Argh and i thought we were tight.

**qtkitty** · 02-17-2008, 08:47 PM

We went to visit Joe's mom this past weekend ... Joe had made some leather sales which made it possible. While we were there Joe realized his mama was eating off Balonie and cheese Sandwiches for 100% of her diet w/ tea or water to drink.

She has a heart condition and a bad back, so this is not an okay diet. The only time she is getting something else to eat is when the church she goes to has lunch after church.

He was NOT happy, he sat her down and asked her what was going on and why she was living like that. She has Widowed Vet pay and Disability SSI. She is living in an efficiency apartment and its costing her almost $700 a month but it includes electricity they have a well. Car payments( no way she could get around with out a good dependable car because the area she lives in is in the boonies ), Car insurance, Medicines ( which she doesn't take some of them because she can't afford to ) take the rest of her money. She can take the trash to the dump for free in the county she lives which is a benifit to her. She helps out at the church she goes too, volunteers at an assisted living house ( she was in the house for a while because of a heart condition so she feels for the people who are there), and works odd and end jobs for people even though it wears her out to try and pay for a little food and her meds that she HAS to have.

When we got there the only thing in her fridge was a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, wheat bread, a washed out milk jug with tea in it, a container of margerine, and hot sauce. In her freezer a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, a little packet of flavored coffee someone had given her, 2 little containers of left overs from church lunch she had been given, and ice (the freezer had an ice maker). Pantry had a box of hamburger helper, a few cans of veggies, and a can of tomatoe sauce, which she had gotten in a $10 box of food from this place that helps with food. She also had some cheap coffee, brown sugar, and creamer.

I asked her if she had tried to get food stamps and she said no she didn't think she could get them and that god provides when she needs it ... (most of the time.. i caught the catch in her voice). She is paying from $1 to $100 some for her meds because she is on vet medicaid. I asked if she had tried to get medicare she said that she was scared that if she got that that they would pull her medicare.

Since we have back stocked well we used some of our food stamps and stocked her pantry, i made lasana one night a HUGE thing of it so she had left overs to freeze. I made some homemade bread and banana bread while i was there and froze it for her. I made some chocolate creamer too, thats her fav splurge.. i showed her how to make it and she is LOVING IT. We got extra hamburger for in the lasana, i made extra sauce and noodles for the lasana, we got extra cheese and froze it all for her. I had gotten 2 frozen juices along with a gallon of milk to drink while i was there since my ambiotic fluid is low and i didn't know the quality of her water, i ended up leaving one juice and what was left of the milk there for her. When we were ready to leave we had her drive us out to the foodlion " so we wouldn't get lost" then got her 2 loafs of wheat bread, 10 cans of tuna fish ( they were on sale 5/$3 ), coffee, canned veggies, and other odd and end things we had noticed she needed so she could make meals with what she already had.

She needed the food more then we did. Joe gave her $10 to get another box of food like she had gotten before as well. We were not able to do much because we do not have much, but we helped her out a lot. She is going to look into food stamps and Medicaid... so hopefully she does. I keep my fingers crossed she gets medicaid because that would help with her meds i think i hope. Also if she could get food stamps to improve her diet so she could keep healthy.

**qtkitty** · 02-17-2008, 09:19 PM

Oh forgot to say, but she is talking about moving in with a friend of hers. Into a 2 bedroom, however then it would be about the same cost per month plus utilities divided in half. So basically it would not help out much financhially, but she would be able to have a pet and a friend there all the time incase something would happen to get help.

Joe though is worried about that not only because it isn't going to help with her finances, but the friend she is talking about moving in with has kicked her out of an apartment before to have someone else move in. So he is worried.

He is watching the trailers in our park pretty carefully, because if one comes open before she and this lady find a place he is going to go talk to our landlord about her moving into one of the trailers. She would be paying about what she is now for an efficiency between electric, phone, and trash pick up. She could either drop her car or keep it. There would be someone there incase something happens and she would be close to her grandchild.

Groceries are a LOT cheaper here so thats a plus.

**mom2matty** · 02-17-2008, 09:36 PM

to you for helping her out!! I hope that things work out and that a trailer comes available so she can be closer to you!!!

**dcompton** · 02-17-2008, 10:08 PM

It is heartbreaking to see the deperate straits some people are forced to live in. It was wonderful that you could help her out now and I hope that something more suitable opens up for her soon.

**IntlMom** · 02-17-2008, 10:15 PM

how great that you could help out so much!!!

**leezza** · 02-17-2008, 10:19 PM

Sorry about Joe's Mom.....she sounds like quite the fighter. It was so nice that you were able to help her out.

Kind Regards,
leezza

**dianne9106** · 02-17-2008, 10:23 PM

I am glad you two were able to help her! I would def try to move her closer for her her benefit as well as hers. Best wishes!!

**qtkitty** · 02-17-2008, 10:29 PM

We were both shocked when we went and opened her fridge. Joe knew she doesn't like to cook for herself when she is the only one there, but when he saw her fridge he almost cried and got that look on his face like she is going to listen to me and she is going to listen good *lol*. He kept ranting at her about eating healthy and not eating sandwiches all the time, i had to remind him his mom knew how to eat *lol*

**Ceashels** · 02-17-2008, 10:41 PM

First off, God Bless You and Yours.

Originally Posted by qtkitty

Joe though is worried about that not only because it isn't going to help with her finances, but the friend she is talking about moving in with has kicked her out of an apartment before to have someone else move in. So he is worried.

This is a huge red flag. If it doesn't change her finances then there is a lot of upheaval for little security of her having a place long term.

Originally Posted by qtkitty

He is watching the trailers in our park pretty carefully, because if one comes open before she and this lady find a place he is going to go talk to our landlord about her moving into one of the trailers. She would be paying about what she is now for an efficiency between electric, phone, and trash pick up. She could either drop her car or keep it. There would be someone there incase something happens and she would be close to her grandchild.

Groceries are a LOT cheaper here so thats a plus.

I think this would be a wonderful idea and even though it may mean saying so long to her friends and church, she will be closer to family, her son, her grandchild and you. There are a lot of subtle changes in aging and with the added stress of just making ends meet there is a higher risk of depression and that can even play a larger role in the quality of life. She should definitely check into the other resources that may be available to her and she may need a follow up call in a few days. Your state will have a Department of Aging and they can offer information to her as well as you.

Blessings.

**jamie79** · 02-17-2008, 11:24 PM

Can she get into low income senior housing where rent is 30% of her income. My mom lived in one and it was nice, had a laundry room, a club house and all utilites were paid in the rent except her phone. See if you can find something like this for her

**qtkitty** · 02-18-2008, 02:58 AM

Ceashels~ Yeah, exactly and this red flag Joe is seeing is troubling him. Expecially since there is no real reason for her to put herself into that situation. The lady his mom wants to move in with has supposedly found god just like his mom has, yet i don't think people change so easily and the reality that she could put his mom into more stress then she needs is a real worry.

When she planned on moving with this lady she would be moving back to their home town. It has changed so much that both Joe and his mom say its gone to hell in a hand basket, because its not the small town it used to be. It is now a town that has been over run by development of Huge expensive homes, by people looking for a "country life" yet bringing all the city life with them. Nothing that they remember is the same, so i don't think going "home" will help her.

She also would be moving 30 mins away from her church and the assisted living home so she will not be able to get together with them as often as she had. Although she plans on trying to go back once a week, but honestly i do not think that her budget will allow it.

I will have to look up the department of aging and see if they have any information.

jamie79~ The place that she is living in right now is about 35% of her income. She lived in an assisted living house with people for a good while. I got the feeling she is determined to live unassisted at all for as long as she can, so i don't think that she would go for that even if it was like an apartment complex.

The issue is mostly that she is on a lot of meds for her heart mostly and they are expensive even with medicare. She also has a car, which it is nice but i am sure the payments are pretty good too, but right now she needs something dependable because she can't physically deal with being stranded somewhere. She is trying to make it work, but you can see the little bit we did just made her free like even though it wasn't much.

Joe and i definately need to look into getting more help for her.

**Jskell911** · 02-18-2008, 06:20 AM

I hope you are able to find the right solution for her quickly. It is so sad when you see someone you lone suffering like that.

**carlitasway** · 02-18-2008, 09:28 AM

You are good people helping the way you did. I will keep your family in my prayers.

**Darlene** · 02-18-2008, 09:38 AM

Aww

Can you call & talk to whoever is in charge of her church, Reverend, Pastor, Priest? They may be unaware of her problems and can help.
Wishing you all well.