How to make DH feel rich and pampered while actually being really frugal

**Lee** · 12-22-2008, 06:40 PM

Wow thanks for the responses everyone! It's kind of funny to hear that a lot of other women are doing the exact same thing! And here I thought my DH was the only one... lol.

The restaurant-quality cooking is a good point. He LOVES the food I make (generally) but he also loves chinese food, and I never cook that - but I hate it when he wants to go out to chinese! So I shall change my menu plan around to include a chinese-style meal, I think, with lots of noodles. Buying the noodles will be cheaper than eating out, so I think I just have to keep reminding myself of that... maybe I can find them on sale even and stock up.

And I will be talking to him a LITTLE about the money saving thing. I just have to pick and choose what I say really carefully.

Like, I can say, "We have $5000 in our savings account now!" and he'll be really happy about it, but if I'm constantly saying stuff like, "You know, I saved $5 by making this stew with more zuchini and less lentils!" or "Hey, I could MAKE such-and-such onstead of buying it and save $$" then he starts to feel badgered and deprived, I think, even though, for me, I'm just sharing exciting news.

Well, it's exciting to me LOL. I think he finds it more like nagging, and he gets defensive like I'm accusing him of spending too much. I'll probably be posting here a lot more, so I have some outlet. And I started a blog too, that ind of relates to his, as well as other things.

I think I'll also include a night of chips in the menu plan. Maybe once every two weeks, because he LOVES chips, and will eat them 3 or 4 times a week if he can (in Australia you can buy chips/french fries by the dollar, so like... $4 worth is a meal). That's only $4 for a "special meal" and if he gets to feel treated because of it, it's probably worth it. Especially if it comes out of his own 'pocket' money. LOL

**kmonokwe** · 12-22-2008, 07:01 PM

I make fried rice every once in awhile (along the Chinese food lines), and it's super easy! Its not General Tso's or anything, but its easy and it has a ton of veggies in it. Its a fun mix-up from other meals. Allrecipes.com has a ton of options for things like that!

**Lee** · 12-22-2008, 08:05 PM

A coupon book for physical pampering sounds like a good idea too, especially if I'm working to stay in a positive mood - because I want to be able to say, "Of course, darling" when he redeems a coupon instead, "Aw geez, not NOW".

Perhaps if I get on top of my cooking so that it's mostly done by the time he gets home from work, I can instigate a daily after-work shoulder rub to help him wind down. That should give me a LOT of brownie points.

Am I allowed to put a blog link in my sig? I just started it - The Perfekt Wife. LOL

**Lee** · 12-22-2008, 08:11 PM

I do make fried rice sometimes, but thinking about it, I make it the way it is easy for me to make it... I could improve the presentation and texture of it probably with only a little effort. I might think about that.

Trouble is, he insists on eating 98% of meals sitting on the couch watching TV, and it feels like a waste prettyy-ing things up for him to eat off of a coffee table watching a movie. It would probably still be appreciated though. I might have to try to shelve my feelings here and do it anyway.

After all, I'm getting what I ant too - a bigger savings account.

**sunshine** · 12-22-2008, 08:20 PM

All good ideas! You might also keep an eye out for free entertainment type things to do in your area. . . so you/he don't feel so deprived in that area as well. We do HS band concerts, college recitals, concerts in the park, a local drive-in theater in the summer (only $2/car load, and we have a van

), etc.

**Starlight9803** · 12-22-2008, 09:35 PM

my DH is similar and I basically do the same kinds of things that others have listed. I learned to cook his favorite foods and snacks, do little things for him when I can, but don't have to do (like fixing his dinner plate and bringing it to him, taking the kids with me to the store so that he has some quiet time, bringing him a cold beer when he's working on the car, little things like that). He feels pampered, and I find that he is much less likely to complain about giving up things in order to save money (not going out to eat, line dried clothes since he doesn't like the way they smell, etc), plus he is more likely to do little things for me as well, which is always nice.

**peanut** · 12-22-2008, 11:54 PM

You know, I think this is the overwrought nurturing instinct we women have coming out! LOL I cook stir fry for DH every now and then. I buy some special ingredients like bamboo shoots to add to it to make it a bit exotic. He likes it, and it's really a super cheap meal. Often it's leftover rice and veggies from the fridge. And if I have a lone pork chop it goes in for the meat. But I've also made chicken stir fry...or beef.

Jean

**fixer** · 12-23-2008, 12:00 AM

The nicest thing dw can do for me is to show appreciation for something I do for her. I don't expect it because I see it as my job to charge her cellphone, service her car etc. When she make a big deal about something, it really makes me feel good.

**MisaLady** · 12-23-2008, 05:38 AM

Originally Posted by Lee

I do make fried rice sometimes, but thinking about it, I make it the way it is easy for me to make it... I could improve the presentation and texture of it probably with only a little effort. I might think about that.

Trouble is, he insists on eating 98% of meals sitting on the couch watching TV, and it feels like a waste prettyy-ing things up for him to eat off of a coffee table watching a movie. It would probably still be appreciated though. I might have to try to shelve my feelings here and do it anyway.

Can you ask him if this matters to him? Honestly, it does not matter to my husband what it looks like, as long as it tastes good. I used to try to make it look pretty and then we had a long discussion about it... turns out that he wouldn't care if he ate microwavable meals every day. It would not bother him. So we do "pretty" things from time to time, but that almost feels like more for my benefit than for his.

So... ask him what "nice" or "fun" things are most important to him. I'd hate for you to go through a lot of effort in something you don't like to do, only to find out that it doesn't really matter to him.

**MisaLady** · 12-23-2008, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by pollypurebred39

Wow! We women sure go through a lot to make our men happy. I wonder if they really know how much effort it takes to keep them happy. Hmmm.....I have a great husband but if my husband put as much effort in pleasing me as Lee and all of you ladies do pleasing your husbands I don't think I could ever be cross with him!

I think my husband puts as much effort into "pleasing me" (trying to keep me happy) as a lot of these women do for their husbands.

It's often the little things that make me the happiest... like when he brings me a diet coke. Or cheese! Sometimes, he comes home with some cheese that he knows I like. That makes me ecstatic. I love cheese.

And he always notices when I do cleaning and thanks/compliments me on it. How awesome is that?!?

And this weekend, when I was so sick and there was so much snow? He braved walking to the store a few times to get food or some soda (see also: diet coke makes me happy!)

Maybe they're not the same things, but he DOES work to make me happy. I think that's so important in a relationship. I just hope that I return the favor for him as much as he does it for me.

**joyofsix** · 12-23-2008, 06:08 AM

I agree, why waste time doing stuff they don't care about (unless you do of course). Dh wants to have his favorite beer and a little quiet. In summer we'll take a walk. In winter, we'll just sit in the bedroom while he has a beer and talks about his day to unwind a little. The kids are under orders to leave us alone unless someone has lost a limb. My dh likes the movies, the experience of it, so we go to a matinee (cheaper) and have snacks before we get there. Not expensive and he feels like he 'got out.' The same thing goes for eating out. I have found he is just as happy if we go out for coffee and sit a bit. Try and find what matters to your particular husband. *note-my dh does stuff for me too and I expect most dh's do. Bring me coffee in bed on Sunday morning and I'm yours.

**Mamaw** · 12-23-2008, 09:47 AM

DH mainly seems to want to know that I care about him, appreciate and notice all the little things he does for us and that I want him around! LOL
I find that if I have a decent meal on the table most nights and spend time just talking or cuddling that usually does the trick. I think we can get so caught up in our busy lives that we dont take the time to just connect. Little splurges help too! I will make him a cup of hot chai tea in the evening or cover him with a warm quilt when he is watching TV. Taking a walk or a bike ride together is an inexpensive way to spend time and connect. We also have Netflix ( cheapest plan) and look forward to watching a movie together and cuddling. But as someone also noted, showing appreciation is the best way to make him happy. It used to feel forced to tell him thank you for taking the car for tires, cleaning off the dinner table, etc but I have found that a simple thank you for helping works wonders!

**The Muse** · 12-23-2008, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by Lee

He LOVES the food I make (generally) but he also loves chinese food, and I never cook that - but I hate it when he wants to go out to chinese! So I shall change my menu plan around to include a chinese-style meal, I think, with lots of noodles.

I buy Lo Mein noodles at the asian market for about $2 and I get 2 batches out of it. A batch is usually a dinner for each of us and one lunch. You can find tons of recipes online for lo mein; oyster sauce is the secret to getting the right taste.

DH's favorite chinese meal is General Tso's Tofu, I found a recipe for Genreal Tso's Tofu on Recipezaar (#164706) and adapted it for tofu and it's actually better than what we were paying $10 for at the local chinese place.

**Lee** · 12-24-2008, 01:12 AM

Originally Posted by fixer

The nicest thing dw can do for me is to show appreciation for something I do for her. I don't expect it because I see it as my job to charge her cellphone, service her car etc. When she make a big deal about something, it really makes me feel good.

This is a great point. I try to show appreciation, because I know how good it feels to be appreciated! And we're very good about reminding each other when we forget to show appreciation lol.

"Example: I am wandering around the kitchen putting stuff away. DH walks in and says, "You might not be able to tell but I put some stuff away in here ealrier because I wanted it to look nice for you!"

And then I go, "Aw thanks sweetie!" and give him a hug. Same applies in reverse. If he is too busy or distracted to thank me for something, I mention it sooo casually (LOL) and then he is nice about it. It's kind of goofy, but fun, and it still feels nice even if you did remind them.

I think something I need to do more often though, is to say THANK YOU for going out and working so hard every day to provide. I don't say it enough. He is very good and understanding usually about me not being able to work, and he works SO hard to take care of me and I really do appreciate it... I need to tell him that more often.

**itsahumanzoo** · 12-24-2008, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by Lee

The restaurant-quality cooking is a good point. He LOVES the food I make (generally) but he also loves chinese food, and I never cook that - but I hate it when he wants to go out to chinese! So I shall change my menu plan around to include a chinese-style meal, I think, with lots of noodles. Buying the noodles will be cheaper than eating out, so I think I just have to keep reminding myself of that... maybe I can find them on sale even and stock up.

I don't know about there, but here you can find chinese meals in the freezer section. Those you just basically heat and serve. It's not as cheap as making it from scratch, but certainly MUCH cheaper than eating out, so everyone wins.

Oh, and I don't mean like a TV dinner. I mean like a great big bag of orange chicken or beef and broccoli.