Parents Who Hurt (Kith)

**forHISglory** · 07-27-2008, 10:18 PM

Are you a parent who is hurting for your child? I've noticed some poignant threads lately from parents who are very concerned over their children. I am one of them. Perhaps we can form a thread of support for each other here.

Who is a parent? One with a biological or adopted child, for starters. But perhaps you are a grandparent raising a grandchild, or a foster parent. Maybe you are parenting your sibling, or you are that special mentor to someone who isn't even blood relation. Whatever the case, it means a strong bond.

Child? Maybe a baby. Or a young child, a teen. Perhaps a college age son or daughter. Maybe it's an adult child. Age doesn't matter when it's your child.

Hurting? We hurt when our child hurts. Maybe our child is experiencing a physical problem right now. Perhaps it is mental, emotional or spiritual. Maybe your child is not adjusting well to new circumstances. Maybe finances are really bad. Or the child has made bad decisions and choices and is now facing consequences. Communications and relationships might be strained. Some problems might be self inflicted, but other problems may be something outside of their control.

I envision a safe and supportive thread where we can vent, cry, ask and give advice, give our own stories, and just be there for each other. We can pray for each other, send hugs, and PM when appropriate. It's not a place to be judgmental. Being a parent is hard work. And the hurts that parents bear just makes it even harder. I would ask this this be a positive, encouraging, and sensitive thread.

Right now I am hurting for my son who has made some bad choices and now his world is falling in. We raised him one way, and he determined to go a different way. We will never quit loving him, but we are having to step back and let him experience the results. I just ask you to pray for my strength to let him grow up, even though it is painful to watch him struggle. I ask that you pray for him to have clarity of mind, and to evaluate his priorities and values with logic and reason.

Our stories may be long and detailed, or short and vague, but if it's your child, then share whatever you are comfortable with.

Dear hurting parents: if we didn't hurt, if we didn't feel, then we wouldn't care. Let's reach out and care.

**homemaker66** · 07-28-2008, 07:21 AM

I do understand what you are going through with your child. My 18 did the same thing but he has bipolar and he decied to go off from his meds when he turned 16 and then everything went down hill from there. In NY the child has the right to refuse treatment but you must have it on hand just incase. So needless to say he has hit rock bottom and now slowly he is climbing out of the barrel. We also walked away from him and learned to love him from afar and it hurts really badly. But we are getting him back on track FINALLY!!!
Now my oldest son just lost his best friend over the weekend which he was 22 years old. He was driving to fast and lost control and had a roll over. My son was raised with this young man so right now we are focusing all of our energy on him. Please send prayers our way. Thank you.

**yankeegal** · 07-28-2008, 08:34 AM

I think this kith is a great one!

I just wanted to give some prospective coming from the other side. When DD#1 turned 18, she made some really bad choices-involving a boy of course and did some things that her Dad and I just could not live with. She moved out and wouldn't speak to us for about 6 months. I would call her and leave messages to the effect that I hoped she was well and that we loved her...etc... I am so glad I did that. Of course the "boy" situation ended and she pulled herself together and reconnected with us. Our relationship today is better than ever. I thought we had lost her, but she did come back to us-she just needed to work it out for herself first.
I hope all works out for those who are struggling now....

**pip** · 07-28-2008, 08:53 AM

We've had some very dark times with my oldest boy, almost 20. It's so sad to raise your child up a certain way and have them go another, especially when the choices made seem destructive and scary. We have always tried to keep a good relationship with him, though, even if it had to be from a distance. Although painful, I now understand that I don't have control over anybody but myself, and I have just let it go. Our relationship, though from a distance, is good and loving. I pray that he will someday get it all together. In the meantime, I pray for his safety and well being.

**forHISglory** · 07-28-2008, 11:31 AM

Forgot to add that this is also a thread for sharing success stories. Those of us who are in the trenches right now need to hear your stories of hope.

**ilovechocolate** · 07-28-2008, 12:30 PM

Our DD made some very bad choices this year as to school and friends. She failed all her subjects and doesn't want to return to school, wants to be homeschooled, which is truly not feasible for us. Fortunately lately she has been hanging with a girl whose parents have standards similar to ours and since my child is a follower/people pleaser, we are hopeful that she is going to start "coming back" to how she has been raised.

Parenting is not for sissies or cowards.

**stinkbug** · 07-28-2008, 12:31 PM

There is not enough band width to detail the crap my oldest dd (27) is going through. Suffice it to say, she chooses to stay with a man who won't work, lives off the system, and has rejected our family because we won't give them money.....she now won't have anything to do with any of us. Even after her sister opened her home to dd and her three kids to help her get on her feet. She lasted less than 24 hours before she went back to him.

**RaineyDaye** · 11-07-2008, 11:12 AM

I'm worried about my oldest daughter 's financial situation. Her life has improved in many ways in the last five years, but she still struggles with money. I used to help her out, but I can't/won't anymore. But when I learn that she has gotten herself into a lot of debt again.... I am worried about her and her children's future... I don't know what to do ....

**G'MaDebbie** · 11-07-2008, 11:55 AM

THANK YOU for starting this thread! This is exactly what I have needed since last week.
My husband and I just became licensed foster parents on October 1st of this year. On October 9th we got our first foster child, a 4 month old baby boy. My husband and I gave this child everything we had, our love, our time and our energy, everything! On October 28th, we had to return him to his family. It literally broke our hearts. Our home has not been the same since he left. I haven't told anyone this, but my husband is so tore up over the baby leaving that he is now sleeping with one of the baby's blankets tucked in his pillow case. (I am not sure he knows that I know). I am in tears just typing this.
We know that this is all part of how the foster care system works and we only want what is best for the baby, no matter who he is with, but it doesn't make us hurt any less.
I am also hurting over the distance between my son and I. For some reason he just decided one day that myself as well as my daughters (his sisters) aren't good enough for him, He has nothing to do with us in over a year. He has 3 children that are the apple of my eye and is now keeping them from me as well. I am not sure what went wrong, but it kills me every day, I try not to dwell on it, but how do you not? Trying to talk to him does no good, so I just have to rely on the fact that one day he will grow up and remeber where he came from and who was always there for him.
Thanks again for this thread.
Debbie

**forHISglory** · 11-07-2008, 02:13 PM

A little update on our boy......

He seems to be making better decisions, for which we are grateful. He has been out of work; the economy did a number on his job, but he is scrambling for jobs anywhere he can get one. He's still not handling money very well, and I continue to ask for your prayers there.

Thanks......

**gmanch** · 11-07-2008, 02:22 PM

I am 60 years old with two adopted children - a 26 year old daughter and a 24 year old son. Right now, both are living in my home. We have loved both of them since the day we got them and have done everything in our power to raise them well. However, we believe my daughter may have an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, and she has made horrible decisions in living her adult life - drugs, trashing apartments, excessive drinking, a bad marriage and divorce, and now she is single and two months pregnant. I cannot support another abortion but dread the thought that my wife and I may be raising her child. I have learned that there is only so much we can do, that a loving environment may not overcome genetics or early childhood problems.

My son is developmentally disabled and has a number of psychological and physical problems, including bipolar. He does the best he can but often explodes at us for not reason. He does work at Wal Mart and tries to be as independent as he can, but he will never be able to live on his own.

I have always wanted to travel in my retirement, but at this point, I don't know if that will ever happen. My wife and I just take what God gives us and do the best we can each day.

My best wishes and prayers to all parents everywhere!

Gordon

**rainbowgc** · 11-08-2008, 10:11 AM

I have one adult child that is a sociopath. She is a pathological liar as well. It has been just over 1 year since I instituted no contact which is what they advise for dealing with sociopaths. My heart has been broken over this child too many times to count. Even in no contact I mourn the loss. I am in therapy and belong to an online support group but I still feel terrible some days.

**nessarowdy** · 11-08-2008, 11:12 AM

Hi-
I have an autistic child who, along with his 2 sisters, is the apple of my eye. With that, comes HOURS of worry and constant wondering if I'm doing enough for him. He is high functioning enough where I truly believe he will be able to lead an independent life when he's older.

With him being high functioning, he is able to see that he is different from his peers. It hurts when he's not invited to birthday parties. Probably more me than him, though! He sees his older sister having playdate after playdate, while he rarely gets an invitation.

One day at a time, that's how we get through it all!

Thanks for letting me share!

**Buc-O-Mama** · 11-25-2008, 10:16 AM

I'm a hurting parent. Trying not to let it consume me so much. God is good, and I have peace but it's still so hard.

Our youngest DD, age 15 has an assortment of issues that affect her every day and always will. Here's the list:

Hypotonia - (low muscle tone) caused by a neurological processing problem that also causes intellectual disability

Ehlers Danlos syndrome - a connective tissue disorder that causes extreme joint hypermobility and has some vascular implications.

Sjogren's syndrome - an autoimmune disease that causes your immune system to attack the moisture producing glands in your body, can affect all organs, muscles and neurological system.

Dental issues - the ED causes enamel and dentin deficiencies, and SS causes lack of saliva, which has made saving her permanent teeth quite difficult

Scoliosis - currently has a providence sleeping brace

Enough already, I think. New stuff keeps popping up. Last month she had to have a salivary gland biopsy to confirm the Sjoren's while she was having a dreadful inflammatory flare up. She hasn't been pain free in months. It's just hard to see her hurt so much.

**daughter of pearl** · 04-16-2010, 11:35 PM

I jus found this thread. I have a 28 DS who is a very serious addict, and I spend a lot of time worrying and praying for him. He has taught me what it really means to give something up to God, because with his behaviour, if it don't do this and do it well, and completely, I will make myself crazy. We have been on this road together for half his life, and I pray every day that it will change.