Question about bridesmaid dresses...

[Momto2Boyz]

Ok, I've never seen my soon to be SIL on this board...so lets hope she's not a lurker!

Ok, so my brother is getting married in October 2009. We are all in the wedding, which is awesome. DH is a groomsman, DS7 is a jr. groomsman, DS4 is the ringbearer and I am a bridesmaid. So, that is the cost of 3 tuxes, plus a dress, shoes, hair, etc. No big deal, I am excited to be a part of their day and knew we'd be shelling out cash for it. We are ready for that part.

But here are my two questions;

1. The bridesmaids are ordering their dresses next month! Doesn't that seem really early to be buying dresses for a wedding that is almost 18 months away? My weight fluctuates, so I go between 2 dress sizes and I have no idea what size I will be then (of course, I'll be trying to get down in size to look good for the wedding, but that is besides the point). I just don't want to have to buy the bigger size and pay a TON for alterations.

2. There are 8 bridesmaids buying dresses and they are over $200 each! Not super pricey, I know...granted,they cost more than my wedding dress! The dress shop knows she picked out two dresses, but doesn't know that she has settled on the one. The other one is much cheaper than the one that she picked. It is a small dress shop, and I'm wondering if it would be rude of me to try to do a little haggling with the dress shop.

I haggle politely for almost everything that I buy. I used to own my own store, and I know that there is always a little wiggle room, and more than likely, if we are buying 8 of the more expensive dresses, they might come down on the price.

However, since it is my SIL's big day, I don't want to do anything out of step or anything that would come across as rude. My SIL lives in Seattle, so she won't be with us for the first fitting, but I still don't want her to hear about it from any of the other bridesmaids and think I was just being cheap.

I just hate to pay more than I have to! I did ask her if she tried to negotiate the price down, and she said no, she didn't know she could do that at a dress shop. I didn't think to ask her if she would mind if I tried, so maybe I'll just ask her before we go and see what she thinks. Granted, even if we can each save $10 on the dress, at least we'd be getting a deal!

Just curious, thought I would get some opinions here on the village!

[Momof4cats]

I think it's awful early to be ordering the dresses, but then she may be worried that the one she wants won't be available when the time comes, KWIM?

As for getting the dress for cheaper, have you checked to see what the dress might run for online? Perhaps it would be cheaper to order online and go to a third party to do the alterations when the time comes.

[PrairieRose]

Wow I understand wanting to be on top of things and have things organized but man, that is way early. What if they should call off the wedding? Then everyone would be stuck with those dresses.....Ugh. It's a tight spot you're in, alright. My opinion would be if you want to get along with her from now on, just pay the full price....bite the bullet and don't make a 'thing' over it. Could be small price to pay for family harmony, kwim?

[suki]

Way too early for the dresses... she has wedding fever.

[DonnainME]

I agree with everyone - it's WAY too early to order the dresses.

[janelane]

I agree, way too early.

Weddings are so overblown these days. I gotta say, I know it's "tradition" and all, but I'm of the mind that the couple should pay for *everything* including dresses and tux rentals for their party. And if *they* can't afford it, or can't afford not to go into debt over it, then they need to pare it down. I know it's the way things go, but I just think it's awful to expect your friends and family to shell out money for a big party two people decided to throw for themselves. :/

[Lady_V]

I'm on the 'too early' bandwagon...

What happens if any of the women get pregnant, gain a lot of weight or otherwise outgrow the dress they bought 18 months ago??? Dresses can usually be taken in, but can only go out to a point.

Has anyone asked her why she booked a fitting NOW? Are the dresses being specially made or are they standard bridal store dresses?

[Mamaof2rugrats]

I think you should pay for the dress whenever you have to and just pay full price since you don't have much choice but I agree that it's too early. Someone could gain or lose weight or get pregnant and have a baby in between now and then! Just crazy to order them this early IMO.

[leezza]

you are so much nicer than me.......I was only in 1 wedding as a bridesmaid and the dress cost more than anyone wanted to spend......Anyway, I am on the to early band wagon too!

You may want to have a friendly talk with her and ask what the hurry is??? I bet your not the only one thinking what your thinking......could you ask your brother???

Good Luck,
leezza

[suki]

I agree, way too early.

Weddings are so overblown these days. I gotta say, I know it's "tradition" and all, but I'm of the mind that the couple should pay for *everything* including dresses and tux rentals for their party. And if *they* can't afford it, or can't afford not to go into debt over it, then they need to pare it down. I know it's the way things go, but I just think it's awful to expect your friends and family to shell out money for a big party two people decided to throw for themselves. :/

I've been married twice. Both weddings, we paid for completely (or with some gifted funds). Our attendants were not expected to pay anything out of pocket. And, I didn't have big, fancy weddings... but nice tasteful ones. The first time, my mom sewed the 2 dresses. The second time, I bought my now sis-in-law a dress she wanted and mom sewed dresses for my daughters. We paid for all the tuxes the first time, the second time we bought hubby's suit and his best man wore one he had.

I guess I don't really understand inviting someone to come spend a few hundred bucks to enjoy your day. The one time I was asked to be a bridesmaid and was expected to fork over $200 for all of this, I declined and gave the bride and groom $150 for their wedding gift. In the long run, after getting over the mad... she was pleased I had done this and regretted the extravagance.

But... that's not your future sis-in-law. As I see it, you should ask her why she wants the dresses so early and express concerns over getting them too soon. Also, feel her out about going more budget... the economy stinks! Maybe you can get pretty dresses at the season close-out in July/August!

I just spent 30 minutes visiting with my future sis-in-law over her menu and amounts for the feast she wants. They've wayyyy over estimated how much food they need and they are buying expensive stuff. At the rate they are going they will spend as much if they were to have it catered! So, I sat down and figured out how many ounces of each item she'll need and called her to go over what I came up with. After getting over her initial, "I just don't want to run out of food," she got it and will save considerably.

You can have a nice wedding without breaking everyone's budget.

[champagnium]

Having JUST been thru the whole wedding thing recently I'm going to jump in too.....

18 months IS too early to get the dresses...BUT at the same time, people need to understand that for the most part, all of them are now made in China, so you have to allow for incidents. I almost didn't get my dress on time for MAY 2 after it was ordered in OCTOBER because of Chinese New Year occurring in FEBRUARY. A think now is a little early, but 8 months to a year is not.

As for trying to get the cost of the BM dresses down, this is a big topic in wedding world. I would say find out the make and model of the dress and try Netbride. Just google it. They will email and let you know if they have it. If you DO end up going with the store, I guess ask her if she'd mind if you tried to get them a deal. Some people have no problem trying, ie. my cousin does it all the time, but it makes me really uncomfortble. Also, you would have the option of trying to find a pattern of the same dress and have it made- maybe you could barter with someone to make it.

You can usually get boys' tuxes cheap at the end of wedding season, around Christmas, or gently used. Often cheaper than renting. No one in my wedding wore tuxes..all the men and boys wore nice suits.

As for shoes, now's the time to find ones you like cheap....the prom shoes are all on sale, and after Christmas is a great time too, depending on your BM dress color.

Maybe ask for salon gc's for Christmas/bday too that you can set aside to get your hair done for the wedding. I had enough gc's for a cut and color a couple weeks before, and for myself and my MOH to get our hair done the day of.

Hope the wedding goes fabulously!! Show us pics of you and your family all done up!!

[ladykemma2]

wow, wouldn't it be easier for all bridemaids to be told, buy simplicity pattern number xzy, in fabric at joannes "symphony broadcloth" "buttercup"?

way cheaper too.

[momof2joys]

As a recent bride, here is what we did! My bridesmaids had to pay for their dreses, but that was only $80!! The ushers and groomsmen had to pay to rent their tuxes, the groom's tux was free! That only cost them about $100. I also made sure when we were picking out dresses that if they wanted they could be worn again or sold easily. My little sister ended up wearing hers to prom this past year!!! Other than that we paid for everything. It is really early to be getting dresses, I got married in December and we bought our dresses in May. We actually ended up having to order a bigger size for my sister because she had gotten pregnant in August and wasn't going to fit into her dress by December. As for the flower girls dresses, I order them online from Lands End, they were $40 a piece and both girls wore them more than their $40 worth. They were black velvet and my step daughter wore hers for X-mas, her X-mas program, and a few church events. My niece wore hers for the same things along with the family portrait for her mom's side. Our son was only 1 1/2 so instead of getting him a tux, we bought him a suit at Yonkers for around $40, and we just wore that, plus he also wore it for several other things too.

Now, being on the other end of the rope, my bil and his girl are getting married in July, my stepdaughter is a junior bridesmaid and we had to shell out $100 for a dress that she is only ever going to wear once!!! Plus my dh is in the wedding so we have to rent that tux too! I tried to explain to future sil that we were nice enough to only have her pay for the flower girl dress and my bils tux a total of $140, we will end up paying over $300 in all for their wedding. My future sil has already made the comment that she doesn't care what it costs!! Quite frankly I think that is rude, when we planned our wedding, cost was the most important thing for us!! Our wedding was simple and lost cost.

I would talk to her and see what you could do. Maybe she would be willing to let you get a better deal or find the same dress cheaper.

[itsahumanzoo]

What I've seen a few brides do recently is just go to like David's Bridal, and pick a color. Then have the bridesmaids pick the style of dress, so they all end up having different dresses but all in the same color. I thought that was nice. And, different styles are different prices so it's up to the bridesmaid what they want to pay. (Even though I agree that the bride and groom should pay for that stuff)

[inneedofhope]

Since you and the other bridesmaids are paying for the dresses yourselves, I see no reason why you shouldn't see if you can strike a deal. What can it hurt to ask?
I was a different sort of bride. I only had one flower girl and a maid of honor, and I paid for their dresses (frugally). But then in my circle it is extremely rude to ask a bridesmaid to buy a pricey dress, in the weddings I've been involved in the bridesmaids were asked their limit and agreed on a dress together. We are simple people.