Parents Who Hurt (Kith)

**hollyhill** · 04-17-2010, 12:42 AM

Oh. I am a hurting mom. But after reading everyone's worries I don't know if I should post. But here goes.

I am a hurting mom because my youngest daughter who is 12 has juvenile diabetes. She needs 4 or more injections of insulin a day and it hurts me to watch her inject and it hurts me to have to inject her. I worry that she will go low at night (or worse...). I worry about long term complications and pray that she navigates her teen years and takes care of herself and stays healthy.

I am a hurting mom because my 15 year old son is visually impaired. He has no vision in one eye and reduced field of vision in the other eye. He manages well but hopes to learn to drive in few months. I am a nervous wreck thinking about this. I also worry that he could lose his remaining vision.

**valerian** · 04-17-2010, 11:36 AM

I am a hurting parent also. My oldest ds has made some terrible choices in his life and won't do anything to try to change. He doesn't care that he's hurting his loved ones. He's literally driving all of us crazy...my dh and I and my parents. He moves back and forth from their house to ours and then back again as each households' tolerance and patience wears thin. He's 18 years old and just can't see the folly of his ways. It's so frustrating to watch someone's life go down and know that you've done all you can to help and it's not working because the person is too stupid or whatever to accept it! I mean, this is my child and I brought him into the world and I may have to watch him die and one day soon. After my younger brother's death, I think we've suffered enough. I can't bear another loss like that but I can feel it coming!

**krbshappy71** · 04-17-2010, 01:49 PM

I should be thankful my children are at least physically healthy. But sometimes I forget that, sometimes I know that and it still doesn't help. My older one seems to have left the nest reasonably unscarred but I suspect she just buries it all and it will turn up later. I have terrible nightmares of her upbringing and the mistakes I made. My youngest has just pulled out of a very deep suicidal depression, I'm not sure I'll ever truly be at ease that she has overcome those thoughts. I believe she will battle them the rest of her life. For now we have medication and counseling in place but I have known people who had that in place and still took the leap to end it all. I have nightmares of that as well.

Can I just say that I love my children dearly but I will never do this parenting stuff again. It just hurts too much sometimes. Agreed, it is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes not even for the strong of heart. Hugs to all of you and hang in there. We can do this.

**Shellyann36** · 11-28-2010, 02:03 AM

I am a parent who also hurts. I have 4 boys, ages 21, 20, 16 & 14 months old. The older 3 are from my first marriage. My 20 year old made some bad choices in life & got caught doing them...he is currently on probation and has to finish a year long drug abuse class & community service with no set backs & he can have all of the charges dropped. I posted his bond before his court date & agreed to let him & his girlfriend live with us as long as he contributed to the bills.... He only had to pay 1/3 of the utility bills. Well instead of following the agreement he used our house for as long as he could then he moved in with his gf's mom....(where he is paying bills!) his older brother told me that his brother was planning this all along. I love my son but I will never allow him to move back in with me under "normal" circumstances... if something were to happen to him physically/sick I would take care of him as long as I could but to just let him move back in with me because of some legal trouble/job loss/etc.... forget it.

My 16 year old also pulled a whammy on me this year. He decided he wanted to move in with his dad. I spent years raising my 3 oldest children by myself. Their dad was never around and I had to run him down for child support. Off and on for the past few years he has kept in touch with them. In 2007 I was laid off from a good paying job and so the last 3 years have been financial hardship years. My 16 year old decided to go live with his dad because he did not want to live that way any longer. It hurt me so bad.

I love all of my children but sometimes it just seems that no matter what you do for them it is never enough and they would pick anyone over me. (just the 20 & 16 year old)

**nadine64** · 11-28-2010, 04:34 AM

I'm on here tonight because I can't sleep, can't stop crying and basically feel like any "normal" life is over. My DD, 18 yrs old, left home tonight to live with friends and we didn't know where she was for hours. We still don't know where she is except that she is living with friends now. She is openly gay and we've always supported her. That's what kills me. We've never bashed her and made her feel "less than" anyone else because of her sexuality. Yet there is so much anger from her. Too many reasons to list why she left, but she said she's never coming home again. I feel like I'm dying inside.

**krbshappy71** · 11-28-2010, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by Shellyann36

I am a parent who also hurts. I have 4 boys, ages 21, 20, 16 & 14 months old. The older 3 are from my first marriage. My 20 year old made some bad choices in life & got caught doing them...he is currently on probation and has to finish a year long drug abuse class & community service with no set backs & he can have all of the charges dropped. I posted his bond before his court date & agreed to let him & his girlfriend live with us as long as he contributed to the bills.... He only had to pay 1/3 of the utility bills. Well instead of following the agreement he used our house for as long as he could then he moved in with his gf's mom....(where he is paying bills!) his older brother told me that his brother was planning this all along. I love my son but I will never allow him to move back in with me under "normal" circumstances... if something were to happen to him physically/sick I would take care of him as long as I could but to just let him move back in with me because of some legal trouble/job loss/etc.... forget it.

My 16 year old also pulled a whammy on me this year. He decided he wanted to move in with his dad. I spent years raising my 3 oldest children by myself. Their dad was never around and I had to run him down for child support. Off and on for the past few years he has kept in touch with them. In 2007 I was laid off from a good paying job and so the last 3 years have been financial hardship years. My 16 year old decided to go live with his dad because he did not want to live that way any longer. It hurt me so bad.

I love all of my children but sometimes it just seems that no matter what you do for them it is never enough and they would pick anyone over me. (just the 20 & 16 year old)

I can relate with the financial hardships, single parenting, and betrayal feelings. Without going into my own story, let me just say that you are not alone with your feelings. Children can cut so deeply without knowing the depths they reach in our hearts. They love you, I'm pretty confident your 16 yr old has no idea the true level of pain this is causing you. They can't, they haven't been a parent. They haven't watched that sleeping baby and vowed to protect it with their own life. Big hugs to you as you go through this, I'm sorry.

**Rhiamon** · 11-29-2010, 08:17 AM

I also am a hurting parent. DD7 has severe ADHD, a LD, and moderate anxiety. I cry after days were she has hit me, punched me or kicked me or have to stand in front of the door to 1am because she on an impulse and was mad decided she wants to run away. I have had to install alarms on the door and patio door, because she also threatened to jump on the balcony. I have had to hide all the knives and medication in the house, because of her threats to harm herself, or because in the past she has tried to stab me.
I worry about her education, and if I am making the right choices for her. I hurt because I feel all alone in trying to get all the Drs, and workers she has to try and work together, while they look at me and know that I have mental health issues.
I hurt when she comes home in tears because she has been bullied at school again, and I have to go and talk to the school again. I hurt because anyone I have talked to with children with such issues when they are adults say they are not doing well. I worry if I am doing everything I can for her. I think like all parents who hurt I also feel very guilty. I hurt because I am a single parent and do almost all of it on my own, well dealing with my own mental health issues, and wonder often if my family’s history of mental health issues is genetic and I passed this gene onto my daughter.

(Thanks for starting this thread)

**RaineyDaye** · 11-29-2010, 10:58 AM

To Shelleyann, Rhiamon, Krbs and all you who have been or are now single parents...
When my oldest daughter was a teen she was in trouble frequently, acted out, was abusive to her sister and told me she hated me. Somehow she finally got through high school and college and I thought she was going to be okay. Then she met and married a violent man who was an addict. She left him and went back to him many times. I lived with the constant fear when the phone rang that it was some official in her state telling me that she or her children were dead. Seven years ago, his addictions and violence escalated; she was finally forced to see how grave the situation was, and with a lot of help from me and counselors, chose her life and her children over him. Since then she has had ups and downs but she is supporting and raising her children by herself, has her own home, and is in graduate school while working full time. I just wanted to tell you that there is hope, and our worst fears as parents don't always come true. She and I are very good friends now. She tells me all the time how much she appreciates what I've done for her. So there is hope!

**crazyknitter** · 11-29-2010, 11:23 AM

OH! I am so glad this thread was bumped.

Just the other day I came on here looking for a place this this. I am a hurting parent and needed to hear others stories as well as possibly needed a place to share - if I can finally find the courage after we have so many people acuse us of some nasty false accusations. That was the hardest.

**ml2620** · 12-02-2010, 05:20 PM

Ladies, I am on the other end of parenthood. After three years of infertility I gave birth to my beautiful daughter this summer.

I know this overpowering love I feel for DD is that same love you feel for your children, that it will never go away.

I worry for what life has in store for all of us. For now, I consider myself blessed that my daughter just wants us to hold her tight.