I got the mail yesterday and found a credit card bill for 6800.00 I didn't know existed. I didn't know it existed because it was hidden from me by my husband.
I am so stupid. How could I not know?
While I was at work 12 hours a day he was gambling. He charged at the casino.
I also found out that he cashed in a 1000.00 CD and 1000.00 is missing from savings.
I was so busy clipping coupons, watching sales and working all I could to get us out of debt, he knew this, he agreed to this and he snuck around and spent money we didn't have. He encouraged me, we had numerous discussions about eliminating debt.
I thought we had 4000.00 in debt on the cars. I thought everything else was paid. When the cars were done I was going to finish paying off the student loan. The house was next.
We fought for hours. He looked and acted relieved, now I knew. The one reason he is living in this home right now is he is banned from going to the casinos. He has agreed to a weekly allowance, agreed to not even go to the bank and he will do no shopping. His compulsive behavior extended to shopping trips. He also agreed to getting a second job. The other reason he is living in this home right now is I need his income to pay off this debt. The very last reason he is living here is I do love him. Love shouldn't be the last thing but right now it is.
How could I be so stupid?
I have asked him to go to counseling, he doesn't think he has a problem. At this point I know I can no longer trust him with money at all and his only access to money is through me. He has been told I will file for divorce if he breaks our agreement, he knows I mean it. I am probably lucky I did catch this early, before it went into the tens of thousands.
I worked so hard and now it seems like it was for nothing. I can't stop crying.
his behaviour may change for awhile but without counseling I don't think it will last.
I know this post seems jumbled I just can't stop crying. I don't know what more to do. What else do I do?
*hugs* You've done all you can. Now he either needs to shape up or you'll have to make some tough decisions. The scariest part of your post is that he doesn't think he has a problem. That would make me worry he'll go right back to it, but I hope he doesn't.
I am so sorry for you.
First off make sure your name is on no credit cards with his name.
Make bank account yours only ( or sorry he will be taking it out again )
Make all CD's your name only so he can't touch it again.
Time for Tough Love and Protect yourself.
If he won't go to counseling then your only going to go through worse.
JMHO
Will be Praying for you...
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Miranda is right, if he does not think he has a problem then there is nothing you can do to change him. Gambling is just like using drugs, drinking or any other addiction. The only thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. Even if he won't go to counseling, you need to. And I highly suggest going to Al-Anon. It is not just for those who have loved ones who drink, rather anyone with some type of addiction. It is learning about how to change your response and reaction, since it is the only thing you can change. Also, you can try maybe getting a number to a gambling hotline and giving it to him, although I am not sure he would follow through at least you did what you could do. I would also think about getting separate checking accounts. HTH. ((HUGS)). PM me if you need me, I have been though a similar situation too.
(((hugs))) I know you must be feeling horribly let down. My father in law lost their home because of compulsive gambling. The only thing that MIL could do was totally take over their finances. I have an uncle that had a gambling problem many years ago...he did overcome that problem so it is not a lost cause.
I'm sorry to hear this. I have known a person who had themself banned from the casino so even if they did go in, they would be escorted out. He may want to look into that.
I really think you should insist on a counseling before you two go forward. Do what you can to stay afloat and think of possibly having to do this without him. I don't mean to sound so hard - but he may not get better without help and he will leave you in the . I am so sorry you are having to face all of this on your own. Rally your friends and family to help support you through this - even if it means that you have to tell them what is really going on. You are in my thoughts and I am sending you good vibe and hugs
Dianne
Oh Julie, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I can't pretend to know what you are going through, but I wish you didn't have to go through it.
I would also remove his name from your bank accounts, your credit cards, c.ds, savings, kids savings, etc. I would also put an alert on your credit bureau that requires verification by you before any additional credit is extended. Cover all your bases babe. It's not being mean or evil, it's self-preservation.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you should add another condition for him remaining in the home and that is that he attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings.
Oh, and if you ever decide to leave him this debt is HIS and not yours. You are not responsible for his debts.
The others have addressed those areas well, here's what I have to address:
DO NOT KICK YOURSELF OVER THIS! I've talked about things like this with hubby because we've seen people do this often. We know of one woman that racked up over $200,000 without her husbands knowledge, it is easily done.
Heck, I COULD EASILY DO IT HERE and hubby wouldn't have a clue!
Hold your head up and hold him to his promises or stick to your guns on your threats, it's your future on the line.
Compulsive/addictive personalities can be a pain to deal with, I know, I have one, luckily I've channeled it to the good.
Hugs, head up and know you have LOTS of shoulders here for you.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you should add another condition for him remaining in the home and that is that he attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings.
Oh, and if you ever decide to leave him this debt is HIS and not yours. You are not responsible for his debts.
Cut up all credit cards.
Some states are joint debt, joint assets states. Which really sucks in situations like these.
There is a stupid one in the relationship but it's not you. Put everything in your name. If he doesn't think he has a problem then he will do it again. Gambling is an addiction. I had an alcoholic ex that would say he wouldn't touch another drink again, that I mean more than alcohol. Well guess what, that lasted about a day or two and then he'd be right back at it but just trying to cover his tracks better. I suspect gambling would be the same way. The high is hard to give up. Until he's ready to get real therapy for it I'd stay on constant gaurd. I hate to paint such an unflattering picture but you have to take care of you and yours.
I am so sorry also.. But I think you should do what is mentioned above.. changing everything to your name. Not just for your own peace and safety, but for his also. The Al-non is good too. I pray that you will be strong.
Keep us posted.. And wipe up those tears and keep focused. You do what you can and protect yourself.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time, but I'm glad we can be of some support to you; we're a group of caring ladies you can vent to..
You seem to be very focused on taking charge of the situation your husband has placed you both in and that focus (even if it's a tough love one) is intelligent. Pride yourself on that. Stay firm with your directives and do set up a security fund for yourself if God forbid you need it. Securing that he comes to you for money is a terrific plan.
Here's praying that he will see his addiction as a serious threat to his well-being and yours and that you're marriage can get back on track and be healed from his secret that is now out. I'm happy for you that your debt isn't worse than it is. It could have been well into the thousands! Keep working your frugal plan and stay positive.
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I spent yesterday crying
. I am so sorry you are having to face all of this on your own. Rally your friends and family to help support you through this - even if it means that you have to tell them what is really going on. You are in my thoughts and I am sending you good vibe and hugs 
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