With frugal ways do you ever feel just poor?

[imagine]

or am I the only one that feels this way from time to time?

Examples I have been experiencing lately:

1) seeing the Christmas list or hear what others are buying their children for Christmas and then feeling like your poor because your kids aren't getting that much or as grand a gifts. Even though you have bought as much number wise as you always have and you bought things they would want.

2) or loving getting really cool hand me downs until someone finds out and makes a comment or worse freezes mid sentence cause they don't know what to say. Then you feel poor.

3) or winterizing your windows something I normally would be proud of my frugality to do but then suddenly thinking my old house windows really need replacing instead but you know that isn't going to happen any time soon. Then feeling poor

4) or choosing to become a one car family and feeling great about the choice but then when the second car is gone and you HAVE to walk or figure out something else if hubby has the car. Then feeling like your poor that it wasn't so much a choice.

Anyone else ever feel this way? or am I just the odd ball?

[fixer]

I struggle with this a lot. It is hard to tell someone your new coat actually came from a thrift store. People look at you as if you have a crack problem. Sometimes when people look at my old car and make comments, I want to say, "lets compare bank statements." The most amazing thing is when people do get it. They get a look in their eyes and start asking questions. I think the problem is, when you do without things you are looked upon as a failure.

[Gardengal18]

You know its strange, but the only people who seem to make comments about my frugality are up to their eyeballs in Credit Card debt (I'm not thankfully) complain that they *can't* save money, they have NO emergency fund (my BEF is fully funded and Long Term Emergency Fund is fully funded),, they also complain constantly that the "new" sweater or whatever they paid $YIKES! for and bought recently for doesn't fit anymore or they don't like it any more (I love my frugal finds/hand-me-downs and get some great compliments on some of them), and lastly it seems to be that they are either living at home with their parents or renting (I'm not thank God)

So Fixer, I guess that means that the Millionaires in the Book "The Millionaire Next Door" were failures for having those older cars, not paying much for suits, watches, having modest homes etc etc. Somehow I don't think so. I guess they got the last laugh eh?

[SaucyCranberry]

I think everyone goes through this. And I'm not trying to minimize your feelings. But let's think of a flip side. (And I'm not talking about those who have good money management skills or a lucrative career and *aren't* spending into debt.) But think of what else you could be feeling--

Panic, sleeplessness, fights with spouse, etc., about how to pay all the credit card minimum payments in the New Year for all the big ticket charged gifts.

Having a car or home repossessed and being unable to replace it.

Not having any home, heat, food or gifts at all for your children.

Think about what a good example you are setting for your kids (and friends and family) by living within your means, but utilizing already existing items instead of filling up your home with things you haven't even paid for yet and working with each other to figure out a schedule around one car. You're doing better than I am this year. I'm impressed by your fortitude.

[57plymouth]

I laugh all the way to the bank in my paid off car, buying gas with cash instead of more credit card debt, drinking a recycled bottle of tap water instead of $1 per shot spring water.

Doesn't bother me. They can laugh all they want to. Meanwhile, I keep a happy and comfy home on one income while providing high quality of care and quality of life for my daughter. The Joneses can chase the carrot, I'll grow my own and eat it.

[Dancing Lotus]

I only feel that way when others make me feel that way by they way they act.


I once went to the salvation army with a friend. This friend is and was worse off then I am. She only had one pair of shoes to her name. And yet she was giving me dirty looks for buying used clothes.
Last year for Christmas she gave me no less then 8 brand new cookbooks she bought from her book club. I gave her a candle. I could see her disappointment but I told her before hand it was not going to be much. At least I paid for mine, she on the other hand stiffed the book club on the bill I am sure of it.

[zakity]

Sometimes, I feel poor. But, I look at other people and their new cars and their nice stuff and that they get to go out to eat all the time, well, I just sit back and think of all the debt they are in. We are only in debt for the house. We are half way through a 15 year loan on it. I think I prefer it that way.

It's all in your prospective. We have enough. Our basic needs are met. DH still has a job. We have an emergency fund.

**big sigh** Life is good.

Yeah, I might have to drive around an old car, but I do have a car and it gets me where I want to go. I might have to eat food that isn't really what I really want to eat, but I do have food to eat. Cutting up, splitting (even with an electric splitter), stacking, and hauling firewood for a woodstove is hard work (like really hard work), but we have heat.

You are making choices so that your family will have their basic needs met. They sound like fine choices to me.

Who cares what other people get their kids for xmas. You are making the best choices for your family. If your kids will like what they are getting, then that is what is important.

If people don't like that your children are wearing hand-me-downs, then they have issues. Look at them with a look and say, "don't tell me that you buy your clothes new, do you? Well, that isn't very green of you." If you really want to add a dig in, add something about the conditions in the sweatshops where the people make the clothes. That isn't why we do hand-me-downs/thrift store clothes, but it gets people thinking.

There is nothing wrong with winterizing your windows so that your family will stay warm. It shows that you love and care about your family and you want them to be warm. I think I would be more concerned if you didn't winterize your windows.

There is nothing wrong with only having one car. I am somewhat jealous of people who only have one car. You only have the upkeep/insurance/etc for one car. My best friend only has one car. She is always figuring out some other way to go places when her husband is at work. She walks (which is very healthy) or she rides the bus (which is environmentally friendly).

Most of what my guys all wear are hand-me-downs or thrift store purchases. Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from DH's old work clothes that are too worn for him to wear to work anymore but still have life in them. We have two cars because we live in a rurally area with no real bus service. My guys aren't even getting gifts for xmas, they are getting cash.

We all make our choices for our lives. We make the ones that work best for our families. It sounds like you are making great choices for yours.

[mommyoffive]

or am I the only one that feels this way from time to time?

Examples I have been experiencing lately:

1) seeing the Christmas list or hear what others are buying their children for Christmas and then feeling like your poor because your kids aren't getting that much or as grand a gifts. Even though you have bought as much number wise as you always have and you bought things they would want. Instead feel proud that you are teaching your children to not be materialistic and overindulgent.

2) or loving getting really cool hand me downs until someone finds out and makes a comment or worse freezes mid sentence cause they don't know what to say. Then you feel poor. Instead feel smart because you are dressing yourself and your family for free.

3) or winterizing your windows something I normally would be proud of my frugality to do but then suddenly thinking my old house windows really need replacing instead but you know that isn't going to happen any time soon. Then feeling poor Be grateful for how you'll be able to keep warm for less.

4) or choosing to become a one car family and feeling great about the choice but then when the second car is gone and you HAVE to walk or figure out something else if hubby has the car. Then feeling like your poor that it wasn't so much a choice. Enjoy the fresh air and the exercise.

Anyone else ever feel this way? or am I just the odd ball?

Yes, a little bit, but it's all about choices. You and I could be living high on the hog like everybody else and accruing more and more debt like everyone else too. You are a responsible person taking care of your family. When I see my friends spending needlessly, I feel proud that I am using my head and being resourceful.

[jamie79]

No I know I am not poor. I have lived in fa oreign country and have seen people who do not have indoor plumbing so I know I am not poor.
When I see someone who makes lots more cash then we do and I see their homes, cars etc I do think about it for a little bit.
I wish we had more ( as I am sure everyone does) but I know we have more then enough

[MomToTwoBoys]

I go through this a whole lot. It was really bad at the start, and this month feels worse because while we haven't really changed the Christmas shopping, we did put a limit on it. I try to find the silver lining in the clouds and immerse myself into something that I can enjoy that doesn't cost a whole lot. My main form of entertainment is playing video games and I do that to help me clear my head.

I look at how bad things have been in the past, and how much worse they could be if I didn't make changes. I take good care of what I do own, whether it comes secondhand or otherwise, and that also helps me to feel less "poor".

[FrugalMomof3]

I use to feel this way buy have long gotten over it.

Think about it, those people who make fun, are the ones most likely in debt. While we spend wisely they are spending frivilously (sp?) .... we are the ones more wiser wouldn't you say?

[LastDragonfly]

I like what everyone has said and I agree for the most part (except the renter line--we choose to rent at this time)

Here is what I think: To me there is a differerance of being frugal vs. being poor. Frugal people are brave and courageous.

Frugal people see the need to be frugal. It is hard sometimes not to feel sad because we may not have what others have. Or we feel guilty for not giving our kids everything they see on tv. Or we are bummed that we don't live in the HGTV house.

I have some friends who would die dead before they even bought a thing from the thrift store or goodwill. But they are poor in spirit, love, faith, and hope. They have none of those things. They will be singing the blues about Jan 10th when their credit card bills come, they will fight with their spouses, and would hock their house to continue to have their nails done every week with a pedicure. Their children are unhappy. They hardly could make the mortgage payment before this economic crisis. They eat out every night--their pantry is bare

If I'm wearing something from the thrift store I don't always tell people that it's been gently used. Sometimes when I find stuff for my girls there, I don't even tell them. (Those clothes just magically appear in their closet--they never asked where I got them)

Don't compare yourself to your neighbors or what others are buying their kids. Easier said than done during the holidays I know. My sil is notorious for flinging her paycheck in my face. Her kids have EVERYTHING that could be bought-except her love and time. I consider her poor.

Frugal Village is a haven. Rest your frustration here. It sounds so trite to say this feeling will pass. Maybe like a kidney stone, but it will pass and you will feel great driving to the bank because you will HAVE money in the bank.

Sorry this is so long, it's not intended to be preachy lest anyone think that--just supportive. Hugs

[ladykemma2]

With frugal ways do you ever feel just poor?

well, yes.

i came from a recent marriage where the total combined income was 200,000. now i am living on 50,000. i feel poor. the former "lah dee dah" lifestyle - frankly, i miss it.

i feel sorry for myself for buying clothes at walmart, when the truth is i have always bought plus size clothing from walmart/asda. i sometimes have to remind myself that there are people who have nothing to wear, and then i get grateful for my walmart clothing.

i alternate between feeling sorry for myself and then feeling grateful.

i have food on the table and heat tonight in my lovely home. i have two snoring cats, it doesn't get any better than that. i have job to go to tomorrow. my car is reliable.

No, i don't get an annual summer in UK anymore, No, i don't have a housekeeper anymore. No, i don't have the expensive hobby anymore. no, i can't drop 500 bucks because i want to anymore.

in AA we say "cultivate an attitude of gratitude" .

[beks37]

With my choice of being frugal, I don't feel poor, I think that others make me feel poor. One example I can think of is that I had this pair of black sandals that I loved, but the sole on one came detached from the base. I super glued it back together and when some people at work found out they were making "fun" that I super glued my shoe and why didn't I just go buy new shoes? Then when the shoes became unrepairable, I threw them away and everyone was like "finally'. I felt perfectly fine with it until I was made to feel poor by my peers. I never feel poor, just fortunate that I can live the lifestyle I want to live and still have money leftover!!

[pop goes the weasel]

Yes I do too and shouldn't. I have family, food, a car and a roof over my. Very few bills ( under 1000) and the house will be paid for in 2 years but I feel like I fail at being frugal as much as i try and stretch things there is never enough. Now my dh is laid off and christmas is here. I try not to let him see it but I feel like a freeloader by not being able to contribute more.There are no jobs around here and we have one car. My dh has no license so I take him where he has to go. I just want things to go away.