Ever want to pull your hair out in frustration???

**mommy4ever** · 08-19-2008, 01:24 PM

Let me share a little tale.(ok, might be a bit longer than little and it's a bit of a vent)

Dh is an automotive mechanic by trade, works as heavy duty. Gives us a stable income, not flat rate, much better. I run a home daycare.

BIL is a newly licensed electrician working a union job, he earns double what dh and I make combined, his wife is insurance industry for the last 20 years and earns MORE than BIL. So together they earn 5 to 6 times what we do. Do I care that they do? No, good for them. They have 2 kids, one 18 one about to be 15.

Dh did them a favor, and worked on their truck. We got the long sob story that they couldn't afford to pay for his time, they gave use 3 post dated checks to pay for the parts. This was a few months ago. Fine, we all make our own decisions financially, they are obviously over extended.

Within 2 weeks of that conversation, they rented a seasonal campsite, got a family golf membership.A brand new travel trailer, new truck. Didn't offer to pay dh for his time. Told their ds they can't afford to pay any tuition for him. (yet told us years ago they had savings for that, and had no idea how OUR kids will ever get to go to college with how LITTLE we earn). This month, they bought a new seadoo, and another quad. She's talking about a dirt bike.

But they couldn't afford to pay dh $75 for his time????

Gleaning information from different visits. In the last 6 years, they've refinanced their house 3 times. She racks up the credit cards, she laughs and says she's addicted to shopping on her lunch hour. the travel trailer is the 3rd one in the same amount of time, never paying off the previous. Have bought numerous "toys" and must be brand new. She will NOT shop at a garage sale or thrift store. He's always complaining about being broke, yet brags at how much he makes. From the totals they've mentioned, even with their rrsp's they are 3/4 of MIL in debt(3 x their income at least), before the mortgage, and are still spending. And talking about building another house. Planning over seas trips too.

The only good thing is their ds18 seems to "get it" and will only drive for work, has a bus pass for everything else. Is going to enroll in a trades program and then go to university when he has the money. He was going into lawenforcement and his parents told him they couldn't afford the $3500 tuition(then bought new vehicles?? make sense??).

I don't want to seem holier than thou, as we have our stupid debt to be sure! But our non mortgage debt is less than our yearly income. So it's not that bad. We have it under control. DS has a 1 year tuition saved for, he's 4 years away from that age.

I apparently work my dh to death, sitting at home being a SAHM.... they don't acknowledge tha tI do contribute to our family income, I just work him hard.

I can't WAIT for the day I'm debt free. We should have our stupid debt paid off here in 15 months, it's a LONG haul, and then we're snowballing the mortgage. I should have it paid all of it off if 5 years.

And know what? I'm inviting them over for a party. A MORTGAGE BURNING PARTY. I SOOSOO want to rub it in their faces that we did it ALL on our piddly income. That we owe no one any interest payments. That'll be such a great day.

Until then, I smile, and nod, and change the subject to something that doesn't involve how much money they earn, or what she bought. As one day, I'll have the last laugh.

Does that make me bad??? I feel a little guilty over wanting to do this..lol. But I"m tired of them talking down to me, because I'm just a SAHM, she has no education, she didn't graduate. He's a trademan, he JUST got it at 40. Dh got his journeyman in his 20's, I graduated from college at 20. We just made different choices. It was important to us I be home with the kids. Dh is in a job he loves, I guess he could earn a double journeyman, and go union, but he doesn't want that, he is happy, and a happy man is a great daddy, and great husband(among other things..lol....much to mommy's advantage). So we're quite content where we are. We have long term goals too.

I soo want to be able to say, "at 40 YOU got your journeyman and a nice wage, at 40 I BECAME DEBT FREE." Just to able to think that makes all the cutbacks and sacrifices soooo worth it!!

This mommy is tired..lol. And just needed to vent after another phone call of how great their life is from her, when last night he was complaining about owing too much. Yet he's still spending. Can't have it both ways.

Hehehe...vent over. Chances are I'll never rub their faces in it, just smile to myself and KNOW what we've accomplished with so "little" according the them.

one day not so far away I will do a happy dance and sing all they to the bank when my paycheck is 100% MINE to do as I please.

**Russ** · 08-19-2008, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by mommy4ever

And know what? I'm inviting them over for a party. A MORTGAGE BURNING PARTY. I SOOSOO want to rub it in their faces that we did it ALL on our piddly income. That we owe no one any interest payments. That'll be such a great day.

I LOVE IT. I would do the same thing!

**COUNTRYBUMPKIN** · 08-19-2008, 01:40 PM

Oh what a great idea! Invite them over and celebrate the fact that because of your hard work and dedication, you will have peace of mind! Celebrate your victory and perhaps you will send them a very STRONG message!

**Greebo** · 08-19-2008, 01:42 PM

Hmm - tempting idea - but you know, I'd be worried about them thinking that, since you obviously have so much money you can pay off your mortgage, that they can turn to you for loans...

But I do get the temptation!

**mommy4ever** · 08-19-2008, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Hmm - tempting idea - but you know, I'd be worried about them thinking that, since you obviously have so much money you can pay off your mortgage, that they can turn to you for loans...

But I do get the temptation!

"so much money" LOL If ya only knew. In our area, our earnings are under average. But we make it work. We've made some horrible choices a few years ago, and we're paying for it. But we have a plan that we are working.

I think they'd be too embarrassed to ask, but regardless, it's not likely to happen but I like the thought.

When we do pay off the mortgage, I can see taking my MIL and FIL, and perhaps my parents, if they can find time in their schedule for me, and go out for dinner in a private celebration for it. They both just paid off their mortgage in the last 2 years, and would understand the freedom that offers. Of course it would leak out to BIL and SIL that we paid it all off, but it won't be from us, and it's not likely it'll ever be mentioned by them to us.

**frugalbabe** · 08-19-2008, 02:03 PM

I kind of have family relationships like that only a bit turned around. I too am a SAHM so we are a one income family but dh makes a very high income however if you look at our lives you wouldn't know it (1970's ranch home, good dependable vehicles but used, I sew a lot of our clothes the rest we buy at like consignment stores etc) are we financial saints? Heavens no! We've made our share of mistakes but we are on the right track now and going strong. We both have college degrees and have worked hard to get where we are. We have family who are very poor, they have never bothered to do any kind of training post high school they make minimum wage, they quit jobs when they get bored etc. Yet they would never dream of giving up their cable, eating out, trips etc they are completely drowning in debt.
Sometimes I get grumbly when they flaunt their new this or that in front of me when we are working so hard to get ourselves straightened out but like you said I know some day it is going to catch up to them....of course then I worry they will have to live with us which wouldn't be the first time...anyway I know what you mean about family!

**lwlynch** · 08-19-2008, 02:09 PM

I know quite a few people exactly like that. They seem to waste my time and thoughts. I just do what I can and I turn down helping them, cause they are usually trying to manipulate me..

Just do what is right for you guys and forget them.. Venting is helpful, so vent all you want...

**mommy4ever** · 08-19-2008, 02:10 PM

I would have them stay with us. Not a chance. You'd be reading about me in the paper:

"SAHM driven to the edge of insanity by spendthrift inlaws charged with assault"

MIL and FIL have taken them in before and would again. They aren't my responsibility, nor dh. DH is in agreement on this, besides with 4 kids in a small 1978 home would be far beneath their standards..lol. Bankrupt or not.

**ktsmama** · 08-19-2008, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by mommy4ever

"so much money" LOL If ya only knew. In our area, our earnings are under average. But we make it work. We've made some horrible choices a few years ago, and we're paying for it. But we have a plan that we are working.

I think they'd be too embarrassed to ask, but regardless, it's not likely to happen but I like the thought.

When we do pay off the mortgage, I can see taking my MIL and FIL, and perhaps my parents, if they can find time in their schedule for me, and go out for dinner in a private celebration for it. They both just paid off their mortgage in the last 2 years, and would understand the freedom that offers. Of course it would leak out to BIL and SIL that we paid it all off, but it won't be from us, and it's not likely it'll ever be mentioned by them to us.

This is exactly what I would do, let it leak out to them.

P.S. - I don't think you are a bad person for feeling this way.

**Samigirl** · 08-19-2008, 02:16 PM

I'm sorry they skipped out on paying your husband. It's pitiful how they live, and I'm sure deep down they know it. Keep your eye on the prize. The peace of mind you have is worth more than all their toys put together. Living well is the best revenge.

**peanut** · 08-19-2008, 02:37 PM

Wow! What a pair! I can understand your concerns with them, and wanting to rub it in their faces. But I'd be cautious about being too public in burning your mortgage. We had thought to do this, but were dissuaded by a lawyer's wife, who told us people had up to two years after the mortgage was paid out to claim a lien on your house. And you need the mortgage papers to prove the house is legally yours if they do. Not saying this might happen to you, but if you're having any work done on the house by contractors, it's best to hold off till everything is settled. One reason we never called contractors in until two years after paying out the mortgage.

Jean

**mommy4ever** · 08-19-2008, 02:43 PM

Actually, I wouldn't burn those papers, I think I'd FRAME them..lol

Just a term.

**Russ** · 08-19-2008, 02:48 PM

of course, you never really "own" your property do you?

I would still burn copies as a debt free ritual..

**MerMcE** · 08-19-2008, 02:55 PM

Regardless, I would stop doing work for them for free (or at all frankly). You know you're being taken advantage of, so don't let it happen. That will make you feel better, too.

Congratulations on living your life the way you do. You'll always know that you're "richer" than them.

P.S. I also think that deep down there's a part of them that's jealous of you guys (spending more time with your kids, being close to debt-free). They probably flaunt their items/lifestyle as a way to make themselves feel better. Doubt it's working.

**savvymom** · 08-19-2008, 03:11 PM

I can remember behaving this way to a degree. We never bragged about our stuff, but our friends would see our new to us truck and get all excited for us. Which was nice of them to be excited for us, but I'm sure there were a couple of them (I know who they are now) that thought to themselves, boy they are really digging a hole. Of course I don't remember any of them saying anything, not sure I blame them actually.

I am so glad we have found a new way of life and we have family goals now. How naive and stupid we were then...it's shameful to even admit! We've decided though that in order to change we must admit our bad decisions so that we can be painfully aware and make the necessary changes. We don't intend to ever forget the mistakes we've made so that we keep with the plan.

I am sorry your IL's made you feel this way, and for the record I'm sorry to anyone in my life I made feel this way. Just know you're doing what's right for you and your family and be proud of yourself! Keep up the great work!