Don't Ever Do Business With Family! (LONG!)

**pammy** · 11-16-2011, 08:45 AM

Money and family never mix. Too many hard feelings and miscommunications. Sorry it cost you $1000... but it might be best money you ever spent to know you'll never be going that route again.

Best of luck to you guys!!! *hugs*

**Greebo** · 11-16-2011, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by Ceashels

Food for thought:

A third party tells you that the terms of the contract agreement is changed but not the person lending the money.

If your Mom asked you could have just said: "No, it isn't appropriate for you (mom) to change the terms without telling us. We will NOT be providing you with monthly bank statements. If you wanted that information you should have informed us of the expectation BEFORE we made any agreement because it would have let us decline your offer sooner."

I'm not saying you shouldn't be pissed... but at the moment your anger is placed on third party information.

hugs

100% agreement.

**Greebo** · 11-16-2011, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by GirlBoyGirl

Yes you are right, that is something I should say to my mom, but ... I was trying to spare her feelings
...She digs up old guilt trips, lol!

Knowing this is her behavior pattern, the fact that you're STILL enabling it is now your fault.

You need to establish boundaries with your mother, something she hasn't had to deal with before.

**Anna43** · 11-16-2011, 10:53 PM

Any contract/agreement should be in writing whether its with family, friend, stranger, business etc. Spelling out the terms and everyone signing the agreement is the only way to prevent hard feelings. Doesn't make any difference if its a home purchase, rental lease or personal loan get it in writing. It is also the only way to win in court if you have to sue the other party for failure to do their part.

If I'd been in your situation and mother decided she wanted to see my monthly bank statements, I would have told her NO.

I have to say living 4 hours away from my mother makes for a much better relationship.

**Incognito** · 11-18-2011, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by Anna43

Any contract/agreement should be in writing whether its with family, friend, stranger, business etc. Spelling out the terms and everyone signing the agreement is the only way to prevent hard feelings. Doesn't make any difference if its a home purchase, rental lease or personal loan get it in writing. It is also the only way to win in court if you have to sue the other party for failure to do their part.

If I'd been in your situation and mother decided she wanted to see my monthly bank statements, I would have told her NO.

I have to say living 4 hours away from my mother makes for a much better relationship.

The written contract with the terms in detail is always so much easier to create and enforce with strangers than with family.

OP: I'm very sorry you have to spend that 1K on this whole messy misunderstanding. But I also think that communication should be more open between all of you, given the serious monetary nature of the situation. Too much tippy-toeing around people's feelings here, instead of open, honest communication. Honestly, I do know how that feels, and I found that in my own case, I finally had to cut the apron-strings, make my decisions without consultation, and keep my own counsel about many private matters. It's hard, I know, to have good relations with the extended family, without the kind of overlap which causes strife.

**miss_cas** · 11-20-2011, 05:26 PM

I so hear you.

Trying to leave an abusive relationship which caused me a nervous breakdown has left me over-reliant upon my abusive parents. I guess it's better than moving in with them after Dad tried to blow my head off once as a teen over something stupid.

Any help is loaded with insults, ultimatums and threats. The complications from the nervous breakdown left me on SSDI and having a hard time even finding a part-time job.

I've gotten as far away from the people who caused my breakdown as possible but the stigma of the mental health problems taint my already abusive relationship with my parents. ...

Another note, regarding wealthy people. A good many of them are crooks and enjoy the high of screwing someone and walking the fine line with the law. I would never get involved in any 'business' dealings with anyone wealthy or accept any financial help. When the crap does hit the fan for the wealthy crook, it will at least cast a bad shadow on you, or worse!

**lisaflex** · 11-20-2011, 07:29 PM

so sorry for you....i hope you work it out and all ends well.

**LuvMyHubby** · 11-23-2011, 12:23 PM

Lol, I've learned the hard way not to mix money and family or rent from family. But, and I'm not casting any nefarious doubt at your sister, are you 100 percent sure that this is exactly what your mother said and meant and something that she would follow through on by requesting? Your mom may have made some off hand joke in very poor taste and your sister may have severly mis interpreted it and come running to you thinking that she was helping when it clearly didn't. You have no way of knowing and will inevitably have some pretty hurt feelings for some time to come based on a third party statement that was not checked on. I think in the end it is probably better to not be in a situation where you are renting from your parents in a townhouse they were going to buy specifically for your family but I would try to come to some resolution on your feelings with the whole bank statement issue, especially if there is a possibility it was never meant the way it was relayed to you.

**GirlBoyGirl** · 12-01-2011, 08:26 AM

Thanks everyone for the replies! Sorry I just now getting back to this. Yes I 100% believe my sister, she is my twin sister and we are really close. I should have known my mom would pull something like this because my other sister owes my parents tons of money (because they have been paying all of her expenses for the past couple years while she goes to nursing school out of state) and my mom is always saying things sort of similar to what she said about me. I had reservations about the whole thing but I felt stuck like I had no other choice. I don't know for sure if she would have followed through with it, but just that she was thinking it was enough to make my skin crawl. Thank goodness the bank came through with a loan mod to give me an out with my mom!

Anyway, thank you again for letting me vent! And thank you to whomever voted me for the little award for this thread, how cool!!!!

**mndtrp** · 12-01-2011, 09:27 PM

Knowing how a person acts in other areas of life can give you great insight into whether or not you can do business together.

My immediate family, there's no problem. I've borrowed money a few times, and always paid back as agreed. Once the money was given to me, I never heard another peep about it until it was paid off.

My wife's family, we avoid any sort of financial involvement. Her father has had a history of holding everything over her head, even things that were supposed to be gifts.

To the OP, learn from this situation, and don't do it again.