Hold me back Christmas is coming....

**mommyto5** · 10-19-2002, 09:59 AM

I need support friends!!!!! I get the guilts every christmas and end up spending way too much for Christmas!!! My kids are done and I am pretty proud that I cut back this year (but they are probably still getting too much). I LOVE christmas and the whole season and I cook like crazy, decorate like crazy, and buy presents like crazy. Dh's family buys us a lot and I feel obligated to buy a lot for them too. And then I feel guilty because they have to buy for all my kids and if I don't spend a lot of them I look ungrateful or something. I know this is madness but every year this happens. What do you all do for family that tend to buy you a lot but you don't have the money to buy alot for them? Amy

**homesteadmamma** · 10-19-2002, 10:12 AM

We cut way back at Christmas time a number of years ago. We don't purchase for family now other than my mom.

We have 6 kids and 8 grandchildren, so to purchase for brothers/sisters and extended family would be just too much for us. We talked with our extended family and explained we didn't have the resources to purchase extra gifts. They were more than happy to oblige because most of them were in the same situation.

Most of our Christmas gifts to our immediate family are all homemade and cost very little. I try to keep my total for Christmas below $300.00 and thats for everyone!!

This year our older kids will get something for their homes and that will have to include the grandkids. I'll be making them pj's and will put a little truck in with their pj's, but thats it.

With little income we've had to do that.

Were simplifying big time here at Christmas this year and I plan on keeping it like that.

**~Sherry~** · 10-19-2002, 10:17 AM

We exchange names at Christmas time on Dave's side of the family. We buy for the kids and the person whose name we chose. That makes it easier on everyone.

**Mom23boys** · 10-19-2002, 10:34 AM

I don't feel obligated to buy for anyone on either side of the family. I do always buy everyone a gift though. I love to give. I shop all year round instead of right at Christmas. If I see something in the clearance section at WM or anywhere and I think someone will like it, I grab it for a few bucks. The people DH and I receive something from is all my family and his mom and dad and grandma. His
sister and brother never buy for anyone, but I still buy them something.

I just say to myself, it is the thought that counts....not the price.

**gw72356@fullnet.com** · 10-19-2002, 03:58 PM

Our family knows we have very firm rules on giving. Any one over 18 gets 1 gift for their home,or room etc.and it will be homemade or a token type gift. We only buy for the kids,and we try to do 1 needed item and a toy. We want to take as much of the commercial part of the holiday away as we can... it has gotten out of hand. I have to reduce my guilt too,I want the kids to have a pile of stuff under the tree,not good.

**AmyBoz** · 10-19-2002, 04:03 PM

We buy for the kids, but all pretty much have silently agreed to spend no more than $20 on them each, and then pull adult names out of a hat. We then only buy for that adult. We also give a $10 secret gift that we play Chinese Auction with after the gift giving is done. All the gifts go in the center of the room and we all draw numbers. Then, whoever has 1 gets to choose a gift. They unwrap it, then 2 goes. 2 can either choose a new gift or take 1's gift. Then 3 goes...etc. It is SO much fun. This is all with dh's family. I'm the only child on my side and it's hard because my parents are so generous with us, I feel like I'm shortchanging them if we don't give as generously. However, I'm working towards being frugally generous with them, and I think they'll be fine with it.

**Michelle** · 10-26-2002, 10:07 PM

I set a budget every year, and I stick to it. I keep an Excel spreadsheet with a list of what I've bought and how much I've spent. We don't have a lot of money to spend a lot on anyone, so I guess it's just never been an issue here

**SewCrafty** · 10-27-2002, 07:29 AM

We always buy for all the children too. But, that is going to change this year! I'm making gifts for the families only.

Us women, Mom, myself, sisters and sister-in-law all make a handmade ornament, and after the gift exchanging is done we place them in a bag and each one gets to pick one.

This sounds easy, but we all decided in the begining it had to be handmade. This proved to be very challanging for my Mom and younger sister! They are not very good at making crafts, great at cooking but crafts are another thing!

**Jerseygirl** · 10-27-2002, 08:32 AM

I'm lucky-my mom, sister, grandpa and great aunt all share our family home right now-my grandpa and aunt lost their spouses within a few months of each other and neither can live alone. So we buy 1 big gift for the house-one year it was gc's to home depot to go toward a new lawn mower, last year I picked up a $99 dvd player, then I get them each a little something-my aunt likes a rather pricey body wash, each time we had triple coupons throughout the year I picked one up so come christmas I made her a basket of them. I had picked up some plain turtleneck shirts at the end of the season before at $3 each, I gave my sister 4 and my mom 4, grandpa gets sugar free candies, cookies and chocolates in a basket. That was then--now ask me if I am that on top of things now!! Nope!

**mema2dandk** · 10-29-2002, 09:26 AM

well i buy to much. i also love christmas and go all out. this year we bought for a total of 32 people. that is not including each other. but i made quilts for 4 of them, made a "frugal book" for 2 of them. i try to stick to homemade or "clearance" but i also shop all year round and hit garage sales for new items. it has been pretty cheap this year i think, but i don't keep totals.

**captclearance** · 10-29-2002, 09:50 AM

I do not feel under any obligation to buy for anyone but my children, I don't believe that most descent people think you have any obligation to do so either, regardless of whether they buy for you or not !!! Since I became an adult, I have never received a gift I could not have lived without !!! I have yet to receive a gift that would be more important to me than for the giver to have maintained utilities, food on the table, shoes on the kids feet, or gifts for their own children.... We tell the kids to keep their money and spend it on the family..... The ones still at home always find some 5c treasure at a yard sale they give us and make things also....... I let them do that for them !! I think they feel good doing a little something...... I want no gift that would take anything away from another !!!! Let me say this, anyone who would make another obligated to him for a gift , deserves NONE !!!!!!! Shame on them !!!! That is not the spirit of the season !

**SewCrafty** · 10-29-2002, 05:02 PM

Well said Lori!

**bmiltimore** · 10-29-2002, 06:00 PM

I agree with Lori, too.

A while ago birthdays were getting crazy with all my friends. It seemed like there was a birthday all the time and I was going nuts buying gifts for everyone and then they felt like they needed to give me a gift. It is so true that I didn’t need anything given to me! So finally I just started giving a nice card with a message inside. I think at first people thought it was odd, but now a lot of the girls just do cards. We are all adults, we do not need gifts.

However, the Christmas spirit takes over once in a while and I get the urge to buy extravagant gifts, but then I realize that it just “raises the bar” for the other person and really puts us all in an awkward position.

So this year, I am keeping it VERY low-key and doing small, homemade items and personalized (hand-written) cards.

**MANDERS** · 10-29-2002, 11:49 PM

Lori is on a roll tonight.That said(I need to take her advice lol)we do tend to buy too much.WE buy for my parents(3) and brother and sisters and I'm making a basket for dsis's fiance.But after they get married with kiddos,its just for the kids.We also buy for my grandparents,mainly as a way of saying thanks for being so great all my life.We also buy for dh parents(he doesn't have any grandparents)and 2 of our nephews(kids draw names)I think this year we are drawing names for the adults too on dh side.And I buy a gift for my best friend and her dh and dd and her mom(since she is like a mom to me.And this year I am adding my aunt and uncle who I never have bought for but who are generous enough to send us money for christmas each year,and we are visiting them,with a gift basket of hm goodies in hand.

I do make about half of the gifts we give(we pretty much are required to buy dh family store bought gifts

,but this year I am making his mom a candle)THe bulk of the gifts we buy are toys for the kids,each other and our parents(dads)We tend to go all out for the kids since the only time they get toys are for christmas and birthdays.

Everyone on our list buys for us every year( my house is packed with gifts on christmas!)It drives me nuts,I think next year It will be either a gift basket for everyone or one gift each(some get both this year)