letting them know what your plans are.

  14. #14
    Registered User Missy's Avatar
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    I think the place to start is a network of friends and family that support and understand your situation. Then from there finding out what resourses are available to you (IE housing, medical, food assistance, etc) then from there finding out job and or education resources.

    Savings as much as you can before anythign has started would be ideal. ANd figuring out what skills you already possess and how those would traslate to the economy and workplace.

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    Registered User Dancing Lotus's Avatar
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    Sorry I cant help you. I'm trying to figure this one out myself. I have no savings, no income, not even a credit card. Best wishes

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