Is Plastic Surgery Worth It?

[Wooly Milk]

My 18-year-old sister is thinking of getting plastic surgery on her face because she doesn't think she is attractive. She want to attract a man who she can marry.

To be frank, she is not very attractive. Nevertheless, I told her that plastic surgery is not worth it because it's so expensive and it's better to be thrifty and save the money. I also told her that it's no disaster if she doesn't get married. Marriage isn't essential.

However, my sister's friend is encouraging her to get plastic surgery, saying that if she doesn't make an effort to attract men, she won't get married and she will be alone for the rest of her life. Her friend also claims that there are many health benefits from marriage. According to her, married women are more likely to be healthier than unmarried women. She claims that it's pointless being miserly or thrifty with money if you don't live life, pursue relationships, and have children.

So do you think plastic surgery is worth it? Which is more important, money or family?

[Parsimonious]

My two cents: Any husband whom she could only attract by getting plastic surgery is a husband not worth having. You don't usually want to be married because of your nose, but because of the person you are.

[nodmicks]

My two cents: Any husband whom she could only attract by getting plastic surgery is a husband not worth having. You don't usually want to be married because of your nose, but because of the person you are.

VERY TRUE! I hate to sound mean but I have one client at the shop that is really very homely. However she is the nicest person. She didn't date when in high school etc. However she has been married the last 10 years to a guy who is GQ material (seriously drop dead ripped and gorgeous). How???? Because she is a super nice, kind, and a blast to be around. Her hubby thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Good looks can fade but a great personality stays. I'd consider your sisters friend a very mean and toxic friend. So nice of her to feed into your sisters insecuritys about her looks! NOT!!! A real friend would point out her other wonderful traits.

[jdr250]

I agree that plastic surgery to attract a man, is just plain wrong.
On the other hand I am a firm believer in feeling good about yourself. Maybe you could sit down with her and really get to the bottom of why she is so eager to surgically alter her appearance. Also lay out all the risks of surgery death or disfiguration.
Then maybe suggest a splurge at a spa, where she can have professionals give her a haircut and style that is flattering to her, have a complete make over and learn to apply make up to accentuate her good qualities and then a trip to the mall to find clothes that are modern and flattering. This may be enough for her to see that she can be quite attractive without surgery and give her a confidence boost.

I think when it comes to attracting a man or even friends, confidence in yourself is more important than looking like a model. Remind her that most men may be attacted initially by her appearance, but if her personality is empty it won't go beyond a date or two for.

[Shoshana]

Beauty comes from within. I think its a sad statement about the value our society places on physical appearance that such a young girl would think she needed plastic surgery in order to "attract a man." There are plenty of people who do not come close to matching society's ideal of beauty -- yet they are in long term relationships. There are plenty of people who might meet those ideals -- yet they are single.

I have never read one single study in Psychology that stated that there was an association between beauty and happiness, or beauty and the likelihood that one would be married. What is true, however, is that people tend to be attracted to those who are similar to themselves in terms of attractivness and personality and values. The evidence supports the adage that "like attracts like" and that we tend to be attracted (both romantic and platonic) to people who are attracted to us -- this is called reciprocity.

The evidence also shows that those who pursue plastic surgery and expect that they will be happier are sorely disappointed. Much like the failure of the geographical cure, changing one's appearance does nothing to change the inner self and the feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem that lead to the plastic surgery remain. For a percentage of people, the net result is the desire for more plastic surgery. It's a never ending cycle.

That said, there are things one can do to improve one's presentation -- and only a part of this has to do with dressing nicely and caring for one's appearance. An improvement in self-esteem, even if it's "fake it until you make it" enhances attractiveness. Likewise, a happy demeanor enhances attractiveness.

If this were my sister, or daughter, I'd strongly recommend that she invest in psychotherapy to improve her self-esteem and social skills. It's a much safer, less expensive, and long term solution to the underlying problem.

[FrugalMomof3]

I agree with the above posts..... while some may say she isn't attractive others on the other hand may say she is.

Plastic surgery isn't always the way to go, maybe changing the way she dresses and/or putting on makeup or taking some off usually makes a big difference.

As God Says "Come as you are!"

[rainbowgc]

plastic surgery should only be contemplated for your own self image and because it is something that you want for yourself. My DM was an early user of Plastic surgery so I am not hesitant to use it when I feel I need it.

[Neeley]

plastic surgery should only be contemplated for your own self image and because it is something that you want for yourself.

I agree. Our 15 year old DD had plastic surgery this past April. She did it for herself and no one else. We asked her if she would do it again. She said, "In a heartbeat." It was over a $26,000 procedure and worth it for her.

Having plastic surgery is not wrong. Doing it for someone other than yourself is.

[stinkbug]

You're kidding, right? Ugh......

And just who, exactly, is the judge of when one is pretty enough (skinny enough/smart enough etc) to attract a mate?

[debmar]

There is no reason she shouldn't do plastic surgery to make herself feel better BUT how will she judge better? If she doesn't define it, she may end up getting on the 'just one more surgery' cycle.

[pip]

I think some counseling would be a better way to start... figure out exactly what it is that is holding her back besides just physical looks. Surgery as a last option.

[katybug]

I'll second (or 3rd, 4th, 5th) the whole not attractive enough to land a man, ugh.

However, some plastic surgery is worth it. If there is a disfigurement due to birth or an accident then I can completely understand. I had to have a cervical fusion this year, which left a 3 inch long, but pencil thin scar on the front of my neck. I'm super lucky, my surgeon did a plastic surgeon like job on my neck and in a few years it won't be noticeable (it is a little pink right now). However, while searching online for information I've come across pictures of horrific scars for different things and if someone wanted plastic surgery to reduce a scar I wouldn't think twice about it.

I'll admit it is a personal thing, but I would think maybe a little therapy before surgery. Also, ALL surgery has risks, people DIE from plastic surgeries!!!! I HAD to have mine, but I wouldn't go back under the knife if I didn't have to. This comes from someone who isn't completely happy with her face/body and is 26 with ACNE! Seriously, it will go away after 18? LIE! However if I don't make my living from my face and or body, I'm not going to worry about it. I also have a husband I have to beat off with a stick!

Personality goes a LONG way, again, any man you have to have surgery to attract, isn't worth having! Stop watching Dr. 90210, those people have more money then sense! NUTS!

~KB

P.S. Then again, I also have to deal with my dumb@$$ FIL who tells his Daughters and Wife they are fat. I'm so waiting for him to try that on me, but I think he knows I'll tear him to pieces if he tries. Also, my youngest SIL, like the purdyest thing ever. He is just a jerk, *sigh*.

[The Muse]

I think if there's something about someone's appearance that bothers them, and they have the means, it's OK to change it. I've had plastic surgery and I'm glad I did.

Sometimes a little physical tweak can change how someone sees themselves, and in turn change their entire attitude and outlook on life. That to me, is a very worthwhile investment.

[madhen]

My sister had rhinoplasty, because she has ALWAYS hated her nose. She had it AFTER being married for about a decade, so it had nothing to do with attracting anyone. I think it was more of a post-cancer/mid-life crisis thing. But she is very very happy with the results and consequently is a more beautiful person because she is a happier one, if that makes any sense.

I see a lot of butt-ugly men and women out there, and most of them are married or have a sig other in their life, so I agee that plastic surgery to attract someone is a slippery slope. We all get old and saggy, so what is she going to do, keep having nips and tucks until she goes to her grave, a beautiful vibrant corpse?

[stinkbug]

And....at 18, where is she getting the idea that life isn't complete without a man???

That's just wrongity wrong! Maybe your sister should take a better look at the people she considers her *friends*.