Black Dress Dilemna

**Jill B.** · 12-11-2008, 09:03 PM

Unfortunately, my DBIL passed away unexpectedly on Tuesday. We are going to the out of town wake and funeral tomorrow. On Tuesday night, I took my 2 teen girls shopping for something appropriate. I also looked for something for the funeral. I really don't have anything dressy and sober to wear. Or so I thought.

We bought a pants and top for one girl at Kohls for under $20. Two tops to go with black pants the other girl has for another $35. For me, well, there was a great black dress. With the discount $43. I didn't get it because I do have things. I didn't think about it until we were shopping and I had a hard time finding dresses at all. Also, I work at a college and wouldn't wear it even once a year.

The next day at work, one of my co-workers almost convinced me to go back and get it since it was nice, on sale and looked good on me. I almost did but I DON"T NEED IT. It is so easy to get sucked into what other people do. I am not doing it this time.

Be aware of other people's opinions and make sure your ideas are yours!

**Patty A** · 12-11-2008, 09:15 PM

First of all please know your in our thoughts and prayers, so sorry to hear about your DBIL!

Its funny how other people can talk you in to things you know you don't NEED, and them pushing you can make it hard to say no to something you are wanting.
I totally understand, I can't shop with a cousin of mine as she always says, "oh you can afford it and you never buy for you!" which is true most of the time. But if its something that I don't NEED I can't see buying it. She has no understanding as she buys just for fun and entertainment. I have learned that her and I don't mix well when we shop! I for one pat you on the back for NOT getting the dress, I know it had to be hard, but you need to be proud!

**Debbie-cat** · 12-11-2008, 09:48 PM

I give you a pat on the back as well. Think of all the other things you could use the $43 for. Food, heat, gas, etc.

**IntlMom** · 12-11-2008, 10:24 PM

hope all goes well at the funeral and wake tomorrow.....(I've never been to a wake)

good for you for drawing the line between Need and Want!!

**grneyegrl** · 12-11-2008, 11:24 PM

i dont get why you "have " to wear black. in group of family and friends we wear what ever we have..just as long as its not too bright.

im sorry for your loss.. hope all goes well and drive safe..

**Momto2Boyz** · 12-12-2008, 07:20 AM

A few years back, both DH's grandfather and my grandfather passed away in the same week. We hadn't been to a funeral in years, so we had nothing to wear. To add pressure, Dh was a pall bearer and needed a suit. At that time, our money was non-existent, so we went to the thrift store in town and found a navy suit for Dh, clip on ties for the boys (to wear with dress shirts they already had) a sleeveless grey dress for me, which I threw a black blazer over that I already had. All in all, we spent $14 on all of it. Non of us have worn any of it since, but they are in the back of the closet for "emergency use" in the event that we have to go to another funeral. At least that way we don't have to run out and spend money.

Good for you for not caving in to the pressure to buy. It's sometimes hard, especially when you think you need something specific. Don't feel you need to wear black. These days, it's not something you have to do. Any dark color would be acceptable.

**MamaTreadler** · 12-12-2008, 07:25 AM

I think when someone else tries to make you spend *your* money it's the old "misery loves company" adage. If they're broke and in debt up to their eyeballs it makes them feel better if they can get their friends in the same boat!

**rainbowgc** · 12-12-2008, 12:02 PM

Good job holding up to the pressure!

**rowdy35** · 12-12-2008, 04:01 PM

sorry to hear about your loss. that is really hard to deal with.

i agree that you did the right thing by not letting another influence you. that is really important in life as we have to stand on our own.

i do have a funeral dress which i bought at a thrift store last year(still had tags on it). i know i will get a lot of use out of it however luckily i haven't needed it yet (knock on wood) the black is a traditional color but most people are getting away from that now. my mom was very traditional so i did wear all black at her funeral out of respect for her

again, my condolences to you and your family on your loss

**LuvMyHubby** · 12-13-2008, 09:03 AM

My condolences on your loss.

Good for you for not letting someone talk you into buying something that you don't feel you need and the money could probably be spent better somewhere else or even saved.