any suicide survivors out there?

**gratitude** · 08-25-2009, 10:55 PM

I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who is a survivor of suicide?
My sister committed suicide in January. She had been suffering from bipolar and stopped taking her medication. We were very close and I am having a really hard time with this. I woul love to connect with others who have dealt with this.

**l8eebugg** · 08-25-2009, 11:10 PM

It must be extremely difficult for you. I have a friend that is bipolar, he refuses to take medication. The ups and downs are terrible, but he doesn't like what he calls "the boring flat line". Are there any grief counseling groups need you. I live in a small town and we have one here. Check you local paper or call a counsler that could help you find people to share your feelings with. I am sorry for your loss. I am willing to an ear if you just want to share your feelings. Feel free to pms me if you want.

**Missourimom** · 08-25-2009, 11:13 PM

I am so sorry you're going through this. This is something you'll never understand, but somehow, with the grace of God, you'll make it through. My brother-in-law committed suicide before I met my husband and last year, my 18 year old's best friend committed suicide. We never saw it coming.

Have you considered joining a grief support group? Hugs.

**papahassan17** · 08-26-2009, 12:00 AM

don't let that problem of yours cover your mind....
Anyways what kind of bipolar your sister has? Is it I or II?
You need to be strong for your sister, show how good is life is she will continue fighting too.. Show her the good and amazing things that she never witness before.. Even though i am not yet encountering such problem i can say that nothing will be best if you take the lead with in this challenge or battle that you and your sister are encountering right now.

Keep up a strong relationship with your sister and of you can, it will be beneficial if you will always in her side to guide and advice her..

p

**homemaker66** · 08-26-2009, 07:49 AM

Sorry for your pain and suffering. I have not gone through losing a love one like that but I have lost many loved ones (father and best friend) to cancer about a year apart. The pain is very hard to deal with at times. My DS is bipolor and refuses to take his meds. This is hard to watch him go through so much if only he takes his meds... I find the more I talk about it the eaiser it gets because you will be surpised how many people has gone through the same thing as your or I. Hugs to you.

**Judi Dial** · 08-26-2009, 08:00 AM

I have had friends who committed suicide, but no one in my family. What I have done is survive two suicide attempts of my own. Years ago I was diagnosed as manic-depressive, these days they call that "bipolar."

Any healing journey feels long. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Blessings --

Judi

**gratitude** · 08-26-2009, 10:59 AM

Thanks for all the thoughts. My sister was bipolar type 1. I am sure there is a support group in my area, I am not sure what is stopping from joining, but I just am not big on the idea for some reason.
I have been researching bipolar to try and understand it more, Our mother was diagnosed with Major depression disorder and borderline personality Disorder (for as long as I can remember) and my sister and I used to handle her care together. Our mother is more our child than our parent, so my sister being older than I am (we are 7 years apart) was more a mom to me than a sister. I am struggling now to keep up with handling my mom on my own.
My sisters bipolar didn't truely surface until about two years ago, meaning she had her first manic episode (at 34 yrs old) It was really tough on her, and I wish I would have done more research back when she was first started having problems.
She worked as a mental health & sexual assault counselor, this made it difficult for her to get treatment in her area because a lot of the people in these programs were her clients. this also caused a lot of stress for her. She went to another state to go to the hospital she was that uncomfortable.
I didn't understand the risk factors associated with bipolar. How stress or change can trigger an episode. I also didn't understand the suicide risks associated with it. So while I was encouraging her to take a risk and change career paths, I think I was doing more harm than good. Why I didn't take the time back then to understand is my biggest regret, I could have helped her handle this better, all we had was each other and I feel like I let her down.
I also am perplexed from a genetic standpoint, how I wound up free of mental illness, and my sister didn't?
It has been 7 months, everyone else seems to have life back to normal for them not me though..I noticed that sense she died I started spending/squandering our money on whatever. Fast food, shopping anything to make myself feel better, and that is not me. So that is what brought me to this forum, to get my Frugality back on track. So far so good!!
I need to be productive and do something rather than feeling sad all the time. I was thinking of volunteering my time for the Clothesline Project. My sister headed one in her community, thats how she was, she wanted to help everyone and make the world better. I can't seem to locate one in my area, but I did email to get info on it.
Maybe it would be good for me to spend some time doing something she was passionate about, making sure her legacy of giving and community service lives on.
Well thanks for listening, I think just writng has helped me feel better today!

**Sassyclass** · 09-11-2009, 10:03 PM

I lost my dad to suicide in April 2008. He had cancer and he put a shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger. I have no answers for you because I honestly don't think there are any answers to suicide. That is what hurts the most for me. I just try to remember the good things about him. I think of what he would want me to do or say if he were still with us. Talking about it helps. It hurts but it helps and with time the hurt isn't as bad. I also lost a coworker about 3 weeks ago. All I could think of was he used to be someones little boy. Sad.

Cat

**frugalfranny** · 09-12-2009, 01:58 AM

I lost an uncle the same way that sassy did.....he had cancer too. Also lost a nephew to suicide.

Am sorry for your grief. Hope you do find some way to carry on what your sister had been doing. My thoughts are with you and hope you feel better soon. Remember the happy times you had with her.

**Gotonenerveleft** · 09-12-2009, 10:46 AM

I lost a brother to suicide just over 20 years ago. It's a tough thing to get through. Time heals a lot of the pain though. After a while you can look back and think of them without crying. For me, I now realize that he was so miserable that death was a release for him. We think of any death as tragic and it is, but for troubled souls it may mean final peace.

**Judi Dial** · 09-12-2009, 12:33 PM

Gratitude,

I think you should not beat yourself up about what you did or didn't do for your sister. Being a mental health professional, she had access to the resources, knew where/how to get help, etc.

The woman who went through hell with me, my abuser's daughter last time I heard from her had started drinking (like her mom) and would call me when she was suicidal/depressed. This woman had a PhD in deviant child psychology. She could be dead or institutionalized, I do not know what happened to her. She disappeared when I told her that I needed to hear from her when things were good too, as talking to her also brought up my demons.

I worry for her kids (her daughter would be college age now) and I worry what happened to her. But ultimately, I had to be told a few things by people who care for me: 1)She was a mental health professional and knew the resources available 2) Because she was a pro, she also knew (likely) what she was doing by not getting the help she needed or admitting it and 3) The decision to not get/take that help was HER decision, not mine, and I could not "fix" her life, even if I wanted to abandon my life and try.

Many mental health professionals are there because they want answers to their own problems, at least initially. Sometimes, it provides enough answers, sometimes it does not. The judgment is that of the person commiting suicide and there is nothing you can do or could have done likely that would "fix" this.

As a person who tried to commit suicide twice, I will tell you that when I tried it two things were true: I was overwhelmed with what was going on in my life and I had no faith or hope that my efforts could affect what was happening.

My decision both times was based on my INTERNAL judgment of my life situation and there was very little anyone else could have done that would have made a difference.

IHTH!

Judi

**patra** · 10-15-2009, 08:14 PM

I am so very sorry for your terrible loss....I am schizo affective bipolar type, I have gone off my meds a number of time,I also have a cousin who committed suicide last year.We have a lot of mental illness in my family.I can't even begin to know the horror of losing someone so close to me and I am praying for you.

Patty

**Dixie** · 10-15-2009, 10:48 PM

My dh's nephew took his own life 14 years ago. He was 20 years old and didn't appear to be depressed. He had an argument with his girlfriend over the phone and shot himself to death, while she was still on the line. It was an impulsive act that nearly destroyed his family. As they say, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

**nodmicks** · 11-11-2009, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by Sassyclass

I lost my dad to suicide in April 2008. He had cancer and he put a shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger. I have no answers for you because I honestly don't think there are any answers to suicide. That is what hurts the most for me. I just try to remember the good things about him. I think of what he would want me to do or say if he were still with us. Talking about it helps. It hurts but it helps and with time the hurt isn't as bad. I also lost a coworker about 3 weeks ago. All I could think of was he used to be someones little boy. Sad.

Cat

Hugs! Your dads story is almost identical to my dad's. Including the cancer except I rarely talk about it and the vast majority of people only know he had cancer.

**heartofmine** · 01-06-2011, 11:14 PM

Lost my sil...my husband's sister to suicide. The 3rd anniversary of her death is coming up in March 30th. We believe she may have been schizophrenic but she refused to get help. Her death was a complete shock and we have had a very hard time with it. I also lost my uncle...my mom's brother...to suicide just a few months before that. Sadly its a kith I wish I didn't belong to.