A word of warning to all, don't ever do any kind of business or accept any kind of monetary favors from family, no matter how "good" it seems! My DH and I have had a hard time and were close to losing our house, which we were fine with renting if it came to that. But we had decided to try to move to a much cheaper state (after finding work of course) since we decided it would be the best thing for our family (the new area was also safer, had better schools, and more to do).
Well my mom completely freaked out at the thought of us moving away and her missing her grandkids so she decided that she and my dad would "help" us. Her help entailed buying a short sale townhouse and renting it to us. We even went and looked at a beautiful one and after feeling very pressured, I agreed to let her put an offer in. My fault, I should have thought about it more. But we talked about expectations and who would pay for what and it sounded good.
Well later I found out from my sister that my mom had told her that she would expect me and my husband to submit regular bank statements to her and my dad to prove we are saving money!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was completely stunned and hurt. First of all, saving money is not the issue here, we save as much as possible and if we had lower housing costs we would be able to save even more! Its not like we have spending problems where we would seize the opportunity of having low rent and go out and buy a bunch of crap, thats not us at all and she should know that! We don't have cell phones or fancy cable or half the crap SHE has! That's just embarrassing to make us do that! We would have felt like children!
We had been trying to get a loan modification from our mortgage company and not even THEY would require monthly bank statements after a loan mod is in place. Gees! So anyway, after almost 2 years of trying to get a loan mod, we finally get approved for trial payments. Of course this just HAD to happen 2 weeks after my mom put an offer, and deposit, on the townhouse. But I took it as an opportunity to tell my mom that we were going to pursue that so she could retract her offer and I would just pay her back the $1,000 deposit she put down.
I am beyond hurt and pi$$ed off! Like I have a spare $1,000 hanging around!!! I feel like telling her exactly why I am pulling out of this offer of help, she doesn't know I know about the bank statement thing because I promised my sister I wouldn't tell (since she wasn't supposed to tell me, but I am glad she did because don't you think I should know ALL the expectations my mom has before going into this????). Well it may come out eventually because I don't think that is fair I have to pay the deposit when it is partly my moms fault for changing the terms after we agreed on different ones. Either way, I will pay it to keep the peace and I will consider it the price of a lesson learned the hard way.
And from now on, no more help. We would have been fine with out her help and we WILL be fine without her "help". From now on, I'm a big girl who doesn't need bailed out by her parents, and they also only will hear our plans after they are already set. Meaning, if we are thinking of moving, we aren't going to tell them until it is 100% set so that way they have no way to trying to talk us out it.
ARGH! Sorry that is so long, I just really needed to vent! :ache:
Well my mom completely freaked out at the thought of us moving away and her missing her grandkids so she decided that she and my dad would "help" us. Her help entailed buying a short sale townhouse and renting it to us. We even went and looked at a beautiful one and after feeling very pressured, I agreed to let her put an offer in. My fault, I should have thought about it more. But we talked about expectations and who would pay for what and it sounded good.
Well later I found out from my sister that my mom had told her that she would expect me and my husband to submit regular bank statements to her and my dad to prove we are saving money!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was completely stunned and hurt. First of all, saving money is not the issue here, we save as much as possible and if we had lower housing costs we would be able to save even more! Its not like we have spending problems where we would seize the opportunity of having low rent and go out and buy a bunch of crap, thats not us at all and she should know that! We don't have cell phones or fancy cable or half the crap SHE has! That's just embarrassing to make us do that! We would have felt like children!
We had been trying to get a loan modification from our mortgage company and not even THEY would require monthly bank statements after a loan mod is in place. Gees! So anyway, after almost 2 years of trying to get a loan mod, we finally get approved for trial payments. Of course this just HAD to happen 2 weeks after my mom put an offer, and deposit, on the townhouse. But I took it as an opportunity to tell my mom that we were going to pursue that so she could retract her offer and I would just pay her back the $1,000 deposit she put down.
I am beyond hurt and pi$$ed off! Like I have a spare $1,000 hanging around!!! I feel like telling her exactly why I am pulling out of this offer of help, she doesn't know I know about the bank statement thing because I promised my sister I wouldn't tell (since she wasn't supposed to tell me, but I am glad she did because don't you think I should know ALL the expectations my mom has before going into this????). Well it may come out eventually because I don't think that is fair I have to pay the deposit when it is partly my moms fault for changing the terms after we agreed on different ones. Either way, I will pay it to keep the peace and I will consider it the price of a lesson learned the hard way.
And from now on, no more help. We would have been fine with out her help and we WILL be fine without her "help". From now on, I'm a big girl who doesn't need bailed out by her parents, and they also only will hear our plans after they are already set. Meaning, if we are thinking of moving, we aren't going to tell them until it is 100% set so that way they have no way to trying to talk us out it.
ARGH! Sorry that is so long, I just really needed to vent! :ache: