The future and a daughter with special needs

**DonnainME** · 06-13-2008, 01:08 PM

It would be very scary. My heart goes out to all of you and your children. My 3 are healthy (almost lost one when she was born though) and I hope happy.

Good luck.

**heartofmine** · 06-13-2008, 04:11 PM

Don't feel bad at all for signing up for whatever she is eligible for. Even if she doesn't use the money now while you are with her put it into a fund to be used for her when your not here. Good luck with everything and you have my thoughts and prayers that things work out for you all.

**zakity** · 06-14-2008, 01:21 AM

This isn't totally PC, but...

Have you considered having her tubes tied?

I have a cousin who has some issues. Her parents chose to have her tubes tied when she was a teenager. They knew that she was not going to be able to take care of a child. She was able to get attached to the baby inutero though. It would have broken her heart to have to give the baby up. They were older parents and knew that they were not able to take care of a baby.

As her life has progressed, it came out that they they made such a great decision. She has relationships with abusive men all the time. She keeps getting herself in bad situations. She is at that fine line where she is too "advanced" for most of the homes, but she is to "behind" to really function on her own.

My experience with her life as time has progressed is why I am suggesting this. Also, I hate to add this because it is really sad, but my cousin has been raped a few times (a few of the bad situations). There was no worry about if she was pregnant or not.

**mfedor** · 06-14-2008, 07:46 AM

we haven't looked at group homes yet. I do know that the waiting lists are long and it is something that I do have to look at soon. Right now we are focusing on the will, savings, and therapy. She is nonverbal so communication is Ken to get her functioning in the real world. or at least potty training

I hope that helps a little. You might also want to check with social services in your area they Should have a more comprehensive list of places for your daughter. Also in our area the park district offers programs for disabled children-you could also check with local programs as well.

Good Ink and let me know what you find out. I am always on a guest for more information.

**Ceashels** · 06-21-2008, 05:56 PM

A dozen or so years ago I worked in a school for children ages 0-21 with special needs. Two of the families joined forces and established a group home for each of their daughters. It was, if I recall correctly, staffed and run by the local Association for Retarded Citizens but the town home was purchased by the families for the reason of ongoing care of the two teens after they graduated from the "school" system."

I don't know how practical this is these days but if you have like minded parents of other special needs children in your area it might be an idea to think about.

Blessings to you.

**HisDaisy** · 06-21-2008, 06:17 PM

My brother is legally blind and also has some mental impairment. He currently lives with my folks. Up until 9 months, he was employed and had his one health insurance. When he lost his job he was forced to pay for insurance out of pocket. Due to an inheritance and poor planning, he was unable to collect SSDI and Medicaid.
This put a financial strain on the whole family. He would like to be employed, but in this economy it is hard for the disabled to find work. He now plans to try to go a community for more education (We are not sure if he will do well, but he is determined).
Recently my parents put his inheritance in a special needs trust. This will allow him to collect SSDI and Medicaid, until he can work again.
I would recommend a special needs trust, you never know what the future holds.

**peanut** · 06-21-2008, 07:27 PM

I just really want to thank you all for posting and responding to this thread. I know this is what the thanks button is for, but I just had to say it personally. I have three special needs nieces and now I have ideas to give their parents when they come to me asking my advice, or when they express concern over their futures.

I do have one thing to add. Don't think because you have other 'normal' children that they will take care of the disabled one. It just doesn't work that way. This has happened in one of the families I know. The 'normal' sibling just ended up resenting the disabled child. Be very careful of your expectations! Make sure they are realistic for everyone.

Jean