Why do we get so off-track?

**Daisygirl** · 06-08-2008, 08:16 AM

This is a psychological and philosophical question.....When we feel so good when we are frugal and thrifty, when we feel such a feeling of accomplishment when we pay off our debts..... what causes us to allow ourselves to get off track again?

Maybe this doesn't happen to everyone - perhaps it is just me, but I am wondering that too.

I haven't been around much on the village - so like an alcoholic not going to AA, I have been on a bit of a bender. I am not in debt - I didn't go that far, but I have spent my emergency fund on a vacation. (Not an emergency vacation, lol.) I have been shopping when I should have been saving for said vacation. I have overspent on groceries and eating out. I can stop this before anything catastrophic happens, but I just can't understand WHY? It was so much work to get to that point, with no debt and an emergency fund in place. I had a savings plan in place for the vacation, and that is the part I blew.

So, is it only me, or do the rest of you do this too? Do you hit a comfort zone and then it just goes down hill? If so, have you identified why?

**Marie78** · 06-08-2008, 08:53 AM

I have been slightly off track the last few months. My problem was birthdays, all of my relatives birthday's are between March and June. There's several and I tend to spend more than I should on gifts for others. I tried to save money to plan ahead for these birhtday's, but then life got in the way with dental work, car repairs, etc... and by the time everything was paid for I felt like I spent too much money!

I'm back on track with my spending and a budget and I am hoping what I have left in my EF will buffer me against any circumstances that may come up. Good Luck with your budget too.

**Ebbie** · 06-08-2008, 10:05 AM

Daisygirl, I have a lot of theories about this and it goes back to a book I read a few years ago relating current human behaviour to our biology.

Basically, we're still cavemen, biologically and psychologically we haven't changed much and our behaviours are ingrained in our genetic makeup. Biologically it was imperative that the caveman EAT UP or USE UP everything he had. There was no concept of saving for the future. There were no banks or refrigerators. If a caveman didn't eat all of what he hunted it rotted. So eating everything available to him was a means of survival.

Translate this to modern day and we have strong urges to "eat" (use up) everything available to us. If we see it we want to eat it or spend it.

The answer: change your environment. Create an environment where "everything available" is what we want to allow ourselves to consume. In other words...why was that vacation money available to you? If you didn't want to spend it put it somewhere where it's inaccessible. Lock it into a CD...or put it in a bank 20 miles away that you can't easily get to...or lock it up and give someone you trust the key...there's all kinds of ways to make the money not so easy to get at. This way you satisfy the caveman by still allowing him to consume what he thinks is available to him. Just make what you don't want him to spend UNAVAILABLE (or really really difficult to get at). Change the environment to work with our inner caveman's biological impulses. Let it be less about "willpower" and more about creating an environment that makes the money behaviour you want to follow, easier to follow.

I've actually thought of writing a book (started it, never finished) based on this theory of caveman instincts over our financial lives. I've found the theory works extremely well for me, I could explain in more detail how I've set up my financial life to match these guidelines.

**DJ1972** · 06-08-2008, 10:10 AM

I do this too. I was doing so good...then Christmas came, UGH! I do the same thing with eating healthy, do really good for a while, then slowly slide backwards. It's natural I think. At least you didn't gain debt, so be proud of that. I didn't add debt while I was off the wagon, but I sure didn't add to the savings either.

**PrairieRose** · 06-08-2008, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by Ebbie

Daisygirl, I have a lot of theories about this and it goes back to a book I read a few years ago relating current human behaviour to our biology.

Basically, we're still cavemen, biologically and psychologically we haven't changed much and our behaviours are ingrained in our genetic makeup. Biologically it was imperative that the caveman EAT UP or USE UP everything he had. There was no concept of saving for the future. There were no banks or refrigerators. If a caveman didn't eat all of what he hunted it rotted. So eating everything available to him was a means of survival.

Translate this to modern day and we have strong urges to "eat" (use up) everything available to us. If we see it we want to eat it or spend it.

The answer: change your environment. Create an environment where "everything available" is what we want to allow ourselves to consume. In other words...why was that vacation money available to you? If you didn't want to spend it put it somewhere where it's inaccessible. Lock it into a CD...or put it in a bank 20 miles away that you can't easily get to...or lock it up and give someone you trust the key...there's all kinds of ways to make the money not so easy to get at. This way you satisfy the caveman by still allowing him to consume what he thinks is available to him. Just make what you don't want him to spend UNAVAILABLE (or really really difficult to get at). Change the environment to work with our inner caveman's biological impulses. Let it be less about "willpower" and more about creating an environment that makes the money behaviour you want to follow, easier to follow.

I've actually thought of writing a book (started it, never finished) based on this theory of caveman instincts over our financial lives. I've found the theory works extremely well for me, I could explain in more detail how I've set up my financial life to match these guidelines.

It is soooo funny that you explained it like this b/c I was thinking the exact same things you mentioned. I'm always relating our behaviours and habits and desires to cavemen instincts and how little we've evolved with our instincts. We are still animals, and unfortunately more than we want to admit, we act like 'em....out of instinct.

Daisygirl, don't beat yourself up anymore. We all do it.....we get really aggravated at ourselves but the good news is that you 'woke up and smelled the coffee' before you made a real mess that would really set you back for a long time. Just start again, like with a diet.....you fell off the wagon but brush off yourself off, no more

You'll be ok....(enjoy that vacation b.t.w.

)

**Jskell911** · 06-08-2008, 10:19 AM

I tend to get this way and rationalize when we get an unexpected "windfall". This week will be tough for me as DH and I both worked the holiday and our checks were about $300 higher than normal, plus DH's stimulus check is coming in this week. So, I know this ahead of time, but still, I'll be like "well we have the extra this week, I can get XX". KWIM?

**Wendy99** · 06-08-2008, 10:26 AM

I have done the same thing in the past .. got out of debt and swore it would never happen again (the debt was foolish too not for anything we needed , just wants). It came to the point where my husband ended up with a lower paying job and we ran into some other troubles and ended up having to refinance our house. We had no other way out at the time. Now having to do that again scares me. I feel the need to save, save, save as much as I can so something like that won't happen again. My husband wanted to refinance again when it comes up for renewel in July so we can get new windows and roof. I said no way, lets save and do it. He was like how do we save when we can barely makes ends meet. That's when I started being frugal. Now he sees .. the past 30 days we have put away about $600. We won't always be able to do that, but now he sees that this is all paying off. He had some overtime which helped for that, but still its' quite an accomplishment considering we weren't even making ends meet sometimes and sometimes just doing it. I'm really hoping we don't slide again. I actually enjoy the challenge of being frugal. I think we had to hit "rock bottom" to realize and smarten up.

**Daisygirl** · 06-08-2008, 11:07 AM

THat caveman analogy is really interesting and makes a lot of sense to me. This thread is not so much a matter of beating myself up,more of a "why would someone do such a silly thing?"

I think the vacation (Disneyworld - end of August) is a big stressor for me. I want to go, I want the girls to experiench this, and I truly can afford it, but it causes me stres to spend such a huge amount of money, when for years we barely had enough to keep a roof over our heads.

I agree also with the diet comparison - it is like I am eating everything in sight because I went without cookies and ice cream for a long time.

Excellent points to ponder.

**C@rol** · 06-08-2008, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by Daisygirl

So, is it only me, or do the rest of you do this too? Do you hit a comfort zone and then it just goes down hill? If so, have you identified why?

No it is not just you. Happens to us a couple of times a year. Just went through the same thing this past April. I don't know what it is with April but every year we seem to go on a spending binge. Not a big one where we get debt or into trouble but it makes me very nervous.

We're at the end of one of those times now and being in the middle of a remodel doesn't help. Seems it gives you a reason to spend. I've got my eyes on it though.

To me the important thing is you are aware of the spending and know that it needs to be corrected. Good for you! You know now that you need to get back on track.

Welcome back!

**McD** · 06-08-2008, 11:29 AM

I've noticed that if I don't allow myself little small splurges...i.e. an occasional meal out (with coupon of course!) or a special cut od meat at the grocery store, every now and again, then I tend to go hog wild and blow thru money like a drunken sailor because I am feeling 'deprived'. If I can have the occassional splurge, then I tend to stay on track financially much better.

**acox68** · 06-08-2008, 11:29 AM

I have experienced the same things, too. It seems like the more $ we make, the more we spend and the less $ we make, the less we spend.

We received a decent tax refund this year and then with the stimulus check....well, we are going on vacation to Las Vegas next week instead of paying off some of our debts, too. We haven't been on a proper vacation in about 5 years, so it feels like we just need to get away. We are not big gamblers, but I do like the penny slots because they give you a lot of "play time". It is just that we love to go and have a great time. For the past 5 years, I have been working and going to school with hardly any breaks and it just seems more important to go on this vacation than to pay down debt right now. I know we will get right back on track when we get home, so I'm not terribly worried about it. I think it is only normal to feel that way after being frugal for a long time.

Andrea

**mombottoo** · 06-08-2008, 11:33 AM

It's not just you! I find myself doing this too...a lot sometimes. I think for me I get comfortable knowing where I am at and then something happens and booooom before I know it my plans go down the pit. Then I start all over again and the cycle repeats itself.

I grew up relatively poor...I didn't realize we were poor until I was 12 or so. My dad was injured when I was 11 & my mom went to work, which really changed our lifestyle...dad made good money & mom had to start working when there was no such thing as equal pay for equal work...she died a top machine operator and was still making less than $10 an hour! Then my uncle died when I was 15 and left my aunt with 4 little ones to raise and no money!!! I swore neither of those scenarios were going to happen to me, so even when my hubby & I were living paycheck to paycheck we still paid for the necessary insurances to make sure we'd be okay if something happened.

While our kids were growing up everything went into taking care of the day to day stuff...we always participated in his 401(k) program & always saved $25 per week in addition to the 401(k). We have never bought a car that we couldn't pay cash for & to date the most we have paid out is $4,300. I have always been frugal (family claims I can make Abe scream), but to me being frugal doesn't mean you can't spend your money...which may be considered a downfall by some frugalites

.

I rarely spend money on myself, but I am generous to a fault with other people...

I think we get many of our habits from our parents & society and some habits are hard to break.

**frugalfoster** · 06-08-2008, 11:49 AM

Living a frugal lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that you will never have those "moments". But they become just that....moments. Hopping back on the frugal train is always going to be the key to never going back to spending freely and foolishly. I for one, am happy that you now have the chance to take those girls to Disneyworld. Memories, are well worth the sacrifice that we make to be able to experience them. Go have your fun.... don't go hog wild though. You can still be frugal and experience the Disney dream. I did it for years!!!
My friends can never understand how we are able to vacation and have the things we do. Well, it's because I never go out to dinner, to the movies, or to the mall. We don't smoke or drink and we are very careful with the grocery budget. Because I do these things, I don't beat myself up when I take those vacations. I think the frugal lifestyle is about choices and as long as you keep making the right choices then you should be able to have a few of the luxuries that living that lifestyle allows. Hooray for you.... you have come such a long way. Have the time of your life and don't regret it for a minute!

**Clutterbug Jen** · 06-08-2008, 12:56 PM

Try not to feel bad 'cuz ya know what ... ?

With the way the economy is these days and getting worse every day, I believe that you're actually doing them a favor.

Who knows what things will be like when they grow up and this way you're helping to prepare them for life and for potential hard times ahead when they do grow up.

Love,

Jen

Originally Posted by hunertime

My mom told me this week she feels sorry for my kids because all they know is frugal. I felt really bad about it and then I realized I am who I am and I would rather teach them to be frugal and a good steward then not.

**shoiji** · 06-08-2008, 01:39 PM

I feel like I have been spending more than usual. But I really did need a new microwave to replace the 20 year old one, more microwavable pans since I will be using the microwave and crockpot for most of the cooking in the summer. However I did know ahead of time I was going to do this. The only other thing I plan on buying this summer is a computer. Currently I can't print anything and the operating system is no longer supported. So I plan on doing this in August. My computer is 8 years old and when I bought it is was low end.

From the posts I have read of yours it sounds as if you have been going through some really difficult times these past few years. So enjoy your vacation!!! You have worked hard to be able to do this. Also, you know what you need to do to get back on track.