Matron of Honor--gift giving dilema and minor vent

**macemesmum** · 05-04-2008, 10:01 PM

I recently went to a wedding of some not so close friends they specifically asked for money went so bluntly as to say we dont want crap just money anyway they seperated 4 weeks later wondering if they are going to return the money!!!

**PurpleSnowflake** · 05-04-2008, 10:58 PM

I read about a cool idea if they "drink"

A guy went to a store and talked to the clerk about good "affordable" wines.

He bought one for the 1st, 5th, 10th, etc... anniversary and made sure they would "age" well by each anniversary. They wrote a little note about how to think of them as they toasted each other.

Then wrap it up "fancy".

**PurpleSnowflake** · 05-04-2008, 11:02 PM

Oh and when I married 12 years ago, we paid for everything... including flying my "Maid" 1300 miles to the wedding. I even bought her a dress as I knew she could not afford it.

They all asked me to "register" so I made sure I did at a "department" store AND Target, so there was a good spread. And I felt weird about it as if I was begging somehow.

I REALLY wish people would think of others too!!!

**geckoace** · 05-05-2008, 09:51 AM

i was my sis's maid last year and will be my best friend's this year. my sister's mil made our dresses for the cost of material and my mom bought all of our shoes, i was lucky my sis didnt want a shower but i paid for her bachelorette party limo and other friends split the costs of things that night.

for my best she knows me well and picked a drsss that is under $100 and im sure the shoes will be reasonable. i know she will want a shower of some kind and i really like that pottery idea actally. i am not sure if i or her mom will handle the shower but it will definitely be inexpensive and i would feel no obligation to get her an expensive gift. she will like get a memory box (thats what im making for wedding last year and this) the last one i made cost me less than $10 to make and it was a big hit

**FrugalWitch** · 05-05-2008, 12:17 PM

Ya know, it's rude to ask for gifts. Even if it is expected, the recipient is not supposed to be asking. Friends or family can do the informing of where the bride is registered etc, if someone asks. But shaking people down for loot is a no-no. To straight out ask for money is simply beyond the pale!

Are people just not taught manners anymore? The library has an excellent selection of basic etiquette books available. I think the bridezilla needs a manners guidebook more than cash!

**della92** · 05-05-2008, 12:41 PM

I was in a similar predictament last April. My husband was a groomsman, and I was a bridesmaid. We each had to buy our our attire, to the tune of $300.00 total. It wasn't a very formal wedding but I did purchase and print the invitations and some wedding decorations as well as spend two days helping with decorations/set up, and contributed food for the event. So we choose not to give them a wedding gift only a card. My budget would not allow more. The bride would have definetly accepted more, but they both still love us.

So in my opinion, if you love her, be honest with her about your available budget and otherwise share your time and energy instead.

**Jerseygirl** · 05-05-2008, 01:27 PM

A lot of my friends are now telling us, as honor attendents, to pick out a cocktail dress we'll wear again in whatever length and color.
This has worked for a few weddings that were less formal (or second weddings) and has gotten me over the "I will never be an attendent again" I proclaimed a decade ago. The group of us usually pick a day and go shopping, or find a web site and find the same or similiar dresses that actually can be worn again. I will never wear salmon covered taffeta again, this I can handle.
Good luck, and I love the paint your own pottery idea for a shower, I despise the whole tuelle covered wishing well and pasta dishes while we watch her open more china then she will ever use!

**bumplett** · 05-05-2008, 01:44 PM

wow - just wow.

bridezilla stories scare me.

**stinkbug** · 05-05-2008, 04:18 PM

I'm so glad I don't do the *girlfriend* thing....I've never had a bunch of friends, so I've never had to be in weddings!!! Just my sister's which was fine, and I was 17. All these horror stories just make me :surprise: I just never figure out why people (in this case, brides) feel so entitiled.

**Momto2Boyz** · 05-06-2008, 03:01 PM

My maid of honor did what luvmyhubby suggested. She gave me a framed invitation from our wedding. It was a wonderful thoughtful gift, and I didn't think about it at the time. She explained to me years later that she couldn't afford anything more, and she had always felt terrible about not giving us a nicer gift.

First off, I never thought twice about it. I never thought it was a cheap gift, and I loved it. But I did feel bad that she felt bad, I wished she had talked to me about it at the time, so I could have reassured her that I loved it and didn't expect anything from her. I honestly didn't expect a gift from any of our bridesmaids or groomsmen after they paid for dresses and tux's. To me that was gift enough that they were willing to be a part of our day!

**karone** · 05-07-2008, 03:09 PM

i think the invitation/ceremony schedule in a frame would be a good gift. for us we will probably make a gift registry at target and say that its optional in the invitation b/c with the exception of a few things we have everything we need kitchen wise, we are going to have a casual ceremony since i dont want to wear a dress that i will only wear once, we might have my brother's friend do the cake since she offered a couple days ago after seeing my ring. if after the gifts have been opened and she doesnt have one then she might like a blanket with the date of the wedding embroidered on it. heres an example: http://www.thingsremembered.com/weba...wed#resultsTop
u can probbably find a place that could do it for cheaper or do it yourself.