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I'm back but in deep...

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3K views 11 replies 10 participants last post by  itsahumanzoo 
#1 ·
I frequented this forum for a long time up until 2 years ago. We were doing so awesome at being frugal it was ridiculous! After a while I wasn't doing so hot and ended up almost committing suicide. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well as clinical major depression and OCD. It's been a struggle ever since, especially with shopping. I keep racking up my visa behind my husbands back in an attempt to make myself feel better. It does temporarily until my card is declined. Then I have to tell DH and we fight. We've almost separated twice now. I need to relearn my old frugal ways and also learn to be happier. I'm not working at the moment, and I'm attending psychiatric day treatment. We don't have as much debt as we used to but I feel like a complete failure. Has anyone gone through something similar and got through it? I just need some advice and support, that' why I'm back, and glad to be.
Thanks
 
#2 ·
Hang in there. It is not easy when your life all of a sudden changes drastically. First things first is that you understand what is going on with your illness and how to manage it. Put the credit cards away. Better yet get rid of them if you can.

As far as shopping goes. Set aside a cash allottment for yourself. Do you have any thriftstores around where you can shop at? How about just shopping in your own closets? It is surprising what you can forget that you already have. Being able to have x amount that you can spend may help you stay on track with your spending. Does not have to a large amount of money.
 
#3 ·
Welcome back, Rachel.

I think you need to focus no your treatment. I have bipolar disorder as well and I speak from experience, no amount of frugal effort is going to help if you aren't getting proper treatment. If you're not on medication, I'd suggest you get on some. I take lamotrigine (lamictal) and it's really helped. I think ti's used as a treatment for OCD as well.

I'd also get yourself on a cash budget and remove access to all your credit and cash accounts until you're more stable. It's kind of drastic but it sounds like you're about two steps away from a ruined marriage so something is going to have to give.

Good luck. I hope things get better for you.
 
#5 ·
Welcome back Rachel, You have got some great advice here so just wanted you send you a hug. You can do it. Keep us posted .
 
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#7 ·
Thanks everyone! I am on medication, a lot actually. And my day treatment at the hospital is really helping me focus on getting better. But it's my husband that has the issues with my spending habits as he should. I went from zero dollars last month on my cc to $3200. My dr says it's part of my ocd, the spending, I get obsessed with having stuff, anything really. Most of it I don't need and I know it but I think, I've got my credit card so why not, and then it just gets out of hand (one example of this is I have 5 copies of the book dante's inferno, simply because they have different covers). My DH wants to be out of debt asap but I go on these manic sprees and end up putting us in a worse position than the last spree. I know that if I don't get my $&@$ together emotionally and financially, he will leave me. We are already sitting down tonight to split our income and bills. He doesn't want me spending his money (and I don't blame him) and he thinks that if I live off my income alone, I'll relearn responsibility, and the difference between wants and needs.
 
#8 ·
Rachel I hope you take some drastic steps to limit your spending. You really need to place barriers between you and your money until you get better. Splitting your money will benefit your husband, but you also need to work something out that will benefit you. I would go beyond shredding your credit cards. I'd close the accounts. I'd also give your debit card to your husband and ask him to pull cash out when you need it. You would me smart to make it impossible for you to get ahold of credit or money in any form.

I say this because I have some idea of what you're going though. I don't think freezing your cards will work, and I know that trying to get by on willpower won't work. If you get the urge to spend, you'll unfreeze those cards, you'll pull them out of the sock drawer, you'll call up your credit card companies and ask them to send you new cards. Does that sound familiar at all?

I hope you at least consider it. Your husband deserves to have some financial security, but you do too!
 
#9 ·
My aunt was bipolar and went on spending sprees. It is very common with people who are bipolar. Instead of feeling guilty, just try to focus on treatment and taking care of yourself.

Also, it is a good idea to cut off access to your accounts by closing them. You can also stop new CC offers from being sent to you.
 
#10 ·
I agree with gmarie. My mom's 2nd dh had bipolar and went on horrible spending sprees. She was afraid she was going to have no money to live on in her senior years so she divorced him. Maybe you need to only shop with dh for awhile. You need to understand how hard you are making his life!! I'm not saying you can't spend anything, but if you have his input you won't have to opportunity to get so out of control
 
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