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  1. #271
    Registered User Demented Duck's Avatar
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    Good morning xx
    I hope everyone is well.
    Thanks for the video bb i can't wait till everything is finished at Blackpool we visited last weekend and it looks like it's going to be lovely when it's done.
    I hope you enjoyed your party Dutchie,at the moment my youngest daughter seems to have loads of partys to go to the busy social life of a 7 year old !!
    Take care and best wishes to everyone xx

  2. #272
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    Hi DD,

    Hope you had a good weekend, even with the soggy weather we've had.

    I've just finished painting the bedside cabinets from the spare bedroom, they really were a mess! But now they're blue inside and ultramarine outside and look not too bad. It still cost about 25 to do but cheaper than new cabinets so I won't complain.

    We also visited some of my old college friends yesterday which was great. Erm can't think of anything else really. No news is good news I guess.

    Have a good week everyone!

  3. #273
    Registered User Demented Duck's Avatar
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    Smile

    Morning all xx
    My goodness it's a wild day today I can't believe how strong the wind is,nearly got blown away on the trip to my daughters school this morning,please hurry back summer!!
    I hope you all survived the "END OF THE WORLD " too,i knew nothing about it till it was all over
    Anyway i hope you all are well and take care xx

  4. #274
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    Hi DD,

    I cannot believe how horrible it is today. I can't see out of the windows due to the rain and it is soooooo windy, I think a couple of trees in my neighbours garden might not make it...

    I'm meant to be painting the porch today but there is a huge gap at the bottom of the front door so it'll be freezing in there. Maybe a bit of bravery and a draught excluder could do the trick...

    So, have you been doing anything exciting? We painted all the woodwork in the dining room and kitchen yesterday, I painted a light shade (exciting). We went to Lancaster on Saturday, we bought a few things and had a delicious apple and blackcurrant pasty *yum*. Hmmm, think that's about it, it's not been fit to venture out so we've been at home.

    We've taken to watching the tv show "Chuck". DH's colleague gave us some dvd's so we've been enjoying that. And we've been working through the opera we recorded from the Sky Arts channel. That's about it for us.

    Have a good week, hope the wind dies down a little.

  5. #275
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    Well, here's the work update. The Chief Executive and one of the Assistant Chief Execs are leaving (not sure whether they're jumoing or were pushed yet). The Assistant is DH's boss... don't know what it means for everyone now, but it looks like they're the only additional people to be out of a job so things may settle down. I can only see the workload going up and up though...

    Hope everyone's safe from the wind and all that stuff.

  6. #276
    Registered User Demented Duck's Avatar
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    Hi xx
    I can't believe it's the last day of school today and yet another holiday !! This year is going so fast.
    We lost yet another fence panel in the winds,it was scary stuff though,gales in the summertime don't seem right somehow.I couldn't even imagine how those poor people feel that have tornado season,with loss of life and homes.We really have nothing to complain about do we.
    Hope everyone is well and take care xx

  7. #277
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    *ahem* went out, bought so much stuff the bank stopped the card because they thought it had been stolen. Whoops!

  8. #278
    Registered User Dutchie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by britbunny View Post
    *ahem* went out, bought so much stuff the bank stopped the card because they thought it had been stolen. Whoops!
    We had the same problem last year in New York. I had forgotten to tell the bank that we would be in the US and they stopped the card after a few transactions. Thankfully one call rectified it and we could continue with shopping.
    Avril



    Mom to Laurens (32), Timothy (29), Dimmen (26), Lloyd (25) and Fiori (23).
    Grandma to Charlie, born April 5th 2013 - so he's now 1 year old.

  9. #279
    Registered User Dutchie's Avatar
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    Be WARNED - this is a HUGE post.
    Needed to get this off my chest.

    I haven't been on this forum for a while. I did post about the death of my friend's mom and a couple of other things but for one reason or another, to sit down and write what has been happening here was too much. Because a LOT has been happening.
    The only really nice thing was the invitation that my parents received for the Royal Garden Party.

    A lot has been building up with our eldest son and it has come to the point that I had to get something from our GP to help me get to sleep and even then I have been waking up with bad headaches every morning. This morning is the first morning that I woke up headache-free in about 2 weeks.
    I have - I think - said some things about our eldest son in the past but if I really set down the story from beginning to end then I would firstly need about 2 days and I don't know if we are allowed such long posts.
    In a nutshell - the relationship between him and us has always been 'different'. Looking back on family films it can be seen that he acts differently - not weird - just differently.
    He moved out when he was 21 into his own rented apartment.

    A couple of months after his 26th birthday he met a woman who is 2 years older than he is. She is VERY VERY wealthy. (I know it isn't a nice thing to say but our son has always had $ signs in his eyes.)
    Around the same time he bought an apartment where he would live with his younger brother Tim. We pleaded with him not to buy it because it was WAY too expensive but he was dead set on buying it.
    Our eldest never moved in. Tim did (he needed Tim to move in because it was too expensive for him alone. His girlfriend already had her own apartment.).
    Our eldest moved in with his girlfriend. This was May 2008. He put the apartment up for sale. In Dec 2008 they got engaged. We had never even met the parents. The wedding date was set, the dress was bought (didn't see it till the day of the wedding), the invitation list was done and we still hadn't met the in-laws.
    That happened in January 2009. It was a disaster not because of anything they did or didn't do but because I had something resembling food poisoning and it hit me when I was at their house. (BTW it was a small epidemic in this area - so it wasn't nerves or anything.)

    I know that the normal wedding protocol is that both sets of parents are asked if there are any people who the parents would like to invite.
    They were having a small but exclusive wedding and we asked that 3 couples be invited (at least) to the reception (these 3 couples had known our son from birth and had always been very close - we actually found it odd that he hadn't invited them to the entire day itself.)
    He said that it was too exclusive to invite any extras.
    The wedding reception - the line up. We were at the end of the line, being her in-laws, so there was no one to introduce the people whom we didn't know. So we asked people who they were. A huge number of neighbors of the parents - at least 10 couples of them (we talked with them about the various houses in their neighborhood).
    A few days after the wedding we asked why we couldn't have had our 3 couples and it was denied that her parent's neighbors had been there.

    Things deteriorated after that and we didn't see them for a while. They were married in Sept. 2009 and in Dec. our eldest showed up at the door with his suitcases saying that he had left her.
    Within a couple of days he went back to her.
    A lot of stuff happened in between but in March 2010 he started coming by on a Sat. asking for advice because it seemed that she was an alcoholic (we already had a vague idea about this) and that she had become violent towards him. (He had the scars to prove it.)
    They went on holiday in May to try and patch things up. It didn't work. On June 3rd He moved out of his house with her and moved in with us.
    Now remember he also still had the apartment that he had bought to live in together with his brother (still hadn't been sold). But he refused to go there because he didn't want to live with his brother in that apartment since he had fallen out with him (LONG story).

    We went on vacation leaving our daughter, 1 other brother and our eldest in the house. Things went fine.

    When we came home - this was mid July - he announced that he had to get on with his life and he was going to throw his brother out of the apartment and get it mucked out and re-done and move in there. We didn't agree with this but he was like a bulldozer and we weren't always aware of what he was up to each day.
    He waited till Tim went on holiday with his girlfriend and changed the locks on the apartment. Tim came back, was rightly livid and moved in with his girlfriend temporarily (not allowed because of her lease - girls only). We had the idea to wait till the eldest moved out and then let Tim move in here.

    Our eldest was busy in apartment getting ready to move in. Eldest and Tim couldn't even be in the same room together without physically fighting with each other. Apartment was finished and ready to move into. Tim came to us and said that he had to move out of girlfriend's house right away because of the lease. He wanted to come here since he had nowhere else to go. We said ok but eldest has to move out first since they couldn't even be in the same room together. Eldest refused saying that he wanted apartment to be perfect. (Believe me the apartment only had to have a new washing machine and dishwasher to be perfect.)
    We said that we would lend the eldest the money for the stuff but that he had to move out since we would not be putting a son of ours on the street.
    Eldest son moved out of here, Tim moved in here. There were no arguments, it just happened.

    The eldest has since then been telling everyone that we threw him out of the house so that Tim could live here. He has refused to pay back the money.
    The funny/stupid thing is, he NEVER went into the apartment, he moved back in with his wife the same day that he moved out of here.
    We have since learned that part of the problem was indeed alcohol but the other part was that he had been continuously cheating on her.

    The eldest son used to work in the same office as dh however in another part of the company but at the same location.
    Dh is CEO of his part of the company and has absolutely no say in what happens in the other part (different name - same holding).
    Within 2 months of him leaving this house, our eldest was asked to look for another job.
    You can only have my word for this but neither I nor dh had absolutely ANYTHING to do with his being fired.
    (There was a new manager appointed above our eldest and they couldn't get along.) Our eldest is convinced that dh had him fired.

    Dh and I go back and forward with our feelings.
    There are days and weeks that go by and we can deal with it all and there are other days and weeks that he and I are consumed by all that has happened.
    Dh hates been used and he feels that we have been pawns in this.

    As I said, one day I am more annoyed than dh is and other days he is very much more annoyed but thing I am sure of, it cannot go on like this.
    He is our eldest son and we want to have a relationship with him.

    I have sent our son a couple of text messages that we need to talk and we would like for him to come by for coffee.
    The only answer I got was that he couldn't cope with that right now. (WTH!!)
    He did call and ask to come by to pick up some shoes that he still had here - his wedding shoes. He was going to a wedding and needed them.
    Dh was here coincidentially when he called and came by.
    Our eldest looked terrible and my heart was breaking.

    Dh and I have a couple of theories about everything. We don't think that he ever told his wife about the money he borrowed from us
    and has used it for the debt that they have. (Her old apartment has never sold. Our eldest son's apartment has also never sold and they have a 1,000,000 euro
    new apartment which is now also for sale. BTW you read that correctly - it is one million.)

    We also don't think that he has been completely truthful with her about what happened when he was here.
    In this context, we think that he doesn't want us to all get together since he is afraid that his wife will learn everything that happened.
    However this is speculation on my part but I feel there is enough to back it up.

    The trouble is that I am being pulled in a few directions.
    I HATE conflicts.
    If there is something going on in our part of the family, we never ever talk around about it since we think that it is our business.
    Our eldest has been making us out as being the bad guys in this and that everything is our fault, when we know clearly that it isn't.
    Various family members and even my mother in law have started saying things to us.
    They don't get any satisfaction because we don't tell them anything.
    (They ask - why did we throw him out. Why won't we talk to him etc. Why don't we try and make things right.)
    Trouble is that our eldest knows that we don't talk around and tell everyone our business so he knows that we will not involve everyone is this.

    Our eldest also hasn't had any contact with my parents in the last months and out of the blue, he called and asked if he could come over to them (in Scotland).
    They said yes of course but are bewildered.

    They have refused that his wife come along since they really don't like her (I have not said anything bad about her ever to anyone. It is their own opinion that they formed as soon as they met her.)

    Anyhow - this was the nutshell version - now you know why I didn't write down the full version.

    If these were the only things happening it would still be more than enough but of course life isn't that easy.

    The death of my friend's mom really hit hard since I really loved that lady like a mom.

    Anyhow, last Sat. (28th May) dh said to me, 'we have to get away' (I know - it's calling running away) - 'see what you can get arranged on short notice'. The idea of a short (cheap) cruise appealed to him.

    Not many people know that the Holland America Cruise Line is sailing in and out of Rotterdam a LOT this year - so there would be no flight.

    Of course everything is booked up but we are on a waiting list for a short cruise as of this Sunday (June 5th).
    I know it is trying to run away from everything but at this moment we need to put some distance between ourselves and everything here.

    Now you are up to date with what is and has been happening.

    If you managed to read all the way through this, thank you.
    Avril



    Mom to Laurens (32), Timothy (29), Dimmen (26), Lloyd (25) and Fiori (23).
    Grandma to Charlie, born April 5th 2013 - so he's now 1 year old.

  10. #280
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    Bless your heart, this must be like a nightmare for you. I'm also sorry for your loss.

    It sounds like your son got into a situation which snowballed and now he doesn't know what to do. It makes total sense that he wouldn't want everyone together to piece all the bits of the story together and see what's really going on. That would also explain why he's blaming everyone else other than himself, it just sounds like he is out of control and can't hold it together anymore. I hope the time with his grandparents can help him face up to his actions and find some clarity.

    I don't think taking some time out is running away. When you're in the pressure cooker situation it's impossible to get your thoughts straight as you're too close to it. A different place and time away from the familiar can help a lot. I think it's a great idea. Even if you can't "enjoy" yourself at least you can decompress a little, take some deep breaths and collect your thoughts. Hope a space comes free for you.

    Hugs to you. If you need to vent some more we are always here to listen - even if you don't want us to respond at least you can let it all out.

  11. #281
    Registered User Dutchie's Avatar
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    BB - thank you so much for your reply. You brought me to tears with your kindness.
    I think you hit the nail on the head with everything you wrote.
    Sometimes it takes someone not attached to the family to see things and to express them clearly.

    We have been in this spiraling situation since around Dec 2008 when they got engaged. You see things happening, knowing that no good can come of them and you are powerless to stop it.
    It sucks the energy right out of you.
    As I said in my post, some days/times are better than others. I think maybe that the death of my friend's mom brought it all home a bit more. I am so aware that life is too short and it was the day after her death that we sent the text messages.

    I just hope that at some point he will understand that he has to make a clean breast of it somehow - whatever the consequences.

    If we only knew what is really happening, it would make such a difference. Because we think that we really don't know the whole story, it makes everything so difficult to move on.

    We are willing to forgive and forget and to help where we can to get him (and possibly them both if that is an option) back on their feet and start with a clean slate but till everything is out in the open, that cannot happen.
    (BTW When I say on their feet - I don't mean financially.)

    Thank you once again for your reply, it meant a lot to me.
    Avril



    Mom to Laurens (32), Timothy (29), Dimmen (26), Lloyd (25) and Fiori (23).
    Grandma to Charlie, born April 5th 2013 - so he's now 1 year old.

  12. #282
    Registered User Demented Duck's Avatar
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    So sorry Dutchie that you are going through such a tough time at the moment,I just wish i could help you in some way and make things better,hugs and my thought's are with you and your family xx
    I am always here to listen anytime xx
    Hi bb hope you are ok too xx

  13. #283
    Registered User Demented Duck's Avatar
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    Hi and good morning to you all xx

  14. #284
    Registered User britbunny's Avatar
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    Hi DD,

    How are you this fine day. I'm guessing it's gorgeously sunny with you too. I can't believe 1. how English I am as I always talk about the weather and 2. that we had to put the fan on last night as it was so hot in the house!

    I am really really happy today as I heard from my first FV buddy this week for the first time in a little while, so it's good to be back in touch. The internet is great *yay*

    I am also a happy kitten as I have that "new stuff" buzz, does anyone else get that? We decided enough was enough and bought all the furniture we want for the house (hence why the card was stopped) and the last of it has just been delivered. We are on holiday in our spare bedroom at the minute as we've started stripping the wallpaper in the main room.

    I know, all I ever do is talk about decorating these days. Should I talk about washing old baggies or something? I am frugal I promise, lol

    What's the plan for this weekend? Anything or nothing? We were planning to go into town but I think it's going to be busy as the sun has come out. Maybe we'll just brave it in the morning and leave the afternoon to the daytrippers! So I don't know what we'll do. I have to paint the door of the garage but that doesn't sound like fun does it?

    Hope everyone has a good time whatever happens.

  15. #285
    Registered User Dutchie's Avatar
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    Hi there,
    We too are having glorious weather.

    Yesterday we had a family hockey tournament and we also had glorious weather. (Holland is exactly the same as the UK in it's weather in that you can never plan something - even a day ahead sometimes.)
    I wrote a little bit about the tournament on the food forum since I was the manager - i.e catering - for the entire team.

    I called the HAL this morning to hear if there was any news about our possible cruise this Sunday. Everything is still up in the air regarding whether or not we can go.
    I would LOVE to get away but to be quite honest the chances are VERY slim. Firstly a lot of other folks have to cancel and then the HAL has to give us a good price.
    Ah well, we can't have it all and it would be better for the budget if we didn't go since last month was an expensive one for us - what with buying 2 washing machines for our sons and (partly) re-doing our bedroom.

    This weekend we will probably just stay at home and have a BBQ Sat (after doing the grocery shopping for my in-laws and dh has played golf).

    Have a great day and weekend everyone!

    The forecast is not so good for Sunday so I think I'll just hibernate or if we have a LOTS and LOTS of good luck we'll be off on a small cruise in the afternoon - can't see it happening though.
    Avril



    Mom to Laurens (32), Timothy (29), Dimmen (26), Lloyd (25) and Fiori (23).
    Grandma to Charlie, born April 5th 2013 - so he's now 1 year old.

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