I Am So Furious I Could Explode!

**macemesmum** · 07-07-2008, 09:12 PM

Ok I am not sure if this is the right spot forgiv

e me if it is not, some of you have been following my thread on no spending for 5 months other than groceries because we are going to USA to visit family. Well i just had a phone conversation with my so called best friend of 14 yrs. She has been avoiding me and when i asked her why she said I just dont understand why you would want to go and spend christmas with your in laws, What about your mum is she going? I said no she said oh what is she meant to do over christmas as her boyfriend is going over east? I said mum was going to go over and visit him for christmas. Oh I just didnt think you would want to go and spend christmas with your in laws. This went on and on for about 10 mins during which time i defended myself. Now the background to this is both our dads passed away over a year ago, and she has been the dutiful daughter not leaving her mum alone for a minute, (yet her mum goes on overseas hols and leaves her alone) My mum and dad were seperated and mum (who took care of my dad everyday even though they were apart) had a partner before he died. My mum has no problem with it why should she, I felt so judged, I felt like screaming at her they are my kids grandparents and if i want to take them to see them i will none of your business. I think there is some jealousy in there because she loves the states and went on a shopping trip there when her dad was literally on deaths door (yet i said nothing bad to her then) I just feel like we have done everything right we put a beautiful headstone on my dads grave which they have not despite their whole family going on a overseas trip a few months ago, yet i am so judged for what!!! I am sorry for the rant but it is here or email her and if i do that their goes the 14 yr friendship, beacuse only she is allowed to judge.

**itsahumanzoo** · 07-07-2008, 09:15 PM

That is horrible! Hopefully after you cool down a bit you can contact her and let her know that she really hurt you, and that you thought your friendship meant more. Maybe you can explain to her, that the two of you may see things differently, but that does not make either of you wrong, or a bad person. Hopefully she will see that and you will be friends again in no time.

**paperlady** · 07-07-2008, 09:43 PM

I'm so sorry this happened. I know this trip means so much to you and your family. Please forgive your friend. She has hurt you so much, but do not let that make you so bitter. Could she be jealous? ((((((((((((macemesmum)))))))))))

**DonnainME** · 07-07-2008, 09:44 PM

I'm sorry your friend was being so .... un-friendlike. Sometimes people don't really think before they speak.

You are right - she has no right to judge you.

You are not your mother's keeper - if you want to go without her then you should. Your friend should not be involved in it. this is a family matter and she needs to see her way out of it.

**heartofmine** · 07-07-2008, 09:47 PM

I'm sorry. Sounds like your friend has some deep seeded problems.

**Edna_E** · 07-07-2008, 10:51 PM

My thoughts were following this same path, except I wondered whether she could be feeling deserted and trying to convince you not to go because she is afraid she will need you while you are gone. I could, however, also buy the jealousy theory. Anyway, I think there is something more to it than what she is saying. I am sorry that you are being hurt by her.

Originally Posted by paperlady

I'm so sorry this happened. I know this trip means so much to you and your family. Please forgive your friend. She has hurt you so much, but do not let that make you so bitter. Could she be jealous? ((((((((((((macemesmum)))))))))))

**frugalfoster** · 07-08-2008, 12:00 AM

I'm sure she just wishes she were you....probably would love to do the same thing if given the chance. I would just let it roll off my back..... I also want to add that I'm cheering you on, on your no spending road!!!

**angelbumpkin** · 07-08-2008, 12:26 AM

I think your friend has some issues she really needs to deal with. Sorry that she is not being very friend like. Keep on your no spending. Your trip will be very memorable to your entire family.

**macemesmum** · 07-08-2008, 02:24 AM

Hi thanks so much for your kind words, I guess the reason I snapped is this is not the first time shes said hurtful things to me or jealousy motivated things, it seems she cannot be happy for me if something good happens to us, guess I am just sad we have been friends for so long but do not know how much more I can take. I have always been been really supportive to her she is single I have had her over every week for dinner for 14 years, one day she even commented on the fact my meat was marked down and said i was a scab, yet she was happy to eat at our house every week and never bring anything. I think this friendship is now costing me too much to save, I am just going to lay low for a while and not call and see what happens!

**foxxyroxie** · 07-08-2008, 05:06 AM

I'm sorry you're friend is giving you grief.

I know from experience what it's like to have 'friends' say do and say hurtful and negetive things. About 99% of the time it's out of jealousy and that's HER problem, not yours. Her lack of satisfaction and contentment with her life fuels her negetive actions and negetive words to you. Don't lower yourself to her level by retaliating with negetives back to her.

It's your decision whether you will maintain the friendship. Maybe it's best that you do just part ways for a while. After some time has passed, maybe she will realize how much the relationship means to her. When she contacts you, calmly explain to her that the things she says hurt you, and be incident-specific (like about here reaction to your new house). If the 'negetive' still persists, then sever the relationship. Negetive 'friend's bring you down.

**molly** · 07-08-2008, 08:08 AM

Well, Holy Cow macemesmum that just sounds awful! I am so sorry she has treated you this way. It sounds like she's been a little jealous for a long time and very unappreciative of your friendship. Laying low might be a good idea, but don't let this eat you up inside and spoil your plans for your trip to see your in-laws.

**Holly** · 07-08-2008, 08:58 AM

She's not a true friend in my op.
No real friend would treat you that way.
Sounds toxic and if it was me I'd be detoxing.
Keep on doing your no spend and have a beautiful trip
with your inlaws.
Your mother is old enough to take care of herself.(jmho)

**stevie** · 07-08-2008, 10:24 AM

Time to ditch the friend. Really, this sort of behavior is out of line and you don't need that in your life. Tell her you need a break. We all do the best we can and she has no right to judge you and rain on your trip.

**jamie79** · 07-08-2008, 10:34 AM

shes isnt a friend from your description

**frugalfoster** · 07-08-2008, 11:11 AM

Wow, after reading your last post on this, I can't believe that you have remained friends with this person for so long. She needs a lesson in manners and also one in how to value friendship. You are a great friend to her.....she's lucky. Isn't there a saying "to have a friend, you have to be a friend"? Maybe you should find a sign with that slogan on it!