frustrated

**Wendy99** · 10-18-2010, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by LuLuBleen

Have you ever heard the saying "The person least committed to the relationship controls it?" Perhaps it's time to step back and let them come to you. If they never do, you'll know for sure that they didn't really care to begin with. You've done enough.

IME, people behave better in a relationship where they have to work a little. This goes both ways.

The part of the family that we want to keep in touch with are in their 80s so I can excuse that - they are caught in the middle of what they are told by the others. I dont know whether its fortunate or unfortunate, but we don't want to burder them with our side & further put them in the middle. It bothers us that the other side has done that. They are the sweetest old couple who mean no harm - they are just misinformed by the others and being older and only hearing one side they probably really have no idea. We just wish the rest of the family was like them. But in any other situation what you said makes complete sense.

**Judi Dial** · 10-19-2010, 09:02 AM

Write the folks a letter. You can consider carefully what to say and how to say it. Yes others may comment on it, but you should have a chance to say hello and we care, if nothing else.

A card that's appropriate with your signatures and a quick update (Johnny is enjoying his new teacher in middle school and learning about rocks. Bill & I are researching what we'll do or where we'll go on our vacation next summer.) as well as some statement of concern about them (We think of you often, hope you are well and thriving....) can completely ignore the he said/she said aspect of things. If your lousyy relatives make what you've said into something nasty, well they do and there's nothing you can do about that. All you can do is control what you do. If you've sent a card/note and said what you wanted to say honestly, then you've done what you can.

IHTH!

Judi

**kita** · 10-19-2010, 11:32 AM

And if this couple is in their 80s, they remember cards and letters and remember them fondly. I bet any cards or kids artwork will be held in high esteem. Don't dump them because of the family. Can the family control whether they get letters or not??

**Wendy99** · 10-19-2010, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by kita

And if this couple is in their 80s, they remember cards and letters and remember them fondly. I bet any cards or kids artwork will be held in high esteem. Don't dump them because of the family. Can the family control whether they get letters or not??

No the family would not be able to keep letters from them - what an excellent idea!! Will work on this with a couple pictures this week