It happened to me too

**ZenTherapy** · 10-24-2008, 07:53 AM

Some weeks ago a friend from childhood started visiting me again, we haven't met in 2 years so it was nice. Just yesterday she came by (even though we are going to her place on Sunday, me, my mum and bf) and we chatted. (She is separated and has 2 young girls.) She told me about her new flat: big bedrooms, nice kitchen, salon with a fireplace... She and her dad have sold 2 flats in order to buy this place for her and another one for him, who lives near.

Today she texted me asking for money! She claims that she needs some to grocery shopping for the end of the month. I was so disappointed - even thought she might have this in mind all along. Maybe it's not the case, but whatever. She wrote me and my mum are the only ones who can help her... yadda yadda. My mum was angry too when I told her. She said she'll give her €50 "as a Xmas present in advance" but then we won't see her soon again. What a bitter taste this left us...

She's sold 2 flats, she should have bought a less luxurious place and save some money, if she hasn't any.

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 10-24-2008, 07:56 AM

I understand how you feel. We never hear from one of my husbands brothers unless he needs money. He's borrowed way too much always on the promise to pay us back. haha If he ever does I'll retire a rich woman.
I agree with you on the flat purchases. Some folks never think ahead always new and bigger.

Laurie in Bradenton

**joyofsix** · 10-24-2008, 07:56 AM

Grrr. So sorry this happened.

**tomishco** · 10-24-2008, 09:04 AM

I wouldn't give her anything at all. I'd just say sorry times are tough right now for everyone. You wouldn't normally give her a Christmas present so why start a trend now? How nervy of her. If she doesn't want to continue visiting then you know it was just a scam.

**MRAHoffman** · 10-24-2008, 09:12 AM

I'm sorry this happened to you. I TOO experienced this recently. When my father passed away, he left me quite and inheritance. With it I did what he said and paid cash for my home (a modest 1950 brick ranch) and the rest I have in stocks (I was smart and moved a chunk of this before the slide), cds, money markets, cash etc. so as I tell my son, my goal is to keep a roof over our head, food on the table (my income covers this as well as everything else and the money I no longer pay for rent, I save), clothes on our back (thrift stores/garage sales) and a good education (he goes to a Catholic school and I want to pay cash for his college as well as have money for my retirement). 1st, his OLDER 85yo brother called (NEVER called before, nor helped me like his other siblings when he passed away) and wanted me to loan his son $70,000 to buy a house as his was foreclosed on...NOTTTT. THEN, a friend of my moms called (hadn't called in 3 years NORE came to my dads funeral, but knew he had $) and asked for $5,000 to pay back mortgages...again NOTTTT. I'm not greedy, but I have a 7 yo son to care fore AND I would rather give my money to charity than these people. Like my father said when someone would want to borrow from him "Better you be mad at me (for not lending me the money), than me be mad at you (for not paying me back). Take care and God bless.

Rhonda

**larabelle** · 10-24-2008, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by tomishco

I wouldn't give her anything at all. I'd just say sorry times are tough right now for everyone. You wouldn't normally give her a Christmas present so why start a trend now? How nervy of her. If she doesn't want to continue visiting then you know it was just a scam.

I TOTALLY agree!! I have an understanding with my family/friends that I do not lend money period end of story. It makes for happier relationships all around that way.

**Kaos Kitty** · 10-24-2008, 09:53 AM

It's really disappointing when that happens. A "best" friend from high school contact me after we hadn't spoken for a few years. I had just gotten a new job good paying job I was excited about (after years of living on less than $800/month). She took it as an opportunity to ask me for money. She wanted to buy a washer/dryer for her boyfriends place and her parents wouldn't help her out. I said no - I don't even own a washer/dryer. She was belligerent, asking why when I clearly had money from my new job. A few months later she broke up with the boyfriend and moved back home with only a suitcase (he lived 8hrs away). Which just reinforced my good decision to say no. I can just image the tangle if I had lent her the money with the expectation of it being paid back. She would have shrugged and said, "I don't have the washer/dryer anymore so I'm not paying you back - go talk to my ex". We haven't kept in touch.

**Jayne** · 10-24-2008, 10:00 AM

Sorry, but I wouldn't give her a dime...She's not really a friend to ask for money like that...

**mickee311** · 10-24-2008, 10:14 AM

How convenient of that friend to just happen upon you and then ask for money. I wouldn't give her a dime. Things are rough enough right now, let alone trying to pay someone else's bills. She should have though ahead and gotten a more modest flat and stuck money in savings for such an occasion. Really.

**cmdarlin** · 10-24-2008, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by tomishco

I wouldn't give her anything at all. I'd just say sorry times are tough right now for everyone. You wouldn't normally give her a Christmas present so why start a trend now? How nervy of her. If she doesn't want to continue visiting then you know it was just a scam.

I totally agree.

Debbie

**ZenTherapy** · 10-24-2008, 10:17 AM

Thanks for your reply everybody!
You're right, we shouldn't give her anything at all. Actually I replied immediately that I'm not earning much money right now (and it's true, being a new free-lance!), it's my mother who wants to give her something.
I have little doubt that she actually needs some money to go to the supermarket ti let her daughters eat... She's never been smart as a girl and sure isn't at 35.
But we'll see what she says on Snuday.

**itlw8** · 10-24-2008, 11:18 AM

no no no do not give her money if they are truely hungry invite her to dinner and maybe make a care pkg of peanut butter and info on food banks for the future.

**kittykatstrong** · 10-24-2008, 11:31 AM

I agree do not give her the money.

**peanut** · 10-24-2008, 11:40 AM

I too think you should not give her money. That would be enabling her, in psychological terms. Direct her to the nearest food bank to her. True friends will not ask for money from a relationship...at least not on this side of the 'big water'. Not unless it's a 'win-win' situation for both sides and they are actually trying to help their friends. This smacks of using a friendship. Just my thoughts...

I too had a sibling who would do this. But in his case it was poor money management that sent him to people in the family asking for money. Most people gave him some, but it left a bad taste in their mouths every time he came calling. He's since found Dave Ramsey and has figured a way out of his mess. He has no need to go to anyone for money now.

Jean

**FrugalMomof3** · 10-24-2008, 12:28 PM

Personally I wouldn't give her anything, not even a penny. 2ndly you can already tell she has very poor money management skills so if you lend her money now this will never end.