Parents of Autistic Children Kith

**celina** · 02-04-2009, 04:12 PM

first find out if he has a more specific diagnosis.....cause autism is VERY broad....

6 is not too late for an aspergers dx...but for other forms i dont know..

it must be very hard to see that meanest in him....

read read read research all you can on his specific form....

alot of what you read wont work...but you might just find something that will click for him..and no normal punishements are a joke with spectrum kids...

i hear all the time

"you must be giving in to her, just hold your own.."
"be consistent, you mustnt be, look at her"
"etc..."

that should have been my first sign...every darn parenting book left me in tears as none of their magic systems worked with jayna...

hang in there.....

i remember being a new mom of a newborn...i was SURE...no child would ever hit without being taught to hit by an adult...well my princess was never hit...and she then got into the faze of smaking my face all the time, it hurt, it was HARD and i was shocked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

luckily she got over that...she was in a phaze last year of calling me horrid names (at 7 yrs old) really hurt my feelings....since homeschooling that has actually stopped...thank the lord....cause its sooo hard....

and 4 times a day is great if his therapist is great...

**NewLeaf** · 02-04-2009, 07:01 PM

My 6 yr. old aspie thinks being "grounded" from the computer is the worst . He struggles with appropriate social actions too. For ex: a little boy in his class is always taking things from him and hiding them in his desk. I talked to the teacher about this and told ds to tell the teacher when this happened. Well, I guess ds decided he had had enough and he tried to get something of his out of the little boys desk , the little boy blocked him w/his arm and ds bit him!!!!

Ds kept saying he didn't mean to bite him. That he bit him in a "nice" way???? I gues what he means is that he didn't "plan" on biting.

**NewLeaf** · 04-06-2009, 05:52 PM

I got ANOTHER call from school. DS has been saying cuss words on the bus. A little girls parents called and said he had cussed at her and said he was going to kill her. She is a fourth grader.

Now, I know my ds has learned cuss words from his 13 yr old brother. No excuse. And I also know that when someone bothers him or makes him mad he will hold a grudge and get very angry.

I have grouded him from the computer and had a talk w/him about bad words. I also had 13 yr old ds tell him cussing is NOT cool.

Even though we have an aspergers dx, the school evaluation disagreed. So ds has no 504 or IEP. He doesn't get any second chances on behavior. This is so hard. I am trying so hard to help him and work w/the school at the same time.

I am so tired of fighting the schoolx

**thesightofoneself** · 04-06-2009, 05:56 PM

NewLeaf, i dont know about your situtation but is homeschooling/tutoring completely out of the question?

**mauimagic** · 04-06-2009, 10:35 PM

Hope you don't mind my joining your group. I don't have any family members on the spectrum, but I am a special ed. teacher and deal with a lot of children on the spectrum and their families. Teaching children with autism is my passion. I applaud, support and share your dreams for your children.

New Leaf - I am concerned about the school's refusal to work with your child through 504 or IEP. His disability is definitely causing problems with his education as he is challenged as how to deal with others. Are there advocates where you are who could/would assist your cause? I really promote the difference between our children needing services/support and their deserving services/support. Truly they are not behaving this way on purpose, they don't know better. Just telling them to stop doing something is not enough, not a good practice and not appropriate. Behaviors can be changed, but it is a process - needs to be taught, practiced and reinforced.

Another thing for all of us to consider is that our children are not their disabilities, their behavior may also reflect developmental stages that every child goes through.

Bless you all - you are all special people who deserve our support!!

**sabrelvssammy** · 04-06-2009, 10:42 PM

hey everybody maybe you can help me out on this one....

my nephew is autistic...he's 27 now...was one of the 'first earlier cases' ..so new was the 'condition' that when he was just a few years old he went to live at indiana university in a study program with the other 'known' cases at the time... he (and i don't know all the 'techincal terms' for all this)...he doesn't talk and has a communication book and he lives with a family that is trained to deal with him (he's too violent for a group home and can't live at home coz he's 6'7" and can literally beat the crap out of my sister when he gets 'annoyed') so he lives with this family and stays on one overnight a month with my sis and she share's the holidays with them...

so here's the question.... at x-mas time when all the children are ripping open their presents and he watches them enviously (and we don't know at what time he will just jump down and take the toy away from a child if he finds it interesting)....well we don't exchange gifts for the 'adults' but we always try to get him something anyway coz we know he doesn't understand... it was very easy when he was younger...he was fascinated with everything...now that he's older he is very hard to please...the past few years i have been just getting him his favorite candy but it seems like he just throws that aside anymore.... i would love to find a gift for him that would totally knock his socks off and he would just love....

does anyone have any suggestions? remember he is the the 'worst' kind of autistic and can't speak and really lives in his own world most of the time...i am totally out of ideas.... thanks guys...

**MomToTwoBoys** · 04-06-2009, 10:42 PM

Hey NewLeaf,

If you have a diagnosis for Asperger Syndrome, and the school isn't honoring that, then you need to go above them to the school district superintendent. Does your city have a system in place for people who are parents of children with Asperger/Autism? I'd seek counseling from them about ways to get the school district to help out a bit more since you guys have a diagnosis from a doctor. We too had problems with DS10 causing problems on the bus, but they have an assistant on there that talks to me when things start to get a bit out of hand. I talked to her and let her know that distracting him is a good way to get him to change his behavior. Perhaps that'll work?

DS10 has problems with punishments and it causes him to break down into anxiety attacks. He knows, though, what right and wrong are and I think he's just at the age of pushing bounds.

Perhaps that's what's going on with your child. I'd be consistent with the punishments and realize that there is some form of cognitive reasoning, even in children with developmental disabilities.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 04-06-2009, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by sabrelvssammy

hey everybody maybe you can help me out on this one....

my nephew is autistic...he's 27 now...was one of the 'first earlier cases' ..so new was the 'condition' that when he was just a few years old he went to live at indiana university in a study program with the other 'known' cases at the time... he (and i don't know all the 'techincal terms' for all this)...he doesn't talk and has a communication book and he lives with a family that is trained to deal with him (he's too violent for a group home and can't live at home coz he's 6'7" and can literally beat the crap out of my sister when he gets 'annoyed') so he lives with this family and stays on one overnight a month with my sis and she share's the holidays with them...

so here's the question.... at x-mas time when all the children are ripping open their presents and he watches them enviously (and we don't know at what time he will just jump down and take the toy away from a child if he finds it interesting)....well we don't exchange gifts for the 'adults' but we always try to get him something anyway coz we know he doesn't understand... it was very easy when he was younger...he was fascinated with everything...now that he's older he is very hard to please...the past few years i have been just getting him his favorite candy but it seems like he just throws that aside anymore.... i would love to find a gift for him that would totally knock his socks off and he would just love....

does anyone have any suggestions? remember he is the the 'worst' kind of autistic and can't speak and really lives in his own world most of the time...i am totally out of ideas.... thanks guys...

Hey

We go through this during Christmas also because DS10 wants to keep opening presents that aren't his own. What we do is we try to distract him and get him into doing something that he'll enjoy. He usually shows a lack of interest in a lot of the things that he gets, so we tweaked his presents a bit and we get him things that we know he has more of an emotional attachment to. DS10 has a really rough time with regulating his emotions, especially when he gets anxious. The best thing we can do is have someone spend time with him separate of everyone else and maybe do it in another room... that way, he gets the attention that he wants and we're able to give him something in that room that he'll really take a liking to.

Most autistic people have a hard time with emotional regulation, so I totally understand how it can be. DS10 is 5'3" already and is projected to be 6'7" to 7'2"...

Is your nephew on any sort of medication? We found that Risperidol helps with the aggressive tendancies.

**sabrelvssammy** · 04-06-2009, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

Hey

Is your nephew on any sort of medication? We found that Risperidol helps with the aggressive tendancies.

i don't know what he is currently on but he has been on lots of things thru the yrs...some stuff working better than others....

so what 'kinds' of things do you get for ds? what 'holds' their interest ? nephew always used to like anything that lit up....and always was drawing and looking at picture books...but he seems to have 'out-grown' that stuff... surely there is something that an adult would like... i'm searching with not much luck....

**bonnotsm9** · 04-07-2009, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by sabrelvssammy

i don't know what he is currently on but he has been on lots of things thru the yrs...some stuff working better than others....

so what 'kinds' of things do you get for ds? what 'holds' their interest ? nephew always used to like anything that lit up....and always was drawing and looking at picture books...but he seems to have 'out-grown' that stuff... surely there is something that an adult would like... i'm searching with not much luck....

I have a 14 y.o. dd with severe autism. She also likes drawing and looking at picture books. She has a lot of sensory integration problems and some obsessions. The presents that have been best received by her have been ones that were geared to her specific interests. She's totally fascinated with anything Winnie the Pooh. For Easter she's getting a set of Pooh books we bought off E-bay. In the past she's received crayons, markers, colored pencils, and lots of drawing related items.

Since your nephew isn't interested in drawing as much anymore, I'd maybe talk to his caretaker and see what his main interests are lately. Even if it's something strange and not gift-like, it could be exciting for him. I know someone who gave their autistic dd scotch tape for Christmas. Seriously. She loved it. That's what she liked to do at the time- tape things up.

One time we gave our dd wrapping paper as a gift. She just likes to wrap up and unwrap presents. It kept her entertained for quite a while. (Until the gift wrap ran out, that is...)

**MomToTwoBoys** · 04-07-2009, 12:12 AM

Originally Posted by sabrelvssammy

i don't know what he is currently on but he has been on lots of things thru the yrs...some stuff working better than others....

so what 'kinds' of things do you get for ds? what 'holds' their interest ? nephew always used to like anything that lit up....and always was drawing and looking at picture books...but he seems to have 'out-grown' that stuff... surely there is something that an adult would like... i'm searching with not much luck....

He has this absolute fascination with dinosaurs. It's usually just the ones you can get at the dollar store or the really cheap rubber dinos that he can take to bed with him. His big things are dinosaurs and computers. He also really seems to like Lite Brite and reads at an impeccable pace for his developmental age.

I'd ask your sister what really catches his eye and how often his interests change. It's easier to know what to get someone when you see what they want all of the time.

**2ndGenGranola** · 04-07-2009, 08:33 AM

Oh! This just popped to the top and I saw it! I have 2 Aspies (9 y/o and 7 y/o) and 1 neurotypical (5 y/o).

The 9 y/o was fully autistic until we tried a controversial treatment with him. He quickly gained speech and skills and it now in the high functioning/Asperger's range. The 7 y/o was said to have 1 foot in the autistic world and 1 in the neurotypical world.

Glad to see the group here.

**Early Bird** · 04-07-2009, 09:22 AM

We have strong suspicions that DD#2 is an Aspie -- over the years, we've raised the issue to DD's pediatrician and to a family counselor that we were seeing on DD#1's behalf. Both agreed, but we have no formal diagnosis. In fact, DD's pediatrician said that homeschooling is probably the best option for DD at this time.

I have homeschooled DD#2 except for a year or two of preschool. Here's one factor that is biting me hard this year: Homeschooling an Aspie is exhausting.

My DD seems slightly ahead in math, but terribly behind in language arts. And, Man! She fights me so much on assignments that I have considered putting her in public school.

I think I need to get hold of that book Celina recommended.

**2ndGenGranola** · 04-07-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Early Bird

I have homeschooled DD#2 except for a year or two of preschool. Here's one factor that is biting me hard this year: Homeschooling an Aspie is exhausting.

My DD seems slightly ahead in math, but terribly behind in language arts. And, Man! She fights me so much on assignments that I have considered putting her in public school.

I so understand. I homeschool TWO. One is right brain dominant and the other is left brain dominant (translated: I can't teach them the same way). We use Dianne Craft's "Brain Integration Manual" with great success. My Aspies will never win awards in language arts but we are having successes with her materials.

**NewLeaf** · 04-07-2009, 03:25 PM

My ds does so well in class (no behavior problems) and his iq is so high that academics are no problem that the school feel that his education is not being compromised.

I feel that social skills is also part of education. The only time we seem to be having problems is on the bus.

I should mention that he is dx adhd too and is on meds. Last yr was terrible. But we found that if he took his vsmile(hand held game w/earphones) on the bus that it relaxed him. It gave him something to focus on during the bus ride and the earphones kept out the noise of the kids (that causes him to go wild and spiral out of control -misbehaving).The vsmile really helped. But it marked him as different and eventually he didn't want to take it.

I talked to the asst. principal and we might do the vsmile again instead of him getting kicked off the bus for a week.

There are no programs, people, counselors or anything to help us through this journey. We live in the Appalachians of Virginia and there is NOTHING here. I did join a parent support group , but honestly it just didn't help us.

Sightofoneself-I have considered homeschooling. I just want him to have a chance to learn to be around other kids. He has been doing so much better that we even signed him up for tball. But yes, I would homeschool if his self esteem was being impacted.

Sorry for the long post, I am so thankful to have you guys.