Money Attitudes

**forHISglory** · 07-21-2008, 05:45 PM

What do you think?

When folks write in to ask for help in managing their money, we usually ask them to post a budget, spending, bills, savings, etc. And that's good. Those figures need to put down, and stared at, and worked with. There's no escaping the numbers.

But I was thinking that perhaps what should come first is an attitude check. If one has a firm attitude that money is there to be spent, or a firm belief that shopping brings happiness, then facing the numbers might not do the good that it should.

Although I have a good grip on money/spending/budgeting now, it was not always so. I had to face the music as to WHY I had this gnawing feeling inside of wanting to spend. Until I wrestled with that, the rest made little sense.

We have a relative who is one year younger than us. This fellow and his family live very well and have the best of everything, but have no savings, no retirement accounts. Now they are looking retirement in the face and it's scaring them. But it's not scaring them enough to change their spending ways. Their attitude is that money buys good times for present and the future will take care of itself. They were upfront in telling us that they don't know how the next stage of life will go, but just figured that something would work out for them. So they have looked at the numbers, but attitude trumps.

Do you think I'm off base? Which should come first: looking at the numbers or looking at the attitude? I'd be interested in hearing your experiences and observations. Just saying that for me, I have to get a handle on my thinking and attitude before I can do anything with a budget or spending.

**MoonMommy** · 07-21-2008, 06:14 PM

For me, I had to change my attitude first. I had to teach myself that I didn't NEED things. We didn't NEED a cell phone as well as a land line. We didn't NEED to buy new clothes all the time. However, it took me awhile because I think there is so much in society that tells us that we are less than if we don't own X,Y, and Z. Marketing and Advertising is there to tell us that we NEED to buy new things all the time. It gets into our psyche. It is a hard thing to fight, but instead of being ashamed of what I didn't have, I turned it around and became proud of who I am...my frugalness, my crunchy hippiness, and my individuality. I don't want to be like the crowd so I don't feel like I HAVE to buy stuff to fit in.

**chevy_chick95** · 07-21-2008, 06:17 PM

I think that is a great way of saying it. Attitude is everything. If it is negative.. nothing will look good and you won't care what anyone is telling you even if you asked for advice. If you have a positive outlook you are probably much more receptive to criticize, constructive or not.

**prftstrngr** · 07-21-2008, 06:30 PM

I think you are so right! Attitude should come first..... I'm working hard at changing mine right now. My husband lost a very good paying job last October. We now have half the income we had and no job in the near future anyways. We always thought we had no money....now we or at least I have realised we are paying the bills on that lesser income. Amazingly its my attitude that has changed so much. I think it came out of fear....I was and I am still scared Im going to lose my home,etc. I have joined here...Im learning to live more frugally,Im teaching my husband and son,Im a better shopper(groceries) and I think about every dime we spend BEFORE we spend it...not after its too late! Time will tell if I have the right attitude now to follow thru on the budget we have been working on!

**rachelMcK** · 07-21-2008, 06:32 PM

Great post! I totally agree, its all about attitude. DH and I are learning this. We've always said we need to pay off debt and stop spending, we'd do ok for a while and then we'd spend. We're realizing now that it doesn't work to just say it. We're working on our attitudes and really trying to change it now.

**Greebo** · 07-21-2008, 07:25 PM

You're right on the money with this one, forhisglory. You can run numbers all day long, but if the attitude is wrong, it won't matter.

Unfortunately, we have no ability to change another's attitude, except by example.

So we can just do what we can for those who come here with a teachable spirit.

**Michelle** · 07-21-2008, 08:57 PM

I agree with you 100%, and unfortunately I know several people like the one you describe.

**frugalandsimple** · 07-21-2008, 09:25 PM

I'd would go with attitude because anyone can be frugal by choice or neccessity when they realize not everything is a "need."

**dcompton** · 07-21-2008, 09:45 PM

Well, I would say it's attitude a lot of the time, probably most of the time, but there are circumstances in which one can have a proper attitude and even be of a frugal mindset and practice, but life just dumps on you. Medical bills, job loss, natural disasters, any number of things really beyond your control can lead to debt. Especially for those who have low paying jobs to start with, no way to afford medical insurance, and so on. Then, yes, it's a matter of just dealing with the numbers. I think we have to be careful not to assume that just because someone is overwhelmed with debt it's because of their attitude. But, very often, you are right.

**Libby** · 07-21-2008, 11:47 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

You're right on the money with this one, forhisglory. You can run numbers all day long, but if the attitude is wrong, it won't matter.

Unfortunately, we have no ability to change another's attitude, except by example.

So we can just do what we can for those who come here with a teachable spirit.

I agree with you Greebo. You hit the nail right on the head. Its all about attitude and doing, not just saying. Lead by example.

**kmsinsa** · 07-22-2008, 04:13 AM

IT's definitely attitude although I agree with dcompton as there are situations that arise that do not always allow for the the financial part of the plan to be put into place even though the attitude is in place. But ultimately even those with short term issues, should be able to move forward because of their attitude.

**LaurieLou** · 07-22-2008, 04:32 AM

I have to agree with the it's mostly attitude, but man, sometimes life happens and not in a good way. Losing your job suddenly or a natural disaster, medical issues, etc can really throw you for a loop and put one in a bad situation fast.

**nuisance26** · 07-22-2008, 07:33 AM

~While I agree that attitudes about money rule how and where it goes I doubt I would suggest someone had an attitude problem if they were asking for help. It's very humbling and embarrassing asking for help and I wouldn't want people pointing out my worst personal flaws until I was ready to face them myself. As a person learns how to budget they will very soon discover their own issues without a public smack in the head. ~

**Russ** · 07-22-2008, 07:45 AM

And that attitude ladies and gentlemen is why some people get pissed off and defensive when you say things like, "cut the cable bill down" or "Cut up your CC".