Can I vent please? It's long

**kettlecorn** · 08-26-2008, 04:40 PM

I know I should not be venting but I feel bad. And I need a pity party. I just feel like my families priorities and mine are not the same when it comes to money. This is kinda what is going on.
My parents spend and spend and spend some more. And they shouldnt but they love the nice lifestyle. They have been on 3 trips this year already. And they dont need to spend. My dad was retired but already went back to work. My mom loves to take her vacations and my dad just goes along "cause she deserves it." Well anyways, every year my family and a bunch of family friends get together for a convention thing. This year it's at Disney World. Since last year my mom has been talking about this trip. I kept quiet cause deep down I really wanted to go but knew I couldnt afford it. We have been working really hard lately on paying off debt and not spending beyond our means. Well no matter how I tried to crunch the numbers, DW is not cheap no matter how much you try to cut. So a couple of months ago I told my mom that we definitely werent going. I tried to wait until the last minute since she was so excited. And of course she said stuff like "well just stay a few less days" or "drive instead of fly". Um no. But that's not the problem. She talks constatly about going, how excited she is, how nice the hotel is, let me show you pictures, etc. She knows how disappointed I am that I have screwed up financially and can't afford a family vacation. And then, they drove down today and she's called several times giving me updates. A few minutes ago she called to gush over the beauty of the hotel while I sit here in my office. It just sucks. Am I being bratty to be jealous? I just can't seem to help it. And on top of that they are going to the Bahamas in a few weeks and she can't stop talking about that either. I just feel so poor. Whether it's that or the comments she makes about my house being too small, or my clothes or whatever it makes me feel so poor. I just feel like I am the only one with some sense in my family when it comes to money and I feel good. And then in one comment, I feel like I have to keep up and get swept into wanting to spend again. Anyone else feel this way? Sorry to vent, thanks for listening. I just had to get it out somehow.

**Darlene** · 08-26-2008, 04:49 PM

"Glad your having a nice time Mom, gtg, ttys." Then hang up. Or if you feel extra bold tell her these phone calls are hurtfull and to please stop calling gushing about her latest & greatest trip.
What your Mom is doing is kinda cruel and you don't need to listen to it. You just keep on doing what's right for your family and the spendy ways will catch up with your Mom & Dad, they always do. He's just as bad putting up with all this. I'm sorry, don't mean to sound so nasty, I just don't like when people do dumb things and act like she/they are.

**ChristopherJ** · 08-26-2008, 04:52 PM

Sounds like she's very inconsiderate of your desires to be smart about how you spend your money from now own, and your desire to better your situation. Not everyone can sustain being a hyper-consumer like it sounds like they are...and in fact, because your dad had to go back to work sounds to me like THEY can't even sustain this hyper-spending they do.

I know what you're going through. My parents aren't quite that bad, but they do spend a lot. My dad drives a Corvette and mom shops like crazy. They're always going on trips too. We did turn them down on a trip to go to Florida earlier in the summer as well, but I guess my parents are a bit more understanding. But I had to talk to them and explain why. They were cool with it once they knew what our goals were. They offered to pay for it for us, but I turned them down. That woudln't teach us anything. We need to learn on our own how to save up for something and work hard for it.

**Bournecrazy** · 08-26-2008, 04:53 PM

sorry to hear about your parents, its not a nice feeling when they know you are having problems and money issues yet they still seem to rub it in that they are going on these trips.

have you told her how it makes you feel she might not know, i dont know.

but i know how yo feel

**MitchV85** · 08-26-2008, 04:53 PM

Kettlecorn,

You have every right to be venting right now, so don't feel bad about it! From what you have written it sure does sound like you are the one with financial sense in your family. Sure they all may be experiencing fun and exciting vacations now, nice clothes, big houses, new cars and the like...but ultimately these material items will only cause stress and regret later when it comes time to pay them all off. Like you said, your father has already needed to come out of retirement, so this extravagent living must be taking a toll somehow already.

Look at it this way. Sure you may miss out on some fun vacations now. But instead of looking back and regretting spending so much money on an unnecessary vacation, you can look back in the future and be happy that you didn't go on it and can now comfortably afford to be retired and go on some nice vacations without the worry of the coming bill collectors!

**Squirt** · 08-26-2008, 04:59 PM

Maybe your mom is excited about her trip and just wants to share it with you even if you aren't there.

I don't want to discount your feelings, but just think- You are doing the right thing! You are at home saving money and paying off debt, and one day you will be able to afford a vacation of your own. It's just that now is not the time. You should be proud of picking yourself up and getting on the road to debt freedom.

**kettlecorn** · 08-26-2008, 05:05 PM

Thanks everyone. I just needed to get it off my chest. I love my mom but talking to her doesnt work. She just gets "offended" and dramatic and drags my dad into it and then he gets mad. My mom never listens to what I have to say. Such as my birthday when I begged for a dishwasher cause ours was broken and she told me that was what she was going to buy for my birthday and then I get a check and a card saying I can only spend my birthday money on clothes. And I have to go shopping with her and my gorgeous nicely dressed sister for my clothes. So no I dont think talking to her will help. I just needed to get it off of my chest and make sure I wasnt crazy?

**frugalbabe** · 08-26-2008, 06:21 PM

Nope you're not crazy everything you said sounds pretty normal to me. I know how you feel. We have friends who make pretty much the same income we do and are always going on trips, buying new things, live in gorgeous homes. We have made different choices that I really do feel will lead to a better future for us but no it doesn't make it any easier to look at my friend's pics of the Bahamas while I'm lounging by the kiddie pool in my backyard. Just take a deep breath when she calls and know that you are doing what is right for you.

**kettlecorn** · 08-26-2008, 06:34 PM

My dad called again a little bit ago to rave about the hotel. Then my aunt and uncle got on the phone, it was nice to talk to them. Apparently they are looking at meeting up there again in 2 years. Maybe we will be in a better financial situation then and DS will be able to enjoy it.

**Denvergirlie** · 08-26-2008, 06:51 PM

Let her enjoy herself, sounds like they have worked their entire life and now want to enjoy themselves.

My folks just got back from 3 weeks in Greece in June, last year it as 4 weeks in Italy, Alaska crusie before that and the year before that they spent a month in Isreal.

Am I jealous? Sure, I would love to go to those palces as well, but I'm not their age, I haven't had 40 years to plan on saving so I can enjoy myself.

My folks have saved and spent wisely so they can afford these trips. Tell them you hope they are having a great time and to enjoy themselves.

**CristiK** · 08-26-2008, 08:38 PM

When she calls, just pretend that you are in a sitcom. The people watching your show are laughing or rolling their eyes right along with you. Honestly, your Mom sounds like a character on a tv show. Try to see the humor in it and then count your blessings!

**missmanny** · 08-26-2008, 09:03 PM

Kettlecorn, you are welcome to vent here anytime you need to.

hopefully you mum isn't trying to rub this in your face or try to get you to change your mind so that you do go and put yourself in a worse position.

be happy for your parents, but don't feel like you ever need to bail them out down the track when you have it together and poor dad can never retire.

one day you will be in their shoes and you can travel as much as you like but for the mean time you are taking important steps to secure your future.

**janis362529** · 08-26-2008, 11:25 PM

Hugs hun. I know the feeling all to well but soon we will be able to do all that and not have to worry about how

**Lady_V** · 08-26-2008, 11:52 PM

Oh can I relate!

My ex-inlaws (who we are still very close to, as if they are MY parents) can roll in money like a pig in mud.

We are constantly invited to one get together or another, including the ex's Christmas party. They are dressed to the 'tens' (the 'nines' aren't good enough for them) and I am rocking my 'off the clearance rack' best... that is at least 6 years old

Do I care? No. I have fun and I am not naked. I did have issues with them when I was invited to my ex's cousins wedding (DD was in the wedding and they wanted me to be there to help) and the ex-MIL hands me $500 before the wedding and tells me to buy a new dress, shoes and do something with my hair and make-up.

I was offended, to say the least... but I knew they meant well. Instead of making a huge scene, I bought a nice dress out of the clearance section, polished up a pair of shoes I had in the closet and curled my hair. Total spent $20. After the wedding, I gave the $500 back to my ex.

They always go on trips and have gotten on to me for not joining them... ya, okay... we just -now- have 2 cents to rub together, let me book that 14 day cruise to Greece so we can sleep in the life boat while you are in your luxury suite

It's been a long road, and I admit to tuning them out at times, after knowing them for 12 years, I know how to smile, nod and pretend to pay attention when they go on and on about the money and stuff.

Don't get me wrong for a minute. I love them... as I said, as if they are my own parents. They have been there for me when my own family hasn't. They are great to my 'Old Man' and treat him as family as well. They even went so far as to say that if the 'Old Man' and I have a child, they will treat it as their grandchild and give it the same chance at private school that my DD has.

But... with that being said... do I get tired of listening to them... you bet. Would I begrudge them their lifestyle. No. It's their life to live how they see fit. I live mine the way I see best for me...

And the world goes round.

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 08-26-2008, 11:57 PM

I would be hurt, too. There's being excited about something and then there's rubbing a person's nose in it. She knows you want to go and can't...that right there should bring her to a point where she can share, but not gloat.

Sorry you're going through this...but you ARE doing the right thing. There will be vacations for you down the road...