How many times did it take??

[lmclanahan]

How many times did you start over before you got it right?
We are a growing homeschooling family of six. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. Our house is worth more than we owe on it, and we have no car loans. What we *do* have is credit card debt, AGAIN. For years we didn't use them at all. I made our laundry detergent, used cloth diapers, cooked from scratch. Thrift stores and yard sales were our fun!
Then, something would happen, despite an emergency fund. It was the little things, like underwear and socks, that started it. I would charge them *just until next week*. Then, something else would happen, and I would charge it *just until next month*. Then it became *until tax time*.
Etc.. Well, we refinanced twice to consolidate. Great, lower rates, too. It was a good deal, really. Our house still has a lot of equity. We can't tap it again, though. The payments would be too high for the longer term, and the fees are ridiculous! Plus, you can't do that forever! I *know* this! I tell others it is a bad idea all of the time. In my circle of friends I am the frugal one, lol.
I said we wouldn't even *use* the cards. I cut them up. Then, they started sending me NEW cards. *Somehow*, we owe over $12,000 again!!! Some home repairs, such as a/c, some car repairs, some other necessary expenses. Some stuff we didn't need, too.
Now, I fully realize that we did this ourselves. It is noone else's fault at all. I just don't know how to change the pattern. Years of frugality down the tube, it seems.
Some of it is because of poor planning, obviously. Some of it is due to my children's increased needs/wants/interests as they grow older. Appliances that we had had forever died, all at once. I have spent more this year than ever before on school supplies/curriculum.
Sorry this is so long, but please reassure me that there is still hope, lol. I WANT to be frugal. It is where I am comfortable, being debt-free (except for our mortgage). How do I STAY there, long-term? I have now consolidated our debt onto one low-interest card that I will work on paying down. That's the first step.
Anyone have any support/ideas/stories to share?
My husband always brags to others about the great job I do with our money. He is fully aware of the amount of our debt, and doesn't get bothered by it. He works hard and feels that we shouldn't have to struggle to buy things if we need them. He is a very good man. :-) Very little of the debt was caused by him. This is mostly my dilemma.

Please help!!

Leocea

[ladykemma2]

is it 12,000 credit card bill plus a heloc? or just 12,000?

[ladykemma2]

it seems that in rereading your post that you did not plan for the non monthly stuff. annual or maintenance costs like socks and underwear, school supplies, home repair, a/c breakdown are all things that can and should be planned for in advance. Mary Hunt calls this a "freedom account". Dave ramsey calls it a "sinking fund".

there are two recent threads about this in the debt and money management subforum
where dave ramsey's model falls apart
annual things we forget about

i have to go right now but will be back later.

[DonnainME]

I think of falling back into the debt trap as something that shouldn't happen, but sometimes does. I am there too. We just have to pick ourselves back up and go again.

Good luck.

[prftstrngr]

Im playing the credit card game AGAIN too...and this time with an unemployed husband. Somehow.....its more real now that Im the main bread winner and the one having to deal with it!

[Athena31]

All you do is your best. Ttry to pay it off as soon as you can and then build up the EF!

[macemesmum]

You can get yourself out of the debt but it will take hard work and some sacrifice, you need to get rid of the cards, and ring the company and tell them to not send new ones and if they do cut them up straight away! Then work on paying down your debt and remember a lot of what we think are necessities are not really they are wants that society has made us believe we need! good luck!

[DJ1972]

The good thing is, you how to be frugal, so you aren't starting from square one. I have come to learn that the number one way to get out of debt is to make a budget and stick to it. It's a learning process, and sometimes it seems like you take 2 steps forward and one step back. But, don't give up!

[WV_mom_of2]

Credit cards are our downfall too! We've paid them off numerous times and then we would turn around and run them right back up to the limit. We've refinanced our house 3 times due either to bills or to it needing large repairs. I had to laugh at the "cut up the cards and then get new ones" line because that is so US!

We finally had them all paid off in 2003. Then my grandma got sick and died and I was devastated and heartbroken and lost. Dh and the kids went to work and school and I was left at home, alone. I couldn't bear to be here grieving so I went shopping. I did NOT run the cards up by myself. When dh noticed me letting up on the reins, he went nuts too LOL. This year has been VERY hard on us. We have a large house payment, credit cards, etc. But I am determined that this time is IT! I'm done. We can NOT handle credit cards and won't have them again. I've had to go from being a SAHM for 16 years to working full time and I HATE it. I miss my dh and kids, miss being home to cook dinner, miss my LIFE!

We've paid off one cc and I've been working hard to map out a plan to get us through the winter on dh's salary. It's going to mean alot of cutting back but I've been frugal my whole life and I KNOW I can do it.

There is hope.........write out a plan and then stick with it! It's hard with kids but I just told mine "we have to do it or live in the Blazer" LOL. I also make sure to tell the kids what's going on so that they can hopefully learn from our mistakes and do better in their own lives!

HUGS! It's going to be tough, but your family and mine can do it!

[Ceashels]

From reading your post, i think you are still ahead of the game. You know what to do because you've done it before. You had the EF but didn't use it because some of the little things that got you back on the cards was the little stuff, the school stuff, the bits of clothing stuff. Its hard to shake the monkey off your back. But you can do it because you have done it. You know the path, and now you know what to look for to make the path easier, planning on the appliances, the home repairs, the <fill in the blank>. LadyKemma referred to the other posts... they are good ones!

You'll be able to do this, its a get back on the horse time!

[lmclanahan]

Thank you to everyone for the support!!
It is 12,000 on cc, no HELOC. I considered it, for tax purposes, but don't want to go there.
I agree, I need to budget for those things that recur but only once in a while. Curriculum is once a year. I have one in high school, and I severely underestimated his costs this year. He *has* to have the classes, but I didn't prepare. My first grader needed all new things this year too. I borrowed a lot for my 5th grader, thank God.
The great news is that in these uncertain economic times, we are doing good. My husband recently was made foreman at his job, and put on salary. It is wonderful to have an expected amount every week. We have almost always had paychecks that go up and down by 100's. This has contributed to the problem, I think.
Part of the problem is how *quickly* you forget how to be frugal. While you are out buying the needed appliance, you decide to stop for dinner. Instead of a cheaper place, or eating a snack you brought to tide you over, you *just put it on the card*, because you were going to use it anyway for the dryer/vacuum, whatever. Why does this happen?
We went to the beach for a night, nothing fancy. We took food and stayed in a Comfort Inn. Well, we used the card *just for a few things*. When the bill came in, WOW! It added up to much more than we had thought it would. This was obviously once of those *not needed* purchases. We will use our (second-hand, paid-for) pop-up camper on our free weekend in Hershey this coming month. We just need to listen to a 90 minute spiel on Outdoor World. We can be strong there, because if we ever want a membership, they go for pennies on the dollar on Ebay. I may start a savings envelope for that in a few years. :-)
Thank you again, the support is awesome, no flames here. I feel more motivated already!

Oh, has anyone else noticed how easy it is to spend a lot more with internet shopping?? They store your card numbers, too, in case you do something crazy, like cut them up!!
I wonder how you delete the numbers?!

Frugally yours (again!),
Leocea

[ladykemma2]

only you can decide, but for some people having a credit card is like having an addiction to "crack". would you say this is you?

have you heard of the word "plastectomy?" it's a dave ramsey term.

i get my daily strength in financial recovery by prayer, tithing, and letting god be in charge. Posting and learning on this website. And I also listen to Dave Ramsey's radio show archives A LOT to stay out of debt and to keep on track. Some people, including me, find the Debtor's Anonymous program or principles to be helpful. may i recommend the books by dave ramsey, mary hunt and jerrold mundis?

the good news is you already know what to do, it's justa pisser isn't it? only this time, make a spending plan that includes all the quarterly, annual, and maintenance "i forgots" that you forgot and kicked your butt last time.

i bumped a thread called "learn from my mistakes" about home maintenance. it's in the debt and money management subforum.

[MomToTwoBoys]

We've only been trying for the last three months but I find I'm slipping on alot of what I had set out to do. Things like turning off the power bars every time (though I do get that part right) and unplugging all the smaller appliances (I slip and leave the coffee pot, microwave, etc plugged in) and not immediately fixing the leak in our bathtub (though DH is fixing that today), etc. The credit card thing, well, that's another story. I find I'm charging little bits here and there, but I haven't racked up a huge amount on the Mastercard. I've put about $250 on it in the last month but none of it was stuff we didn't need.

I think that being frugal means you have to constantly be disciplined and never stop what you started. You also need to take some of that frugality and learn to enjoy it. I say as long as you admit to what you've done and work hard to get back to where you want to be, then you're doing more than most people.

[Edna_E]

I'm still counting, not sure I've got it right yet.

Sounds like you're on the right track, but need to plan for those exceptions that tempt you to charge until next month. Would it really hurt to wait until next month to get it? That's the thing I keep asking myself - and it doesn't always have the same answer.

[Momof3girls]

We did this a few times too.
What saved us, was getting rid of all, but a gas credit card and using a debit card or cash.
CC are very addictive to my dh and I. A debit card, gives us the convenience AND the accountabiliy.