Feeling Trapped - Forced to make fast decision - Absolutely Terrified
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 27
  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Feeling Trapped - Forced to make fast decision - Absolutely Terrified

    My story is the same as many others...

    Previous debt from previous bad marriage where husband was laid-off and refused to look for other work, forcing me to make ends meet on a part-time job and credit cards.

    Made some poor decisions in current marriage which landed us in deeper debt.

    Job changes with lesser pay and unable to make ends meet any more.

    I am a Christian and am struggling between the guilt of bad choices and guilt of asking God to help us find a way out of it. Hubby thinks I should declare chapter 7, but I am absolutely terrified of that step, even though things are so tight right now that I feel FORCED to take that step. I've read SOOOO many conflicting things about the process and destruction of bankruptcy and I don't entirely trust the lawyer we went to see for help.

    I tried to join Dave Ramsey's forums, but he charges to join his forums and that's money I don't have right now, so that didn't make sense.

    My Christian principles are keeping me from making a drastic decision like that right now because I feel it is wrong to wipe out a debt that I owe, even though the lawyer told us (rightfully-so) that it is CRIMINAL to be charging us nearly 30% interest and that is equally as immoral as me not paying back my debts!

    We struggle SO HARD to make the minimum payments, but the interest is drowning us and because we have to juggle bills every month, we can never get any help from the creditors when we BEG them for lower interest rates or SOME forms of forgiveness. No matter how hard we try to make ends meet, even down to living on Ramen noodles and tap water, we can't seem to make a dent in the bucket, no matter how hard we try.

    Hubby is dead set on the bankruptcy, but I am BEYOND absolutely terrified of that decision. He loves me and will stand by whatever decision I make, but I just can't wrap my mind around such a HUGE, damaging decision like that!

    I feel so trapped and hopeless and frustrated and terrified and lost right now and just don't know WHERE to turn. Any form of counseling services cost MONEY that we don't have. Hubby says that all "debt consolidation" companies are frauds and don't work, and we've discovered evidence of that in various places on the internet. We don't know WHAT to believe in all the plethora of information out there in cyber space. We don't know WHERE to start.

    I am PRAYING for a sign in the sky to tell me to file or not to file for bankruptcy. Short of selling everything we own to make a dent in the debt and living in a box under a bridge, I don't know what to do or where to go and the idea of filing bankruptcy is so terrifying for me that I just can't seem to make myself go that direction.

    Feeling so lost and helpless right now and VERY VERY discouraged.
    Thanks for "listening."

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    707
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    4
    Rep Power
    9

    Default I am so sorry that you are going through this..

    i completely understand....my story is

    we own two peices of property...one is completely ours and we make mortgage payments on it...the other is an inheritance from my dad and all three of us kids own it...it is on the market now going on two years with no interest in it...we started out at one price and lowered it by 20,000 and still no interest... the real estate agent says it is priced to sell and that we shouldn't go any further....at this time i simply to go any lower just the idea that my dad worked hard for this peice of property...still have to pay a third of the upkeep taxes etc on this peice of property...Hubby cannot work due to health issues and on my income we are having a hard time paying our mortgagte...my two brothers have told me to let my house go and just move in the property until it sells which would be almost never and if i decide i want it then i would give them each 20,000 dollars for it...making me have a mortgage of $40,000 which is far lower than what i have now...we have struggled now for two years but have somehow pulled it off and have been able to keep the house we live in...but it is a struggle...i made a payment last week an had to pray that God would actually let money fall from the sky so i could have money to get back and forth to work with....pay day is wednesday of this week but some bills had to go not being paid so that i could make that payment....dh just doesn't want to let this house go....I understand where he is coming from but I hate living from day to day. I have run it by him that maybe we should try and sell this house and if it sells than it is a sign from above what should happen...however he refuses....but i know that if we continue to live this way we will lose it anyhow as my income is just not enough to live on.....I try and try to be as frugal as i can but dh and kids are not on board... i mean seriously there isn't any blow money so its not like they are spending frivuously...however if you leave a room shut the light off... washing out a dish..you dont need to leave the water running for 15 minutes for one dish...simple things like that and they simply do not get it...if i push it dh gets frustrate with me but i am simply to the point of frustration right now myself...i personally think we are never going to go forward living like this...and i don't know when to say enough is enough...any ideas....

  3. #3
    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Welland, Ontario, Canada
    Age
    45
    Posts
    2,506
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    I've been in a very similar situation and I understand your feelings of guilt.

    I was able to make a consumer proposal through a bankruptcy trustee to avoid bankruptcy. In essence, you offer the people you owe a percentage of what you owe them as opposed to going bankrupt. The payments you make are based on your income. I'm not sure if that is available where you are - I'm in Canada. I'm just waiting to hear if my proposal is accepted or not.

    I'm also a Christian and discussed my situation with clergy. They offered some interesting perspective.

    ~ Did you enter into the debt with the intention to pay it? yes

    ~ Did you try everything in your power to make good on the debts? yes

    ~ Were there some circumstances beyond your direct control that caused you to be unable to pay? yes

    Does God forgive mistakes? YES

    If you can't pay, you can't pay. Do everything in your power to help others once you get out of this devastating situation. Pray for guidance and forgiveness and then do what you must.

    You have to have basic necessities like food and shelter. You deserve to get out from under this burden.

    My thoughts are with you.

  4. #4
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    DE
    Posts
    2,372
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    I feel for you and please hang in there. We are all here to listen and many of us have already been there done that or are there and doing it now. (me!)

    YOU CAN DO THIS. You can both stay a team and get through this together, its commendable that you are both trying to fix it. Not everyone does. Not everyone feels the weight on their shoulders and the ownership of their problem like you both do.

    If you are comfortable with it, you could start a thread posting your current income, bills, and budget. People here can give you constructive criticism and tips that maybe you haven't thought of yet. (sometimes its easier to see the situation when looking in from the outside) Many people on here are SUPER frugal and their insight is so valuable. They think of things the rest of us would not.

    (you don't have to put company names on the bills when you post, just write "car payment $x.00, house payment $.99 etc.)

    It really helped me when I posted my budget, even if I didn't listen to ALL the advice at the time, it is there for me when I'm ready for that next step.
    "If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and light it yourself."

    Car loan (ugh, again!)
    Husband's debt to work on, mine is gone except car loan. w00t!

    Yah, I suck at this money stuff, I know. That's why I'm here.

  5. #5
    Registered User sunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    central midwest
    Age
    53
    Posts
    7,817
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    56
    Rep Power
    34

    Default

    Go to the library and check out Dave's books - Financial Peace, Total Money Makeover. . . . whichever you can get your hands on. . . he has an entire section devoted to what to do, when you can't make the minimum payments - WITHOUT declaring bankruptcy.

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    SW VA
    Posts
    963
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    I'm sorry for your situation and I can understand your fears and guilt. Others have given good advice.

    I just wanted to say the I don't think all debt consolidation companies are frauds. A relative of mine is working with something like that and has paid over $33,000 in 2 1/2 years. The company negotiated lower interest rates for them and worked with the creditors to set up a single payment that the company then pays to the creditors. It seems to be working well for my relative.

  7. #7
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    WOW THANK YOU ALL !! It is such a refreshing blessing to receive such understanding and support! Daisy, THANK YOU for directly addressing my spiritual dilemma as that is on the biggest difficulties for me right now - feeling like I am stealing from my debtors, even though they are wronging ME just as much, I still feel a responsibility to do my part. Your encouragement and hugs have been such a blessing. I started this thread amid tears and it is so comforting to know that there really IS a glimmer of hope out there.

    THANK YOU ALL !!!

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by daylily View Post
    I'm sorry for your situation and I can understand your fears and guilt. Others have given good advice.

    I just wanted to say the I don't think all debt consolidation companies are frauds. A relative of mine is working with something like that and has paid over $33,000 in 2 1/2 years. The company negotiated lower interest rates for them and worked with the creditors to set up a single payment that the company then pays to the creditors. It seems to be working well for my relative.

    daylily - Are you able to get the details about the company from your relative? I would be interested to find out more. Thank you.

  9. #9
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    SW VA
    Posts
    963
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    I can call and. ask them. I can either post or pm you when I get hold them them.

  10. #10
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    17
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    A site to try that follows Dave Ramsey but doesn't charge is living like no one else. I can't post links yet but just search on google for it.

  11. #11
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Thank you so much. I really really appreciate it. In the mean-time, I started another thread seeking names of reputable and legitimate debt-consolidation companies, so you're also welcome to respond there in case it might be helpful to anyone else.

    THANK YOU!

  12. #12
    Registered User Daisygirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Welland, Ontario, Canada
    Age
    45
    Posts
    2,506
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    18

    Default

    You are totally welcome! I know brighter days are ahead for you.

  13. #13
    Registered User HappyMama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    On a Cloud in the Midwest
    Posts
    1,946
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    23

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by layman75 View Post
    A site to try that follows Dave Ramsey but doesn't charge is living like no one else. I can't post links yet but just search on google for it.
    I have been a member there as well
    *Angel*

    Dave R. Plan
    Step one - Done
    Step two-Done
    Step three-Done
    Step four-Done
    Step five- Working on
    Step six- almost done
    Living debt free except the mortgage and working on that !!!

    Be content with what you have;
    Rejoice in the way things are,
    When you realise there is nothing lacking,
    the whole world belongs to you.

    -Lao Tzu

    Have Courage
    “Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires…courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back..." Maya Angelou

    "Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life." (Confucius 551-478 BC)

  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    HappyMama - Thank you for the PM. Unfortunately I just learned that I cannot reply to you until I have at least 20 posts under my belt. I'm sure that's for security reasons. So wanted to send my thanks and will reply to you privately as soon as I am allowed.

  15. #15
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    26
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    HappyMama - I looked up BH that you suggested in the PM, but he is mainly for Texas residents. I'm sure he can give some advice for "general" debt situations, but I will need to find reputable help for my own state here in PA.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Did I make the right decision?
    By Josephhgoins in forum General Chat
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 04-30-2012, 10:49 AM
  2. really feeling trapped today - just a vent
    By dwnloom in forum General Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-09-2011, 11:49 AM
  3. Feeling yucky and terrified:(
    By littlemotherhaywood in forum Pregnancy
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-10-2007, 03:08 PM
  4. I can't make a decision. HELP!
    By nuisance26 in forum Debt Reduction & Money Management
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 12-14-2006, 12:21 PM
  5. Help me make a decision
    By homesteadmamma in forum Pets
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 04-18-2006, 08:31 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •