Should I feel bad about spending money?

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-31-2008, 10:07 PM

I always do. I can't help it. It's never on stuff we don't need anymore, but I know I can always do better. Our bills are up to date. Our debt payments are in the process of being snowballed. We have a full BEF. We do a budget every month.

I went today to Zellers (which for the non-Canadian folks is the equivalent of KMart) and bought some items for both the kids and the house. These are items that we need around the house and nothing that we bought today was out of our reach. Everything was on sale and we saved $50. Here is the jist of what we got:

Two 121-gallon wheeled garbage cans (these are for our skunk problem - we have a family of skunks that hang out in the area and like to pick open bags of trash, leaving evidence all over my yard and holes next to my steps)
An umbrella for Dakota (he walks to school with me)
A fall jacket/spring jacket for Dakota (he has a heavier light jacket, if that makes sense, but this one has a hood on it and is meant for wet weather)
A fall/winter jacket for Matthew (it's a shell with a thick inner liner)
A pair of headphones with a microphone for me (I do some online gaming and I use the microphone for voice-over chat on Ventrilo)
Two front windshield wipers for the van (we need new ones pretty bad)
Windshield washer fluid that withstands temperatures of -40C for the van
Two flannel pajama bottoms and a pair of sweat bottoms for Matthew (he's wearing 14/16 at age 10

)
Two room fresheners (for each of my bathrooms)

I walked out of the store feeling like I shouldn't have walked in in the first place. We really did need everything (even the headphones) but I still feel like I shouldn't have bought them. We didn't use credit or anything and the cash came out of my account, which had extra cash in it anyways.

Am I just that weird that I feel horrible for spending non-credit cash on items for the house/family?

**GiddyMoon** · 08-31-2008, 10:13 PM

Why on earth would you feel guilty for providing for your family?

Is the better alternative to go without your needs being met under the name of being frugal?

I personally think you did just fine and having nothing to feel guilty for. Needs have to be met emotionally and physically ..or we just aren't truly living balanced.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-31-2008, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by GiddyMoon

Why on earth would you feel guilty for providing for your family?

Is the better alternative to go without your needs being met under the name of being frugal?

I personally think you did just fine and having nothing to feel guilty for. Needs have to be met emotionally and physically ..or we just aren't truly living balanced.

I have always felt guilty about spending money on myself and my family always came first. I saw having justification for what I bought today and in part of my mind, it was the right thing for me to do. I just feel that after having read about buying everything in yard sales or in thrift stores, etc that I didn't budget it right and that I somehow bought this stuff when I should have gotten it at a different time.

I don't want my family going without but there's this deep-seeded fear in my stomach that I should have sat down and looked at better ways of saving money on the things that I got and gotten the items at the best possible deal they were being offered.

**GiddyMoon** · 08-31-2008, 10:41 PM

Story,

I got to be so frugal with things in my life I would go without for LONG periods of time. I have been this way since I was a kid. I can remember being 12 and needing a new bed set...my mom would tell me to get something for the time being and save until I got what I wanted..no, I went without until I saved it the first time AND found it at a price I thought was fair. lol.

Last year, somebody said something..I don't remember whom, but they made the remark that at times we have to weigh the cost of the items compared with the hassle or suffering when going without...and that REALLY made sense to me.

I finally stopped beating myself up for the occasional on sale retail purchase when we needed it NOW and could not wait to find it cheaper...yes, that still rarely happens...lol...but when it has to happen..it is ok...or getting my hair done 3 times a year which is MY ONLY splurge on me....or going out to lunch with my better half and feeling like we were on a greatly needed mini vacation in Mexico for $20 instead of eating tuna at home...

You, you were buying needs.

Yes, you could have potentially found sweat / pajama pants at a thrift store and possibly saved a few...but then you would have used your time and gas to go to another place and hoped they were there...all in all, I honestly think you did just fine.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-31-2008, 10:50 PM

That's totally ironic because I'm sort of the same way. I grew up with nothing but hand-me-downs and yard sale finds, so I never got anything brand new until I was about 17 or when my mom got her tax return back and could "splurge" a bit on us three kids. I still look at waiting until I really need something before I buy it. I rarely buy things for myself and I think I've bought clothes twice in the last five years. It's funny because the last few times I bought something for myself, it was off the clearance rack and it's stuff that lasts me a really long time. I have shirts of mine that I got for winning track events in high school that are still with me and that was about 13 years ago.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I think it was something I really needed because it's sort of a snap into reality that I can't wait forever to give my kids and my house the stuff that it needs. I was able to justify what I bought, I bought it all on sale and I didn't spend on credit. I think I'd have been in hot water if I had splurged to the point where I'd be kicking myself later down the road by buying it at full price and putting it on credit.

**GiddyMoon** · 08-31-2008, 10:59 PM

Well,

that makes a lot of sense.

I was brought up by a single mom and money was tight as well. I worked since the age of 12. I know what that is like and it can definitely play a role into how and why we make decisions now.

There is a fine line between being frugal and being a martyr that prevents us from living well. I think the fun of being frugal is totally ruined when negative emotions beat us up for things. We can have both, frugality and fulfillment..we just have to allow ourselves to have both.

**missmanny** · 08-31-2008, 11:15 PM

I don't think that you need to feel guilt at all every time you spend money.

I do however think that it is healthy for you to question every dollar that you spend and make sure that you need / will use the item you are buying, which sounds exactly like what you are doing.

I am the same way - but I try not to beat myself up once I have bought something, but I always assess if we need it or not when I buy it so if the answer is yes I will buy it so no need to be angry after I have done so...

Now if I was to not think about something and buy it randomly for no really good reason then I do tend to get angry at myself.

**peanut** · 08-31-2008, 11:26 PM

Well, I think you got some good deals there. I wouldn't beat myself up over them. If I felt guilty, I'd make a game plan about how I'd attack the situation another time. Forewarned is forearmed. I often get attacks of 'buyitis' in stores. I have DH to reign me in. Good thing too! At least the stuff you bought was stuff you needed and at a good price.

Jean

**frugalbabe** · 09-01-2008, 01:43 AM

It is a fine line isn't it? I feel guilt and actually sometimes even fear because I am a reformed spendthrift! I wanted something I got it! I rarely even looked at price tags. So now when I shop I fear that I am going to start sliding back into that -- I guess its kind of like a recovering alcoholic having to test their willpower by getting back into normal social situations. I know this isn't really what your spending issues are but I feel total guilt if I buy something without a coupon or I analyze for hours if there was a way I could have gotten it cheaper. I think I have come to the realization that I need to be careful and prudent with each and every single spending decision but also life is to be lived. And one of the great gifts we give ourselves by being frugal is the freedom to spend when we need to and know that it is under control. I think you did just fine!

**Cricketlegs** · 09-01-2008, 02:21 AM

I think as long as it is in the budget, you don't go crazy, and it is needed items then it all falls within normal monthly spending esp. if everything is covered on the budget and you aren't splurge spending the grocery money or wasting the EF.

It is hard for mamas sometimes to want to get things the kiddos need and still not sacrifice the good of the whole family.

**cissylu** · 09-01-2008, 08:10 AM

No ad vice jut (((hugs)))

**MomK** · 09-01-2008, 05:27 PM

I sometimes feel guilty in the same way. I have to remind myself that I need to weigh wants vs. needs and prioritize...to me, that's what frugal living is about. Congratulations on your commitment to frugality and on your bargains.