Socially isolated kith?

**Englishlady** · 07-30-2010, 11:24 AM

I wondered how many FV'ers were like me and very isolated socially?

Bit of backgound:

Happily married but dh works full time and long hours.We are childfree by choice.
When I was younger I had friends with whom I worked and played.

In my thrities we moved house to a completely different area and I made friends with a few ladies who had pre-school age kids.

When their kids hit school age they dropped me like a ton of bricks and became pals with all the other mommies so no need for me any more

I have tried every type of class/activity and they were all very established groups and had "cliques" so that was a bust.

At first my old work mates still were in the picture, but nurses seem to find it boring to have friends that are not doing the same job as them and seem to find it hard to relate to me when I was no longer working.

So fast forward to now, no work outside the house = no workfriends and I am ashamed to admit I don't even have any aquaintances

I like to think I do all the right things, get people to talk about themselves and don't bore them to death, always the first to pay for coffee/drinks etc.

I am quite positive and happy with my lot in life, but it would be really nice to have someone to just talk to about silly things
IYKWIM?

I wonder how many others out there are by circumstance find themselves like me a "Norma no mates" ?

**stinkbug** · 07-30-2010, 01:02 PM

Me. Almost exactly.

**Englishlady** · 07-30-2010, 01:29 PM

I was just jogging on my mini trampoline ( don't be impressed I am not sure how long it will last lol!)

I thought, it would be funny and make me laugh but cringe if NO ONE replied this thread LOL now that WOULD be ironic

**Russ** · 07-30-2010, 01:33 PM

wife and I are this way.
we are homebodies so that doesn't make for a good social scene.

When we are invited or invite people, the day of... we hate the thought of it. Would rather be home ALONE.

**Ceashels** · 07-30-2010, 01:36 PM

I'm not too far off.

I have some long term friends (since childhood) that are in my life but most of my former coworkers are connected with via Facebook. When we do get together I get to offer a different perspective/adventure then they experience in their lives so it doesn't seem to mind them that I don't practice in the field anymore.

Some of my elderly clients are very chatty so I get some share some wonderful conversations and insights when I see them.

Thank goodness I'm not a social butterfly to begin with or I think I would wither away. But I don't mind my isolation too much. If I do come to the point where I need the interaction more... I'll probably start volunteering somewhere.

**Darlene** · 07-30-2010, 01:39 PM

I'm a pretty happy person but since moving here 17 years ago (was in a neighborhhod before & a social butterfly,lol) I don't have many people I spend alot of time with. I'm talkative with strangers and spend time with family but don't have any close girlfriends anymore. Dh is retired & we get along quite well (he's more of a homebody than I am) but I really think I'm missing out not having what you called someone to be silly with.
If only you didn't live so far Karen.

**ktsmama** · 07-30-2010, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by Englishlady

I wondered how many FV'ers were like me and very isolated socially?

Bit of backgound:

Happily married but dh works full time and long hours.We are childfree by choice.
When I was younger I had friends with whom I worked and played.

In my thrities we moved house to a completely different area and I made friends with a few ladies who had pre-school age kids.

When their kids hit school age they dropped me like a ton of bricks and became pals with all the other mommies so no need for me any more

I have tried every type of class/activity and they were all very established groups and had "cliques" so that was a bust.

At first my old work mates still were in the picture, but nurses seem to find it boring to have friends that are not doing the same job as them and seem to find it hard to relate to me when I was no longer working.

So fast forward to now, no work outside the house = no workfriends and I am ashamed to admit I don't even have any aquaintances

I like to think I do all the right things, get people to talk about themselves and don't bore them to death, always the first to pay for coffee/drinks etc.

I am quite positive and happy with my lot in life, but it would be really nice to have someone to just talk to about silly things
IYKWIM?

I wonder how many others out there are by circumstance find themselves like me a "Norma no mates" ?

This really describes me. The bad part is that I never meet a stranger and am accepting of all people and I am still very lonely. It seems that people just don't have time for me or I don't fit in there mold.

Originally Posted by Englishlady

I thought, it would be funny and make me laugh but cringe if NO ONE replied this thread LOL now that WOULD be ironic

This gave me a good chuckle.

**TigerGirl1226** · 07-30-2010, 01:50 PM

I am so there!! I go days without leaving the house. DD has dance once a week and I talk to the other "Mommy-people" there and they talk about friends, but I don't have stories to share as I don't really have friends. It's kind of embarrassing to admit.

**JanieD** · 07-30-2010, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by Russ

wife and I are this way.
we are homebodies so that doesn't make for a good social scene.

When we are invited or invite people, the day of... we hate the thought of it. Would rather be home ALONE.

Well, dh & I are like this! Have a family thing in 2 weeks & I'm so not looking forward to it... wish I could get out of it. Not sure why I'm like that. Guess, it takes me out of my comfort zone (my normal routine). So, I'd say I fit here.

I do work, but do not socialize outside of work w/coworkers. I try to be friendly & nice, but its best to keep my distance at least at my current job. I had a very close friend from a previous job that I kept in touch w/for several years after leaving. However, we aren't really in touch now. She is busy w/others her age (retired) & her grands.

I'm also childfree & most find it odd. I'm sort of at a lose as to where to met others w/similar interests. I often feel I'm just not a people person & keep to myself mostly. Work, home, pets & family are pretty much my life. And I like it that way. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have a few close friends, but usually I'm happy to have a quite afternoon at home.

**Syn D** · 07-30-2010, 03:07 PM

I am by choice...

I have made many friends over the years, but decided when we moved here in "04" I'm done.. I have never been the type "lets do lunch" anyway.

The older I get, the more drama there seems to be with them and I have never been good with that and a lot of judgment as I am a very simple person and have my own way of thinking, which is not very excepted here..

I have 2 great best friends that I met 22 and 27 yrs ago, I have made some good friends on the net around 8 yrs ago, and I have been in touch with some old school friends recently.. I am very content with all that..

The closest family to us is 8 hrs away and a lot of times I find that a good thing, but we do make a few trips a year to see them..

My husband is a rock hound and gets out to do that with someone we know here, but otherwise it's us and our 18 and 16 year old when their home..

**Russ** · 07-30-2010, 03:09 PM

how bad is this?... I turned off the Facebook chat application.

**JanieD** · 07-30-2010, 03:20 PM

I'm not even a member of Facebook. My sis says people mostly gossip & brag on there. So glad I'm missing all that! LOL

**Englishlady** · 07-30-2010, 03:21 PM

Originally Posted by Russ

how bad is this?... I turned off the Facebook chat application.

Ah well, I can't even fathom face book

I can surf/post/shop on line, but that's it!

**Syn D** · 07-30-2010, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by JanieD

I'm not even a member of Facebook. My sis says people mostly gossip & brag on there. So glad I'm missing all that! LOL

I rarely get any of that..

It has been great for me cos' I have met distant cousins and have come across old school friends.. I also am able to keep up with my family..

**Momto5RN** · 07-30-2010, 03:38 PM

but nurses seem to find it boring to have friends that are not doing the same job as them and seem to find it hard to relate to me when I was no longer working.
>>>>

hey now LOL !!!! i am a nurse and to be honest i would rather not hang with nurses for fun - they want to talk shop too much . I'd rather ralk to people with different life experiences so see how they see things and why - thats one thing i love about my job doing home care youreally can learn about pts and their families and learn interesting facts and tidbits about jobs they had places they lived etc.

other than work and my kids and a few neighbors that in nice weather i chat with when they are outside i dont do alot of social stuff - alot is at night - and i am not big on going out after dinner due to my fibro - i dont drink due to my fibro - perfumes bother me too.

school , well i am not into the trophy child syndrome as i call it where people need to constantly compare - brag about their kids acheivements - grades- sports acheivements etc so i avoid alot of school stuff where i can where i know that type of thing will be going on .

most of my close friends are very busy working and raising their families and dont have a ton fo time to socialize either and long time friends live out of state .

i love facebook though
let me get back in touch with some friendly aquaintances from HS - lets me know what my ut of state friends are up to without a yearly way to long phone call .Lets me give a word of support or a kind word to someone having a hard time .

Let me get back in touch on a more regular basis with my deaf aunt and cousin who i normally only see at a family reunion every few years .

to ge honest the way my 19 yo buzzes in and out of the house to work school friends etc sometimes i am not sure where she is unless i check her FB status.

If all you see on FB is people bragging or complaining - you got the wrong kind of " friends ".

It really is how you choose to use it - if i find someone is too braggy or negative all the time rather than de-friend them - i just hide their status's so if i want to check in on them i can go to their page and do so but they wont show up on mine everyday . I also use it for groups related to fibromyalgia and our counties free shows and activities and the kids schools and colleges have pages too so we can check is a school is closed etc easily .